One More Kiss (Affair Without End Book 2)

by Ward, Susan

  I do another fast dart with my eyes at the people all around us. “Do you really think this is the time and place to have an argument?”

  “I’m not having an argument. I’m trying to talk to you. Trying to figure out what’s happening with us.”

  I decide a cooling-off moment wouldn’t be a bad thing, so I start to walk back across the sand toward the parking lot. When I find a spot not too closely surrounded by people, I sink down on the sand, facing the water.

  I watch Jack cross the sand toward me. He settles beside me, a casual arrangement of long parts with an I’m comfortable with beach type of sloppiness about him. I’m anything but comfortable right now.

  I stare at the ocean. “I don’t want to fight today, Jack.”

  He stares at the water too and doesn’t look at me. “We’re not fighting. We’re talking. I got us out of the room so maybe you’d finally talk.”

  We’re silent again, and I grow anxious in the silence.

  Before I can speak, he says, “Just answer me one question. No tap dancing. No wisecracks. Just direct, OK?”

  “OK, Jack. Shoot.”

  His studies me again. His eyes can dissect like a hawk hunting for prey. “Is there someone else? Are you thinking about breaking it off with me?”

  “NO!” I cover his hand with mine and hold on to it fiercely. “You are the only man I have ever loved. You are the only man I will ever love. There is no one else. I don’t want us to end ever. Is that direct enough for you?”

  Trying to reign in my spinning thoughts and emotions, I grow vaguely aware there are tears on my cheeks. I brush at them furiously.

  I hear a heavy sigh and I feel his stare. I haven’t looked at him yet.

  “I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he says quietly.

  “Well, you just asked me if I was fucking around on you.”

  I sound just a touch bitchy and I hate that.

  He takes me in his arms. At first touch, I melt against his chest and the tears return.

  He waits until the tears stop. His arms tighten in their warm, protective hold. “Whatever it is that’s troubling you, it’s going to be OK if you love me.”

  I sniff. “I hate it when you make me all weak and girly.”

  Cautiously, I look up at him. The tender smile is in his eyes this time. “You are definitely anything but weak, Linda. You are one of the strongest women I’ve ever known. It’s part of why I love you so much. You are a very strong woman and I’m pretty hung up on you, in case you haven’t figured that out. I don’t think I could take losing you right now.”

  The words and his tone startle me. I can still feel troubled Jack at war beneath the surface of falsely all right Jack.

  My brows pucker. “What’s wrong, Jack? I know something is wrong. I’ve felt it since I got to the Hyatt. If my mood has been off, that’s part of it. Tell me what’s happening that has you so distressed. Or am I the only one that is fair game today.”

  His laughter is heavy and gravelly. It stops abruptly. “I hate this, you know.”

  “What?”

  He lightly kisses my fingertips. “The being together a few days, then the not being together for weeks, then the being together. Not wanting to waste the time we have together muddling it up with all the other junk in our lives. Never being together long enough to fully connect. God, I hate it. More than I remember. I don’t know how I was able to do it before with…”

  He cuts his words short, as if he too late realized what he was going to say.

  I arch a brow. “Lena,” I quietly finish for him.

  He brushes my cheek with a thumb and touches my lips feather light with his. “I didn’t know missing someone could be as bad as it is with you.”

  Damn. My lips tighten, trying to hold back more emotion. “That’s got to be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

  Jack frowns. He shakes his head. “No it’s not. I say lots of sweet things.”

  I hit him on the arm and laugh, and he takes me back with him on the sand, until we’re rolling and laughing together.

  I struggle against his hold. “Why am I the one always accused of making wisecracks? You just ruined a moment.”

  He leans over me, hands planted in the sand. “I’ll give you a better moment later. I promise.”

  He reclines on a hip, toward me, and gently he pulls me into his arms, his face in my hair, and he is kissing my neck. He kisses me softly, up my jaw, to my chin and then my lips, and I feel myself calming and growing aroused simultaneously, slowly melting back into him, into this consuming connection I’ve felt from the start. That effortlessly he can collect all parts of me when he wants them.

