Chade

by Montana Ash

  “Shit.”

  Dex dropped his hand and reared back. That really was not the response he had been expecting.

  “Shit, shit, shit.” Cali repeated, looking down at her lap.

  Luckily, years of life coupled with the experiences lived in those years, had given him a sturdy constitution, and instead of being offended by her lack of reciprocation, he was amused. “Geez, sweetheart. The romance of the moment is overwhelming.” He grinned when she glared at him. Who knew eyes that coolly blue could heat so fast.

  “Not funny, Dex. This is serious. You can’t go throwing those words around. Especially to a girl who has never heard them before. She’s liable to believe you.”

  His amusement fled then. His lovely, strong Cali had been treated poorly in the past. He knew who her old liege was and he knew the reputation of her old Order. One day soon he was planning on tracking down the reclusive Stefan and breaking his cock in half. He also knew despite her tough attitude and sharp tongue, she was just as vulnerable as the rest of them. He took her hand, marvelling at the hidden strength under the fine bones, “I’m hoping she does believe me. I don’t say things I don’t mean, Cali.” He assured her. “And I’m saying I love you.”

  She tugged her hand away and he felt himself shrivel a little. But she didn’t pull away, instead she began tracing his fingers and the blue veins running underneath his skin. “There’s so much you don’t know about me, Dex. You can’t possibly love me.”

  “I can possibly,” he guaranteed her, “but if it will make you feel better, tell me what you think I need to know. Nothing will change what I feel.”

  “Dex …”

  He saw that she was wavering and he gave her another little push, “Come on. Tell me some of your favourite things.” He sang.

  She narrowed her eyes, “Was that The Sound of Music?”

  He grinned and shrugged. Whatever worked.

  “You know I’m from Sweden right? The Sound of Music was set in Austria. That is a common and annoying misconception.” She informed him primly.

  Damn. She was so hot when she lectured. “Come on,” he urged, “tell me more about yourself; things you like, your past, anything you want.”

  “It’s not things or even my past that I’m worried about. It’s something that’s going to happen in the future.” She told him, looking positively sick in her nervousness.

  “Hey.” He said, rubbing her shoulders. “Whatever it is, it won’t matter. I promise. But I don’t want to pressure you either. If this is such a big deal for you then you don’t need to tell me. It’s fine.”

  “No. You need to know. But I want you to know that you don’t owe me anything and I’m not asking for anything. I also won’t hold you to your declaration.”

  “Cali …” He was beginning to feel nervous himself.

  “I’m pregnant. Almost nine weeks pregnant. The baby is yours. I conceived that first night we were together at the hotel.”

  THIRTY

  That sure turned off his flowery poetry, Cali thought. Max had once wondered if it were possible for someone to become comatose whilst standing. It sure looked like they could do so whilst sitting. Either that or Dex had somehow turned to stone for he was sitting so still, unblinking and not even breathing in Cali’s estimation. This is going well, she sighed.

  “Dex? Are you okay? Like I said, there’s no pressure for you to say or do anything. I just thought you should know.”

  Still nothing.

  “Dex! Snap out of it! It’s a baby, not a nuclear bomb.” She said in exasperation – which was all well and good for her to say now, considering her extended denial phase.

  Finally, the man blinked, his attention returning to her face … then her stomach. “A baby?”

  “A baby.” She confirmed.

  “Are you sure –”

  “Yes, I’m sure. It’s definitely yours.” She assured him, and was surprised when his eyes softened and he shook his head.

  “I wasn’t going to ask that. You already told me it was mine. I believe you.” He stated simply, making Cali’s heart lurch. “I was going to ask if you were sure the baby was okay? I mean … I’m not exactly normal …” He frowned, looking very anxious.

  She was quick to reassure him, “Max says the baby is fine – perfectly normal and healthy.”

  Dex nodded. “She would know … right?” He asked, as if seeking reassurance.

  “Yes. She would know.” He nodded again and silence descended once more. It was only fair to give the man time to process. This was a huge deal. But she was going out of her mind. Patience, Cali. You pretended the little hitchhiker was mythical for days.

