Closer Than They Appear

by Jess Riley

  Here’s another unsolicited and hopefully not-annoying tip: if you feel guilty throwing away the broccoli stalks (I know I do), take a vegetable peeler to them to remove the tough outer rind; what remains can be sliced into mild, crunchy rounds that taste a little like a delicate rutabaga. Delicate rutabaga, you ask? You know, bullied badly in childhood, grew up to be a sensitive artist who rescues animals, falls in love far too easily, cried at the end of Frankenweenie.

  Curried Chickpea Salad Sandwiches

  Serves 4

  The Westfield’s (and my) favorite sandwich filling.

  1 can chickpeas, drained and rinsed

  2 T cranberries

  1 rib celery, quartered lengthwise and diced

  3 green onions, ends trimmed and diced

  1/4 cup Greek yogurt

  1/4 cup mayo (I like Vegenaise)

  2 t capers

  1 T Dijon mustard

  1 T red wine vinegar

  1 t Worcestershire sauce

  1 t curry powder

  1 T finely shredded, unsweetened coconut (optional)

  6 finely diced kalamata olives (optional)

  8 slices of your favorite whole-grain bread

  Mixed greens

  Give the chickpeas and cranberries a quick whirl in the food processor, pulsing just until chunky. Dump into a large mixing bowl and add all of the remaining ingredients (up to the curry powder). Stir until well-blended and add salt and pepper to taste. In fact, go a little crazy on your taste buds if you feel the urge; love tangy? Add the olives! Need more subtle sweetness? Add the shredded coconut and another dash of curry powder. Like spice? Add a dash of cayenne pepper. Have some fun. Let your hair down. But not near the bowl.

  Divvy mixture equally between the bread and top with a handful of mixed greens (do I really need to tell you how to assemble a sandwich?) Poke each sandwich with tiny toothpicks that have little British flags. This is not optional.

  My Version of That Yummy Bean and Corn Salsa Everyone Brings to Picnics

  Serves: Oh, I don’t know, depends how piggish everyone is.

  Anytime I bring this to a potluck, I field numerous requests for the recipe. So I present to you, dear readers: My Version of That Yummy Bean and Corn Salsa Everyone Brings to Picnics. Delicious with Tostitos Scoops and cabana boys named Gustavo.

  The Players

  2 cans black beans, rinsed and drained

  1.5 cup frozen sweet corn kernels

  2 medium tomatoes, diced

  1 orange bell pepper, diced

  1 red bell pepper, diced

  1/2 medium red onion, diced

  3 green onions, chopped (thought you might be tired of “dicing” by now)

  2 ripe but firm avocados, diced (again with the dicing)

  The Brine

  2/3 cup fresh lime juice

  1/2 cup olive oil

  4 large cloves garlic, minced (smaller than a dice!)

  1 t salt

  1/8 t cayenne pepper

  dash cumin

  In salad bowl, combine beans, corn, tomatoes, avocado, bell pepper, and onions. Toss gently until the mixture resembles a Benetton ad from the eighties.

  In a small jar with tight-fitting lid: Mix lime juice, olive oil, garlic, salt, and spices. Cover and shake until everyone’s getting along swimmingly.

  Introduce the brine to the players. Refrigerate overnight, bring to the party, peel off the cover to release a garlic-scented cloud, sit back, drink a margarita, scratch a mosquito bite, and collect the compliments like trading cards. Pretend to be modest, and tell them Jess Riley sent you.

  Spicy Peanut Noodles

  Serves 4

  Spicy Peanut Noodles…oh, how I love thee. You’ve got some prep work ahead of you, but it’s all worth it.

  2/3 box whole-wheat linguini (because have you seen the price of buckwheat soba noodles lately?)

  1 cup kale, de-stemmed and chopped (Hey, look! More kale!)

  1 cup carrots, cut into strips or grated

  Julienned red pepper

  1 small bunch scallions, thinly sliced

  12 ounces edamame (an encore appearance!)

  1/2 cup peanut butter

  2 cloves of garlic, crushed and chopped

  1/2 T fresh ginger, minced

  1/8 cup fresh lime juice + ½ T lime zest

  1/8 cup soy sauce or tamari

  2 T honey, molasses, or maple syrup

  a pinch of cayenne pepper (optional)

  Toasted sesame oil (optional, to taste)

  1/4 cup – 1/2 cup warm water, to thin

  Boil the noodles per package instructions. In the last two minutes or so of cooking toss in the kale and edamame. Drain everything in a colander and run under cold water for about a minute to stop cooking, and set aside.

