A Heart for Rebel

by Natal, Mia

  “Fuck, shit, fuck, Wyatt!” she screams. Her body is shaking uncontrollably pushing me over the edge and I come inside her. I pull her up against me and kiss her on the neck.

  “Mine,” I whispered.

  “Yours,” she breathed. I eased out of her and collapsed on the bed pulling her down with me so that she is resting on top of me. She rested her face on my chest and she was playing with my piercing. We were tangled all up in each other. She had one leg between mine as I stroked her back softy. We talked about nothing important. At one point she tugged on my piercing and I grabbed her ass and squeezed it. She looked up at me and I couldn’t help myself, my dick twitched. I kissed her softly on the lips before asking her, “What would you like to do for the rest of the day?” Before she could answer she shot off the bed as if she were on fire and ran towards the bathroom where I could hear her throw up. I got myself out of the bed and made my way towards her. I gently grabbed her hair with my right hand and used my left hand to rub her back.

  “Rebel, baby, you’ve been throwing up a lot lately,” I said.

  “I think I’m coming down with something,” she said as she flushed the toilet.

  “I think you should go see a doctor. Why don’t you take a shower while I look up one.”

  “It’s probably nothing. I don’t think I need a doctor.”

  “Humor me, alright?” She nodded and I turned the shower on for her. She climbed in and I went back to the room. I picked my jeans and underwear off the floor. I put them on and grabbed my phone. I did a search for medical care and found a walk in clinic a few blocks from where we were staying.

  We get to the clinic not too far from the house and go inside. The receptionist hands Rebel some forms to fill out. She’s really nervous and her hands are shaking. I fill out the forms for her. She hands them back to the girl and we wait for her name to be called. I link her hands with mine. Her name is called a few minutes later and we both stand. We walk towards the door and all I feel is eminent doom. What if my girl is terminally ill? I’m wound up tight and ready to blow. I’m so worried out of my mind for her. I can’t live without her. We walk towards the door and the girl who called Rebel’s name says, “Please, go to room number two and someone will be right with you.”

  “Sure, thanks,” I said. We go into the room and close the door. I pace the small confines of the room and feel as if I had a ton of bricks constricting my lungs making breathing difficult. I am having a full blown panic attack and there is nothing I could do about it. A knock on the door settles my nerves, but not quite. The moment of truth is up on us. The door opens and the doctor walks in and introduces himself.

  “I’m Dr. Martinez and you must be Rebel. Rebel shook his hand and he turned to me with questioning eyes. I shook his hands and said, “I’m Wyatt Verity, her boyfriend.

  “Did you bring Rebel here?” he asked.

  “Yes, she’s been throwing up and I’m concerned,” I said. He turned to Rebel and said, “How long has this been going on?”

  “A couple of weeks,” She said.

  “Please have a seat on the examining table. I’m going to send in a nurse to take your vital signs then we can talk,” he said before heading out the door. I helped Rebel onto the exam table and kissed her forehead. I breathed her in and whispered, “Whatever it is we’ll get through this. I love you.”

  The nurse walks in and takes her blood pressure, temperature and oxygen level. Her blood pressure is a little high, but that’s to be expected. She’s nervous and scared. Her temperature and oxygen levels are normal. The nurse hands her a plastic cup and explain to Rebel they need a urine sample. She shows Rebel the bathroom and as soon as she enters it and closes the door, I start to pace. Rebel returns and gets back up on the examining table. There is a knock on the door and the doctor re-enters the room. He sits on one of those swiveling stools you find in exam rooms.

  “Alright, Rebel. I’m going to ask you a series of questions so that I can understand what we’re dealing with.”

  “Okay” she replies.

  “Any fever, rashes or dizziness?” he asked.

  “No fever or rashes, yes to dizziness,” she replied.

  “Are you sexually active, Ms. Walker?” he asked.

  “Yes, I’m sexually active,” she replied

  “Have you used protection when you’ve been sexually active,” he asked.

