Geis of the Gargoyle

by Piers Anthony

  “Just wild talents,” Iris said. “You wouldn't be interested.”

  Mentia got back into shape. “Can you do this?” she asked the child, making one eye small and the other huge.

  Surprise matched me expression, after first crossing her eyes.

  “How about this?” The demoness swelled to twice her normal size, but retained her proportions.

  Surprise swelled to four times her size, matching the demoness perfectly. Now there were two voluptuous human female figures floating above the path.

  “Um—” Iris began.

  “Oh come on, I'm not going to hurt her,” Mentia said, frowning, and the figure beside her frowned similarly.

  “We're just having fun. We'll rejoin you in a while.”

  “Maybe it's all right,” Gary murmured. “Especially since we can't stop them.”

  Iris was quick on the uptake. “Very well. Be back in an hour.” That put her effectively in control of the situation, she had Given Permission.

  “Come on. Surprise,” Mentia said. “Let's go sail over the mountaintop.” She zoomed away, and the duplicate figure followed, giggling.

  Iris turned to the others. “This is even chancier than I thought. If that child gets lost or hurt, we'll be responsible.”

  “I know,” Gary said. “But until we figure out a way to get her under control, we have no choice but to play along.

  At least this will keep the child entertained for an hour, and maybe after that she'll be tired enough to sleep.”

  “I see your problem,” Hiatus said. “That child's a real handful.”

  “Just as you and your sister were, in your day,” Iris said grimly.

  “I know. I really regret that, in retrospect. We both made up for it by becoming vacuously dull adults, however.”

  Meanwhile Gary had been looking around. “I think we have a problem,” he said. “Are we getting lost?”

  Iris looked. “No, we're just passing through a tall cornfield. We'll be beyond it in a moment.”

  “But it seems like a puzzle,” Gary said.

  “It's not corn—it's maize,” Hiatus said. “We should have gone around it.”

  “Maize!” Iris exclaimed. “You're right. We're lost in its puzzle.” Indeed, they seemed to be stuck in a confusing array of paths between rows of corn that looped around, leading nowhere.

  “I can find the way through,” Hiatus said. “I'll grow eyes on all the stalks, and they'll spy the way out.” He rode around, and wherever he passed, eyes appeared.

  “And noses, to sniff the way out,” he added, and noses also sprouted. “And mouths, to tell us the way out.”

  Soon his ploy was effective. “Out, out,” said a mouth, and they went to it, and then to the next out-mouth, ignoring those that said “No way, no way.” It seemed that the organs Hiatus grew were able to communicate with each other, perhaps in some sniffing or blinking code, so the mouths knew.

  It didn't take long to emerge from the maize. “I must admit. Hiatus, your talent has its uses,” Iris said.

  “It is my hope to do enough useful things to make up for the mischievous ones I did as a child,” Hiatus said.

  “That's probably impossible,” she said. “But a worthy ambition.”

  They rode on, making better time now that they didn't have to be watching Surprise. Because of this, they soon approached the Region of Madness. Gary could tell, because the terrain ahead became weird. The trees had green trunks and brown leaves, and the forest animals seemed to be rooted to the ground.

  Hiatus gazed at that and gulped. “That's the madness, all right. It's different from when I was here last, but I suppose it does keep changing. I—I really don't feel much like trying to go in there.”

  “I am not exactly sanguine about it either,” Iris said. “Particularly not with a wild child like Surprise.”

  “Suddenly I grasp something I didn't quite understand,” Hiatus said. “Her talents aren't uncontrolled—she is.”

  “Precisely. She seems to be able to do what she chooses, but she's a child. She doesn't see the point in behaving perfectly. We have to persuade her that there is a point. That's why Gary was assigned to tutor her.”

  “And I still have no idea how,” Gary said. “It's bad enough being in manform, and that confusion makes it worse.”

  “Manform?” Hiatus asked.

  “Remember, I'm a stone gargoyle. Magician Trent transformed me for this quest, and I think won't transform me back until I complete it. So I really have to accomplish it.”

