Whatever It Takes (Second Chances #2)

by L. E. Bross

Tess had a son. She wasn’t just another hookup either, no matter what she said. She was different; she had always been different. Having her in my arms, feeling her come apart on my fingers, was like a drug I desperately wanted more of.

  I could not stop thinking about it, and fuck me if I didn’t want more, even with the regret burning in my gut.

  “You hungry?” Dad asked, coming into the kitchen. “I can make an omelet and bacon if you don’t have anywhere to be.”

  I looked up and set my cup down. It was barely eight. He was wearing clean clothes and his hair was combed and his eyes weren’t red and puffy like I was used to. Usually I’d run out and grab something from McDonald’s and bring it back to leave for him when he dragged his ass out of bed around noon.

  This . . . was fucking throwing me, which didn’t help the screwed-up way I was already feeling.

  “Tell me the truth, Pops. Are you dying?” I had to know if this change was because he didn’t have much time left.

  “I told you I’m fine.” He pulled out pans I didn’t even know we had and then took what he needed from the fully stocked fridge; all his requests.

  I exhaled and looked out the window to gather my thoughts. After a few seconds, I squinted. “Did you wash the windows?”

  “Yep. Figured that way the sun could actually get inside this place. Sabine said a bright home leads to a bright soul.”

  “Sabine?”

  “The new neighbor with the chi. Blueberry cobbler.” Dad moved around the kitchen like he hadn’t been avoiding it for the past six years. The rein on my anger snapped. Some woman who he barely knew had brought on these changes? When I was the one who’d been taking care of him so far, and he’d never once acknowledged a goddamned thing?

  I stood up and my chair tipped and fell to the floor. I could not deal with this. Not with the frustration of trying to figure out what the hell I had to do about Tess eating a hole inside me. All this time I thought I’d been doing a fucking fine job of taking care of him, and it turned out I’d been doing nothing.

  The place was a dump because I never did anything about it.

  Jesus. What a fucking joke.

  I let Seth down by not taking care of Sara when he was in prison. I let my dad down because, all this time, I was barely doing shit for him. I couldn’t even keep the windows clean.

  For the past six years I thought I was doing okay.

  Dad needed me and I stepped up. But how much? Enough to ease my own guilt for wanting to get away just like my mother did? I’ll never understand why she didn’t take me with her.

  Because you were not good enough.

  That fucking voice that had been tormenting me since she walked out rose up and echoed in my head as gravel sprayed out from behind my tires. Screw her. Screw everyone. I’d been trying half my damned life to make sure everyone else was taken care of.

  So where in the hell did that leave me now?

  I spent the morning at the house I’d been remodeling. It felt good to hammer my frustrations out on framing in the new dining room. I went old-school and instead of using the nail gun, picked up my hammer instead.

  When my phone rang, I ignored it.

  I didn’t really want to talk to anyone right now.

  I drove another row of nails in and wiped my forehead.

  The phone rang again.

  I blew out a breath and picked up more nails. One more half wall and the dining room would be ready for electrical Monday morning.

  My phone buzzed with a new text message. Okay, now I knew it wasn’t Dad, because he didn’t ever text, he only called me when he needed something. I threw down the hammer and strode over to where I left my keys and the phone.

  Since you aren’t answering your phone, this is an official booty call text. But not technically sexting. Unless you want me to text dirty to you. ;P ~S

  I shook my head and exhaled a frustrated breath. Shari had a way of just putting it right out there. Even after last weekend when I totally blew her off. I sat down on a roll of cable. What did I want? I could have things back to normal in a blink.

  I knew what the score was with Shari. I never felt guilty or unsure. I never had to worry about what she was feeling because I knew it was the same as me. With Tess, it was already complicated. I saw it in her eyes when I left the other night; she wasn’t going to call, even though she’d said she would. And yet I waited, hoped that she would so that I could talk to her again.

  But I had no idea what the hell I’d even say.