  “In the beginning yes, but then no, but only because I take birth control pills,” she replied. The doctor looks at me sternly and says, “Did you know that birth control is not 100 percent effective in preventing pregnancy?” My first thought was what a fucking douche, but then I was like oh fuck me. She’s pregnant and I’m going to be a father before I’m ready to be one. Hell, I don’t know if I want to be a father. What the fuck am I thinking? I love Rebel and I want a future with her and that future consists of us having kids, right?

  “Yes, I knew that, but this never happened before,” she replied and I feel sweat trickle down my back. I’m having difficulty breathing. My heart is racing so fast it feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest. Now, I’m having chest pains. I need to calm the fuck down before I have a god damn heart attack and die before I know if I’m going to be a father.

  “Well, Ms. Walker there is always a first time for everything. I’m going to have my nurse give you a cup to collect a urine sample and then we’ll find out if you’re pregnant,” he said.

  “She already did that. I gave her back the urine sample.”

  “Well in that case, I’m going to go check on the results. I’ll be right back,” he said. I nod my head. I wanted to cry so badly, but I’m a man and men don’t fucking cry. Before the doctor walks out the door he turns to me and says, “You don’t look so good. Please have a seat before you pass out.” Rebel looks at me and smiles, but her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. She’s probably thinking what I’m thinking. I smile reassuringly at her and take a seat. The wait feels like hours when in reality it was minutes. The doctor walks in without knocking this time and I immediately stand up.

  “Ms. Walker, I don’t know if this would be good news or bad news, but you are most definitely pregnant,” he said. The whole room came crashing down on me that very minute, I couldn’t breathe and I was dizzy as shit.

  “Mr. Verity, please sit down. You look ready to pass out,” he said. I take a seat and breathe slow and deeply until everything seems to return to normal. Rebel is busy biting her nails. She looks at me and I notice her leg is shaking uncontrollably. Her eyes are full of tears and she says, “I suspected I was pregnant, but I was hoping I was wrong.”

  I look at her and reply, “You didn’t think to share your thoughts with me?”

  “I’m so sorry, Wyatt. I wanted to say something to you, but I was so scared of how you would react.”

  “Ms. Walker, if this pregnancy was not planned or you don’t want it there are options available to you,” Dr. Martinez said. It hit me then she was pregnant with my baby. I love Rebel and therefore I would love this baby with everything I am and everything I have and with everything I will be. They would be my world.

  “We’re keeping the baby,” I said. Rebel looks shocked by my outburst, but then she smiles placing her hand on her belly. I get up from the seat and place my hands on her face and kiss her. I wipe her tears and place my hand over hers. She looks at me and whispers, “I guess we’re having a baby.”

  “Damn straight we are,” I replied. Rebel was asked to make an appointment with an OB/GYN as soon as she could. She was given a prescription for vitamins, anti-nausea and iron pills. She grabs my elbow and we walk to back to the car without saying a word. We buckle up and I turn on the car. I back out the car and drive off. The drive back to the beach house was a silent one and was killing me, but I know she’s afraid to say anything and freak me out again. She looks like she’s the lone survivor of an apocalyptic war. Desolate. Lost. Alone.

  “Say something,” I say.

  “What do you want me to
say?” she asked.

  “I don’t know, just say something. Tell me anything you want.”

  “Are you okay with this? The baby,” she said.

  “I’m sure you’re just as shocked as I am, but I love you, Rebel. The baby is a part of us.”

  “Are you upset with me? I know you have plans for your new tattoo shop. I don’t want to be a cause of ruining it for you,” she said.

  “No, I don’t hold you responsible for any of this. I take full responsibility in procreating with you. You can’t get pregnant by yourself. Would I have wanted to wait? Yes, absolutely, but I’m not nor will I ever be upset you’re having my baby. How do you feel about being pregnant?”

  “I honestly don’t know. I guess I’m afraid. Having a baby is a lot of responsibility and I still have a lot of goals I need to fulfill.”

