The Darkest Flame

by Christina Lee

  Smoke wasn’t due at the bar tonight, and he let slip that he’d be over at the Scorpions clubhouse. Like Mal, I wondered if this favor was asking too much of him, especially if it stirred up ugly shit from his past.

  The reprieve from working in proximity to him would be a good thing, though. Might help get my brain screwed back on straight.

  We couldn’t be anything more to each other, anyway, even regular fuck buddies, because of our status with the club. The blowback might’ve been less for me because I wasn’t sworn to any brotherhood. But I ran the Disciples bar, and if anybody caught wind, I didn’t know what that would mean for business.

  On my way to the Hog’s Den, I stopped by my pop’s house, comforted by the sound of the ticking timepieces when I stepped inside. The noise seemed to ground me, helped me reflect on the important things right in front of me. Pop was still his cranky self, but at least he was out of his chair and polishing an antique vase from one of the shelves.

  “What brought this on?” I asked, startling him.

  “Today was our anniversary,” he said, swiping at the shiny brass.

  “Your wedding anniversary?” I asked, wondering if he was losing it. I knew the annual reminder had already come and gone a couple months back.

  “The anniversary of our first date,” he said, and as he swallowed the lump in his throat, I sat down. “I took her to a movie and then a burger joint. She was wearing a blue shirt that matched her eyes.”

  My heart descended to my ribcage. “I know you miss her, Pop.”

  “Every single day,” he said, rubbing the metal harder.

  “Was that one of her favorites?” I asked, reaching out and pressing my hand along the smooth side.

  “I bought it for her our first year of marriage,” he said, still not meeting my eyes.

  We sat in silence for a few minutes as I considered their relationship. Leanne had treated me as her own and put up with all my garbage in high school as I tried to figure out who the hell I was. My first male crush had been on my friend Z. She knew I was struggling through something, and would quietly rub my back while my head was buried beneath my pillow.

  She and my pop were connected in ways I only marveled at, even through their ridiculous arguments about finances, when Pop wanted to add one more thing to his collection. They were rarely away from one another, and he stayed by her side in hospice until the very end.

  “Why don’t we take a ride out to the cemetery, Pop?”

  He looked up suddenly to meet my eyes. “Now?”

  “Sure, why not?” I said, standing up and motioning for him to follow. “We can stop on the way to pick up your meds and get some flowers for her gravestone.”

  * * *

  After the afternoon with my pop, I headed in to work.

  Jonas came barreling through the door as I took inventory of the juices we used for mixed drinks. “You seen Smoke around?”

  “Not since last night.”

  That lone sentence made my chest fire up. Jonas would have no clue I meant that in more ways than one.

  “Everything okay?” I asked, because he looked kind of worried, which in turn made me way anxious. I might’ve had only a one-night stand with Smoke, but I wasn’t exactly ready to check him out of my life.

  “Yeah, cool,” he said as if trying to tone down his unease. “He’s just running late for our meeting.”

  Hmmm, that didn’t seem like him at all. Smoke was quiet, a hard worker, and definitely dependable.

  In another hour, the Hog’s Den became packed, and I could’ve used help behind the bar. Maybe I’d ask Mal to add one more night to Smoke’s workweek.

  I had to force myself not to look at that back room every five minutes, wondering if Jonas had found Smoke yet.

  Later in the evening, Jude stopped in from The Board Room, the shop he worked at next door, to order takeout for Cory and him. Or, as he called it in his British vernacular, takeaway.

  “You good?” I asked.

  “Brilliant.”

  There used to be a time when you’d be hard pressed to get any information out of Jude, so to have him respond so positively was pretty cool. I was happy for him, because his life had been shit. I felt that familiar tug of jealousy that he could be out in the open with Cory, but that was ridiculous.

  I knew what this was with Smoke. Plain and simple.

  “No Smoke tonight?” he asked.

  I schooled my features. “Nope.”

  “That’s a shame,” he said out of the customers’ earshot. “I like seeing him back there with you.”

