Cotillion

by Georgette Heyer

  Kitty stared at her, her brain working swiftly. Secluded though her life had been, she was well aware that there was perhaps no one amongst Dolphinton’s relations who would not be shocked by such an alliance as this. Even Freddy, good-natured though he was, would frown upon it, she thought, recalling his disparaging remarks about the late Mr Yalding. In the eyes of society, Dolphinton’s peculiarities were outweighed by his birth; the enjoyment of a substantial fortune was the only thing that could render Miss Plymstock eligible, and she had no fortune at all. But Kitty, looking at that homely countenance, could see poor, bewildered Dolphinton happily ambling round his Irish bog, ruled certainly, but kindly, and as certainly protected from his mother’s disturbing influence. She drew a breath, and said: ‘I’ll help you!’

  Miss Plymstock’s already high colour deepened to a rich beetroot. ‘You’re very obliging! I’m not one to wrap things up in clean linen, so I’ll tell you I know how he was made to offer for you, and what you said when you rejected him, and it made me think you was a nice girl, and one I’d be glad to meet. Once his ring’s on my finger I shall know what to do, for I’m not afraid of any of them; but the thing is, how to get it there? You must know, Miss Charing, that he’s got a set of spies round him, that carry tales to his Mama. I don’t doubt she’s told them he’s a trifle queer in his head. Well! If Sam—that’s my brother!—would lend me his aid, I could maybe do the thing, but he won’t, for he don’t like Foster, and he would be glad to match me with a friend of his own, if he could do it. What he says is, an Earl’s all very well if he’s affluent, but one like Foster, with a weak head and no fortune, is a bad bargain. But to my way of thinking he’s a better bargain than a tea-merchant, with snuff all over his waistcoat, and one foot in the grave—even if Mr Muthill was to offer for me, which I’ll lay my life he don’t mean to!’

  ‘Exactly so!’ said Kitty faintly.

  ‘I’ve thought of Gretna Green,’ pursued Miss Plymstock, ‘because banns won’t serve. If her ladyship didn’t discover we had put ’em up, Sam would, for he keeps a close watch on me. I know it ain’t the thing to be married across the Border—’

  ‘No, pray do not do that!’ Kitty interrupted, much shocked.

  ‘I can’t do it, because it would cost a deal of money, and her ladyship don’t allow Foster more than a pittance. And it wouldn’t be good for Foster to be chasing to Scotland for as much as three days, I daresay, thinking all the time his Mama was on his heels,’ replied Miss Plymstock, with unshaken calm.

  ‘Oh, I am persuaded it would be very bad for him! We must think of a better scheme than that.’

  ‘But can you?’ asked Miss Plymstock.

  ‘Yes, between us we must be able to do so. I own I do not immediately perceive how it is to be contrived, but I mean to think very particularly about it. It will be best if Lady Dolphinton believes him to be obedient, I think. She is the most absurd creature! I daresay you are aware that she has compelled him still to angle for me! Should we not turn this to account? Recollect, if she knows him to be in my company she will be satisfied! Something may suggest itself: it must do so! If you do not object, I will encourage him to be a great deal in my company; and—though it will go sorely against the grain with me!—I’ll let her think I am not wholly averse from his suit.’

  ‘I’m agreeable,’ said Miss Plymstock. ‘But maybe this cousin Freddy of Foster’s won’t like it?’

  ‘Freddy? It has nothing—I mean,’ Kitty corrected herself hastily, ‘he will have not the least objection, I assure you!’

  Eleven

  In pursuance of her aims, Miss Charing allowed herself, with real heroism, to be inveigled by Lady Dolphinton into visiting the Dolphinton house in Grosvenor Place, a locality which her ladyship described disparagingly as quite out of the way, and this in so scornful a voice that Kitty quaked to think of what she might have said of so unmodish a quarter as Keppel Street.