  “What do you think about the little hitchhiker?” She blurted out. Okay, so she wasn’t great with patience.

  He looked at her quizzically, “Hitchhiker?”

  She just shrugged. It fit.

  “I think … I think I don’t know what I could possibly have done to deserve such a miracle. I think I’m scared to go to sleep now for fear of waking up and this all being a dream. I think that if every second of every day of every year I spent as a chade was leading me to you, then it was worth it and I would willingly choose to relive it again. I think fate works in the most mysterious and wonderful ways. And I think I love you more than four minutes ago when I loved you beyond measure.”

  She shook her head as tears overflowed. That was not what she had been expecting to hear. He was supposed to be a typical male and piss his pants in terror over the responsibility as he secretly applauded his balls for working. He was not supposed to love her and want her and the baby.

  “And I also think, it is past time for me to make love to you.” He had settled directly next to her once more without her awareness of him even moving. Before she could respond, he had his mouth over hers in a languorous, steamy kiss that spoke of promises and hope. She desperately wanted to believe in that kiss and although tomorrow she was sure she would regret it, for tonight she decided to believe.

  She gave herself over to him and allowed him to remove her clothes one piece at a time. He leaned down to kiss and caress every inch of skin as it was exposed, tickling and arousing at the same time. Air blew over her heated flesh, providing a delicious contrast as he cupped her ribs and laved her breasts. She tangled her fingers in the dark strands of his hair when he traced around her belly button, laying a gentle kiss to her still flat abdomen.

  She arched and moaned, shuddered and pleaded, when he used that same mouth to bring her to peak before backing off in a wonderful form of torture. Gripping her hands and linking their fingers next to her head, he kissed first one eyelid and then the other, nudging her legs wide with his knee. The hair on his thighs was yet another erotic sensation, causing her breath to hitch in anticipation of feeling him fill her to the brink. And did he ever; one smooth glide and he was buried to the hilt. Her legs wrapped around his lean waist of their own accord as his hips began a sinuous rhythm.

  Long minutes later, she felt her orgasm break over her in a wave, crashing at her system and battering at her emotions. Her body shuddered as her womb clenched and she gripped him tighter, wringing every drop of pleasure she could.

  Had anyone ever felt so cherished and desired before? She had been having sex for over a hundred years; she had been pawed at, used, and done the deed by rote for the simple relief it brought. But she had also had fun, heated, and pleasurable times. But nothing had prepared her for this intensity, this intimacy. Tomorrow she would be scared. Tomorrow she would question. But for now, she would cup his head against her neck and stroke his sweaty, messy hair tenderly as his breath laboured against her skin. She would stroke his back as he came down from his high and hold him close as he slept next to her for the first time.

  And she would allow him to do the same for her. Tomorrow would come soon enough.

  THIRTY-ONE

  Dex walked quickly and with purpose away from the log house by the sea and away from the woman he loved and the fragile new life sh
e housed lovingly in her body. After making love to Cali as promised and lying awake for hours marvelling and stressing over the news he and his woman had made a baby, he had finally fallen asleep with Cali draped over his chest. Only to be awoken by nightmares about endless days filled with pain and hunger and violence. But they weren’t just nightmares – they were his life. And therein lay the problem.

  Not wanting to wake Cali, he had gone into the bathroom to splash his face with water and get a hold of himself. His reflection in the mirror above the sink had frozen his heart; black. His eyes were black. Sure, it was dark and he hadn’t turned on the light, but the image of those black eyes staring back at him had been enough for reality to break through his little dream world. What had he been thinking agreeing to stay here? To have a relationship with Cali? He was dangerous, deadly even. He had no right to be around decent people let alone someone as vulnerable and needy as a tiny little baby. He was leaving.

  “Going somewhere?”

  Dex closed his eyes upon hearing the voice from behind him. Out of all the voices in that house, it just had to be that one.

  “I said; are you going somewhere?”

