And You Call Yourself A Christian

by E. N. Joy

  The twins, Unique thought about them, and rightfully so, considering her mind, her heart, body, and soul had been so consumed with the loss of her boys, that she never thought about checking on them—asking about them—not even once. The boys had been her life though. No one could blame her.

  “What does your client plead on those charges, Mrs. Martinez?” Judge Peaks asked.

  Jawan turned and looked at Unique. Unique returned the action. For about five seconds the two women just stood there staring at each other. Finally, Jawan nodded for Unique to go ahead and enter her plea.

  “Mrs. Martinez, what does your client plead on the charges of child endangerment and involuntary manslaughter?” the judge repeated with an agitated tone.

  “No contest,” Unique pleaded, still looking at her attorney. She needed yet more confirmation from her attorney that for now, pleading no contest was the wisest thing to do. Her attorney had assured her this was the right thing to do pending the outcome of the drug charges.

  Unique had feared entering such a plea. She felt that people would automatically assume there was a chance she was responsible. If not, why not just plead “not guilty”? But she’d prayed on it, and it felt right in her spirit. She hadn’t talked to any of her family about the plea because she didn’t want their opinions to persuade her one way or the other. This was too serious of a matter. The only advice she needed right now was that of God and her lawyer, and thus far, everything her lawyer had suggested lined up with what God put in Unique’s spirit. Her family would just have to trust her on this, and she, no matter what it looked like, would have to keep trusting in God.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  “So how did things go in court?” Eleanor asked as she and Lorain packed up the twins’ things so Lorain could take them home.

  “Not like I expected,” Lorain replied.

  “Is that good or bad?” Eleanor was concerned. She’d only known Unique to be her granddaughter for almost two years, but she loved her like she’d always been a part of her life. She didn’t want to see anyone, especially her blood, in such a predicament.

  “I don’t know. I mean, she pleaded not guilty for the drug charges, but then when she had to enter a plea for the charges about the boys, she entered no contest.”

  “What the ... no contest,” Eleanor spat, hands on hips and a scrunched-up face.

  “I know, right?”

  “Heck, she might as well have gone ahead and pleaded guilty. What’s this no contest stuff? Either she did or she didn’t do it.” Eleanor shook her head. “My God, what is the jury going to think about that?”

  “Well, she’s waiving her rights to a jury trial as well.”

  “Holy!” Eleanor threw down the baby blanket she was folding. “What kind of lawyer did the church go out and get to represent the poor girl? She might be better off defending herself.”

  “Jawan Martinez is supposedly one of the best. We just have to hope that there is a method to this madness, that she knows exactly what she’s doing.”

  “Let’s do more than hope. Let’s pray, and with a little faith behind it.”

  “Yeah, that’s really all we can do.” Lorain looked so weak and hopeless, as if she was just going to break down and fall over at any minute.

  “Oh, baby.” Eleanor took her daughter into her arms. “It’s going to be all right, sugar. We just have to trust in the Lord.”

  “I know, Ma, it’s just that ... When God brought Unique back into my life, I had no idea it would be only for a season.”

  “Hush your mouth. You’re acting like the judge done already convicted her, locked her up, and threw away the key. This thing is just getting started, which means we have plenty of time to pray, fast, and hold steadfast that God is going to show up and show out in this situation. That His will will be done.”

  “That’s just it, I don’t want to pray about God’s will. I don’t care about God’s will. I want my daughter out of jail whether it’s His will or not.” Lorain broke down crying as the twins sat buckled in their little pumpkin seats that doubled as car seats once secured in the base.

  “I understand, because I’d probably feel the same way had that been you.” Eleanor patted Lorain’s back.

  “I’m trying to be there for Unique, but my babies need me too.” Lorain pulled herself away from her mother, and then wiped her tears. “Then, of course, there’s this thing with Nicholas.”

