And You Call Yourself A Christian

by E. N. Joy

  “Hi, my name is Viola Lorain Watson.” She knew she had to give her full government name that appeared on her ID. “I’m here to see Unique Emerald Gray. I’m her mother.”

  The woman on the other side of the window looked up at Lorain knowingly. She obviously knew exactly who Unique was; not personally, but the reason why she was in jail. Lorain could tell the woman knew Unique’s story and was probably wondering just who had given birth to the evil woman the media was portraying Unique to be.

  Lorain knew in her heart something wasn’t right about that story. It wasn’t the entire story. The Unique she knew loved her boys and would never put them in harm’s way. She wouldn’t do it for crack cocaine or anything else, for that matter. Besides, Unique didn’t even do drugs, and she darn sure didn’t sell them. Had she been a drug dealer, she would have had a pimped-out ride and a blinged-out cross necklace around her neck. Maybe a gold tooth or two ... maybe. At least that’s the stereotypical drug dealer Lorain had seen on television shows ... or were those the rappers she’d seen on awards shows? Who knows. Perhaps drug dealers didn’t look like that. Perhaps they did look like Unique. Perhaps they were just regular-looking people who felt as though they couldn’t feed their families just any ol’ regular way. Who really knew? Because all Lorain knew was that whatever a drug dealer was supposed to look like, and whatever their reasons for selling drugs, Unique was not one of them; no way, no how. And Lorain would testify to that to a million juries if she had to.

  “You’re her mother, huh?” There was something about the way the woman behind the window said it that made Lorain feel strange.

  “Yes. Yes, I am. Unique Emerald Gray is my daughter,” Lorain said with a hint of arrogance. She was not about to stand there and let this woman make her feel belittled because of who she was. She was Unique’s mother, and she would shout it out on a mountaintop to the world if she had to.

  The woman shook her head and had a menacing grin on her face. “Okay, whatever.” She scribbled something down on a log sheet in front of her, and then pushed it to Lorain through a small opening at the bottom of the window. “Fill this out.”

  Lorain nervously took the log sheet and the pen the woman offered.

  “You never done this before? You never visited anybody in lockup before?” the woman asked Lorain, taking note of her demeanor.

  Lorain replied with the shaking of her head.

  “Okay, well, here’s the deal. I’m going to need to see some ID. You’re going to have to go through a search . . .” The woman proceeded to rattle off all kinds of information. “Right now, she’s back visiting with her counsel, but just as soon as—”

  Lorain cut the woman off. “But I’m going to ... my church ... Unique’s and my church, we’re going to hire her a private attorney.”

  “That’s all good, but for now, your daughter needs representation, honey. Do you want her to just sit here and rot while you find her an attorney? If that’s the case, you should have found an attorney first and brought him up here with you.”

  Maybe the woman was right, but she could have been a little bit more diplomatic in expressing it. Lorain made a mental note to stop by the church after she left the jail. Not only would she need to further discuss with her pastor the funds for hiring an attorney for Unique, but she’d need to discuss funeral arrangements for the boys as well. She wanted to see to it that her grandsons had a proper burial.

  “Anyway, Unique’s mother, you can take a seat and someone will call you when you can go back and start the visiting process.”

  “Thank you,” Lorain said before adding, “God bless you.” She turned and headed to a seat in the waiting area, not knowing if she really wanted God to bless that woman or not, or if that was just her sarcastic way of letting that woman know that she needed Jesus. She needed Jesus in her life to give her an attitude adjustment.

  Finding a seat in the middle of the waiting room, Lorain sat down. And she sat, and she sat, and she sat. She felt bad about the fact that this public defender was spending so much time discussing Unique’s case with her when soon, and very soon, his or her services would no longer be needed. She didn’t know just how much money the church would donate or raise, but she was willing to borrow from her 401(k) retirement plan if she had to in order to make sure Unique had decent representation.