  We lie quietly together and I move just enough to put space between us. His eyes are a melting blue, but he is still not in comfortable order within himself.

  “Are you ready to tell me what’s going on with you?” I whisper.

  He closes his eyes and exhales.

  “Is it Walter? Is it Chrissie?”

  He opens his eyes.

  “It hasn’t hit the papers yet, Linda. But it’s going to and it’s going to get ugly.”

  I sit up, staring down at him. “What is going to hit the papers?”

  “Walter is filing suit.” His voice is anguished. “I’m going to court very soon to fight to retain custody of my own daughter and it is not a slam dunk, Linda.”

  My limbs suddenly have no feeling. This can’t be happening. “What can I do for you? I don’t know what you need me to do.”

  “Just be you.”

  I bury my lips in his hair. I wrap my arms around him. This is insane. Why would Walter do this? Jack is a loving father.

  “It won’t happen,” I say firmly. “Who cares if Walter makes it ugly. It won’t happen, Jack. You won’t lose your daughter.”

  “I wish my lawyers were as confident as you are.”

  I snort. “Lawyers are assholes. They want to make money. They make everything sound bad.”

  Jack laughs in a sad, sort of emotionally exhausted way. “They don’t need to make it sound bad. What Walter has against me is bad, Linda.”

  He turns until he’s leaning on his elbows. A ragged sigh shudders from deep in his chest.

  “I was pretty messed up, Linda, for most of last year. The night you found me drunk on the beach, it wasn’t a one-time thing. I buried my son, climbed into a bottle, and didn’t give a damn about anything.”

  “You loved your son. You mourned his loss. You’re sober today. That’s what matters. Isn’t that what they say?”

  “One day at a time. But it doesn’t excuse last year.” He rakes an aggravated hand through his golden hair. “Fuck. I did so much shit I regret. I shut everyone out, even Chrissie. I wasn’t aware of anything, didn’t care about anything, and I was pretty much out of control drunk most of the time. I had a car accident last summer. Drunk. With Chrissie in the car. Thankfully no one was hurt and thankfully in Santa Barbara. The sheriff just brought me home. It never made the press, but Walter knows about it. I ignored my friends, family, all communication from the world. Correspondence from Chrissie’s school. Concerns people had about me and Chrissie. If not for the housekeeper, I don’t know what would have happened to my daughter. Maria held it all together when I couldn’t.”

  I kiss him on the cheek. “Nothing would have happened to Chrissie. Not ever. I know you, Jack. You could never get lost enough to ever let anything happen to your daughter. You adore her. It’s all going to be OK. Things can’t go wrong, not when you love the way you do.”

  He smiles. “I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t found me. There is something about you, sweetheart. You just make me calm, clear and focused. Like it’s OK to forgive myself, to move on, because I have to if I want to be with you.” He laughs. A little embarrassed, a little uncomfortable. “Does that make sense?”

  I brush at the tears on my cheek. “No. But it is wonderful.”

  He folds me into his arms. “We’re a crazy
pair, Yolanda. Do you know that?”

  I laugh. “Yep, that is something I do know.”

  “But I love you. I’m crazy in love with you, Linda. Try not to forget that.”

  “I love you too.”

  He stares at the ocean and sighs. “Shit, we’ve got to go.” He stands up, brushes the sand from his legs and then offers me his hand.

  I stare up at him. “Why?”

  He checks his watch. “We need to get back to the hotel, change, and pick up Chrissie at the LA Equestrian Center by three.”

  “Why does Water want you to pick up Chrissie from the LA Equestrian Center?” I crinkle my nose. “Is he into horses? It doesn’t fit my picture of him.”

  “Walter has graciously permitted me to attend my daughter’s riding lesson today.”

  My brows lift. “Since when does Chrissie ride?”

  Jack’s expression grows sardonically amused and a little aggravated. “Oh, the riding thing. It’s new. Apparently, my educational guidance is lacking. Walter is making sure Chrissie gets a healthy dose of all the rich girl vices. Riding lessons. Tennis. Sailing and golf.”

