Losing Eva
Jennifer Sivec
Booktrope Editions
Seattle, WA 2015
COPYRIGHT 2013, 2015 AUTHOR
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Attribution — You must attribute the work in the manner specified by the author or licensor (but not in any way that suggests that they endorse you or your use of the work).
Noncommercial — You may not use this work for commercial purposes.
No Derivative Works — You may not alter, transform, or build upon this work.
Inquiries about additional permissions
should be directed to: [email protected]
Edited by Rogena Mitchell-Jones
Proofread by J.C. Wing
Cover by Brenda Gonet
Previously self-published 2013
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to similarly named places or to persons living or deceased is unintentional.
PRINT ISBN 978-1-5137-0119-6
EPUB ISBN 978-1-5137-0140-0
Library of Congress Control Number: 2015913447
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
More from Jennifer Sivec & Booktrope
To my Family, whom I love and adore
with all of my heart.
You are my promise, my possibility,
and my everything.
Prologue
IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
Brynn couldn’t ask for anything more perfect. The sun was shining and bright. The leaves on the trees and blades of grass were the greenest green, almost as if the ideal shade was painted on just for her. The weather had been dismal lately, but the beauty of the day was unsurpassed by any so far.
Brynn sat back in her lounge chair with a book, looking forward to getting lost in it for a few hours. She hadn’t been able to enjoy the simplicity and beauty of their large backyard for a long time. It was one of the things about the house that she loved the most, but with her and Adam’s separation, Rose’s death, and her own acclimation back into normal life, it had been a busy year. Life had become simpler now that Adam was home, and Brynn was finally able to rest her mind and body more peacefully.
These days she needed it. Her doctor wanted her to take it easy, and as difficult as it was, she was trying.
She sat back and nestled deep into the Adirondack chair made comfortable with soft cushions and closed her eyes.
Suddenly, she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. Someone was there in the backyard watching her. Somehow, she knew that it was him. She looked around frantically trying to find him. How did he find me? How did he know where I was? She felt completely naked and exposed in the spaciousness of the grass and the trees.
Maxie, their 80-pound pet lab lifted his head up and looked around. He seemed to sense something, too—almost as though he could smell him in the air. He let out a few loud barks as a warning while being sure to stay close to Brynn.
Thomas was close, and he was watching her. Brynn knew it. She felt the saliva building in the back of her throat, nearly choking her. It was a familiar feeling, one that she hadn’t felt for a long time. How can this be? How can he be here? He’s dead, gone for almost two decades. How can he be here now?
Brynn frantically gathered her things and turned to go into the house. Suddenly he was there, standing in front of her, towering as he did when she was young.
He glared at her, ice blue eyes piercing through her soul, hatred, and resentment radiating dangerously. Brynn was in danger, and she felt it in every fiber of her being.
“W-w-what do you want?” she croaked, barely able to utter the words. Maxie stood next to her, alarmed. He was more of a lover than anything else, and Brynn knew that she couldn’t count on him to protect her, despite his size.
Thomas didn’t speak. He just stared at her. Brynn wanted to cry.
“You’re supposed to be dead! Dead!” Brynn yelled, backing away from him cautiously, slowly. It felt like the house was a mile away from her as she tried to move her feet faster, yet keep her eyes on him. Thomas seemed to be getting closer and closer to her. “Oh my God, you’re supposed to be dead.”
Suddenly Brynn felt his hands around her throat, and before she knew it, she had fallen backwards onto the ground, and he was above her. He was squeezing slowly, tightening his grip, and Brynn felt her air supply cutting off.
“Please stop! P-p-please!” she cried, unable to raise her voice above barely a whisper.
She felt him release his grip on her, and she was grateful for a split second as she gasped for breath. Horrified, she watched him rolling up his sleeve. What is he doing? It was an odd gesture, and she couldn’t imagine why he would do that.
He opened his mouth to speak. His voice was different from the low, gravelly voice that haunted Brynn’s dreams from her childhood. His voice now was loud, booming, and clear like a bell. “You killed me. You were my daughter, and you killed me. How could you?”
Brynn was stunned. He knows. How does he know?
“I know, because I know everything. And now, since you took something from me, I am going to take something from you.”
Brynn was confused. What else can he take from me? He took my childhood, my ability to love openly and completely. He caused me to scar myself. What else can he do to me?