  “Don’t go getting any crazy ideas,” I said.

  He cracked a smile and waved as he headed out the door.

  Just as I was closing for the night, Smoke came blazing through the back room and headed behind the bar, straight for the tequila.

  I could tell right away that something was off. His eyes almost looked haunted, and his fingers were trembling as he reached for the bottle.

  “Mind if I take a shot?” he asked.

  “Sure thing,” I said, leaning against the bar, watching him closely.

  This would count as the one and only time I’d witnessed Smoke take a drink. Something must’ve gone wrong tonight.

  It was none of my business, and I was pretty certain he wouldn’t want me on his case, so I kept my trap shut.

  He downed the drink in one gulp and I held a lime slice out to him, which he grabbed gratefully before sucking on it and wincing. I tried not to stare at his mouth and imagine those full lips around my cock again.

  “You want another?” I asked, holding up the bottle.

  “No, I’m good.” He sagged against the counter, his fingers rushing through his hair. “Tastes as shitty as I remember.”

  I laughed. “Booze is usually an acquired taste.”

  He didn’t respond, he was so lost in his own head. So I figured I’d leave him alone. I cut the lights and headed toward the door.

  “Stay as long as you like,” I said. When I turned to look at him, something jumped in his gaze. “For whatever it’s worth? You need something to take the edge off, come find me anytime, yeah?”

  Without even waiting for a response, I went out the front entrance and climbed on my bike. I had a desperate need to hold him, comfort him, be whatever the hell he needed right then. That wasn’t what this was between us. Still, I considered him a friend. I hightailed it out of there before I got any more ridiculous notions.

  At home, I filled the cat’s water bowl and hopped in the shower. It felt good to wash off the grime of a busy night.

  Just as I was drying off, there was a knock on my door. My heart leapt to my throat.

  I threw on a pair of sweats and headed to my entryway. I spotted Smoke through the peephole, his hands shoved stiffly in his pockets. He looked vulnerable and hesitant, and that made me swing open the door in a rush.

  He practically stumbled inside and fell right into my arms. I pulled his body flush against mine and rubbed the back of his head. It felt so intimate that my stomach tightened at the tenderness of the moment.

  I loved the idea that he had sought me out, of all people. But this was about something else altogether. I knew that. And if I could provide that for him, so be it.

  My lips found his ear. “Whatever you need, name it.”

  He eyes sprang to mine, and a spark ignited in them. His cinnamon breath fanned across my lips. “I…I need to get lost. Forget for a while.”

  I considered asking him exactly what he needed to forget, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment. He needed me right now. Needed my hands on him. He hadn’t pursued anybody else, man or woman. Another warm body.

  “You got it,” I said, and then my hand clamped around his neck as I dragged his lips to mine, kissing him long and deep. He moaned into my mouth and swayed against me.

  My fingers fumbled for the zipper on his jeans, and I yanked it down. I sank to my knees and pushed him back against the door for leverage. His cock was so entic
ing as it curved upward and leaked from the tip that my mouth was on him in an instant. I licked the head and sucked lightly on the crown as my own cock responded in my pants.

  “Wait,” he said in a hoarse voice. “I want to feel you naked next to me.”

  I stood up. “No need to ask twice.”

  I pushed my sweats down my hips as his eyes widened and then glazed over. I’d forgotten that I’d just come from the shower and had gone commando. He licked his lips as he stared down at my cock, which was hardening by the second.

  He got busy removing the rest of his clothes, leaving a trail as he followed me down the hall to my bedroom.

  At my door, he slid behind me and palmed my cheeks, groaning into my neck. “Damn that ass of yours.”

  Simply hearing that raspy voice made me shudder. As soon as I turned, his mouth was on me, gripping my neck. He pushed his groin against mine. Our tongues battled to sample and lick and taste and after several long minutes, I dragged my mouth away to catch my breath, resting my forehead against his.