  “A gargoyle,” Hiatus echoed. “Iris told me, but I forgot. We are an unusual group indeed!”

  “With an impossible mission,” Iris said. “I think Humfrey overreached himself on this one.”

  Two clouds of smoke appeared before them. “We're baaack!” the larger one said.

  “It was fuuun,” the smaller one said.

  “It is just as well that you returned before we entered the Region of Madness,” Iris said.

  “Oh, do you have to go there?” the larger magic cloud asked, shaping into Mentia.

  “It's a mean place,” the smaller magic cloud said, two eyelike swirls crossing before it shaped into Surprise. “We didn't dare go in.”

  So there was a region the demoness avoided. Gary made a mental note, in case the information should ever be useful.

  “It's where Desiree Dryad is,” Iris said. “We have to find her.”

  “You'll get lost,” the demoness said. “Everything's weird in there.”

  “How well I know,” Hiatus said. “But how can we find her if we don't go in?”

  Mentia considered. “You might ask the fringe dwellers.”

  “The what?” Gary asked.

  “Richard and Janet,” Surprise said. “We met them. They're nice.”

  “They are human beings?” Iris asked uncertainly.

  “Sure,” the child said. “They live right next to the madness, and sometimes the wind changes and sweeps it across them, so they know what it's like.”

  Gary exchanged two glances with Iris and Hiatus.

  “Maybe they'll know something useful,” he said.

  Both Iris and Hiatus looked relieved. “Yes, let's consult first with them,” Iris said.

  They turned the zombie animals and traveled beside the madness, rather than into it. But the boundary wasn't smooth; filaments of madness reached out from it, and there were cracks extending into it. They stayed suitably clear, because any stray breeze could mischievously move the madness across them. They could see plants turning weird as the filaments passed them.

  They came to a giant gourd, rotting at the edges.

  “That's a hypnogourd!” Hiatus exclaimed, stopping before its giant peephole, shielding his eyes. “A zombie gourd. I didn't know there was one here.”

  “Why not?” Iris asked, shielding her own eyes so that she couldn't get locked into its spell. “With mad magic anything can happen.”

  “That's right—it must have grown in the madness, and then the madness retreated a bit, and left the gourd out here. I must tell my father when I return home, because he can use it to travel.”

  “Travel?” Gary asked. As a stone gargoyle he hadn't worried about gourds, but now he took the cue from the others, and did not look directly at the peephole.

  “A person can walk into one, and walk out another one on the far side of Xanth, if he knows the route through,” Hiatus explained. “My father marks routes so he can use them safely.”

  “But I thought it was the dream realm, inside the gourd,” Gary said. “That people couldn't enter them physically.”

  “They can when the gourds are big enough,” Hiatus assured him. “But it's not smart to do it without a marked route, because the dream realm is, well, it's a lot like the madness. Anything can happen.”

  There was a rattle near their feet. Then a snake appeared, biting the leg of the cameleopard. The creature leaped, shaking off the snake, which quickly slithered into the gourd.

 
“Oh, now I've lost my steed,” Iris said, irritated.

  But the cameleopard did not collapse. Instead it seemed to be healthier than before. “Oh, it's one of those,” Hiatus said. “Its bite cures zombies. They hate that.”

  “Instead of killing zombies, it makes them alive?” Gary asked, amazed.

  “Why, I know someone who would love to be bitten,” his said. “Zora Zombie. She's almost alive as it is. I must tell her before I return to the caves. Her husband Xavier will be pleased too.”

  “A zombie married a live man?” Gary asked.

  “Well, Zora wasn't very far gone,” Iris explained. “And she's remarkably well preserved for her condition.”

  They moved on, leaving the giant gourd behind, Iris’ cameleopard was stepping along with renewed vigor, being now completely alive. Gary was sure Iris appreciated the fact that it was no longer icky.

  As the day waned, they reached the house where Richard and Janet lived. It was a neat cottage surrounded by clusters of toadstools and flowers. “Why those are irises!” Iris exclaimed, delighted. “And really fancy ones, too!”