“This is what I am going to do to you.” With one sudden movement, Thomas took his fist and shoved it violently into her belly. Brynn couldn’t believe her eyes. Oh my God, what is he doing?
“I’m killing your baby, just like you killed me,” Thomas sneered, his yellow teeth staring down at her as he grinned.
Brynn screamed. The pain was incredible as she watched him pulling his bloody arm in and out of her stomach, his fists squeezing the tiny life inside of her. She could feel that she was in pain, her little baby. She screamed, desperately, trapped beneath Thomas’ massive body as he straddled her legs.
Suddenly she felt a sharp slap, then another. “Brynn! Brynn!”
> Thomas was calling her name, but it wasn’t his strange voice coming out his mouth. It was someone else’s. “Brynn! Brynn!”
It was Adam. Adam’s voice was coming out of Thomas’ mouth.
Brynn sat straight up, no longer trapped. “Where did Thomas go?” she screamed in horror.
“Brynn, it’s me! It’s Adam!” Adam was holding her arms with his strong hands, trying desperately to get her to see him. Her eyes were wide and frantic, her pupils huge and black. He knew that she couldn’t see him. He knew that she was lost in her dream, as she was so many nights. “Brynn, sweetheart, it’s me, honey. It’s Adam. Wake up. It’s just a bad dream.”
Brynn stared straight ahead, her thick dark hair a tangled mess, and tears running down her face. Maxie was sitting at her side, his big head lying right next to her as he whimpered.
Slowly, her face started to relax a little, her hands flying to her belly, rubbing desperately. She shifted her gaze down to Maxie and then over to Adam, and then back to Maxie.
“Adam!” she cried. “Adam!” She was back, and Adam felt relief flooding through him. This was a bad one, maybe even the worst one. He was afraid he wasn’t going to get her back.
“It’s okay Brynn. You’re safe. It was just a bad dream.”
“It was Thomas. He’s dead.”
“I know it was Thomas. You screamed his name. It’s always Thomas. But he’s dead. He can’t hurt you anymore.” Adam took her hand and pulled her into his arms so that he could hold her close.
Brynn kept rubbing her stomach. She could feel the scars through her cotton nightshirt. Several of the deeper ones were pretty bumpy. She was sure those would never go away. Thomas was her father, and he was supposed to protect her. But instead, she had to protect herself. The cutting always allowed her to cocoon away into her own world for a bit so that she didn’t have to feel the pain and the fear. If she didn’t have the cutting, and then Adam, she knew that she never would have survived.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Adam asked gently. Sometimes she did, and sometimes she didn’t. The shrink had told them that it was up to Brynn, so Adam always asked. He didn’t want to pressure her.
“No. Yes…no.” Brynn wasn’t sure. She was trying to shut the dream out of her mind, but the sobs kept coming, and it was still difficult to breathe.
Adam looked at her cautiously. He had made the mistake once of leaving her behind. He was never going to do that again, but he wondered if they would ever be able to have a normal life. He wanted one, he needed one, but he loved Brynn, and he couldn’t live without her.
“Let’s go to sleep then, sweetheart. We need to rest. You need to rest.” Adam turned off the bedside lamp, and they settled into the soft comfortable sheets. They felt Maxie jump on the end of the bed, and the bed jostled around as though there were an earthquake until he got comfortable. Adam could tell that Brynn was smiling, and he smiled, too. Maxie had been good for both of them.
“I’m sorry, Adam,” Brynn said in the dark, still sniffling.
“Don’t be sorry. You can’t help it,” Adam said sleepily. “It’ll be okay.”
As they were drifting off to sleep, Adam heard Brynn’s voice.
“Adam, he was killing our baby.”
Chapter One
Jane’s Wedding Day
BRYNN WAS EXCITED for the day.
Jane was finally getting married to a wonderful man, Andrew, and she had asked Brynn to be the Matron of Honor. Brynn had spent the last year dealing with ghosts and trying to put away the past, and Jane’s wedding was the first time she had felt hopeful about anything for a while.
Brynn’s therapist helped her come to terms with her past. Most recently, they were working out her relationship with Rose, and the resentment she continued to feel toward her, even though she was dead. Theirs had been far from the ideal mother/daughter relationship. Brynn was finally beginning to understand, and to feel more at peace with just how much Rose had needed her, even when Brynn was just a child. Brynn missed Rose and loved her, but the memory of how dependent Rose had been on her, and needed her for everything, continued to plague her. It took a year for her to stop expecting the early morning phone calls or the constant text messaging, but Brynn felt herself finally able to relax, and not to feel as though she were “on call” all of the time.