  I grimace. “Sporty guy.”

  “That’s one way of thinking of him. Not my word, but one way.” He sighs heavily as he shakes his head. He stares at me for a few moments and the smile returns to his eyes. “I could lay with you here forever, let the world pass us by, and that would be just fine with me.”

  I tuck myself close into his side as he loops his arm around my shoulder. I stare up at him and make a face. “No, you wouldn’t be fine. Eventually you’d want to surf.”

  Jack laughs. “I need the ocean. It’s calming too. Like my Linda.”

  “If I’m so calming how come we fucked like rabbits every time we’re together.”

  A low chuckle escapes Jack, more in a normal flow. I smile. Good. Some of the worry is losing its hold on him.

  “Because you don’t calm me frequently enough. And we don’t fuck, Linda. We make love. Don’t call it fucking.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  I sit in the center of the bed watching Jack dress. He’s been quiet since we returned to the room, which is more than fine with me. My emotions are bouncing through me, and my thoughts unmerciful and relentless since Jack told me what Walter is up to.

  So much of the last few months suddenly makes sense. No wonder Jack has been so volatile lately. Jack has no greater vulnerable spot than Chrissie, and Walter is trying to take his daughter from him. An impending, ugly court battle. It just isn’t right. Jack is a loving father.

  I stare out the window. Why does there always have to be so much shit just waiting around every corner to remind me that there can never be anything more with Jack than what we have now. New day. New shitty reality check.

  Jack stops at the foot of the bed and holds his arms wide. “How do I look? Presentable?”

  I shift my gaze to him and smile. Foolish man. Chrissie’s nine years old. She won’t care what you’re wearing. She will only care that you are there...I fight the sudden rising emotion as that thought makes me think of my own father, and I let my eyes drink in the sight of him. He looks gorgeous in anything, even that outfit: a pair of worn jeans, sockless with loafers, a slightly wrinkled pale green button-down cotton shirt, and a LA Lakers cap.

  “The cap is a nice touch.”

  A wicked grin claims his lips. “It’s the last sports bet you lost. The last bet I have to collect. I plan to exhaust all my bets this trip.”

  I struggle to maintain a light of mood air. “Aha. Is that a warning or is that a promise?”

  He plants his hands on the bedspread and leans in, kissing me. “Definitely a promise.”

  When he eased back, I reach from my glass of wine on the bedside table. Dread moves in icy spikes through my digestive lining. He’s trying to be light of mood. I’m trying to be light of mood. But it’s not going to work. It won’t change a thing. Some things you can’t ignore.

  My finally securing a job, a job that moves me to the UK, is like an eerie fucking omen. It’s time for me to let go of Jack. I don’t have a choice. This custody battle changes everything. He doesn’t have a choice either. He’ll figure that out in time.

  I take a sip of wine to fortify myself. He sinks on the bed beside me.

  “Was it always this way between you and Walter?” I ask.

  “More or less.”

  “Why?” I take another sip of wine. “Why does Walter have such a problem with you?”

  Jack shrugs. “Ancient history. Not worth talking about.”

  “How long will you be gone? You’re having dinner with Chrissie after her riding lesson, right?”

  His eyes flash. “I won’t be gone. We’ll be gone, Linda. Get dressed. I want you to meet my daughter, finally, and have dinner with us. I’m not leaving you here.”

  I try to keep all emotion stripped clean of my face. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

  He stares at me, his gaze intense. “I think it’s a very good idea, Linda.”

  Oh Jack, why are you so unrealistic at times. The dreamer and the cynic. That’s what we are.

  The seconds tick by as I search for the words.

  “I think it’s better I don’t go today.”

  He frowns. “I’m not doing it, Linda. I’m not leaving you behind in a hotel room and pretending like there isn’t someone significant in my life. You don’t think very highly of me, if you think that’s an acceptable circumstance for us.”

  Carefully, I say, “If Walter is dug in, ready to go to war with you over custody of Chrissie, I’m not the girl to take to Pasadena. Not today. I’m like waving a red flag in front of an angry bull.”

