Salvaged Destiny

by Lynn Rae

  “I’m sorry, Dee Dee. I’m happy Arturo makes you happy.”

  “Oh Del, no, I’m sorry.” Dee Dee dropped the pot and turned to her, her lovely gray eyes full of sympathy. “I should be more understanding, with Lazlo gone.”

  Del shook her head. “Lazlo Casta has nothing to do with it. I’m fine.” Of course, she wasn’t fine—she missed him horribly and had cried every day since he’d been gone.

  Lazlo had started to ping her as soon as he was on his ship to Weave, and there had been at least one ping, a few times more, in every data pod delivered since. And today’s data pod had included something from him that was an extremely large file, clearly the vid he’d promised.

  Too afraid to watch it, Del had invited Dee Dee over to distract her that evening, but hearing about her sister’s intensifying interest in their family advocate was difficult. She knew if she saw Lazlo, even in a vid, she wouldn’t be able to go on as if nothing were wrong in her life.

  She’d struggled in how to respond to his pings even though they had initially been friendly and non-intimate. Del hadn’t been able to resist them, or knowing that he still wanted to communicate with her. But then the mood had changed when he wanted her to see him. His request made her heart ache with desire and regret.

  “How long has he been away, ten days?” Dee Dee watched Del as she dried the pot again and again.

  Del nodded and took the pot away, hiding it behind her on the tiny counter in her nearly restored apartment. Well, it was a large room containing all of her possessions. After seeing the luxury of Lazlo’s place and the splendor of Major Sekar and Bara Kidd’s home, she now saw her apartment with a more jaded eye.

  Of course, if Dee Dee had a happy future with the ever-so-wonderful Arturo Yee, she might soon be living in a much nicer place and Del could come and visit when she needed a touch of refinement in her day. If only she could get her spectrometer replaced, she would almost be back to normal. Other than the new raw wound of missing Lazlo.

  “Well, if you’re this upset about it, it’s a good thing you didn’t have relations with him. You’d be devastated,” Dee Dee blithered on, now drying a spoon. Del swallowed, trying not to look at all devastated, but her sister caught her breath and clutched the spoon to her chest, her eyes wide with shock.

  “Oh no, Del. You didn’t. You did, didn’t you?” Her sister threw her arms around Del and squeezed her tight. “Oh I’m so sorry I gave you that terrible advice. I never thought you would actually do it. You are so, so…”

  “I’m so what?”

  “Inhibited. I’m sorry, that wasn’t nice to say.” Dee Dee was now wailing in an agony over how to apologize. Del scowled at her and stepped away, not hurt as much by what her sister thought of her allure but by the continued pain of Lazlo’s absence. “Obviously you aren’t actually inhibited if you had sex with him. Although he is sexy enough to make any woman jump in bed with him, so why would you restrain yourself?”

  “Dee Dee! Please!” Del hissed and walked away to her sofa, Dee Dee at her heels, holding on to her hand as they both sat down together. Now she was thinking of Lazlo bouncing around in bed with all sorts of new and lovely classmates and she felt lightheaded. And he probably was. Why not? Those lucky girls. He was so wonderful.

  “Sorry again, but he is big and sexy. How big—don’t say! And you—” Then Dee Dee was hugging her again and Del was leaning away. “I’m so proud of you and sorry too.”

  “Stop it, Dee. You aren’t making any sense.”

  “No, I am. I’m just in a rush.” Dee Dee sat back but kept a tight hold on Del’s hand, forcing her to stay and listen. “I’m so happy you had sex with him and I’m sorry he is gone and you are hurting now. There, that’s what I wanted to say properly. Arturo is very precise in his speech and I’m trying to match him.”

  Again with Arturo, Del grumbled to herself. “I understand, Dee Dee, but I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “But I do,” her sister continued, oblivious to Del’s discomfort. “How was it? Did you at least enjoy yourself? I suppose you did, if you’re missing him this much.”

  “I never said I was missing him.”