  “Oh my.” Eleanor put her hand to her mouth. “I can’t apologize enough for blabbing my big mouth off to him. It’s just that you never told me you didn’t get a chance to let him know you were going to marry him. I’d just assumed ...” Eleanor’s words trailed off. “Well, I guess that’s what they mean when they say you should never assume anything.”

  “It’s not your fault, Ma. I’ve been stringing that man along long enough. It served me right that he’d demand his ring back from me and leave me standing in my living room looking like a stupid fool. Because I am a stupid fool.”

  “You are not. Now, enough is enough.” Eleanor was putting her foot down. “God says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are His works. Now if the twins come home from school one day with something they made you in art class, they give it to you, but then you turn around and talk about how stupid looking it is—how do you think it would make the twins feel?”

  Lorain looked down at the girls, who were now starting to doze off. She shrugged. “I don’t know. Not so good, I guess.”

  “It would tear up their heart, that’s what it would do. Something they made and you sit there and talk about it so negatively.” Eleanor took her hands and gently turned Lorain’s face to face hers. “Well, that’s exactly how God feels when you talk about something He created, and baby, He created you.” Eleanor paused for a moment. “You went to the hospital to see Nicholas that day with good intentions. No one could have ever imagined something like this would have happened. But in all honesty—and I’m only saying this because you are my child and I want to see you happy—what is going on right now with Unique doesn’t have anything to do with you marrying Nicholas. And I’m sure that’s what is truly angering him.”

  “I want to say you’re right, Mom, because most of the time you are.”

  “Most of the time?” Eleanor said with a furrowed eyebrow.

  Lorain cracked a light smile, and then got serious again. “Okay, pretty much all of the time. But there’s just too much going on right now. When I become Nicholas’s wife, I don’t want to have issues, and right now, that’s all I have.”

  “Oh well, in that case, I’m wasting my breath. You should have told me that in the jump.” Eleanor wiped her hands clean, which confused Lorain. Why was her mother giving up on the situation so easily? What had she said to make her do that?

  “What? Why do you say that?” Lorain asked.

  “Because if you’re looking to go into a marriage and not have issues, then you’ve got another think coming. A marriage without issues doesn’t exist; therefore, you and them twins better get mighty close, because those two are all you’re going to have for the rest of your life. Sure, you have me, but even though it’s hard to tell with how good I look, I’m getting up there in age. I won’t be around forever. But not to worry, you’ll have your kids. You won’t have a husband, but you’ll have kids.”

  “Hold up. I didn’t say all that. I’m not saying that I’m never going to get married—”

  “That’s exactly what you said,” Eleanor interrupted, “because like I said, a marriage without issues does not exist. So if that’s the excuse you want to use for not marrying Nicholas, so be it.”

  “God, now you’re sounding like him.” Lorain was frustrated. “I’m not making excuses.”

  “Sure, you are. But eventually you’ll run out. And maybe when you do, Nicholas will still be hanging around waiting for you. I mean, it’s not like there aren’t other women out there who’d want to pursue a well educated doctor who gives God all the honor and the gl
ory. Oh no. In two or three years when you come around, maybe when you don’t have any more issues, he’ll still be sitting there waiting for you.”

  Lorain thought for a minute. “Hmmm. Do you really think so, Ma?”

  “Nope,” Eleanor said. “Not at all, but obviously you do.”

  Lorain cut her eyes at her mother who waltzed off to go gather the rest of the twins’ things. This moment alone gave Lorain time to really think about whether she should just let things die down between her and Nicholas or if she should go after him. What seemed like an obvious decision wasn’t. Here Unique had just come back into her life, and now she had the twins in her life as well. Unique was going through such a tragic situation that Lorain knew she needed to be there for her daughter. If not, Korica would be. Lorain couldn’t let that happen. She just couldn’t. So her decision had been made. She looked down at the twins and said, “Well, girls, it looks like it’s just me and you ... forever.”

  Chapter Twenty-three

  “If I have to get rid of my tats, then I guess I just won’t be joining the dance ministry,” Kiki said as she and Unique sat in their tiny cell.

