And You Call Yourself A Christian

by E. N. Joy

  “Who is this?” Lorain asked, pulling the hands off of her face, and then turning around. “Nicholas. My goodness. What are you doing here? I thought you had to work at the hospital.” Lorain put her arms around Nicholas. She closed her eyes. He was a welcomed guest, that was for sure. He was her protector, and hopefully, he could protect her from the gripping claws of Korica.

  “Oh my, I had no idea you’d be this happy to see me,” Nicholas said, peeling Lorain’s hands from his neck. “How is everything going?”

  “Everything is going just fine now that you are here.”

  “Ahem, ahem,” Korica cleared her throat.

  Both Nicholas and Lorain turned their attention her way.

  “Oh, excuse me,” Nicholas apologized to Korica. “I know how gross PDA can be. But see, I just missed my new, beautiful wife. So, you’ll have to forgive me until this newlywed bliss wears off.”

  “Oh, so you’re the lucky fella,” Korica said to Nicholas, and then looked at Lorain, “if you want to call it that.”

  Lightweight offended by the insult Korica had just hurled at his wife, Nicholas took a step toward Korica. “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met.” He extended his hand.

  “Oh, forgive me. I’m Korica, Unique’s mother,” Korica introduced herself.

  Relaxing himself a little more Nicholas said, “Oooh, Korica. It’s nice to meet you.” He shook her hand. “I’m Nicholas,” he looked over his shoulder at Lorain. “Lorain’s husband, and I guess you can now say Unique’s stepfather.”

  “I guess we can say that now, can’t we?” Korica shot a wicked knowing smile at Lorain before gulping down the last of her punch. “Oooh wee, that was delicious.”

  “I, uh, can grab you another if you’d like,” Nicholas offered, and then looked at Lorain. “Honey, can I grab you something as well?”

  “Oh no, I’m good,” Lorain declined.

  “You sure?” Korica asked. “After you accidentally spilled yours all over the baby, I’m sure you must be parched.” Again, she gave Lorain a knowing look.

  “I said I’m good,” Lorain glared back. “But, uh, let me go get the punch.” She looked at Nicholas. “I’ll get you some too, honey, and you go sign up for one of Unique’s sessions.”

  “Do I have to? Can’t you just order up a bunch of stuff for the two of us?” Nicholas whined.

  “Honey, we’ve already had this talk. Now go on and support her,” Lorain scolded.

  “Oh, all right,” Nicholas pouted as Lorain left to fetch the punch. Nicholas was about to walk off to go sign up for a session until Korica spoke.

  “So, how’s married life treating you thus far?” Korica asked him.

  “Better than I could have ever dreamed,” Nicholas answered.

  “Yeah, Unique told me how you two ran off and got married on a whim.”

  “Well, not exactly on a whim,” Nicholas corrected. “We already had plans to marry next spring. It’s just that we decided, why wait.” He shrugged. “So we just did it.”

  “And let me guess. I bet it was all Lorain’s idea to not prolong the wedding.” Korica was using that all too familiar knowing tone.

  “Well, you know, she presented the idea, but eventually I agreed.”

  “Well, that was definitely a good move on her part. That’s definitely something the courts would take into consideration,” Korica said.

  “Courts? What are you talking about?” Nicholas’s curiosity was piqued, and that’s right where Korica wanted it.

  She opened her mouth to speak, but then gave a pause on purpose. “No, I better not say anything.”

  “No, please, say it,” Nicholas pressed.

  “Well, Lorain and I were talking, and she was a little worried about perhaps Unique wanting to take the twins back from her, you know, to fill the void of the loss of the boys,” Korica informed him. “I told her she shouldn’t worry, but she got all worked up about her not really being in any better of a situation than Unique. I mean, by her being single too and all.”

  Nicholas’s brown complexion was now a shade of red.

  “I’m sorry. It’s obvious she hasn’t discussed this with you,” Korica said. “Please don’t tell her I shared this with you. As Unique’s mothers, she and I need to get along, and I don’t want to throw a monkey wrench in that by speaking on something I perhaps shouldn’t have.”

  “Oh, don’t worry. I won’t say anything,” Nicholas assured her.

