I close my eyes and count to ten before turning and walking through the door into the kitchen. Both Mom and Bailey are leaning up against the counter, a coffee mug in one hand. They stop talking when I enter.
“Good morning sweetheart,” Mom chirps, patting me on the shoulder and winking as she walks past, leaving the kitchen.
“Morning.” I nod at Bailey and she smiles.
“How did you sleep?” she asks.
I shake my head and open the fridge. “I think I’m going to have to start sleeping on the sofa, the floor is hurting my back.”
“Oh,” she says softly, almost as if she’s disappointed. “Okay.”
I pause with my hand hovering over the milk and turn my head to look over at her. “Do you want to come with me to the Falls?”
“Yes, of course I do.” She tips what is left of her coffee down the sink and rinses the mug out. “I’ll just go upstairs and get ready.” She smiles again and rushes upstairs.
CHAPTER 15
KRISTIAN
No matter how many visits I make to Rocky Falls, the pain doesn’t fade. It’s still there, tearing away at my already shredded heart every time I watch the water spill over the rocks and crash into the deep blue pool at the bottom.
Turning my attention away from the water, I lean over to peek at the page Bailey is sketching on. “How did you learn to draw like that, anyway?”
“Self-taught. My mom and I used to draw all the time. She would take Riley and I out anywhere that took her fancy. Sometimes it was the middle of the city, but mostly she used to drive us out to the country somewhere. We would all sit in a circle on our picnic rug and draw on loose leaves of paper.” Bailey stares at the waterfall almost longingly as she speaks. “It’s the clearest memory I have of her…and one of the last.” She shakes her head and looks back down at her page, making another line on the paper. I can only guess at how she feels. I lost the love of my life, but she lost her family, her mother and father. I don’t think I’d be able to go on if I had lost mine. I suppose she still has Riley, though.
She’s told me something she holds close to her heart, I have to tell her how I feel. I take a deep breath and look down at the grass in front of me. “Since Jess died, I’ve felt all alone, even in a crowd full of people. That is, I was alone…until I met you, Bailey. So…thank you.”
She smiles. “What are friends for?”
I smile back and she turns back to her paper.
“There’s just one thing I want to know.”
“Mmm,” she mumbles back, without looking up.
“You always believed me, about Jess, I mean. Does that mean you believe in ghosts or are you just humoring the crazy person?”
She puts the pencil down and tilts her head back to look up at the sky. “It’s impossible not to believe in ghosts, Krissy. They light up the night sky every time the sun goes down.”
I never thought of it like that. With a small smile, I stand and stretch my arms above my head. It’s been a long day and I haven’t seen Jess since last night. I’m worried. Bailey puts her sketchbook down and stands beside me. She stretches and wanders over to the water. I follow, stopping at the edge and looking down at the shimmering reflections. Bailey’s reflection smiles at me, and then, just as she turns, she slips on the loose rocks. My heart catches in my throat.
I spin in slow motion and grab her. We both fall in the pool of water. I black out momentarily. I think I must have hit my head on one of the rocks at the edge. When I resurface, I sputter for air, choking on the cold liquid. Bailey has her arm around my shoulders as she swims us back to the side.
Once she has my back pressed up against the rocks, she wipes the water out of her eyes and tilts her head to look at me.
“Are you okay?”
I nod once, still trying to gulp in air. Bailey’s fingers reach for me and she pushes the hair off my face gently, lingering on my cheek. All I can do is stare at her. She keeps her eyes locked with mine. I’m frozen in place, breathing shallow and quick.
“You’re hurt,” she whispers, moving closer. Her light blue eyes twinkle with the light reflecting off the water. She leans in and presses her lips softly to my cheek.
I can’t move.
She pulls back slowly, meeting my eyes again. I’ve stopped breathing altogether now. I have to leave. I can’t stay here. Oh god, what am I doing?
Bailey’s forehead creases. “Krissy? What’s wrong?”