  At least an hour had gone by and Lorain still sat in the waiting room. Her legs were bouncing as a sign of her anxiety. She’d tried taking out the miniature Bible she carried around in her purse and reading it, but her mind couldn’t stay focused on the scriptures before her. Just when she thought she was going to lose her mind, she heard a deputy say, “Unique Emerald Gray. Unique Emerald Gray’s mother, please.” The deputy then looked over his shoulder at the woman behind the window who had checked Lorain in. They shot each other a smirk.

  Lorain wasn’t about to let their little antics get the best of her. She let their taunting slide as she clutched her purse and stood up to go see about her daughter. As Lorain walked toward the deputy, she could feel someone else walking behind her. She looked over her shoulder and realized that it was a woman who’d been sitting in the waiting room even before Lorain herself had gotten there. Figuring the woman was heading back over to the window to ask what the holdup was on her own visit, Lorain turned her attention back to the path in front of her.

  Stopping a couple feet in front of the deputy, Lorain informed him of who she was by stating, “I’m Unique Emerald Gray’s mother.” But it was like she had an echo as a voice beside her had said the exact same words.

  “I’m Unique Emerald Gray’s mother,” the woman standing next to Lorain had said simultaneously with Lorain. It was the same woman Lorain had thought was heading over to the sign-in window.

  Both women looked at each other strangely. This was simultaneous with the deputy and the woman behind the window looking at each other and smiling.

  “Well, well, looks like we have a matter of confusion before us,” the deputy said, holding back a chuckle and a smile. “Ms. Gray is back there waiting to see her mother, and I got two women standing in front of me claiming to be that person. Hmmm.” The deputy scratched his head. “Now which one of you women is the inmate’s mother?”

  “I am.” Once again both women spat out the words together. Once again, they both shot each other a strange look.

  “Look, Officer, it’s complicated,” Lorain said in their defense from looking like two imposters.

  “Well, it can’t be too complicated. A person has only got one momma, and I need to know which one of you that is.”

  “Me,” both women shouted.

  “I’m Korica Sherod,” the woman said to the deputy, and then shot her next words over at Lorain, “the woman who raised Unique. I’m the woman Unique calls Mommy.”

  With hands on hips, Lorain shot back, “I’m Lorain Watson, the woman who gave birth to Unique.”

  “Humph,” the woman said under her breath, “and threw her away.”

  The deputy looked over at the woman in the window. They were getting a real good kick out of this. “Hmm. Looks like we’re not going to get anywhere here. What do you say I go back and ask Ms. Gray who her real mother is and which one of you women claiming to be her mother she’d like to see?” The officer turned and went back through the door he had come from, leaving the two women standing there, staring each other down, knowing the only winner of this standoff would be the woman who Unique called back there to see first.

  Which one of them would it be? Who, in Unique’s most desperate time of need, would she call on? Who would she declare as her mother? Would it be the woman who gave birth to her or the woman who raised her?

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Mommy!” Unique exclaimed when she saw Korica being escorted by the deputy over to her.

  “Oh, my baby girl,” Korica said. Korica was the woman who had raised Unique as her daughter, even though technically, or legally, she wasn’t. She’d always treated Unique like she was blo
od. Nobody could tell her that Unique hadn’t grown in her belly and she’d given birth to her herself. Unique even looked like her other four children, who somehow managed to look exactly like her, and like each other, even though they all had different fathers.

  “They’re dead, Mommy. The boys are dead,” Unique began to cry. This was the first family member Unique had been afforded the opportunity of sharing the deaths of her sons with.

  Korica went and flung her arms around Unique for an embrace. She couldn’t hold her the way she wanted to, though, because of Unique’s hands being cuffed in front of her.

  Korica went on a cursing rage to get the cuffs taken off of Unique. “Can y’all at least take these things off of her while her momma is here to see her? Y’all got her chained up like she’s an animal. My daughter is not an animal. She’s a human being. She’s a mother whose children just died yesterday, for Christ’s sake.”

  “Ma’am, if you don’t calm down, you’re going to be chained up next,” a deputy threatened Korica. “So I’d advise you to sit on down and take this visit.”