  Combine peanut butter, garlic, ginger, lime juice, lime zest, soy sauce, honey and cayenne pepper in a medium bowl. Thin with warm water – the amount of water you’ll need depends on the consistency you want.

  Gently toss the noodles, kale, edamame, carrots, pepper, scallions and tofu with a big splash of the sauce. Add more sauce a bit at a time, until the salad is dressed to your liking, reserving any extra for another use. Taste, season with sesame oil, ground pepper, sea salt, and Sriracha if you like. Serve warm or at room temperature.

  Be warned that the noodles are like little sponges, soaking up the dressing; if it sits long enough, you end up with a lump of pasty, peanutty ropes, which as Alton Brown might say, is horribly bad eats. So if you bring it to a potluck, give the pasta/kale/edamame a light toss in a tablespoon of toasted sesame oil so it doesn’t stick, and bring the dressing separately—mix just before serving.

  Nostalgia Risotto

  Serves about 6

  This is my take on a dish I enjoyed at a funky Milwaukee restaurant in the winter of 2007. They showed black and white movies on the walls and I was with a tableful of old, dear friends. I was crushed to learn the restaurant closed a few years later, but I still remember it fondly when I make this dish.

  3 cups low-sodium vegetable broth

  1/3 cup prepared pesto, divided

  1 cup onion, diced

  1 1/2 cups Arborio rice

  3 cups cubed butternut squash

  Shredded parmesan cheese

  Freshly ground black pepper

  1/4 diced sun-dried tomatoes packed in olive oil

  White truffle oil (a worthy splurge)

  1 cup fresh shiitake mushrooms, sliced

  Bring broth plus 2 cups water to a boil in large saucepan; turn off heat.

  Heat 2 tablespoons Pesto in another saucepan over medium heat. I know, I’m getting all of your pans dirty. Sorry about that. Add onion and mushrooms, and sauté 5 minutes. Stir in rice, followed by 1/2 cup hot broth (about one ladleful). When rice has absorbed broth, add another ladleful. Continue adding broth and stirring in this manner for about 5 minutes.

  Stir in squash, and season with salt and pepper. Resume adding broth, one ladle at a time, until rice has absorbed all liquid. This should take about 15 minutes. Poke a few pieces of squash with a fork; if still too al dente, put the cover on for a few minutes to steam the whole pan.

  Remove from heat, and stir in remaining pesto and chopped sun-dried tomatoes. Spoon risotto into bowls and top with shredded parmesan cheese and a drizzle of truffle oil. THAT is what makes this dish, kiddos. If you need me, I’ll be paging through old photo albums, getting misty-eyed.

  Massaged Kale Salad (You knew it was coming.)

  Serves 4

  Oh my God, are you sick of kale yet? Your insides aren’t! Keep eating it. Here’s a good way.

  1 large bunch kale, stemmed and chopped. You can julienne it if you’re in the mood, or make the pieces somewhat larger if that’s your preference. Decisions, decisions.

  1/8 cup tahini

  2 heaping T nutritional yeast

  2 cloves garlic, minced

  1 T soy sauce

  Juice from one lemon (at room temperature and given a
few firm rolls on the counter before slicing, to boost your juice)

  1 T toasted sesame oil

  Here’s where it gets wild. Optional mix-ins:

  1/2 can diced water chestnuts

  1/4 cup golden raisins

  1/4 cup toasted almond slivers or pepitas (I love that word)

  1/2 cup diced yellow or red pepper

  Baked teriyaki tofu, cubed

  1 T finely diced shallot

  Sprinkle of smoked black sesame seeds

  First, let’s make the dressing. In a small food processor, mix the tahini, nutritional yeast, garlic, soy, lemon juice, and sesame oil. Thin with a bit of warm water if needed, for a creamy consistency. Pour the dressing over your chopped kale, roll up your sleeves, and start massaging it into the leaves. It feels wrong, but it isn’t. And! You’ll be happy to know this massage comes with a happy ending, when you add the optional mix-ins.

  If you don’t have tahini, you can substitute a whole avocado, but the tahini adds such a fun nutty component. It’s like hanging out with your favorite crazy aunt. Nutritional yeast also amps up the nutty factor, with a whinge of cheese. It’s loaded with B12, which you’ll need to supplement with if you’re cutting out most animal products. A bit pricey, but a canister will last a while. I love to sprinkle nutritional yeast on my popcorn, along with garlic salt and malt vinegar and hot sauce. Apparently, I’m a fan of canker sores.