How did I let it get this far, whatever this is? I gulp in air and turn away from her, climbing out of the pool.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice sounds broken. I can’t just leave her in the water. I turn back to her and hold my hand out to help her.
We’re both silent the entire drive home. What am I supposed to say? I’m…confused.
“Before we leave, we should go out to one of the pubs or something. I’m dying for some live music.” Bailey smiles weakly at me. All I can do is nod. My brain still hasn’t figured out how to form words yet. It’s still in shock, hiding in the back corner of my mind, waiting for someone else to deal with the situation.
I can’t say I didn’t sort of see this coming. I thought for sure she would stop pushing when she started talking to Jake. I was wrong, obviously.
I climb out of the car and head for my room without a word to anyone. I just need a minute to deal with this. Oh god, what if Jess saw? I don’t think I can handle her leaving me like that again.
Stop, calm down. It’s fine. I would have felt Jess if she were around.
“Kristian.” I jump as Bailey touches my arm. She frowns at me, concerned. “I said I was sorry.”
I take a deep breath and nod. “I know. I’m sorry for freaking out.”
She grins, taking hold of my arm fully. “So do you want to go out then?”
“Sure.”
As soon as she leaves, I run my hands through my hair and sit down heavily on the bed. I can’t do this. Even if I wanted to, I can’t move on, I’m the only one that knows Jess is still here, and I can’t leave her all alone. Ugh, I just want to scream.
Bailey is already dressed and waiting for me when I walk down the stairs.
“God, took your time. You’re worse than a girl, Krissy.” She laughs, opening the door and heading for my car.
I take her to the only club our town has. Being Thanksgiving, one would think that everyone would be at home with their families, but the club is more crowded than I have ever seen it before. Where did all these people come from?
We push our way through the crush of people only to be suffocated by more. Bailey pulls me toward the stage at the back of the club. We’re so close to the live musicians, I can feel the thrum of their instruments vibrate through my chest.
Bailey leans in close and grabs my shoulder, pulling me down so she can shout in my ear.
“Dance with me.” I shake my head. I don’t want to dance; I remember what happened last time. We got way too close. She sticks her lip out in a pout and then her eyes suddenly go wide. She pushes me in front of her, like a shield. I frown down at her.
Leaning down, I yell, “What are you doing?”
She looks up at me with wide blue eyes. “You have to hide me. Jake is here.”
“I thought you guys were getting close?”
She scowls, her look telling me I’ve just said something stupid. “You can’t be that dense, can you?”
I shake my head slightly, confused. “What?”
She tilts her head back, her arms wrap around my neck, and she pulls me down. Her lips land on mine firmly. She holds me close, refusing to let me pull away. I relax against her without thought and slide my arms around her waist. Just as I realize what I’m doing, she lets go of my neck and takes a small step back.
“I’m so sorry, Kristian.”
I stand there, my arms still raised and my mouth slightly open in shock.
She shakes her head and puts up a hand before I can speak. “No, you know what? I’m not sorry. I’ve always believed
that if you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing to do or that it’s not the right time…you say it anyway, and that’s what I’m doing, Kristian. I’m sick of trying to tip-toe around you, so I’m just going to say it. I love you…I love you, Kristian and I think you might love me too.”
There have been exactly two times in my entire life that I have been rendered completely speechless. You feel as if you’re choking on your own tongue and it usually occurs at the most important and crucial moments of your life. The first time I lost all comprehension of how to speak was when the ambulance arrived to help an already deceased Jess as she lay in my arms at the bottom of the waterfall. For the life of me, I couldn’t push the words out of my mouth; no matter how hard I tried, there was just nothing…
This is the second.
There is not a single thought floating around my head. I’m rooted to the spot, staring at Bailey’s vulnerable face as she shyly turns her gaze from mine. Are there any words to answer what she just said?
No, a better question would be, do I have the courage to say them?