  “Rebel, you can still accomplish your goals. Don’t let the fact we’re having a baby scare you off from living and reaching your dreams. You can do it all and I will be right there with you as you do. You are not alone. I’m here now and always will be. Don’t you get it? I fucking love you, so damn much.” I get us back to the beach house. Rebel looked like the walking dead. She was so beautiful and looked so lost at the moment. I didn’t know what else to say to reassure her I was in this for the long hall.

  “Why don’t you go take a nap,” I said.

  “I…I don’t know if I will be able to. I have all these thoughts running in my head,” she said.

  “Baby, just try okay? I’ll bring you something to eat in a bit.” She nodded and slowly made her way upstairs. I make my way to the kitchen and I grab a can of chicken soup and warm it on the stove. I make a sandwich to go along with the soup and place everything on a tray. I head up the stairs and as I make my way to our room my phone vibrates in my pocket. I enter the room and Rebel is sitting back against the head rest lost in thought. I place the tray next to her and fish my phone out and answer it.

  “Yeah.”

  “Yo, bro I’m sorry to bother you, but we need you here,” Ty voice boomed from the other end.

  “I can’t leave Rebel.”

  “We are swamped. Clients are complaining they booked sit ins with you and you’ve ditched them.”

  “Fuck,” I growled.

  “Listen, bro Rebel won’t be alone. Mari is on her way back if that helps.”

  “Yeah, okay that would work. Let me tell Rebel and then I will head out once Mari gets here.”

  “Thanks, I’ll let your clients know you’re on your way back.” I disconnected my call and take in my girl.

  “You have to go back?” she asked.

  “Yeah, baby I do.”

  “I’m sorry I’ve kept you from working,” she said.

  “Don’t be, you are my number one priority.”

  “No, Wyatt, your business and your future aspirations should be your number one priority,” she exclaimed.

  “Having you in my life and keeping you there is my number one priority. Forever. Everything else comes second to you.” She looked at me and shyly smiled at me. She looked at the tray of food next to her on the bed and said, “Is this for me?”

  “Yeah, baby, it’s for you. Go ahead and eat. I’m going downstairs and wait for Mari to get here.” I leaned down and kissed her forehead. I caressed her check and kissed her lips then headed downstairs.

  I FEEL LIKE I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I know it sounds silly, but I’ve never been in a situation or rather predicament I now find myself in. Pregnant at the ripe age of twenty-one. I’m afraid, not because I’m pregnant, but because what if I turn into my mother? I don’t want to be like her and neglect my baby for drugs. I sound irrational, but that is my greatest fear, which is kind of silly because I am a survivor, a fighter, and confident women. I just don’t want to let my baby down. Oh shit, my baby. Our baby. The truth of being pregnant hits me again. I’m really having Wyatt’s baby and I’m going to be a mother. I got of the bed and got the letter my mother left for me. I held it in my hand as I contemplated if I wanted to read what she had written. I decided to read it and hoped it will give me insight into her life. I didn’t what to make the same mistakes she made. I looked at the envelope that was battered and wrinkled from being switched out from bag to bag. I looked at her unsteady writing on the envelope and unsealed it and took out the note:

  Dearest Rebel,

  By the time you read this letter, I will have been long gone. After you and Bailey left I hit the deepest saddest rock bottom known to mankind, at least it felt that way to me. I did a lot of soul searching and realized I owe you the biggest apologize. I failed you as a mother. I should have shown you every day just how much I loved you. How important you were to me each and every day. I have erroneously wronged a lot of people, your father, my parents, but most of all I wronged you. You were innocent in all of my crazy messed up world and I stole what should have been a loving and nurturing childhood filled with a father, grandparents, but most of all love. You are the embodiment of love and I failed in my duties as a mother to provide that heart felt feeling that every child should have. I didn’t protect you or Bailey as I should have.