  “Thank you. Thank you so much. Well, I’m in the next session, so I better get going.” Korica began to walk off, feeling delighted that even though she’d yet to have caused a wedge between Lorain and Unique, she’d just done a fine job of at least planting a splinter in Lorain and Nicholas’s marriage. It was a start anyway. And maybe some day she’d get to finish ... just maybe.

  As Korica moseyed on to her session, Nicholas was left standing there with a million and one thoughts running through his head. A few seconds later, his thoughts were interrupted by Lorain’s voice.

  “Here you go. This is Unique’s special blend of punch,” Lorain said to Nicholas, carrying two cups of the beverage. She looked around. “Where’s Korica?”

  “Oh, she had to go to her session,” Nicholas replied.

  “Oh well, I guess I’ll be having punch after all. Here.” Lorain handed Nicholas a cup of punch while she held the other one.

  Nicholas went to take a sip of his punch.

  “Wait a minute. Let’s toast,” Lorain suggested. “To love, marriage, and parenthood.” Lorain held up her cup. A few seconds went by and her cup still remained in the air. “Nicholas?” she said after another moment passed, and she was still left hanging.

  There were a million things running through Nicholas’s head right now. He didn’t know how to feel about the information Korica had just shared with him. He didn’t know if it mattered that Lorain might have convinced him to move up their marriage for her own selfish reasons. Life was good right now, and he didn’t want any of that to change. But something told him if he was to bring it up to Lorain, so much would, in fact, change. But there would always be this nagging feeling inside of him wanting to know the truth. At this second, he didn’t know which to give in to.

  “Nicholas, what are you going to do?” Lorain asked him, and a good question it was. “Are you going to toast, or are you going to leave me hanging?”

  Nicholas looked up into Lorain’s eyes, and at that moment, he knew what he had to do.

  “To love, marriage, and parenthood,” he said, lifting his cup. “May we live happily ever after,” he added before they tapped cups.

  “Yes,” Lorain agreed. “May we live happily ever after.”

  Chapter Forty-one

  “I do hope you all enjoyed that word today from God,” the pastor of New Day Temple of Faith said.

  “Amen,” some congregation members replied as a sign that they had.

  “It was delicious,” another called out.

  “I just want to give a special thanks for all the family and friends who came out to celebrate this year’s Family and Friends Day here at New Day Temple of Faith,” the pastor said. “But I want to thank, even more so, those of you who invited friends, family, and some complete strangers to come out and fellowship with us.”

  Unique looked over at her homegirl, Joelle, who was sitting next to her. She was glad that this year Joelle had finally decided to come out and visit New Day for Family and Friends Day.

  “I know how hard it is for some of us to pick up the phone and invite someone to church,” the pastor continued. “It’s not as easy as it was to pick up the phone, back when we were in the world, and invite folks to the club.”

  “Oh, you still preaching, Pastor,” someone said.

  “Naw, naw, I’m done preaching for today. I just want to talk to you now. Is it okay if I just talk to you?”

  “Talk to us, Pastor,” some beckoned.

  “See, I was one who could call up a girlfriend or a cousin in a minute and say
...” Pastor put her hand to her ear and mouth to symbolize a phone. “... Girl, you want to meet me at the club? ... Oh, don’t worry about not having no money, I’ll pay your way ... Girl, please, you know I’ll buy you a drink.” Pastor looked at the congregation. “And if we got real lucky, we could find some guy to not only buy the drinks, but maybe to even go home with.”

  “Amen,” both Unique and Joelle said, looking at each other and giving a high five. The two of them had called each other on more occasions than they could remember and said some of those exact words.

  “You get all dressed up to go out to the club,” Pastor said. “And I don’t know about y’all, but when I was going out, when I was in the world, I gave the devil my best. I’d fidget over what to wear for hours sometimes, because I wanted to look my coolest. If I was gon’ sin, then I was gon’ look good while doing it. If I were going to hell, I’d look so good that the paparazzi would follow me there, cameras just a-flashin’.” Pastor began striking poses and a couple members stood to their feet clapping. “I’m talking name brand see-through shirts with a designer bra on underneath, miniskirt, and thigh-high boots that I bounced a check to buy.”