  Spiced Sweet Potatoes and Black Beans

  Serves 4-6

  I found this in my recipe binder with a giant YUM! scribbled next to it, and an arrow pointing to the title. So how could I not include it?

  2 medium sweet potatoes, peeled and chopped into 1” chunks

  1 medium red onion, thickly diced into 1” chunks

  1 + 1/2 T extra-virgin olive oil

  1 can drained & rinsed black beans

  1/2 T maple syrup

  3 T fresh lime juice

  1 T Dijon mustard

  2 t fresh thyme

  1 t cumin

  1 t smoked paprika

  1 T adobo or chipotle sauce

  2 garlic cloves, minced

  1 T Extra-virgin olive oil

  Preheat the oven to 425 degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Toss the sweet potato chunks with 1 tablespoon olive oil and spread on the parchment; bake for 25 minutes. Toss the red onion with the remaining 1/2 tablespoon olive oil and set aside. When the timer rings (or dings or buzzes or whatever it does), give the sweet potatoes a toss and evenly scatter the red onion in their midst. Return to the oven for another 20 minutes. While the potato and onions are baking, whisk together the maple syrup, lime juice, mustard, thyme, cumin, paprika, and adobo/chipotle sauce. In a small saucepan, heat 1 tablespoon olive oil and sauté the minced garlic for about 2 minutes. Add the dressing and black beans; stir gently to mix, and remove from heat. In a big bowl, combine the beans & dressing mixture with the sweet potatoes and onions.

  To serve as a salad, scoop a few spoonfuls over a bed of arugula and add 2 tablespoons toasted walnut pieces and 2 tablespoons crumbled queso fresco or goat cheese. My posture straightens and my skin feels clearer just thinking about eating this.

  Or, roll it up in a burrito with some greens. Or spread it on some naan bread. Or serve it on a bowlful of quinoa or rice. It’s a versatile little sweetheart of a dish. There’s really no wrong way to eat it, except through a straw or baked in a cake.

  FESTIVAL BINGO

  But wait, as they say in infomercials, there’s more! I’ve also included five templates for Festival Bingo, which has been field-tested and expert-approved by a panel of intoxicated, judgmental friends. Just kidding, they’re not judgmental. They’re all much nicer than me, because who was the one who came up with Festival Bingo and handed them out just as we all walked into the festival in question? You got it. This jerkwad, right here, typing this sentence.

  Patent basically pending. If you want to buy your very own laminated set of eight bingo cards plus stickers, email me (jess@jessriley.com). If there’s enough interest, I’ll make it happen.

  Heartfelt Thanks

  Big thank-yous are overdue to my first line of literary defense: December Gephart, Mary Hennessy, Nicole Waltemath, Wanda Manning, Nikki Kallio, and as always, Jason Riley. I am also grateful to my Pretty Aunt Julia, my parents, and my sister for inspiration. I will thank my brother also, so he doesn’t feel left out.

  Table of Contents

  A Note from Me, the Author

  PART ONE

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  PART TWO

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  PART THREE

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  THE RECIPES

  Unstuffed Grape Leaves

  Jamaican Jerk Chili

  Loaded Miso Soup

  General Tsalmost’s Tofu

  Curried Chickpea Salad Sandwiches

  My Version of That Yummy Bean and Corn Salsa Everyone Brings to Picnics

  Spicy Peanut Noodles

  Nostalgia Risotto

  Massaged Kale Salad (You knew it was coming.)

  Spiced Sweet Potatoes and Black Beans

  FESTIVAL BINGO

  Heartfelt Thanks

  Table of Contents

  A Note from Me, the Author

  PART ONE

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  PART TWO

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  PART THREE

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  Harper

  Zach

  THE RECIPES

  Unstuffed Grape Leaves

  Jamaican Jerk Chili

  Loaded Miso Soup

  General Tsalmost’s Tofu

  Curried Chickpea Salad Sandwiches

  My Version of That Yummy Bean and Corn Salsa Everyone Brings to Picnics

  Spicy Peanut Noodles

  Nostalgia Risotto

  Massaged Kale Salad (You knew it was coming.)

  Spiced Sweet Potatoes and Black Beans

  FESTIVAL BINGO

  Heartfelt Thanks