  There had been a time when Lady Dolphinton had not spared to state her opinion of encroaching orphans, or her conviction that this particular orphan was a sly little hussy. It seemed that that was now to be forgotten. She was all amiability when Kitty presented herself in Grosvenor Place; and, since she could be agreeable enough when she chose, soon had the girl at her ease. She had the tact not to let Dolphinton appear, and the wit not to mention Mr Westruther; and if she tacitly assumed that Kitty had accepted Mr Standen’s offer as a means of establishing herself creditably, she did so with enough sympathy to make it hard for Kitty to be offended. The folly of the world in venerating the higher ranks of nobility was lightly touched upon; and also the advantages attached to a pretty young woman’s allying herself with a complaisant man. ‘But that I should not say to you, my dear! Freddy—dear creature!—is a Standen! You will discover soon enough how straitlaced a family!’

  Kitty could barely repress a smile, but by the time she had driven out with Dolphinton five times, and had twice accompanied him and his mother to the theatre, Mr Standen surprised her by delivering himself of a protest. He said that she was making a cake of herself.

  Kitty refuted the accusation with some heat. Mr Standen temporized. ‘Dashed well making a cake of me!’ he said.

  ‘Absurd!’

  ‘Well, it ain’t absurd. Here’s half the town knowing you’re engaged to me, and wondering if you’re going to tip me the double. Mind, I wouldn’t say a word if it weren’t Dolph! Coming it a bit too strong, Kit, to prefer a fellow like that to me!’

  ‘But, Freddy, we agreed that only your family should be told we were engaged! Surely you cannot have spread the news!’

  ‘I should rather think I haven’t! Now, for the lord’s sake, Kit, don’t be missish! You don’t suppose we could tell m’mother and Meg without its leaking out! Besides, Jasper knows too: no use denying it when he’d asked Meg already. Sisters!’ said Freddy, in a voice of loathing. He added, after a moment’s reflection: ‘That cousin of yours knows, too.’

  ‘Camille? No, indeed, he does not! I have not said a word to him about it, I promise you, Freddy!’

  ‘Told him myself,’ said Freddy.

  She fixed her eyes on his face. ‘But why?’

  ‘Thought it would a good thing to do,’ replied Freddy vaguely.

  ‘I can’t conceive why you should have done so!’

  ‘Oh, well! Cousin of yours!’ said Freddy, his attention on his quizzing-glass, which he was polishing with his handkerchief.

  ‘To be sure, yes! I do not object to his knowing, if he will not spread it about, for I have a particular kindness for him. He is a delightful man, don’t you think, Freddy?’

  ‘Very pleasant fellow,’ agreed Freddy.

  ‘Meg says his manners have a truly Gallic polish. She is in transports over him! There is just that sportive playfulness, you know, which Englishmen, in general, have not. And a most superior understanding!’

  ‘Shouldn’t be at all surprised,’ said Freddy. ‘In fact, I’m dashed sure he has!’

  She said, a little shyly: ‘You can’t conceive how happy it makes me to have so respectable a relation! It is not quite comfortable, you know, to have no one of one’s own family!’

  ‘No, I daresay it ain’t,’ said Freddy, his ready sympathy stirred. ‘Not but what you might have the better part of my relations, and welcome! However, I see what you mean, Kit. Thing is—no wish to interfere, but no use thinking you’re up to snuff yet, my dear girl, because you ain’t! Won’t do for you to encourage the Chevalier to dangle after you. Don’t want to be one of the on-dits of town!’

  ‘Oh, no, indeed I don’t!’ she replied, laughing. ‘But you quite mistake the matter, Freddy! Camille’s behaviour is unexceptionable! I daresay you may be thinking of Meg’s having invited him to go with us to the Argyll Rooms, but I assure you that was quite an extraordinary happening! I could see you did not like it above half, but remember! we are first cousins, and had then but just
met again after so many years! It was very natural that he should call rather frequently to see me, at the outset. I don’t think I have met him, save in company, since that evening.’