  Unique couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Why? Because that is the same thing she’d said when someone at New Day had mentioned to her about joining the dance ministry. And now, as she sat there trying to minister to Kiki, she couldn’t believe her cell mate had said the exact same thing.

  Still chuckling, Unique replied, “But girl, after watching you just dance to that slow jam like you were telling a story, I can only imagine if you were telling a story for the Lord. You’d have everybody up in the church catching the Holy Ghost.”

  Not just five minutes ago Kiki had been listening to the radio. When one of her favorite slow jams came on, she began to move and sway like a ballerina.

  “You flow like a butterfly,” Unique had complimented. “When you get out of here, you should come visit my church and see about joining the dance ministry.” Unique had eyeballed the thin white girl with blond hair that was French braided down her back. Although thin, she had slightly muscular arms. Not the Venus and Serena Williams kind, though. More like the Madonna kind. Her long legs did straight and perfect kicks. Her body twisted in ways Unique didn’t even know a body could twist.

  “Dance? In a church?” Kiki had replied.

  “Yes, girl. I know; I thought the same thing when I first started going to church, and they introduced the dance ministry. I was like, ‘Word? Oh, I’m gonna like it here. I didn’t know the Lord be gettin’ crunked.’” Both women laughed. “But no, for real, it wasn’t even that kind of dance that people do at parties and clubs. It was . . . it was ...” Unique searched for words to describe it, but she fell short. “You’d just have to see it, and you’d have to see it done right. Because some folks just get out there to entertain. But, honey, when you get someone out there whose mind is set on ministering the Word of God through dance ... let me tell you ...”

  Kiki had been hanging on to Unique’s every word. Kiki had thought about how much church sure had changed since her mother would drag her there on Easter Sunday when she was a little girl. They would have never allowed any dance in the old Baptist church she’d gone to. But then again, if times are changing like that, then, who knows? That old Baptist church on the hill could have the best dance ministry in the country for all she knew. But she wouldn’t know. She didn’t want to know. She was in prison. To Kiki, she might as well have had the word “sinner” stamped on her forehead. So church was no place for a sinner like her ... was it?

  “You can’t just go out there and dance though,” Unique had told her. “Just like with any other type of dance, there is some training involved. There is practice. They even have rules.”

  “Rules? Like what?” Kiki wasn’t one to follow rules, or laws, obviously.

  “Well, not actually rules, more like bylaws.” Unique had sat back and recalled what some of the bylaws were she’d been told when she looked into being on the New Day dance ministry. “There are certain garments you have to wear to dance in. You can’t wear jewelry while you dance ... or makeup. And you can’t have loud colored polish on your nails. If you do wear polish or rings, though, you can cover them with gloves, but other than that ...”

  “And what is the deal with makeup? Wouldn’t you want to look pretty out there on the dance floor?” Kiki had questioned.

  “If you were dancing for the world, maybe. But when dancing for the Lord, you’d rather look like Jesus than look pretty.”

  Unique could tell by the way Kiki scrunched up her face that she didn’t get it, so she tried to explain it the way it had been explained to her. “A praise dancer, which is what the dancers are referred to, has to humble him or herself when she goes to minister. It’s not about them. It’s not about whether they look cute. Jesus didn’t look cute hanging on the cross. And when the praise dancer is telling that story about Christ through song, the audience needs to see Christ in that dancer, and they shouldn’t have to see it through layers of makeup or long, multicolored acrylic nails. That’s a distraction.

  “Instead of looking at the dancer’s eyes and finding the emotion of the song in facial expressions, all you see is how cute her dual eye makeup looks, or how perfectly lined her lips are. You start making mental notes to ask her where she bought the makeup from. Your mind gets diverted from the Christ in the dancer and the message she’s trying to relay. Same with jewelry. You don’t want the audience to see the bling-bling in your ears or on your wrist or neck. The only light you want to cast is the light of Jesus. It’s just about humbling yourself—going out there naked before the Lord, giving Him yourself plain and simple, just as you are.”