  After rattling off a couple more expletives under her breath, Korica followed the advice of the officer. The last thing she needed was for her kids to be trying to rustle up money to bail her out of jail.

  Sitting down, tears streamed down Unique’s face. “Mommy, I killed my boys. I left ’em in that car to die, Mommy.”

  “No no no, baby.” Korica shook her head as she sat down in a chair next to Unique. “I know you. I know how much you love them boys. That would never happen. You would never do something like that. There’s got to be a mistake or some explanation.”

  “There’s no mistake. I let this happen; their mother, who was suppose to protect them. This is my fault, and for what? Some child support money?”

  Korica placed her free hands on top of Unique’s cuffed ones. “Baby girl, is that why you were in that house? Just to get child support money from one of them sorry behind baby’s daddies?” Korica sounded relieved and expressed it with the hot wind she let loose from her mouth. “Thank God.”

  “Why else did you think I was in there, Mommy? Why else would I be up in a crack house?” Unique questioned.

  “Well ... I ... the television said ... and—”

  “What? What is the television saying about me?” Unique was starting to get agitated in a bad way.

  “Nothing, baby, nothing. Just calm down.”

  “No, Mommy, I need to know what the world is thinking. What these people are telling the world.”

  Giving in, Korica replied. “They just saying that you left the boys in the car while you went in to get some crack, that’s all.” Korica tried to downplay it as much as she could.

  “That’s all? That’s all?” Unique was outraged. “But that’s not what happened. You know I don’t do drugs, Mommy.”

  “Yeah, I know, I know.” Korica felt guilty for almost believing what the media was saying.

  “Then why did you think—” Unique shooed her hand. “... never mind. It doesn’t even matter anymore. It doesn’t even matter why I was in that house. All that matters was that I left my babies in that car, and now they’re dead.” Unique broke down in tears. “I deserve to be in here. That’s what I just told that attorney guy that was just in here. I told him that he doesn’t even need to bother wasting the taxpayers’ money on this one. It’s my fault my boys are dead, and I deserved to be punished, even if it’s being in here the rest of my life.”

  “Unique Emerald Gray, I will not listen to such trash talk,” Korica spat. “You have to stop thinking like that, baby.” Korica rubbed Unique’s cheek. “What’s that you’re always telling me about if Jesus sets you free, then you are free indeed?”

  “John, chapter eight, verse thirty-six,” Unique mumbled.

  “Then be free, baby girl. Because otherwise, whether you’re in this here jail or not, you’re not going to be free. You are going to be a prisoner in your own mind. A prisoner of guilt and shame and every other negative emotion. What you are going to do to yourself is going to be more confining than a jail cell could ever be.” Straightening up, Korica concluded, “And I know that little skinny white boy with long hair with that piece of napkin stapled to him while hanging on a tree didn’t go through all that for you to make yourself a prisoner, did he?”

  Unique looked up to see Korica looking as serious as a heart attack. She’d acted like she had just recited the scene at Calvary straight from the Bible. Suddenly, Unique did something she hadn’t done in a long time; her lips cracked a smile. She covered her mouth with her hands, but then the smile turned into a chuckle. Then she just all-out began to roar in laughter.

  Although confused regarding what her daughter was laughing about, it became contagious nonetheless. Korica started chuckling too, in between asking Unique, “What? What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing, Mommy, just please ... pretty please, if I’m out of here by the time we have Friends and Family Day again at church, will you please come with me?” Unique laughed harder. “Even if I’m not out, go without me, Mommy, please. Go to Bible Study or something.”

  Picking up on why Unique was laughing, Korica nodded and rolled her eyes in her head. “Okay, so I’m not the best at telling Bible stories, but you know what I was saying.”