The lights from overhead sparkle on her shiny top, distracting me. I move to touch her arm. “Bailey, I…”
The sudden feeling of someone watching me becomes overwhelming.
Jess.
I stiffen, gulping down the words I was about to say and abruptly pull my hand back.
Bailey frowns. “Is she here?” I nod once, just as Jess grasps my hand, becoming visible beside me. I turn my head to look down at her. Her face is twisted in a cruel smile. How long has she been here, listening?
“Nice to finally meet you,” Jess sneers at Bailey, turning the corner of her mouth up in distaste and taking a step closer to my side. “That was quite the speech.”
Bailey looks from Jess and then back to me in shock, then she spins around and pushes her way back through the crowd. By the time I turn back to say something to Jess, she’s gone. What the hell just happened? When did Jess become so hurtful and selfish?
Bailey isn’t waiting for me outside the club. She must have caught a taxi, because I find her stuffing clothes into her bag at home. I step through the doorway carefully, ready for her to yell and scream at me, but when she turns around, she’s not angry. Her face is full of hurt and sadness, but not anger. Her eyes sparkle with unshed tears as she looks away from me.
“Are you okay?” I ask softly, reaching out to her.
She brushes my hand away. “No, I’m not okay. I feel humiliated, Kristian, and I just want to go home.”
I step to the side to let her pass. “Let me drive you?” She stops and nods once before heading down the stairs and out the front door.
I make sure to explain to my parents that Bailey and I have a work thing we have to get back for. It seems like they believe me. Even if they don’t, they let us go anyway.
The drive home is so unbearably silent. I turn the radio up just to drown out the quiet. When I pull up outside Bailey’s apartment building, she jumps out of the car and slams the door behind her without a goodbye. She doesn’t wave or even glance back as she enters her building.
I arrive home just as the sun peeks over the horizon. I can’t bring myself to get out of my car, so I just sit in the quiet, the radio humming away in the background until well after sunrise.
***
I throw my door open, ready to confront Jessica. I want to know what the hell she was doing at the club in Rocky Falls. Why didn’t she say something instead of being nasty to Bailey? That’s not the Jess I remember.
“Jess?” I call into my empty apartment. “Jess, are you there?”
Her presence overwhelms me as she appears, holding my hand. “Yes, Kristian.”
“Where have you been?”
She pouts, confused. “You were upset; I didn’t want you to yell at me, so I’ve been visiting my old friends.”
She looks the same as she’s always been. I never thought she could be the type of person to hurt or embarrass someone else. “What happened to you, Jess?” I ask softly, running my fingers down her cold cheek.
She tilts her head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“Where’s the girl I knew in high school, the one who was always so helpful and kind to others? The one I fell in love with.”
She backs up, still holding my hand, her eyes turning hard. “She died, Kristian.” I suck in a sharp breath and pull my hand away. She instantly fades, but she’s still here. I can feel her. “That witch was trying to steal you away from me, Kristian. She can’t have you. I need you…You’re all I have.”
“I know, you’ve told me before.” I shake my head and turn, searching the room. Her voice echoes around the room, I can’t tell where she is.
“I’ll come back when you’ve cooled off and forgotten about that stupid girl.”
The weight of her presence lifts off my chest. She’s gone. I go down on my knees and shout my frustration at the empty room. That wasn’t the Jessica I love. She’s right. The Jess I knew died nearly seven years ago. She’s gone…I pull her bracelet from my pocket and hold it out in front of me.
I just can’t let go of her yet.
CHAPTER 16
KRISTIAN
She’s ignoring me again. I’ve really messed up this time. She doesn’t frown or scowl at me like she did last time. She’s polite, but she only answers questions relating to work. I want to blame her, but I know that’s not fair. This is my fault. I’m the one that can’t get my head screwed on straight.