  “What if you go out and get your nose pierced or something? They expect you to take that out every time you dance?”

  “Piercings ... And tattoos can’t show either.”

  That’s when Kiki made the comment that had Unique laughing and reminiscing in the first place. “If I have to get rid of my tats, then I guess I just won’t be joining the dance ministry.”

  “That’s exactly what I said,” Unique laughed. “But if you already have tattoos, you just make sure you try to cover them up as best you can.

  “One day this dance ministry from a women’s shelter came and ministered at our church. One of the women had a tattoo on her neck. To this day, I can’t tell you what song they ministered to, how they danced, or anything. I was much too distracted and focused on that tattoo on her neck.”

  “But what was she supposed to do about that?”

  “They have turtleneck bodysuits you can wear under your garments.”

  Kiki shrugged. “Yeah, I guess that does make sense. But still, that’s too many rules. Why can’t a sista just go to church?”

  Unique gave Kiki the once-over. “Sista?”

  “Yeah, mama. White girls can be sistas too. I thought you knew.” Kiki twisted her neck and snapped her fingers.

  “Oh, I know. Our pastor is white, but I say she’s more like a chameleon. She can transform into being like whomever the person is she’s trying to minister to. If she’s ministering to a black person, a white person, an Asian, a Latino, or whatever, it’s like she knows how to relate to their world. She’s kind of like Apostle Paul.”

  “Paul? Apostrophe? Who’s that?”

  Unique stifled her laugh and just smiled and shook her head. “How about I introduce you to him after lunch?” Unique had been given a Bible by the prison minister. She was going to read to Kiki about Paul from it.

  “He’s in here?” Kiki’s eyes lit up as she looked around the cell.

  “Silly, let’s just go eat lunch. I’ll show you later.” Unique got up, and she and Kiki prepared to go eat. “But even if he were in here, what would you do with a man? After all, you did say you had a girlfriend.” Unique shot her a knowing look.

  “Girl, please. Man, woman—I can handle either/or.” Kiki chuckled. “I guess I’m like Apostrophe Paul too.”

 
Unique rolled her eyes up in her head. “Girl, come on before you get struck by lightning before I can even get you saved.”

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Initially, Lorain was going to work straight through lunch. She’d only been back to work a few days since taking off after the boys’ death. She’d been promoted six months ago. The promotion included additional duties than what she was used to, so her workload had almost doubled. Her pay didn’t double, but the workload did. Still, she was grateful for the pay increase that she had received. It came in handy raising two kids.

  Hunger ended up creeping up on her in a mighty way. When her boss came into her office to update her on some things, Lorain could barely hear what he was saying over her growling belly. She was so embarrassed. Evidently, though, she was more hungry than embarrassed. After apologizing every few seconds to her boss for the loud interrupting rumble, her boss finally left her office and she realized she wouldn’t accomplish much working through lunch as starved as she was. She wouldn’t accomplish much for the entire rest of the day if she didn’t get something in her stomach.

  Deciding she had a taste for the Olive Garden, but not the time to sit down and actually eat her meal there, she decided to order carryout from the Italian eatery. Within a half hour after her boss had left her office, Lorain was up at the Olive Garden picking up her order.

  “It will be just five more minutes,” the hostess told Lorain when she arrived at the restaurant.

  “No problem,” Lorain replied. There was a bench to sit on and wait, but Lorain stood instead. She didn’t want to sit and get too comfortable, giving the appearance that she was okay with the wait. She decided to stand. With her arms folded, she stood as the hostess escorted a couple of patrons to a table. Lorain observed the décor of the place. She’d never taken the time to do that before. It was beautiful. By just looking around the place, really taking it in, one might have thought they actually were in a garden smack in the middle of Italy. Within moments though, Lorain noticed something that made her heart drop to her stomach. No longer feeling as though she were in a garden in Italy, she felt like she was in the Garden of Eden, like Eve, about to do something she might regret. But she couldn’t help it as a sheet of steam rose up in her body.