  That was all sorts of screwed up.

  Dirty texting. Now there’s something we haven’t done yet.

  As soon as I hit Send, I regretted it and didn’t even know why. I should be able to text anyone anything, if I wanted to. The problem was that I didn’t want to with Shari. I sighed in resignation and typed out a message.

  Gonna have to pass tonight. The electrical guys are dragging me out for boys’ night. Lots of testosterone. You’d hate it. ;)

  Since when was I that guy who fucking lied all the time?

  I tossed my phone next to my keys and went back to pounding in nails. It buzzed a couple more times but I ignored it. For two hours I took out my frustration on two-by-fours. And Tess still didn’t call. She didn’t even text. Maybe she regretted what we’d done and she didn’t want to talk to me again. Screw that. She said she wasn’t looking for any kind of promises. No expectations.

  Why the hell was I sitting around expecting her to call?

  Fuck this. Why not? I tossed my hammer again, grabbed my phone, and hit Reply before I could talk myself out of it.

  On second thought, a night of fucking is just what I need. How’s that for sexting? ;P See you at ten, your place.

  I ignored the queasy feeling in my stomach and started picking up my tools. A small bit of normalcy would be good. Get back to how things were, since it was apparent that Tess wanted it that way. My phone buzzed. Then immediately buzzed again. And again.

  What the hell?

  Ryan?

  If this is your idea of a joke, you suck.

  Just realized that this was probably not meant for me. Never mind. I guess we have nothing to say to each other after all.

  I scrolled back and saw that the text I’d replied to hadn’t been from Shari after all—Tess had sent me one earlier that I hadn’t seen. We should probably talk.

  The floor dropped out from under my feet.

  “Fuck,” I shouted at the ceiling. The queasy feeling turned to a burning heaviness that made me want to throw up. I started to apologize but what the fuck could I say that would not sound like an excuse? I fucking sent a hookup text to the wrong person, the last person I’d ever want to treat that way now.

  I’m sorry.

  And I fucking was. So damned sorry.

  Me too, Ryan.

  I stared at my phone with my heart pounding in my ears.

  Now I would never know what she wanted to talk about.

  Or what I might have said in return.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  tess

  I can’t believe I had been ready to take a chance and tell Ryan the truth. All of it.

  What an idiot I was. Three days ago we’d been about to have sex on my couch, and today he was hooking up with someone else.

  Not that he couldn’t if he wanted to but, damn it, knowing that he was going to be with someone else tonight was like a kick in the gut.

  I scrubbed the glass that had just come out of the dishwasher and set it on the rack.

  “Everything okay, doll?” Sheila asked. We weren’t open yet, but the girls got here early to get dressed and set up their stations.

  “Momentary lapse of judgment,” I said.

  “Hate those,” she said with a frown. “We all do it, so don’t beat yourself up too hard.”

  By the time Jesse ope
ned the doors, I had all the glasses wiped and a pile of lemon and lime wedges. The music kicked on, the first fifteen minutes were just to let anyone who got here early to settle in before the shows started. It was busy for me because that’s when everyone wanted their drinks.

  I was filling an order for Sheila when I saw someone sit down from the corner of my eye.

  “Be right with you,” I called out.

  “Take your time.”

  I froze. No way. No fucking way was Ryan here. My hands shook as I somehow finished up the three slow gin fizzes without spilling them. When Shelia took her tray, I rounded on Ryan.

  “Why are you here?”

  “I wanted to explain.” He looked a little rough and he needed to shave. There was sawdust all over his arm and his pupils were slightly dilated. I could smell the beer when I got closer.

  “Are you drunk?”

  “I’ve been waiting in the parking lot since three. I had a few in the truck.”

  More than a few by the looks of it. I motioned for Sheila, who was immediately at my side.

  “Can you cover for a few minutes? I won’t be long.”

  Sheila looked at Ryan, then back at me. She gave my arm a squeeze. “Do what you need to, honey.”