  Dex turned to face his brother. Seeing the stiff set to his shoulders and the clenched jaw, he suddenly felt very tired. Forty years fighting to maintain his soul had damaged him but being in the same house as the brother he had raised and constantly being rejected? It exhausted him and left him feeling dejected as nothing else ever had or ever could. He turned back around, unable to see the constant disappointment in the familiar and much-loved hazel eyes; “Yes. I am going somewhere.” He threw over his shoulder as he began to walk away. The air kicked up around him a second before a large, broad hand clamped on his shoulder, spinning him around.

  “So, what? I’ll just see you in another forty years then?” Darius sounded furious and as close to the edge as Dex could ever remember seeing him. Darius was notorious for his control but Dex knew, should that control snap, his temper was a force to be reckoned with. Dex was actually the easy-going brother. He was happy to go with the flow, happy to forgo traditions and break the rules. Such notions were like nails on a chalkboard to Darius.

  “Yes, Darius. Maybe in another forty years.” He snapped, pushing his hand off.

  “Am I really that easy to walk away from?” Darius demanded.

  Was Darius serious? “Easy? Is that what you think? You think I chose to leave you all those years ago? That I chose to become this despicable creature? That I chose to forsake a thousand years of service? You really think I would do that to you? That I would do that to mum and dad’s memory?” He shouted, incredulous.

  “Yes! That is exactly what I thought!” Darius yelled back. “What was I supposed to think? Wardens who rejected their calling and sullied their elements, revelling in their power over nature – that is how a chade was made. That is what we were always told, what I always believed. I saw you deteriorating. I felt the extra pull on your powers. I tried to talk to you and you shut me out as if you didn’t care. Yes, I thought you chose to abandon me.”

  “No. Darius, no. I never would have willingly left you alone, would never have left any of my Order. I didn’t have a choice. I was sick and scared. I couldn’t risk hurting any of you. I’m sorry, my brother. I truly am. I’ve been heartsick at the thought of leaving you all these years.” He was earnest and he prayed that Darius believed him even if he didn’t believe anything else. It was vital that he didn’t believe Dex had left on purpose.

  Darius huffed and looked toward the ocean, softly illuminated by the glow of the moon. “I know that now. I was an ignorant bastard along with everyone else.” The relief Dex felt made him a little giddy. “But that doesn’t excuse you leaving now.”

  “I have to.” He firmed his jaw.

  “No you don’t. It’s a choice, remember?” Darius shot back.

  “What do you want from me?” His voice was strained, his body felt depleted of energy.

  “I want you to keep fighting.” Was the immediate response.

  “I’m tired, Darius – so tired. I don’t think I have any fight left in me.” Dex admitted.

  Darius snorted. “Bullshit! You are the strongest and stubbornest person I know. You were made to fight. What about all that stuff you were spouting about defending the weak and serving justice?”

  Dex had meant every single word of that and he still wholly believed in the cause, but … “What do you care anyway? You’ve made it abundantly clear you want nothing to do with me. I know you’re ashamed of me. I know you can’t forgive me.”

  The anger on Darius’s face dissolved instantly to be replaced with shock. “What? You think I’m ashamed of you? That I can’t forgive you?”

  “What am I supposed to think? I’ve been here for weeks and you can’t even look at me.”

  Darius’s face paled and he shook his head, “No. Charlie, no. You’ve got it all wrong …”

  “Dex.” He corrected. “I’m Dex now.” He would never be Charlemagne again.

  Darius nodded quickly, “Dex then. You’re wrong; I can’t bear to look at you because I’m ashamed of myself. I can’t forgive myself. Not you.”

  “What? I don’t understand.” He shook his head.

  “By the Mother, Dex. I stabbed you! You raised me, you were my liege and you came to me for help. And what did I do? I stabbed you in the chest.”

  The stark pain in Darius’s voice and the self-loathing painted across his face caused a pit of ice to form in Dex’s stomach. He wanted to comfort him so much.