  Freddy, who had taken his own simple measures to discourage the Chevalier’s visits to Berkeley Square, looked faintly gratified. It had never before fallen to his lot to steer an inexperienced damsel past the shoals of her first London season, and it was not a task for which he felt himself to be fitted; but an intimate knowledge of his elder sister had not filled him with confidence in her discretion. He had a hazy idea that having brought Kitty to town it behoved him to keep an eye on her. He had taught her the steps of the quadrille; he had done considerable violence to his feelings by escorting both her and Meg to a masked ball at the Pantheon, so that she might, in this large and extremely mixed assembly, learn to dance creditably in public; he had requested his mother to procure a voucher for her, admitting her to Almack’s, and had forbidden her straitly to accept any invitation to waltz there; he had dissuaded her from buying a jockey-bonnet of lilac silk, much admired by Meg; and he had taken strong exception to a pair of bright red Morocco slippers, saying in a resigned tone that it seemed to him that he would be obliged to accompany her the next time she went shopping. ‘And don’t keep on telling me that they’re Wellington slippers, because if that’s what they said in the shop they were bamboozling you!’ he said, with some severity. ‘Dash it, the Duke’s a devilish well-dressed man, and he wouldn’t make such a figure of himself!’

  These were small matters, and on all questions of taste and fashion Mr Standen was well qualified to advise. Miss Charing’s charming French cousin was a more serious problem, and one which considerably exercised his mind.

  It was Mr Stonehouse who was responsible for arousing certain suspicions in his breast. Mr Stonehouse had lately attended a rout-party at the French Embassy, and could not recall that he had seen the Chevalier at this select gathering. Those who most deplored Mr Standen’s lack of scholarship would not have called in question his worldly knowledge. He knew that the scion of a noble French house should have been present upon this occasion. There might be several reasons to account for his absence; but Mr Standen remembered that he had not liked the Chevalier’s waistcoat, and he asked Mr Westruther where he had met him.

  ‘Now, where did I first meet him?’ pondered Jack, his mouth grave, and his eyes alight. ‘Was it at Wooler’s, or was it in Bennett Street?’

  Freddy, although he occasionally played hazard at Watier’s, was not a gamester, but he perfectly understood the significance of his cousin’s answer. Mr Westruther had named two of London’s gaming-hells. With strong indignation, he demanded: ‘Good God, Jack, is the fellow an ivory-turner?’

  Mr Westruther laughed. ‘A very skilful one, Freddy!’

  ‘A Greek?’

  Mr Westruther seemed surprised. ‘No, a Frenchman, surely?’

  But Freddy was in no mood for such trifling. ‘That card will win no trick! Come, now! A Captain Sharp?’

  ‘My dear Freddy, I have not the least reason to suppose it! Let us rather say, a first-rate player!’

  Mr Standen’s amiable countenance hardened. After staring fixedly at his cousin for a moment, he said with unusual dryness: ‘Playing a deep game, ain’t you, coz?’

  ‘Why, what can you mean?’ said Jack, raising his brows.

  ‘Not sure,’ said Mr Standen cautiously. ‘Don’t know why you introduced the fellow to Kit.’

  ‘You must be a trifle disguised,’ said Mr Westruther, regarding him with concern. ‘You have forgotten that Kitty was desirous of meeting her French connections. Isn’t she pleased with him? I was so sure she must be! A personable and a charming creature—you don’t agree?’

  ‘Yes, I do,’ Freddy replied. ‘Very pleasant fellow. Thing is, I’ve a notion there’s something havey-cavey about him, and I don’t like it.’

  Mr Westruther’s broad shoulders shook. ‘He offends your sense of the respectable, coz? Alas! Now, I find him so amusing! But I am not, of course, one of the stiff Standens.’

  ‘No, and you ain’t engaged to Kit!’ retorted Freddy, nettled.

  ‘Very true. Are you?’ said Jack sweetly.

  ‘Seems to me,’ said Freddy, recovering after a moment from the effect of this undoubted double, ‘that it’s you who are disguised!’

  He thought it prudent to say no more to his cousin, but to pursue his own investigations. These led him in due course to seek counsel of his father, whom he met one day in St James’s Street, and who exhibited great surprise at seeing him, saying that he had supposed him to have gone out of town again. But this shaft went wide. Freddy eyed his satirical parent in mild bewilderment, and said reasonably: ‘Can’t have thought that, sir! Dash it, met you at Meg’s two nights ago!’

  Lord Legerwood sighed. ‘You have your own armour, have you not, Frederick? Of course, I should have known better!’

  ‘Offended you, sir?’ asked Freddy intelligently.

