Out of the Shadow

by J. L. Paul

“I will,” Ally said, honestly. “And thanks.”

  She was about to turn back when Robby appeared at her side. He shook Parker’s hand and congratulated him on a great recording session. Deidre flashed a tight smile and rolled her eyes at Ally as the two men started talking about music.

  All the while, Ally could almost feel a pair of muddy brown eyes boring into her back.

  ***

  “Drinking kind of hard, aren’t you?” Lila asked as she slipped onto the stool next to Cole. “You need to be careful.”

  “I’m fine,” he said, his eyes still on Ally. He’d watched her greet Parker and Deidre and then later, make rounds with Robby. She was far too beautiful and it hurt his heart to watch her. Even the alcohol wasn’t doing much to stop it – just making it harder to think.

  “Where did RJ and Ren disappear to?” she asked.

  “Ren is with some girl and RJ went to the bathroom,” Cole said, his words slurring. “And that’s all I know.”

  His eyes located Ally again and he couldn’t stop them from remaining on her. He tried but there was nothing else in the entire building to distract him.

  Lila slid off the stool and stepped in front of him, folding her arms across her chest. “Jeez, just go talk to her and get it over with. And then, if you’d like, I’ll take you home so you can crash.”

  Cole grinned sloppily and finished his drink. He hopped off the stool, stumbled, and grabbed the corner of the bar to keep from falling. “I’m not allowed. RJ said I had to wait for him. He said he needs to babysit me.”

  She rolled her eyes and huffed. “Whatever. I have to go talk to Doug. I’ll find you in a little bit.”

  RJ returned and grabbed Cole’s arm. “Bro, you okay?”

  “Yep,” Cole said. “Come on, we need to go say something to them. I think we’re being rude.”

  “We don’t have to say anything,” RJ protested. “Really.”

  “Nah, man,” Cole protested. “She’s all tense and stuff – I can tell. She won’t relax until I go make nice and let her know everything is okay.”

  “Do you think you can behave?” RJ asked.

  “Yeah,” Cole said a little forcefully. “Come on, let’s go, and then we can leave.”

  ***

  As they stood on the corner of the dance floor, watching the dancers, she spotted them approaching out of the corner of her eye, Cole’s footsteps not quite steady. Her heart ached for him but she didn’t want to call attention to his condition. She just took a few steadying breaths as they made their way, and slipped her hand in the crook of Robby’s arm. Startled, he glanced down and she offered a weak smile just as RJ and Cole reached them.

  “Oh, hey, guys,” Robby said, turning to face them. His brows dipped as he noticed Cole’s inebriated state. “Um, having a good time?”

  “Yeah,” RJ said, inserting a heaping dose of enthusiasm in his tone. He dropped his eyes to Ally and offered her a timid smile. “You look lovely, Ally.”

  “Thanks,” she whispered, letting go of Robby’s arm to kiss RJ’s cheek. “You two look really nice, too.”

  “Al, can I talk to you for a second?” Cole asked so softly she wasn’t sure she heard him right. She shot RJ a quick glance then nodded and followed Cole toward a hallway that led to the restrooms.

  He propped his unsteady body against the wall as his eyes drank in her form. He touched her lightly on the cheek and smiled. “You look so beautiful that I haven’t been able to stop looking at you.”

  She instinctively closed her eyes at his touch. “Thanks, I guess.”

  “Look at me, Al,” he said. She opened her eyes and her heart broke at the red rimming his. His finger trailed lightly down her cheek and across her lips. She shuddered as her heart ached and she longed to touch him again. Just once. “So, beautiful. I miss you, Al. I was stupid to let you go. So stupid.”

  “I miss you, too,” she mumbled, her eyes locked onto his.

  He bent his head and his breath reeked of beer, but her heart didn’t care. Her pulse charged through her veins as his lips drew so near her. She raised a trembling hand to his chest as she inched closer, stretching her neck, wanting to press her lips to his just once – just for a second.

  He placed a finger on her lips and smiled sadly. “I can’t kiss you, Al, you know that. I can’t have you. You belong to someone else now.”

  Her eyes darkened. “I don’t belong to anyone.”

  He ducked closer, his lips so near her ear. His breath teased her bare shoulder and she shivered involuntarily. “You used to belong to me and you know it.”

  “Cole! There you are,” someone said behind him. He flattened against the wall, his knees nearly buckling, and the woman raced forward to support him. “Are you ready to go now?”

  “Sure,” he said, draping an arm around the woman’s shoulders. “Take me away.”

  The woman glared at Ally, narrowing her eyes as she wrapped her arms around Cole’s waist. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. Come on.”

  “Thanks, Lila,” Cole said with a goofy smile.