It’s not very surprising that Jess is making herself scarce after her sudden appearance. I still don’t know how I didn’t know she was there, listening to the whole thing. Usually I can feel her. I must have been too distracted. The next time I see her I’m going to…I’m going to what? Talk to her? Will she even listen? She didn’t last time.
There’s someone leaning up against my apartment door when I arrive home. I slow my footsteps on the stairs, trying to figure out who it is. For a brief moment, my heart constricts in my chest. Maybe it’s Bailey.
All hope is suffocated just as quickly as it comes.
Jake gives me a crooked smile as I reach the top step.
“What are you doing here?” I sigh, pulling my keys from my pocket.
He tilts his head and shrugs. “Can’t I come and visit my friend in the big city?”
“No,” I say as I push my way into my apartment, leaving the door open behind me. “You just saw me two weeks ago. You can’t already miss me.”
“You’re no fun, Reedy.” Jake sits on my sofa and stretches out his legs on my coffee table, making himself comfortable. “So…How’s Bailey?”
“Ah, the truth finally comes out.” I smirk and hand him a beer. “Well, you’re out of luck. She’s not talking to me.”
He sits up and stares at me. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You’re an idiot,” he says, shaking his head at me.
“Whatever, man.” I sit back against the sofa cushions and take a swig of my beer. He’s right, though. I am an idiot.
“She’s in love with you, you know that, don’t you?”
I look down at the bottle clutched in my hands. “Yeah…I know.”
***
I catch Bailey’s hand as she moves to leave our office cubicle. Her skin is so soft. She stares down at me, her eyebrow raised, waiting for me to say something.
“Why won’t you speak to me? I said I was sorry.”
She turns away, suddenly unable to look me in the eye. “I can’t compete with a ghost, Kristian,” she says softly, pulling her hand from mine. I’m left sitting at my desk, watching her walk away.
***
I can’t find her anywhere. I’m getting a little worried. Bailey never misses work. She even came in when she was sick last month.
I try calling her phone again, but it doesn’t ring, it just sends me straight to voicemail, every single freaking time.
I se
arch through the station’s database and write down the information I find on a piece of note paper. I stare down at the name written in front of me. Am I really desperate enough to call her brother?
I take a deep breath and punch the numbers into my desk phone. Riley answers on the second ring.
“Yes?” His clipped tone echoes down the phone line and I nearly hang up out of sheer annoyance. This kid obviously has anger issues.
“Hello Riley, this is Kristian Reed.” I pause, scribbling shapes on the notebook in front of me.
He sighs. “I know it’s you.”
I clear my throat. “Uh, anyway, I was just calling because Bailey didn’t arrive for work today and our supervisor was worried. I tried calling, but her phone goes straight to voicemail.”
“Cut the crap, pretty boy, I know you like her and I know you’re the one looking for her, not your supervisor. She’s obviously not answering because she doesn’t want to talk to you, so what did you do?”
What is it with everyone and blaming me?
“I didn’t do anything,” I growl down the phone. “I just want to know if she’s okay.”
“Well, if you really cared for her, you would know what day it is today and you would know where she is,” he answers snidely before hanging up.
The next time I see that idiot; I may or may not punch him in the face.
Leaning back in my chair, I twist my pen between my fingers. He said something about today and its significance. What’s the date? I sit up abruptly and shake the mouse to bring the computer out of sleep mode. The date flashes in the bottom corner. Nope, doesn’t ring any bells. I sit back and purse my lips, thinking.
Wait a minute. I jump up and snatch my bag from under the desk.
I know where she is.
“Bailey?” I approach the kneeling figure.
She doesn’t turn her head as she answers me. “Go away, Kristian.”
I hesitate and then sit down on the grass beside her. I glance at her red, blotchy face. She’s been crying. Gulping down my nerves, I turn to the gray headstone in front of us, laying the small bunch of flowers I bought on the way here against the plaque.
November Sky (Hardest Mistakes Book 2) Page 13