  I reached down to swipe my thumb against the bead of pre-come on his cock and then sucked on it. “Mmmm…you taste good.”

  He growled, yanked my face to his, and sank his tongue deeply inside my mouth.

  We fell back on the bed, him on top, grinding his cock alongside mine.

  He had sought me out tonight, so I wasn’t going to beg him to fuck me. I wasn’t even sure if that was what he wanted. He might have shown up here, but maybe we were still pretending that if we did everything but the dirty deed, it wouldn’t count as much.

  I seized his thighs and hauled him toward my chest. After another second, he got the idea, straddling me so that his cock was sitting directly against my mouth.

  “Fuck,” he said as I licked up and down the underside of his vein before grasping him in my fist and swallowing him whole. The noises coming from his throat made me squirm and moan as he pumped his hips and expertly fucked my mouth. “Goddamn, that feels incredible.”

  I was so turned on, smelling his spicy, manly scent as his balls slapped beneath my chin, that I was on the verge of exploding without any assistance. If he simply touched me, I’d shoot off good.

  Just when I knew he was going to come, his head thrown back, his chest and neck flushed, I grabbed hold of my own straining and leaking length and yanked on it for a few long pumps.

  As his come filled my mouth and slid down my throat, I felt my cock blast apart in my hand. I braced my fingers against his lower back where shots of my warm seed had landed. He groaned when he felt it hit, and I continued sucking on his length, attempting to taste every last drop.

  He swiped his finger against his nape, where some of my come had apparently spurted and then plunged it deep in his mouth, tasting me. That helped rouse one final surge from my cock as my arms slid downward, completely spent.

  “Fuck, that was hot,” he said. He sank down on my bed, and I lay there panting beside him, unable to form any syllables in response. His hand grazed against mine on the sheets, and when I interlaced our fingers, he squeezed tight, molding out palms together.

  A warmth filled my chest from the simple act of having him hold my hand. Eventually I rolled off the bed, headed to the bathroom, and returned with a wet washcloth.

  “Turn over,” I said, pushing at his shoulder. I wiped him down, admiring the black gothic block letters on his back that spelled out “Mitsy’s.” I wondered if that had been his mother’s name. My fingers trailed over the inscription and then down to his firm backside. What I wouldn’t give to get inside him, if only once.

  Given his earlier reaction, I knew the topic would be off-limits, so why even torture myself with the thought?

  When I lay back down, he tugged me into a tender kiss, his fingers at my face, his tongue exploring my mouth at a leisurely pace.

  “Did that do the trick?” I asked against his perfectly shaped lips, still tasting the remnants of his cinnamon gum.

  “Hell yes…thanks.”

  “Were you with Fish tonight?” I knew that he was supposed to be helping dig up information on his old club. Given the shadows beneath his eyes earlier, I understood why Mal had asked me to look after him.

  “Yeah,” he said, his fingers sliding up and down my arm as he refused eye contact with me.

  “Didn’t go so well?” I murmured against his ear, kissing and nuzzling his neck.

  His jaw locked and his body tensed. Nothing was worth him getting so worked up. He had sought me out for release, not to relive memories.

  “Never mind,” I said, rubbing my fingers along his chin. “Just come here.”

  He easily scooted over so that I could pull him against me.

  I brushed my fingers through his hair and kissed his temple, and he sighed appreciatively.

  He was so beautiful, but not like an Adonis. More in a boyishly handsome kind of way. I wasn’t sure I was able to say that about many guys, but I had always thought that about him. From the first moment I laid eyes on him.

  I continued stroking and soothing him until he fell asleep in my arms. I watched him for long moments, staring at his slightly crooked nose, his curved lips, and his long and nearly translucent eyelashes that fanned across his cheeks.

  It felt fucking incredible to have been the one to comfort him. To have him in my bed. To be the person he came to after a horrible night.

  All those times over the past year I’d burned for him across the bar, I’d longed for this. To feel the weight of his body in my arms, his soft breaths against my skin.