  He stands up, tense and frustrated.

  “Why the hell would you say that? You are beautiful. Intelligent. Educated. Kind.”

  I shake my head, a little frustrated myself now. “God, how can such an intelligent man be so blind, so often.”

  His brows shoot upward and his stare grows wide. “Enlighten me.”

  “This isn’t a good thing, Jack. Taking me to meet your daughter. Not smart at all, not at this time, and I won’t do it. It will hurt you. It will hurt her. It will hurt me and I won’t do that.”

  His blues eyes dissect my face and then he shoves his hands deep in his pockets. “There is absolutely no reason not to bring you, Linda. Get dressed.”

  “Well, then you’ve missed a few things. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see we come from vastly different backgrounds. My status, or more inferior status, will be obvious to a guy from Pasadena. And …”I caution myself. Tread carefully, Linda. Pick smart words. This needs to be said, but say it wisely. “…I don’t think Walter is an asshole. He isn’t being vindictive. He sounds to me like a loving grandfather. Misguided, but for the right reasons. Your daughter is going through something. I don’t think Walter would have stepped in otherwise. Maybe just a normal rough patch, but something is going on with her, Jack. That’s why Walter is foolishly trying to take custody away from you. And the last thing Chrissie needs is you tossing me into her world unannounced today.”

  “Chrissie would be lucky to have you in her life. I am lucky to have you in my life.”

  I let go of his hand and step back. “But I’m not in your life, Jack. I’m something you do every few weeks in a hotel room. This legal problem with Walter means we should keep it that way. You’ve got enough to deal with as it is. You don’t need to add me to an already complicated and contentious situation.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  I meet his heated blue stare. “It means until this issue with Walter is resolved love me. Fuck me. Then go home and focus on keeping your daughter. It’s what I expect. It’s what I want. It’s what you should do. It’s the smart move if Walter is taking you to court over custody of Chrissie.”

  Silence. It’s so heavy it feels like an anchor has been dropped on me, smothering me. I can’t meet the look in his eyes, or his expression, for more than a f
ew moments. I shift my gaze away from him.

  “Let me deal with Walter,” he exclaims firmly. “He’s not part of the decisions we make in our life.”

  “If he’s preparing to go to court, how do you know he hasn’t had private investigators digging around in your shit, watching and snatching pictures? How do you know he doesn’t already know about me and hasn’t dug around in my past? Jack! There is some pretty awful stuff there he can use against you if this ever gets to court.”

  “I won’t let him drag you into court, Linda.”

  “You can’t stop it! He’ll use me against you if he ever finds out about me. Be reasonable, Jack.”

  “I’m not leaving you behind,” he says stubbornly.

  “And I’m not going with you.”

  I stare at him, trapped in a storm of warring emotions: his needs, my needs, what I want to do, the right thing to do, and my frustration over his unwilling to see truth.

  I say it simply, “I won’t do this. I won’t do something that may harm your little girl. Not even for you.”

  He shakes his head. “This is wrong, Linda. This is fucked up.”

  I scramble from the bed then, and go to him, stopping near, but not touching him.

  “Maybe. But if that’s what it is today, that’s what it is today, and we deal with it how it is. Chrissie has got to come first with you, always. I understand that. I want that. I want you to let me give that to you.”

  His eyes soften. He eases me into him slowly, exquisitely surrounding me with his arms. “How did I get so lucky to find you,” he breathes, his lips in my hair.

  “I found you. Remember?”

  His chest shakes with soundless laughter against my cheek. It is a surprisingly unsettling thing, but I don’t know why. He steps back from me. Too soon. He checks his watch.

  “I won’t be late.”

  He doesn’t look at me. I feel his sadness and my own sadness. I smile. “Have fun. Focus on your girl. It is all going to be OK.”

  He stares at me and exhales very slowly. “Then why the fuck do I feel like nothing is ever going to be OK again?”

  ~~~

  I’m alone in a hotel room yet again. Only this time there is something frantic in me. The room looks the same, the world is the same, but the second the door closed behind Jack internally I am different.