  Laughter erupted throughout the congregation.

  “Oh yeah, some of us did it up in the world, didn’t we?” Pastor asked.

  “Yes, we did,” some answered.

  “But now we won’t even iron the raggedy jeans we throw on for Sunday church service.”

  “Ouch, Pastor,” someone shouted.

  “Oh, my bad. I didn’t mean to step on your toes.” Pastor began tiptoeing across the pulpit.

  Members of the congregation laughed, at both her actions and her use of slang. It was always funny in the church when pastors used slang. But it was even more laughable for some reason when it was a white pastor, such as New Day’s pastor, using slang. New Day’s congregation, now almost over 90 percent black, didn’t see color when it came to their pastor though. All they saw was a vessel God was using to deliver His Word. Color, race, sex, and creed mattered not. God could use whomever He wanted, whenever He wanted, and however He wanted. Selah.

  Pastor looked around at some of the faces. “Don’t go getting offended up in here, because I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about me right now,” the pastor said. “Can I talk about it? Can I talk about myself real quick?”

  “Talk about it, Pastor,” a woman said as she stood up and shooed her hand at the pastor.

  “See, because I’ma tell the truth and shame the devil. When I was in the world, I gave the devil my very best. But then when I started getting into church, giving God my best was a whole nother story.”

  “Aw, shoot, Pastor. What’s your story?” someone called out.

  “Like I said,” Pastor replied, “I’d spend hours picking out clothes to go to the club, but would get up and throw on anything to go to the Lord’s house. But thank God I know to do better now.”

  “We hear you, Pastor,” someone spoke while someone else hollered out, “I know better now.”

  “Remember, though, don’t get offended, I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about me right now.”

  “You’re talking about me too, Pastor,” someone wasn’t ashamed to say. “That used to be me.”

  “It used to be me too,” Pastor reminded everyone, “but thank God I know better now.” The pastor almost went into a hoop as she continued with, “I know better now, because now I don’t call up my girlfriends and cousins talkin’ ’bout ‘Meet me at the club, it’s going down.’”

  By now, half the congregation was on their feet at Pastor’s play on the hook to a once-popular hip-hop song.

  “Now I get on the phone and say, ‘Meet me at the church, it’s going down!’” Pastor could feel the hoop coming on as she tried to contain herself. Typically, she wasn’t a hooping pastor, but for some reason, the Spirit that was running through her wasn’t the typical spirit. Today wasn’t church as usual.

  “You know you preaching now, Pastor. You know you preaching,” a gentleman said, wiping a tear from his eye from laughing so hard at his own truth that Pastor was speaking.

  The pastor continued. “Now I get on the phone and say ‘Don’t worry about money, because there is no cover charge. The price has already been paid!’” Pastor shouted.

  Now everyone was on their feet; New Day members, friends, family, and visitors alike.

  “And guess what? If you come on communion Sunday, drinks are on the house!”

  The church exploded with praise.

  “And you don’t have to go write a bad check for the perfect outfit, because we have a one-size-fits-all outfit waiting on you called the armor of God.”

  “Glory!” a woman shouted and fell to her knees.

  “And if you’re still worried about what to wear, do what I used to do until I learned better from the mothers at the church. Wear those raggedy, wrinkled jeans. In other words, come as you are. Jesus will give you a makeover. Not a Mary Kay cosmetics makeover like our Sister Unique here does so well.” Pastor winked at Unique who had tears running down her cheeks. “But a spiritual makeover. You’ll look so good that by the time my God is done with you, when you try to step foot back out there into the world, folks aren’t even going to know who you are. Folks aren’t even going to recognize you. ‘Who are you?’ they are going to ask. ‘We don’t recognize you. You don’t belong here.’”

  “Yes, God! Yes!” Unique cried out.

  “And you’ll walk out of here with a man all right. A man that will comfort you.” The pastor wrapped her arms around herself and began rubbing her own arms. “He’ll protect you. He’ll provide for you. He’ll give you all your heart’s desires that line up with the goodness of the Word of God. He’ll teach you and guide you and direct your path. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He’s an extension of God, and He goes by the name of Holy Spirit.”