  I knew it was probably wrong to allow this to happen, to want him here. At the moment I couldn’t even find it in me to give a fuck. None of that other shit mattered. For this one night, I would be his refuge, his safe harbor.

  Fighting drowsiness, I closed my eyes, marveling at how good everything felt in that moment, how right. Even if we never had sex.

  When I woke up the following morning, Smoke was gone.

  Chapter Ten

  Smoke

  I was in the garage at my makeshift tool bench, applying the finishing touches on a metal art sculpture for one of the brothers. He’d just moved in with his old lady and told me he needed something for his man cave. I snorted to myself. Man cave. What in the hell kind of term was that? I got it, though—I liked man caves as well. Christ, I was pathetic.

  Using polyurethane to seal the edges, I thought about last night. Gathering intel on my former club brothers with Fish had affected me more than I’d suspected. I figured I was beyond caring, but when Fish had asked me questions about certain Asylum members, a rage had churned deep in my gut. I wanted to smash my fist into something.

  Instead, I went for a long ride along the lakeside, but even that wasn’t enough to clear my head. So I went to the Hog’s Den. The shot was an idiot move, but it did nothing for me anyway. Only reminded me that I hated the flavor of booze, always had. Didn’t even give me a buzz.

  The only thing that did was Vaughn. He had allowed me to use him last night. He understood what I needed. And that right there made me feel things I shouldn’t have been feeling for the guy.

  Still, I didn’t fuck Vaughn, even though I knew I could have. He would’ve let me; I saw it in his eyes. Something had held me back…again. Messing around was one thing but being inside someone, especially someone like him, was a different ballgame altogether.

  That was some fucked up logic right there. I wouldn’t have hesitated had it been anybody else, man or woman.

  I told myself it was because I had to be around Vaughn all the time. This attraction to him had gotten out of control, almost like a fever. And I had no idea when it would pass. Maybe screwing his perfect ass would finally do it.

  The truth was, I’d had a secret fuck buddy named Jake when I’d been with the Asylum. He totally messed up my head, along with the drugs, and I never wanted to get so caught up in somebody like that again. So what the hell was I doing with Vaughn?

  Vaughn was nothing like Jake. But wha
t I’ve done with him behind closed doors meant my ass could be out on the street again. The Disciples had become more my family than any I’d ever known, and I didn’t want to do anything to blow that.

  Though I knew I could make it on my own this time. I was young and lost when I had first been taken under the Asylum’s wing. Mitsy’s bar had just burned down, and my dad had died in that fire.

  The screen door slapped open and I heard Felix’s footsteps as I twisted one of the final screws in place. He always wore those brown steel-toed boots with the heavy soles, and I could hear him coming a mile away.

  “Looking good, man,” Felix said, heading toward his bike, his mop of light brown hair falling into his eyes.

  He was my closest brother, probably because we had become recruits at the same time. He was a pretty quiet guy, even more so than me, so I was comfortable around him, even in the silence. Felix had come from a fucked up life as well, had almost been like a nomad on the road once his parents disowned him, and he apparently found his calling with the club. His loved repairing old cars and threw some good bones my way from the auto parts shop for my sculptures.

  “I’m headed to the compound,” he said, tossing his leg over the seat on his hog. “See you in a few?”

  “Yep, right behind you.” I made sure to get the final screws as tight as humanly possible so there would be no problems hanging it on the wall.

  I propped the metal piece against the cement and stood back to appraise my work. I’d stopped using my hands when I was with the Asylum. I was too strung out half the time, anyway, and had completely lost myself. It wasn’t until I had put in time at the auto parts store, and picked up my first piece of scrap metal from a rotor, that it all came back.

  I asked the guys if I could take some of the pieces from the leftover scraps, no doubt from stolen property, so what did they care?

  The guys thought I was nuts until they saw what I could create. Then they began placing orders. Mal was so impressed, he asked me to make some pieces for the bar he’d invested in, which is when I’d first laid eyes on Vaughn.