  They dismounted and approached the cottage. “Hey, folks, come on out!” Mentia called, appearing.

  A man appeared in the doorway. “Oh, it's the lady demon again,” he said. “And the demon child.”

  “And some real live folk too,” Surprise said, turning smoky and floating up to join Mentia.

  A woman joined the man in the doorway. Then both stepped out. “Hello,” the man said. “I'm Richard, and this is my wife Janet. We're from Mundania, originally, but we like it better here. Are you native folk?”

  “Yes,” Iris said, stepping forward. “I am the Sorceress Iris, and these are Gary and Hiatus. We don't mean to bother you, but we thought you might help us locate something. We understand you know something about what's behind the veil of madness.”

  “We really haven't been in Xanth long,” Janet protested.

  “Only a year or so—it's hard to remember exactly. I couldn't see very well at first, and I haven't traveled. So I'm afraid I won't be of much help.”

  “I haven't traveled either,” Richard said. “Only far enough to explore the immediate surroundings, and to meet Janet. But I have talked with folk who travel through, and exchanged stories with them. Perhaps I will have heard of something useful to you.”

  “We are looking for Desiree Dryad,” Gary said. “She's a tree nymph. We hope she will know where to find a philter.”

  Janet brightened. “Oh, yes, we met her not long ago, when the madness shifted away from her tree.”

  “We try to stay clear of the madness,” Richard explained. “It's weird in there.”

  “Weird!” a voice exclaimed as two clouds of smoke appeared, one smaller than the other.

  “Oh, the madness is returning!” Janet said, alarmed.

  “No, those are the other two members of our party,” Iris said, grimacing. “They're already weird.” She addressed the clouds. “Mentia. Surprise. Shape up for a formal introduction.”

  The woman form and girl form took form for the form-al introduction. “I'm the Demoness Mentia. I'm a little crazy.”

  “I'm Surprise Golem. I'm out of control.”

  “So nice to meet you formally,” Janet said doubtfully.

  “Would you like something to eat?” Richard asked. “All we have at the moment are orange berries, but they are tasty.” He stepped into the house and brought out a bowl of orange berries.

  “I want an icecream berry,” Surprise said.

  “I would find some if I could,” Richard said—then stared. For the child was holding a chocolate-shelled icecream berry, and licking it with gusto.

  Gary was coming to appreciate the uses of diplomacy.

  “Perhaps the others would like some icecream berries too,” he suggested.

  “Oh, sure,” Surprise said. Her eyes crossed. Suddenly the bowl Richard held was filled with chocolate-covered icecream berries.

  “She can change one fruit to another!” Richard said, surprised.

  “Among other things,” Gary agreed. “We had better eat these before they melt.”

  They did so. Each berry was a different flavor under the chocolate, but all were good.

  “You inquired about Desiree Dryad,” Richard said. “Her tree is within range when the madness shifts away. But most of the time it's in the madness. She's not happy about that.”

  “What does it do to her?” Hiatus asked with restraint.

  He was surely excited about this, but afraid to hope too much.

  “Nothing to her directly,” Janet said. “But it affects her tree, and therefore her, indirectly. It gives her tree square roots, and they don't work well, so the tree suffers. If it weren't for the occasional periods of un-madness, that tree might have died by now.”

  “Died!” Hiatus cried, anguished.

  Richard and Janet looked perplexed. “He met Desiree before the madness came,” Iris explained. “He loves her but can't reach her, because of the madness.”

  “But tree nymphs don't usually marry ordinary men,” Richard said. “They just like to tease them, if they show themselves at all. They don't like adults. They relate best to children.”

  “Children!” Surprise exclaimed. Her eyes crossed. But for once nothing happened; she was already a child.

  “But how could you talk to Desiree, if she won't meet adults?” Gary asked.

  “We're somewhat childlike about Xanth,” Janet said, blushing. “It is taking us time to believe much of what we see. We didn't know Desiree was different, until she told us.”

  “I think she was a bit lonely, after the madness,” Richard said. “Disoriented, maybe. When she saw how little we knew, she was glad to talk. But her tree is suffering.