  “But you are, you have been a snappish grump for the last few days, so it’s clear. Oh the sex must have been spectacular!” Dee Dee stared off into space and Del was certain she was imagining her Arturo in all sorts of positions.

  Del had a flashback to Lazlo and how it had been with him—how he’d felt and tasted and sounded. She felt a horrible tearing in her chest and the tears started to flow shamefully down her cheeks. Dee Dee cooed and fluttered over her, handing her handkerchiefs and patting her shoulders tenderly until Del stopped sobbing and gasping.

  “Has he sent you any messages?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s good, that’s good. What are they like?”

  “What does that matter? I’m never going to see him again.”

  “So you still want him.”

  With that question, Del broke apart. She did want him. She wasn’t just missing what she’d had with him—she was desperate to have him back. An absolute impossibility. Realizing that crushed her soul.

  “Oh sweetie,” Dee commiserated and then Del began to tell her almost everything. How they made each other laugh, how careful and gentle he’d been with her, how she’d argued with him when he left and how they had been sending messages to each other, but she was afraid to see his vid now—it would hurt more than she could bear.

  She didn’t describe anything about their intimacies. Talking about that would have been torture. And Dee Dee would have likely offered too much advice on technique for comfort.

  “First, Del, you’re the strongest person ever, I’ve always thought so, ever since you saved Pa. And you saved Lazlo too, I know you did. Of course you did, you’re such a tough one. I know you can watch a vid of the man and not shrivel up to a spore.”

  Dee Dee gave her another hug and stood. “You need to watch that vid and I need to go home and work on the accounts before bed. I had a good supper with you. I’m sorry you feel so bad, but I’m so glad you had sex. Probably really good sex, that Lazlo is a muscat peach of a man. And I’ve expressed myself perfectly.”

  Dee Dee turned and left the apartment before she could say anything else, leaving Del on her sofa entirely unsure of what to do. After all, the last time Dee Dee had given her advice, she’d flung herself at Lazlo and broken her own heart. No one had ever bothered to send her a vid message before.

  Del dithered for another half an hour, stroking her broken Toots, rearranging some boxes of specimens and looking for a glass she already knew had been broken by the deputies and cycled long ago. She changed to some sleepwear—less soft than Lazlo’s, crack it—and retreated to her bed after checking her door locks compulsively. She’d had a hard time sleeping after the raid and would usually wake up at least once a night to check her door and windows.

  Del pulled up her blanket and positioned her new-to-her third-hand datpad next to her on the bed. She looked at it and sighed. To see Lazlo again was going to be painful no matter what he had to say. But could she just ignore this and ignore any other message he might send her?

  Feeling like biting her pillow with distress, Del activated her datpad and opened the video message.

  There was Lazlo, looking as big and kind as she remembered, and her whole body tensed and warmed with the memory of him. He was sitting in some sort of enclosed space, his brown eyes bright, brown hair shaggier than she remembered. The wall close behind him was dark gray and besides him, that was all that was visible on the screen. But he was enough.

  “Hi, Del. I hope you had a good day, or if you’re viewing this in the morning, that you had a good sleep.” Lazlo shifted a little and smiled some more. He looked tired and there was an uncustomary stubble along his chin and cheeks. “I’m at the end of my day here. I had a territorial law class this morning, scrambled eggs and sweet potato for lunch, two classes on elections codes and I’m just ba
ck from a run and a not-so-interesting dinner of pasta with some sort of cheese on it. And here I am in my study carrel, not studying. I’m too tired to concentrate and I’d rather talk with you. Even if you can’t talk back. I took some images for you on my run, let me show you.”

  The screen went blank for a moment to be replaced by the sudden appearance of a bright landscape of mesas retreating into a misty distance, the primary colors of the geologic features shades of blue and gray, with some layers an iridescent purple.

  Del gasped. It was so beautiful. “Here’s part of Weave I thought you might like to see. This is where I run—there’s a nice trail here and it’s about a half-hour drive from the campus so it’s easy to get a ride from someone. These are the Merit Ranges, about four hundred and thirteen million years old according to a pamphlet I found in the barracks library. No fungus to worry about here but it’s a lot dryer than Sayre. We have to drink a lot of water to compensate.”