  Ally’s heart froze as she stood stock still and watched Lila whisk Cole away. So that was Lila -that pretty girl who’d been so concerned with Cole’s welfare. That was Lila who Cole had denied having anything but a professional relationship with. That was Lila who was more than just a little eager to take him home and tend to him.

  Her stomach turned and she fled to the restroom and stood near the sink, allowing her body time to settle down. She couldn’t return to Robby with a pale face and trembling hands. As she lifted her eyes to the mirror, all she could see was the pain that had lingered in Cole’s eyes and she wondered if she would ever be able to truly return to Robby.

  ***

  Ally spent a quiet Sunday with Robby, neither one mentioning the talk Ally had had with Cole. She’d only told him, once she’d exited the bathroom and found him again, that Cole had just wanted to apologize for the way things had been between them. Robby had dropped the subject and they’d left about an hour later.

  After classes finished Monday, she decided to skip going back to her dorm and just drive to the studio. Basketball had long since ended and she still had a few weeks until softball started. Her afternoons were usually fairly quiet as Shannon had found a group of nice girls that shared similar interests. She still spent time with Ally like going to the mall or out for coffee, but Ally found herself putting a little distance between her and her roommate. She wasn’t sure what she wanted – she was far too restless – but another close friendship just wasn’t healing the rip in her heart.

  Her contact with Cole had come to a crashing halt which, unfortunately, meant limited contact with RJ, too. And Jamie, although they saw each other in class and worked on coursework together, disappeared often to hang out with the guys.

  So she threw herself into her relationship with Robby. She adored him very much but the love she thought would grow between them just wasn’t happening. She didn’t worry about it – she figured it would come with time.

  She strolled through the hallway, heading for his office, when he nearly plowed her over, rushing through his door, his head bent over a document.

  “Ally,” he said, obviously surprised. “What are you doing here?”

  “It’s after four,” she said, her brow furrowed. “Why? Are you busy?”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose then leaned in to peck her cheek. “I have to finish something really fast, okay? It will only take a second. Why don’t you wait for me in the lounge?”

  “Sure,” she said, confused.

  She shrugged and turned back around. She entered the lounge with a sigh, thinking maybe she’d grab a bag of peanuts from the vending machine, when a sarcastic laugh reached her ears.

  “Well, if it isn’t Ally Jones.”

  Ally spun and found Lila sitting at a table, a magazine spread out before her. She eased out of her chair and sauntered confidently toward Ally, a smirk that was a cross between smug and evil on her p
ainted lips.

  “Lila,” Ally said with a lift of her chin. “Don’t worry – I’m not staying long.”

  “You know, the way he talks about you, you’d think you were perfect – almost saint-like,” Lila sneered, circling Ally like a predator to prey.

  Ally shook her head, confusion and anger swirling in her brain. “Not at all.”

  “Yet you flaunt your relationship with Robby Redden in his face,” Lila continued like she hadn’t even heard Ally’s denial.

  “I do not,” Ally defended, her anger getting the best of her. “And you’re one to talk. I saw how you swooped down on Cole at the party when he was drunk and vulnerable. I heard you promise to take care of him. I know you probably convinced him to sleep with you.”

  Lila stopped and folded her arms across her face, her eyes full of scorn. “No, not at all. You see, you would think that. And maybe there’s a little truth there. But Cole wouldn’t sleep with me. I took him home and helped him to bed but he wouldn’t do anything – nothing at all. And I tried, yes, I’ll admit it.” She closed the gap between them and leered in Ally’s face. “He cried that night, you know. He cried, said he couldn’t even kiss me. He said it would hurt you. He said you’d be disappointed. He said you used to be his best friend but now he didn’t even know what you were anymore.”

  Ally staggered backwards, her heart a thumping, frantic mess. All the anger she’d summoned had disappeared like water down a drain. Her head was a mix of emotions and she couldn’t form a clear thought. “He…he said that?”

  “Yes,” Lila said, moving closer, sensing victory. “He did. He still loves you for some reason and yet you continue to hurt him. You should do everyone a favor and stay the hell away from him.”

  Ally’s chest heaved as angry, guilty tears spilled down her cheeks. She fled the room and ran down the hall just as Robby exited a studio, Cole, RJ, Ren, and Parker behind him.

  “Ally?” Robby said, taking her by the shoulders. “What’s the matter?”

  She shook her head, her tears wildly out of control. “I can’t see you today, okay? I’m sorry.” She tried to shake his hands off her shoulders but he pressed harder.

  “Let me drive you home,” he insisted. “Or…RJ or Ren. You’re in no shape to drive.”