  I lied when I told you your father did not want you. He wanted you, Rebel. He wanted you so bad. He wanted us both, but I panicked. I was young and too stupid to realize he was all I ever needed. I ran and took you away from all that should have been yours to enjoy and reap. The benefits of having a normal childhood. My parents wanted you, Rebel. Sure they were highly upset to find out that their sixteen year old daughter was pregnant, but they came to terms with it and were looking forward to your arrival. Actually, it was your grandfather who named you Rebel. When you were growing in my belly, I never had a moment’s peace with the nausea and cravings. My dad said you were Rebel without a cause just like your father. I thought it was fitting to christen you with that name and I’m glad I did. It suits you. You never backed down in your undying devotion to me or your baby sister. You were always searching for something. You always wanted to make something better of yourself, but Rebel you always had it in you. The best part of you, Rebel is your heart. You are by far the most loving and caring person and you don’t give yourself credit for that. It is what I love most about you; you give without expecting anything in return. Well, I want to give you something. I want to give you a family…a home. I called my parents and they are placing me in rehab and when I get out I am going home with them. I called your father and he wants to desperately meet you and hold you. He wants to tell you he loved you from the minute he knew he made you. I’m not asking for forgiveness, because I know I don’t deserve it. What I am asking for is another chance to be what I should have been from the very beginning, your mother. Your father’s name is Christopher Rebellious Walker. He’s a prominent lawyer in Greenwich, Connecticut. We’ve known each other since childhood and somewhere along the line we fell hopelessly and madly in love. It was from that love that you were created.

  I couldn’t read the rest of the letter because my eyes were watery and I was wailing deep with pain. I didn’t hear Marissa come in, but she sat next to me on the bed and held me while I cried. Once I got myself composed Mari looked at me and said, “Are you alright?” I shook my head and whispered, “No.”

  “Talk to me, Rebel. Let me be a friend and lend you my ears,” she said. I broke down and told her everything. She didn’t say a word while I poured out my heart to her. I told her about my pregnancy and how I’m afraid to be just like my mother. I told her how my whole life was one big fat lie. I told her how my mother kept me away from my father, who I could have had my whole life and possibly love. Grandparents, who would have showered me with attention. Throughout my one sided conversation she didn’t say a word and I loved her for that. She let me say what I had to say to get it off my shoulder and I felt lighter after as if the weight of the world had been lifted off me and allowed me to breath freely for once in my life. She sighed deeply and said, “Ever feel like you’re just one dumbass
away from completely losing it?” We laughed so hard tears ran down our faces and we had to clutch our stomachs because our tummies hurt. She gets me and totally understood I needed a good old fashion laugh.

  “God, I so need that,” I said between fits of giggles. I looked to my best friend and said, “Say something.”

  “What do you want me to say?” she asked.

  “I don’t know, just say something. Tell me I’m stupid for letting this happen. Tell me I should be happy. Tell me anything…I don’t know, just say something. The silence is killing me,” I said.

  “Rebel, if you want me to be happy, then I’ll be happy for you. If you want me to be upset, cause your upset, then I’ll be upset for you. We’ve been here for days and I’ve noticed how sick you’ve been in the morning. I haven’t asked you one single question of what’s going on with you. I wanted to give you space. I figured you were probably pregnant and I didn’t want to pry. I wanted you to tell me all on your own. I know you will be a great mother, the best actually,” she said.

  “You think?” I asked

  “Absolutely. I’ve seen how you are with Bailey. You are so loving to her. You take such good care of her, image how much better you’d be with your own baby.”

  She’s right. I would take the best care of my baby because I know I will never do what my mother did to me and Bailey. I hugged Mari tight and said, “Thanks for lending me your ear and helping me see the light.”

  She shrugged and said, “What are friends for.” I hugged her one last time before she left me to rest.

  Our days in sunny Florida were flying by quickly. We only had two days left before we all flew home. The guys worked real hard at the convention center inking everyone that wanted a tattoo. I wanted to get my sketch inked on my skin and asked Wyatt when I was getting my tattoo. He turned me down saying that a tattoo now will not be conducive to the baby. I understood and whole heartily agreed with him, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t disappointed.