  “All these years, I convinced myself you had abandoned me. I’ve been angry, Dex. So very angry. I hated chades with such an intensity that it made me physically sick. I literally shook when I thought of them. Because they took you away from me. Because you chose them over me. But you didn’t. You didn’t abandon me – I abandoned you. And I’m sorry. So sorry. I can’t look at you, brother, because I’m terrified of what I’ll see; that you hate me, that you’re disappointed in me, hurt by me. I don’t hate you Dex. I hate myself.”

  “Darius …” Dex took a step toward his tormented brother but Darius quickly retreated.

  “No. I know you. You’re going to tell me that it’s okay, that you forgive me. But how can you? I let you down when you needed me the most. I’m sorry. Please don’t leave. I know I have no right to ask anything of you, but please don’t leave me again.” His voice cracked and his chest pumped with every agitated breath as tears gathered and overflowed down his cheeks. He didn’t even fight as Dex gathered him close, holding him as securely as he had when he was a small boy.

  Minutes went by, spent holding on to each other for dear life and Dex could feel old wounds healing and scars forming in their place. There was nothing wrong with a good scar; it showed a battle fought and won. Pulling back, he gave Darius a nudge and a smile. “I’ve missed you.”

  Darius wiped his face, clearing his throat. “I’ve missed you too. I’m so glad we have a second chance.”

  Dex cringed; there would be no second chances for him. He was still leaving. Apparently forty years away from each other didn’t amount to dick when you had a brother who could read you like a book;

  “You’re still leaving.” Darius said.

  He nodded. “I have to.”

  “Why? Why are you running away?”

  “It’s not safe.”

  Darius frowned, “I know you’re worried about the rangers and the IDC despite your intentions to identify yourself to them. You don’t need to. You have Ryker in your corner now. Once he commits to someone, he’s loyal for life. He’ll protect you – we all will.”

  His brother spoke with such sincerity and Dex couldn’t believe how much he had missed seeing such open concern. “I appreciate that more than you know. But it’s not what I meant. It’s not safe for you or for Cali. I’m not safe.”

  “Charlie – I mean, Dex.” He corrected himself. Dex couldn’t blame him. Darius had spent a thousand years calling him Charlie. He
had been the one to give him the more affectionate nickname. Charlemagne was a mouthful for a toddler. “What do you mean, you’re not safe? You would never harm anyone here.”

  Such faith. Darius had so much faith in him. How had he missed seeing the signs during his stay here? “But I would Darius – I could. I can feel it, that insidious shadow inside of me. It’s like I can feel its frigid breath against the back of my neck, waiting for any hint of weakness so it can pounce.” He explained, feeling ashamed.

  Darius didn’t argue with him but he did respond in his usual practical and factual way; “So make sure you’re never weak.”

  “It’s not that easy.”

  “But you’re recharging normally now …”

  “It’s not enough, Darius. It’s not going to be enough. I had eleven paladins and it wasn’t enough to hold the monster at bay. Yes, I can recruit vitality from a paladin now instead of a warden, but it’s weaker – dilute. It’s not going to be sustainable.” Voicing the truth made his stomach clench with regret over the last few hours. He had told Cali he loved her, that he was going to have a relationship with her, that he was going to be a father to their child. But he had lied. He couldn’t risk her that way. “What happens if I lose control in my sleep, Darius? I could hurt Cali.”

  “Cali is a paladin. She was born to recharge a warden’s vitality. You won’t hurt her.”

  “No. I can’t risk it.” He blew out a breath, seeing the desperate look on his brother’s face. Darius wanted him to stay but Dex knew that was impossible now and he needed to make him understand. “Cali is pregnant.”

  Darius blinked several times as if trying to compute what he had heard, “She’s what?”

  “Pregnant. With a baby. So you see, I can’t take a chance on her or the baby’s safety.”

  “A baby?” Apparently all Darius had heard was the word baby. “Your baby?” He asked, hazel eyes wide.

  Unable to deny his own child but feeling as though he didn’t have the right to accept it either, he simply turned his head away and began walking again. He had to leave now before his feeble resolve shattered completely.