  We wish we could help her, but we'd just get lost in the madness. So we visit only when it clears.”

  “When it comes here, we hide in the house and hardly move,” Janet said. “Fortunately it usually doesn't stay long. Usually we can sleep through it, though our dreams are weird.”

  “It sounds as if the madness is constantly changing,”

  Gary said. “What makes it move?”

  “The wind, mostly,” Richard said. “A storm will blow it across, and then the wind from the opposite direction can clear it. So we're very careful about the weather.”

  “Sometimes we wish we could control the weather,”

  Janet said. “But of course no one can do that.”

  “Weather!” Surprise said. Suddenly there was a swirl of cloud above her head. It expanded into a tiny storm, with little lightning jags that struck the ground and made stray dry leaves jump. Then it rained over a small area.

  “I see I still have things to learn about Xanth,” Richard said. “I had somehow gotten the notion that each person had only a single talent.”

  Iris smiled, somewhat wanly. “That's a notion quite a number of us had. It seems to be a general rule but not an absolute one, as is the case with the non-repetition of talents. Talents do repeat on occasion, and now it seems that they can also come in bunches. Surprise seems to have just one talent at a time, but that can be almost anything she chooses. We are trying to encourage her to use her magic wisely, rather than for mere fun and mischief, but so far with imperfect success.”

  Gary had a notion. “Suppose Surprise made a storm to blow the madness away from Desiree's tree?”

  “I'm not sure that would be wise,” Richard said. “Storms are unpredictable. It could bring more madness in, or get you trapped in it when you thought it was clear. And the effect wouldn't last.”

  “Unless she could exert a more thorough control of the elements of the weather,” Hiatus said. “To change the actual climate here, so that the madness would stay away.”

  Iris shook her head as she glanced at the child, who was inspecting the irises. Sure enough, one of them had sprouted an eye, making it an eye-ris. It was not wise to let the child get bored. “She would never have the patience. Her
attention span is very brief. She's a little tomboy.”

  “Boy!” Surprise exclaimed, overhearing part of it. And suddenly she was a cross-eyed little boy.

  Richard whistled soundlessly. “That is one remarkable child!”

  “Understatement of the month,” Iris muttered. “I think we had better move on before she causes more mischief here. We'll have to brave the madness. What direction is Desiree's tree?”

  “That way,” Richard said, pointing. “But I wish you would reconsider about going into the madness.”

  “I know what you mean,” Hiatus said. “But we seem not to have much choice. I'll grow some noses on the trees to point the way.”

  From each nearby trunk sprouted a human nose, or other projection, pointing the direction Richard had indicated. Gary had seen Hiatus' talent in operation before, but was impressed.

  They looked around for their zombie steeds, but those had wandered away. “They wouldn't care to enter the madness anyway,” Hiatus said. “Best just to let them go home.”

  “Come, child,” Iris said briskly to the Surprise boy, who was searching out slugs and snails. When he ignored her, she put out a hand to catch his arm—but her hand passed right through his body. He had become intangible, in the manner of a demon.

  “Oh, for pity's sake,” Iris said. Suddenly a gargoyle appeared before the boy, opening its mouth as if to spew out clean water.

  “I'm coming!” Surprise cried, back in her natural gender and solidity. Iris' illusion had frightened her into compliance. But Gary wondered how long that would be effective. They needed to find a better way to control the child.

  They bid good-bye to Richard and Janet, and followed the noses. Surprise soon got bored with walking, and adapted her arms into wings. She flapped them vigorously until she lifted into the air, but then she was unsteady, so she tried to sprout a tail. Her clothing got in the way, so she landed, reverted her arms to normal, then stretched them far ahead so they could grab on to a sapling. After that she let them spring elastically short again, hauling her rapidly forward. But then she stumbled and fell, scraping her little knees, and let out a wail. It shaped itself into the cloudy image of a huge sea creature and swam away, jetting a gaseous fountain into the air.

  “We need some healing elixir,” Iris said in a matter-of-fact tone.