  “Yes, Mommy, I know what you’re saying.” Even though Korica hadn’t relayed the scene at Calvary as though she were some Bible scholar, Unique still got it. She got the fact that Jesus had died for her and had suffered for her. Unique thanked God that her mommy had been there to remind her of it. A few more hours and Unique might have given up completely, not just on herself, but perhaps on God. But she’d never know, because right now she had to focus on getting free, both mentally and physically free from rotting in that jail. Unique stared into her mother’s eyes. “I’m free, Mommy; I’m free.”

  “Yes, you are, baby girl. Yes, you are,” a teary-eyed Korica replied.

  Unique let out a long breath as she sat looking as though she were a mountain climber about to tackle the climb of her largest mountain yet.

  “What’s the matter, baby?” Korica could see a look of defeat on her daughter’s face already.

  “Well, I may know that I’m free, but now all I have to do is get the penal system to jump on board.” Unique shook her head. “That’s not going to be easy, not with a case that involves the death of children. It’s going to be a hard mountain to climb.”

  “Hmmm.” Korica thought for a minute. “Yeah, you’re right, but I got another idea on how you can bypass that.”

  “Really?” Unique lit up, sounding hopeful again.

  “Yes, I do,” Korica said like she was some know-it-all.

  “What is it, Mommy? Tell me what I’ve got to do and I’ll do it.”

  “Okay, first, you stand up. You stand up straight like the judge, the jury, the news media aka that mountain is standing right in front of you.” Korica stood up to demonstrate for Unique. Unique followed suit. “Okay, then, you close your eyes. You concentrate real hard on that mountain, and then you open your mouth and say, ‘Move, Mountain!’ And if you really believe that your words have the power that the Bible says they do, then when you open your eyes, that mountain will be moved. Now it might not be gone, but at least it will be moved so it will make it a little easier to get around it, you know what I’m saying?”

  Once again, Unique started laughing.

  “What?” Korica threw her hands on her hips. “What’s so funny now?—because you the one who told me that story. You know I don’t be reading no Bible. So unless you were lying to your poor mother about being able to say stuff and it happens and all that mess, then you should be able to do it.”

  “Yes, Mommy, you’re right. I did say that, didn’t I?”

  “Yes, you did. Now put your money where your mouth is. You’ve been going to church for all these years, serving on ministries, paying tithes and whatnot. Were you doing all that for nothing? Were you doing it for show, or do
you believe all that stuff?”

  Unique thought for a minute. “I believe, Mommy. I really do believe.” The expression on her face showed that she really did believe.

  “Good, then do it,” Korica ordered. “Stand there and do it.”

  With every ounce of faith, hope, and prayer Unique had in the world, she stood erect, shoulders up, head held high, and closed her eyes. She meditated for a few seconds, and then, with all the authority she had, yelled out, “Move, Mountain!” She yelled it over and over again, believing that once she opened her eyes, that mountain would indeed be moved.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Lorain honestly didn’t know how to feel as she sat out in the waiting area to see Unique. She didn’t know if she should feel hurt that Unique opted to see Korica before seeing her. She didn’t know if she should feel jealous that Unique felt Korica was more of her mother than she was, even though Lorain was the one who had given birth to Unique. Lorain may not have known exactly how she should feel about the situation, but she did know that the feeling she did have inside didn’t feel good at all.

  It’s not about me. It’s not about how I feel, Lorain kept telling herself as if she were doing some type of mental exercise. She had to be selfless for Unique’s sake. Unique was the one locked up in jail while her boys lay in a hospital morgue dead. Lorain could only imagine. She didn’t want to imagine. She brushed the visual of the three lifeless bodies out of her mind and tried to focus on being strong for Unique.

  “Unique Emerald Gray’s other mother.” The deputy still had jokes. “You can come back and see her now.”

  Lorain stood up and walked over to the deputy who wore a smirk on his face. “I’m Unique’s mother, but I think you know that already.” Lorain’s tone was sharp. She didn’t care what those deputies thought about her or how funny they thought this entire thing was. It wasn’t a laughing matter to Lorain. Through it all, she would stand her ground as Unique’s mother. She didn’t care who had raised her.