  She pushed his hands off her shoulders, still shaking her head. “No. I’m fine.” She brushed past the others, pausing in front of Cole. His worried eyes met hers as she moistened her dry lips. “I’m sorry.”

  She ducked her head and bulldozed her way down the hall.

  “Al,” Cole called after her but she couldn’t stand to turn around and see his face.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Ally sat on her bed in her lonely dorm room one cold, March Saturday night and considered the invitation in her hands. She was half-tempted to go, even though her head was hurting a tad and her chest was a bit congested. But she couldn’t stand to stare at the walls any longer.

  Robby had taken off Thursday night on a scouting trip to check some bands his father had told him about and wouldn’t be back until the following Tuesday. She missed him, sure, but she was a little relieved to have a break. She had a feeling that he could sense the stalemate their relationship had hit and perhaps that’s why he was eager to take the trip to Florida.

  Her parents, who’d been in L.A. for the past two weeks, had decided to travel down to Mexico to visit the little town where they’d been married, so going home for the weekend was not an option.

  And Jamie, who’d been trying hard to stay out of the tug of war between her and Cole, had escaped with his parents to visit his grandparents in Iowa, of all places. So, he was no form of entertainment, either.

  She thought for sure she could hang out with Shannon but was once again disappointed when Shannon announced she was going home with her new friend, Susan, to spend the weekend. They timidly invited Ally along but she had passed, not really up to pretending to be happy to meet new people.

  She continued to stare at the invitation as a mild coughing fit seized her chest. She sat up, hoping to relieve the congestion, and fetched a glass of water.

  Sami had caught up to her Friday afternoon while she’d been crossing the campus with Jamie and thrust the invitation into her hands. Ally had opened it and groaned silently at the invitation to the basketball party. She hadn’t asked but had figured that Danielle would most likely be there and Ally certainly didn’t need that headache. So, she’d just promised Sami she’d think about it.

  “I should just go,” she said to no one but herself. “If I stay here, I’ll just think about Cole and fret about how bad I’m ruining my relationship with Robby. Maybe I just need to get away from all those most familiar with me and mingle with new people.”

  Talking herself into it, she coughed, blew her nose, and started getting ready.

  The bus let her off three blocks away from the address on the invitation, but Ally didn’t care. The air was cool and with the threat of rain, but it seemed to clear her achy head.

  She’d opted to take public transportation instead of driving because she was already lightheaded from the beginnings of a cold and if she decided to have a drink or two, she didn’t want to drive. She’d just stay for an hour or so and catch a bus home. It was already fairly late – the way she’d planned it – and she was hoping that if Danielle was going to attend, that she had already made an appearance and left.

  “Ally!” Sami greeted, hugging her fiercely. “I wasn’t sure you were going to come.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m here,” Ally said, wrangling her body from Sami’s grasp. She was immediately accosted by several girls – most she didn’t recognize – and sighed. It was looking like she’d made a big mistake in coming.

  “How are you, Ally?” Rosie asked.

  Ally blinked in surprise. She was sure the party was for the basketball team and neither Rosie nor Trudy had made it. She shook the stupor out of her clogged head and managed to rustle up a smile. “Fine, thanks.”

  “Let’s get you a drink,” a tall girl with beautiful caramel skin suggested. Ally shrugged and followed the crowd into the kitchen. Another girl was mixing drinks and handed one to Ally. Ally sipped the fruity concoction, gave the bartending girl a thumbs up, and fled back to the living room.

  She mingled, relieved to see no signs of Danielle, and started to relax. She carried the same drink around for awhile, having no desire to load up on booze, and found herself having fun. Even Rosie and Trudy weren’t their usual annoying selves.

  But as the night wore on and everyone talked of hitting the bars, she declined. Her head started to ache more and her skin started to sizzle. She found that she could barely climb the steps to the bathroom without having to stop to catch her breath or give in to a coughing fit. Her throat was on fire and she dumped out the last half of her second drink and filled the cup with cool water. The clock on the microwave declared it to be quarter past midnight and she figured she’d stayed long enough. She wanted nothing more but to go home and climb into bed.

  She bid everyone goodnight as they hopped into their cars. She turned down their offers for a lift - she didn’t want to get suckered into going out with them. She tugged her jacket around her body and dashed the three blocks to the bus stop in the light rain. She found the unsheltered bench and stood, hopping from foot to foot, hoping the bus would come quickly.

  After half an hour of waiting in the increasing rain, she decided the bus was not coming that late and she’d either have to walk the four or five miles back to campus or find another ride.

  She shivered incessantly as her head started to spin. She sat on the wet bench and scrolled through the numbers in her address book on her phone. Raindrops dripped from her hair and fell on the screen as she skipped one number in particular and landed on another.