  I pushed out from behind the bar and grabbed Ryan’s arm, dragging him toward the hallway that led to the supply room. The last thing I needed was a scene at my job. At the end of the hall, I stopped and let him go, then spun around with my arms crossed.

  “There is nothing to say, Ryan.”

  “Tess, I want to explain.”

  “You don’t owe me anything. You can go sleep with whomever you want to. We’re just . . .” I waved my hand between us. “We’re just something that happened in the past.” It hurt to say, but it was the truth. I thought for a few minutes that maybe we could find a new normal for us, for a while anyway. I guess I didn’t realize until the whole texting thing that I didn’t like the idea of being one of many.

  His eyes grew dark and he leaned closer. “We’re something that happened three days ago too.”

  I threw up my hands and a slightly hysterical laugh escaped from between my lips. “So what if it did? It didn’t mean anything. Neither of us is looking for anything serious, right? It was just . . . almost sex. That’s it.”

  “That’s just it,” he half slurred. “It wasn’t just almost sex. Whatever’s between us is driving me fucking crazy. I can’t get you out of my head. Every time I close my eyes I see you. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  “Really? Me?” My voice was bordering on hysterical again, and I saw Sheila sidle up to the ordering station and shoot me a questioning look. I ignored her. “You can’t stop thinking about me, yet . . .” I pulled out my phone and scrolled until I found the text, then shoved my phone in his face. “A night of fucking was just what you needed. But not from me. So just stop the bullshitting, all right? Go home and sleep it off, Ryan.”

  I started back down the hall, but his hand on my arm stopped me.

  “Damn it, Tess,” Ryan croaked. “I fucked up. I thought I could screw you out of my head with someone else. It was a huge fucking mistake.”

  I spun around and pointed at Ryan. “You’re right, it was. But it was my mistake too because I let you in the other night. And I let you stay. So we will split the blame, call it even, and say goodbye.”

  “Tess,” Ryan growled.

  “It was never going to be anything more, Ryan. We both said it. We both understood that. You just need to go. There isn’t anything else to say.” I yanked my arm free and made my way back toward the bar. Just outside the hall stood Jesse. His arms were crossed over his chest and he lifted an eyebrow at me.

  “Ryan needs a cab, Jesse. Can you see he gets it okay?”

  “Time to go, buddy.”

  “Wait! Tess, just wait a second. I just . . . can we at least try?”

  I moved closer to where Jesse held Ryan by the arm. “Try what, Ryan?” I ground out between my teeth. More people were starting to come through the door and I had to get back to work.

  “Us.”

  My heart ripped open right there in the middle of Girls! Girls! Girls! I dropped my hands. I could not do this right now. “Ryan, please just go home.”

  Ryan yanked on his arm but Jesse didn’t let go. “Not until you talk to me, Tess.”

  “Go home and sleep it off, Ryan. When you’re sober, you’ll realize what you almost did tonight and be glad.” I was done. “Good night, Ryan.”

  Each step away from him hurt a little more. I hated that we’d gotten to this point so fast, but at least I didn’t have the chance to get in any deeper. Ryan never lied about not being a relationship guy. I was the one who lied to myself that I could do casual, especially with him.

  The boy who I gave my heart to so long ago.

  Behind me, Ryan swore and I heard a fist and an oomph. But instead of turning around, I kept moving toward the bar. Sheila was looking over my shoulder, her eyes wide. The sound of scuffling grew louder, and I knew what was going to happen next. The boss had a zero-tolerance policy.

  You get asked to leave only once. Then the cops were called.

  I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath. It was for the best. If I let him in, if I trusted that he meant what he said and really wanted to try, then I would have to tell him about Noah and my father.

  Even though I had almost told him earlier, the more I thought about it now, the more I realized that things were too precarious with my father and he still had the power to destroy my life. And honestly, I was terrified of what Ryan would do if he found out about all of it.