  The image disappeared to be replaced by a close-up of some scattered rocks. The focus wasn’t clear enough for Del to observe much about them but she appreciated that he was trying. “Here are some rocks I run past. I don’t know what they are, or who I could ask about them other than you. So if you have any idea, let me know.”

  The screen blanked again and then lit up to reveal a low building of orange bricks, numerous windows lining the walls, a few bulbous-looking plants lining the base. “Here’s where I live. It isn’t very luxurious, but I just sleep here.” The image reset to a nicely sized room containing a neatly made bed, a desk and chair, and a large window looking out on other low orange buildings, with the bluish Merit Ranges hazy in the distance. “And here’s where I sleep,” Lazlo continued, sounding tired.

  The image shifted and then she saw him again, sitting on his bed, looking at her through the lens of the vid and millions of light-years from her. Del felt tears catch in her throat as she saw him again. The pain of missing him rose in her body like a fever—she was shaky and exhausted with it. Lazlo looked tired and unsure. He’d filmed rocks for her, for stars’ sake.

  “Del, I miss you. I want to see you. Can you come here? I’m getting a little time off and I want to see you again. I know we aren’t getting involved, but coming here for a day isn’t a relationship, it’s just a jump and some hours on Weave and a jump back to Sayre. That’s all. I’ll show you the rocks, you can see a little of Weave. Please tell me you’ll come.” Lazlo looked at her with such need that she almost leaned in to the display to get closer to him.

  Seeing him again was exactly what she wanted. But knowing he wouldn’t return to Sayre afterward would make it even harder to leave him than it had been ten days before. Del thought she’d had her heart broken already, but if she went to him, she would break it again.

  *

  To Lazlo

  Thank you for the vid. I’m thinking about it.

  From D

  To Del

  I can get you a room in a very nice hotel. You wouldn’t be in these barracks I showed you. Room service, butlebot, pool, all the nice things. Just a little time together. Please come.

  From L

  To Lazlo

  When would you be able to get time off?

  From D

  To Del

  I get a break in three days. Is that enough notice?

  From L

  To Lazlo

  Yes, that’s enough notice. Promise we aren’t involved and I will be there.

  From D

  To Del

  I promise. We can’t be involved after just a day. I’ve attached all of the travel information. Your flight leaves in fifty-seven hours. Bring something for swimming—the hotel you will be in has a great pool. I can’t wait to see you, Del.

  From L

  *

  Lazlo was waiting at the dock for the Baltimore Honey to arrive. Completing an extra practica in voter registration in record time had earned him twenty-two hours off, which meant he’d get to see Del.

  He’d rushed out of his last class and ran to the cart rental office, sure he wouldn’t get there in time to meet her, but he’d arrived early enough to be able to stop and buy her a coffee. So Lazlo stood, cup in hand, scanning the displays for any updates on the ship.

  The Honey had completed the local jump and was supposed to have landed by now but the display didn’t show it had actually touched down. The terminal was new and lush with all the latest features. He tore his eyes away from the screen and looked over the area—soaring ceilings with colored-glass inserts making rainbows of light on travelers passing below, a soothing audio fountain, little shops and cafes, more porterbots than people. It was a wonderful place to arrive. He wanted it to be wonderful, he wanted Del to be dazzled. No thoughts of his classes intruded, or the work he needed to do, or of the concepts he needed to master. He was only hoping for Del. Not that he was making this into something important. She was a nice person and they’d had great sex. Which they might have again. Or might not. Especially since they weren’t getting involved. But she would be here soon and he’d enjoy her company in whatever capacity. But he couldn’t deny that he had hopes for more sex.

  There was a small surge of people streaming past him, greeting each other as little porterbots laden with luggage followed them. Lazlo asked an older couple what ship they’d been on and when they said the Baltimore Honey, he made his way toward the gate. He didn’t want her to feel as if he’d forgotten her.