  “Hallelujah,” people shouted out. A couple even broke out into a spiritual dance.

  “Glory!” others cried out.

  Crying out, praises and worshipping took place for the next few minutes before everyone’s spirit settled down.

  “You wanna go to that club or that pub where everybody knows your name?” the pastor asked, referring to the theme song from the old sit-com Cheers. “Well, come on up in here, because even though everybody might not know your name ...” She pointed up to the heavens. “... He knows your name. He knows your name!” Pastor repeated and the church was in a complete holy uproar. It took a few minutes for the shouts and praises to die down before Pastor could continue.

  “But I ain’t gon’ preach to y’all. I’m done preaching,” Pastor said as members began to laugh, knowing good and doggone well that Pastor had just preached her butt off. “But seriously, I do want to thank all who participated in Family and Friends Day. God bless you. God bless you all.”

  “Humph, I guess your pastor tooolllld me,” Joelle said in a singsong voice.

  “She told quite a few of us,” Unique replied. “That word just wasn’t for you.”

  “That was crazy, though, because it was like she’d read my mind for all these years regarding how I felt about coming to church.” Joelle shot Unique an accusing look. “That is, unless you been talking about me behind my back to your pastor.”

  Unique smacked her lips. “Child, please. That wasn’t nothing but the Holy Ghost giving her those words to say. I haven’t been talking about—”

  “Hey, isn’t that your other mother and the girls?” Joelle nodded toward the church exit doors after cutting off Unique.

  Unique turned to look just in time to see Lorain getting ready to exit the church. “Mama Lorain!” Unique called out. “Mama Lorain!”

  Lorain just kept it moving, although Unique was sure she’d heard her. She had to have heard her; everyone else seemed to have. Even the lady that was exiting the church in front of Lorain turned around to see who was doing all that yelling.

  Humph, maybe she didn’t hear me, Unique s
urmised. “Oh well, I guess she couldn’t hear me, being so focused on the twins and all,” Unique reasoned, still not 100 percent sure, but not finding it something she needed to make a big deal out of.

  “Yeah, I guess not,” Joelle shrugged.

  “No worries, though. I’ll catch up with her. There’s something I need to talk to her about anyway.”

  Joelle noticed the expression on her friend’s face. “It must be serious.”

  Unique sighed. “Believe me, it is.”

  Chapter Forty-two

  It was early Saturday morning. Nicholas had been at the ER since the evening before. He was pulling a double shift. Lorain, along with the twins, had been sound asleep. At least Lorain hoped the babies were still asleep after whoever was at the door had continuously hit the doorbell.

  “This better be the FedEx man with my million-dollar check.” Lorain stomped to the door, tying her robe around her waist. When she looked out the peephole, her heart nearly dropped. It was Unique. Why was she here this early in the morning? She hadn’t even called. It must have been urgent. What could have been so urgent that Unique just had to rush over first thing in the morning without even calling? What could it have concerned?

  Lorain looked toward the twins’ bedroom up the staircase in fear. Could this be it? Could this be the day Unique decided that she couldn’t wait not another minute? That she wanted her girls back, and she wanted them right now? Had Korica finally gotten to Unique?

  Although Korica hadn’t been a problem for Lorain since Unique’s Mary Kay and catering event, Lorain knew she couldn’t sleep on Korica and what she was capable of doing. She was vengeful and spiteful. Somebody like that never let go of a grudge until they were delivered from it. If Lorain was so lucky, maybe some of Unique’s Christianity would rub off on Korica first, convicting her for the misery and fears she’d been instilling in Lorain. Such as right now—Lorain feared just opening up her front door.

  Once upon a time, Lorain’s heart would have dropped for good reasons had Unique been standing outside her door. She had welcomed Unique’s visits as a chance for the two of them to bond as mother and daughter, something Lorain never imagined she’d be able to do. But God had made it all possible. God had made so much possible. Those little girls upstairs were proof of that. She was getting to be the mother she never got to be with Unique. But one black cloud still remained over her otherwise sunny picnic. That black cloud was the fact that Unique was the biological mother of Heaven and Victoria. She was a cloud that could open up and rain down on their picnic any day. Was today the day?