  “He’s gone, honey,” Shelia said. “Jesse took him outside and they called the cops. In case you were wondering.”

  Shit.

  “So was that the bad judgment you mentioned earlier?”

  I wasn’t really close to any of the girls at work, but mostly by choice. This was just a temporary job. But sometimes, not being able to talk to an adult about things really sucked.

  “Yeah. We have a history but neither of us is in a place where a relationship makes sense right now.”

  Shelia took my hand and squeezed. “Honey, people are rarely ever ready when that lightning strikes. He may not be your happily ever after, but he might just be your happily right now.”

  I finally turned to look at the spot where Ryan had been standing.

  If only it were that easy.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  ryan

  “Dude, jail is supposed to be my thing. What the hell did you do?” Seth asked when he showed up to bail my ass out.

  I sat in a hard plastic chair while Seth paid the clerk and filled out some paperwork. The bail wasn’t set at much and as soon as I got home, I’d pay Seth back.

  “They are saying drunk and disorderly,” I answered.

  “Jesus, where were you?”

  “Strip club.”

  Seth barked out a laugh and I cringed. I had no idea how many beers I’d had while I was waiting for the club to open. All I knew was that I had to see Tess and I would wait all night. Then I cringed again when I remembered what an ass I made out of myself.

  I just wanted to talk to her, explain my epic fuckup.

  Somehow that had morphed into what I think was me asking for a chance at a relationship. Jesus. I dropped my head into my hands. “Leave me here, man, I deserve it.”

  “Sorry. I owe you like another dozen bailouts before we’re even.” He took the papers that the clerk gave him and rapped them upside my head. “Let’s go, lawbreaker. I’ll even buy you breakfast. You look like you need it.”

  I climbed into his shit-kicker truck and rested my head on the glass.

  “So you gonna tell me what the fight was about?” Seth asked after he started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot.

&nb
sp; I grunted. The last person who would be understanding would be Seth if he heard who I’d been at the club to see.

  “So a girl then. Was she one of the strippers? Was she hot?”

  “She’s not a stripper.” That’s all I was going to give him. He could make up the rest, whatever crazy-assed story he wanted.

  “Hmmm, waitress?”

  “Just drop it.” I tucked my head and leaned away from him.

  “Seriously, bro. Is this the chick you’ve been blowing Shari off for?” Seth turned into a parking lot and killed the engine.

  I raised my eyebrow at him. “You sure Avery would be okay with . . . Denny’s?” I lowered my voice as though I was saying a dirty word and widened my eyes in mock horror.

  Seth laughed. “Fuck off. Even us green gods get a free pass every now and then.” We got out of the truck and started walking toward the restaurant’s blazing lights. “So back to the Shari thing. What gives, dude?”

  “I haven’t been blowing her off. Just been busy.”

  “Well Shari thinks you’ve been avoiding her. She told Avery, who mentioned it to me.”

  I scrubbed my hand over my face. I needed to talk to Shari, to explain things face-to-face, because I knew I had to. If whatever this was with Tess had a chance, I had to man up and face my shitty actions.

  “Look, I know you like to play it loose, and that’s great for you,” Seth said, “but I’m your best friend and what the hell is going on, Ry? Not some bullshit story either. I want to know.” The hostess led us to a booth and I slid in on one side. Seth moved into the other. We gave the waitress our order: two Grand Slams and coffee. As soon as she was gone, Seth leaned in and stared at me.

  “You going to tell me? Or have we reached that point in twenty-two years where we start bullshitting each other? You were around for the darkest part of my life, so now it’s my turn. And if it’s hot sex, then I’m your man for that too. Details, man.”

  He grinned but I couldn’t make myself smile back. I was going to have to tell him and listen to him freak the fuck out. I decided to start with the lesser of the two evils. “My dad is sobered up and cooking and cleaning now and it’s messing with my head. I think he might be dying or something and he’s not telling me.”