  The audio fountain eased out a soft tone as he walked past and he spotted her ten meters away on the concourse, looking determined as she pulled along her case, scanning people walking her way. Del looked up and recognized him and a big smile lit up her face. For a second Lazlo wondered if she would dislike his new beard. Concern about his appearance disappeared as he rushed to her and pulled her to him tightly.

  Lazlo tried not to spill coffee on her as Del burrowed in to his chest, her thin arms tight around him. He bent his head, smelled her hair and felt as if his whole body was burning. Stars, he wanted both hands free for her. Looking around, he thrust the coffee cup out to a passing porter, which obediently stopped and held it in a grasper. Then he could touch her and move her head up so he could kiss her, but Del had already anticipated him and was kissing him, needy little sounds in her throat as her lips slid along his.

  Several very good moments passed before Lazlo pulled away to take a breath and look at her. She was crying and breathing hard and he wanted to pick her up and carry her to the cart outside.

  “Hi,” Del managed to say and then laughed, wiping at her tears and looking for her case. The porterbot that had been clasping her coffee had already collected her case and was holding up the cup in a helpful manner. It must have scanned the two of them as one person, picking up Del’s case as if it were Lazlo’s own.

  “Hi. I got you a coffee,” Lazlo said and then she was kissing him again, slower this time, pushing her body in to his, her desire clear in every movement. He really wanted to get her to the cart since sex seemed to be a factor now.

  “Thanks,” Del whispered against his mouth. “I guess missed you.”

  “I missed you too. Would you like to look around at the shops or do you want to go?”

  “Yes. I want to go.”

  “Are you feeling well after the jump? I know sometimes people get disoriented. If you’re all right we could go for a drive, look at those mountains, or get something to eat,” Lazlo offered, not wanting to suggest the hotel and seem like a raging beast. Del was visiting a beautiful planet. His hormones shouldn’t deprive her of a chance to see some of it.

  “I’m feeling weak. I need to lie down,” Del replied, looking at him with hot-gray eyes, and he grinned at her.

  “Of course. Let me get you to your hotel.”

  *

  Del managed to keep Lazlo’s clothes on him until the porterbot dropped off her luggage and left the room, then she was intent on his shirt, pulling and tugging as he laughed and helped her.

  She caught only
glimpses of the room around them as she pressed close to him. The room seemed big, with blue walls, natural light and a very soft carpet underfoot. But Lazlo’s naked skin emerging soon captured her attention and she fell on him with a groan of relief, tasting him and allowing herself to enjoy his unique flavor as he led her to the bed, their feet stumbling into each other’s, finally falling across the mattress with thumps and sighs.

  Del wanted to slow down, but the burn of lust was too much to control. She struggled with Lazlo’s belt and trousers, finally pushing them down and cupping her hand around him over his undershorts. He was heavy and ready against her and she nearly shouted with excitement.

  “Let’s slow down, Del. We don’t have to rush,” Lazlo said in a strained tone and she looked up at him, his brown eyes dark and attentive on her, a slight smile on those lips that should be on her body.

  “We only have a few hours.”

  “Twenty-one, give or take.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Let me.” Lazlo slowly pressed her arms back against the mattress, moving back from her and kicking off his trousers, then leaning her way to slowly unbutton her shirt. Del reached to help and he shook his head once, placing her hands down to rest on either side on her head, the blanket on the bed soft and fuzzy against her skin. Breathing slowing, she finally relaxed, allowing him to lift her top away, his every movement slower than she would have liked.

  “I’ve been thinking about you, about this, for days,” Lazlo admitted as he unlaced her boots, pulling them off and neatly placing them beside his own against the wall. When had he removed his?

  Del stopped thinking when his fingers traced under her tank to pull the hem from her waistband. His fingers touched her too lightly to cause so much heat. He caressed the skin of her belly and she jumped and reached for his shoulders, but then fell back as he shook his head.