  ‘Not at all. How came such an idea as that into your head?’

  ‘Notice more than you think,’ said Freddy, with simple pride. ‘Never call me Frederick except when I’ve vexed you!’

  ‘Almost you encourage me to look forward to a brilliant career for you!’ said his lordship, impressed.

  ‘Shouldn’t think so at all,’ said Freddy decidedly. ‘Wouldn’t suit me. Besides we don’t need two clever coves in the family. Mean to leave that sort of thing to Charlie. You going anywhere, sir?’

  ‘Merely to White’s.’

  ‘Come with you,’ said Freddy. ‘Been thinking lately I’d like a word with you.’

  ‘Surely not!’ countered Lord Legerwood gently. ‘I do not live in the Antipodes!’

  Freddy puzzled over this, and said after a moment: ‘Dashed if I see what that has to do with it, sir! You roasting me? I wish you won’t, for I ain’t in funning humour. Children going on well? Daresay you might not have noticed it, but I haven’t been in Mount Street this age. Never seem to have any time to do anything but look after Kit! If it ain’t seeing to it that Meg don’t persuade her into buying a shocking bonnet, it’s driving with her all over London and showing her a lot of tombs and broken-down statues you wouldn’t think anyone would want to look at, let alone pay to look at!’

  Fascinated, his father said: ‘Is that what you have been doing?’

  ‘I should rather think it is! Yes, and that’s put me in mind of another thing I wanted to say to you! This British Museum they talk so much about! You know what, sir? It’s a dashed take-in! Ought to do something about it. Why, if Kit hadn’t happened to have a deuced good book with her, we should have been bit, like a couple of green ’uns!’

  ‘My dear Freddy,’ said Lord Legerwood, tucking a hand in his arm, ‘come into the club, and tell me about it!’

  ‘Well, I will,’ Freddy replied. ‘Though that ain’t what I chiefly want to say to you. Find myself in a bit of a fix—at least, shouldn’t wonder at it if I do find myself in one. Had a notion I might do worse than consult you.’

  ‘You might—much worse!’ said his lordship. ‘But first I must and will hear about the British Museum!’

  He then led his son into the club, found a quiet corner in the morning-room, and bade him unburden his soul. He listened with rapt appreciation to Freddy’s account of his ordeal, expressing himself so properly that Freddy was disappointed to find that he did not feel that it lay within his province to expose the several abuses discovered by his heir. When he further disclosed, apologetically, that the question of the acquisition by the nation of the Elgin Marbles was to come up before both Houses that very session, Freddy was shocked and incredulous, and for several minutes forgot the real purpose of this interview. It was not until he had been soothed by a glass of very dry sherry that he remembered it, and then he said, without the smallest preamble: ‘You know the Chevalier d’Evron, sir?�
�

  ‘I have not that pleasure,’ responded Lord Legerwood.

  ‘Thought as much,’ nodded Freddy. ‘It don’t prove anything, of course, because he’s a young man, and I daresay you might not know him. Ever hear of the family?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Smoky,’ said Freddy gloomily.

  Lord Legerwood presently interrupted his meditations. ‘Who is this gentleman, Freddy?’

  ‘Cousin of Kit’s. She likes him. Mended a doll for her once, or some such stuff. Claud chopped its head off. Sort of thing he would do, come to think of it.’

  ‘Am I to infer that you don’t share Kitty’s liking for the Chevalier?’

  ‘Wouldn’t say that,’ replied Freddy, rubbing his nose. ‘Very pleasant fellow. But you know how it is: can’t be on the town without learning to know a flat from a leg!’

  ‘I am happy to hear you say so. Tell me more of this—leg?’

  ‘No, no, he ain’t a leg! At least, I don’t know that he is. Shouldn’t think it’s as bad as that. Jack’s too downy to play cards with a leg. But he ain’t a flat either. Daresay you might not have noticed him, but he was at Meg’s party t’other evening.’

  ‘Are you talking of a handsome young exquisite in a coat of pronounced cut, and an over-large tie-pin?’

  ‘That’s the fellow,’ said Freddy. ‘Good air, good address, talks of his uncle the Marquis. But they don’t seem to know him at the Embassy.’