The shrink was also helping her come to terms with being abandoned, but she was still tormented by nightmares about running, hiding, and being terrified in the woods. The nightmares were violent, intense, and brutally real, often leaving their imprint on Brynn for days.
Adam did his best by comforting her through the dreams when they happened, and he was glad when they began to occur less often. For a while, it had stayed that way, but recently, she seemed to be having the dreams more often, almost nightly. The feelings of abandonment were strong, and they weren’t going away, even though Brynn was trying desperately to push them aside. But with Jane’s wedding and so many new things on the horizon, there was so much to look forward to now.
“Brynn, we have to go soon, sweetheart,” Adam’s voice called up from the bottom of the stairs. He was always the early riser, and Brynn knew that he was already up, dressed, and had breakfast waiting for her. She showered the night before and got up slowly. She was so tired and could use another hour or so of sleep, but she knew that Jane would kill her.
Jane’s husband-to-be was a good man, and Jane credited Brynn with giving her the courage to date again. She wanted Brynn to stand up with them at the altar, and Brynn knew that she couldn’t be late.
As Brynn brushed her long dark hair, she looked at herself in the mirror. The woman looking back at her was finally happier and more at peace than she had been her entire life. Brynn was no longer obsessed with finding answers to the questions that had plagued her all of her life. Why was I abandoned? Why did Thomas hurt me? Why didn’t Rose stop him?
Brynn’s shrink told her that there was nothing she could do about her past, and she was actually beginning to believe him. Brynn couldn’t remember ever being happy, and it was a strange feeling.
She slowly brushed her thick dark hair in long strokes. It had taken her entire life but Brynn was finally letting it grow. She knew that there was nobody in her life anymore, who would grab it and yank it or use it to hold her captive while he hit her as Thomas had. The fear was diminishing slowly with every passing day. As far as adopted fathers went, Thomas was the worst, but he was dead now, and she didn’t have to be afraid of him any longer.
She sighed contentedly, and smiled into the mirror. Her cheeks were rounder now that she had gained some weight. She looked so much healthier, almost glowing.
The doorbell rang, startling Brynn. She waited to hear Adam answer it, but then it rang again.
Brynn padded down the stairs, moving a little slower than usual, her long cotton nightgown flowing out behind her. When she reached the front door, she hesitated for a moment and felt a shiver run down her spine.
Don’t be silly, she told herself. There’s nothing to be afraid of...
When she opened the door, she froze—her big coffee colored eyes opening wide in disbelief.
On the other side of the screen stood an almost exact replica of herself, aged about 15 years. Her hand instinctively went to her belly.
They stared at each other silently.
“Brynn, honey, who is it?” Adam called coming up behind her.
When he got close behind her, he put his hand on her shoulder and stared. Nobody moved.
The woman on the other side stared down at Brynn’s swollen belly and smiled.
She spoke first, her voice husky, sounding eerily like Brynn’s. “Eva? Eva? It’s me. Do you recognize me, sweetheart?” She was petite like Brynn, with the same dark hair and beautiful brown eyes. But as much as she resembled Brynn, Adam could tell there was something different, almost absent, in this other woman.
She looked worn down, her skin thin and dull, and her hair unkempt. But there was more tha
t unsettled him. While Brynn’s eyes were bright and beautiful, this woman’s eyes reflected something different, something darker, and Adam automatically felt anxious. He instinctively moved a step closer to Brynn.
Brynn was quiet. The moment stretched out in front of her in slow motion. She felt a chill run down her spine, and she shivered.
Ellie stared at Brynn with a mixture of curiosity and jealously.
“Eva. Are you okay? You don’t look so good, honey. I’m your Momma. Can you let me in? I’d love to talk to you.”
Brynn didn’t want to let her in. She knew that she should want to, but she didn’t. Against her better judgment, she reached out toward the door to unlock the screen. Brynn suddenly felt dizzy, the woman in front of her was making a strange face.
Brynn could hear Adam’s voice calling her name, and she wondered why he was yelling so loudly when she was standing right in front of him. The last thing that Brynn saw was the distraught look on Adam’s face as she fell to the floor.
Chapter Two
Brynn’s Mother
BRYNN WOKE UP, her head aching and heavy. She was in a curtained area. She could hear beeping and the quiet scuffle of feet and voices, but she was alone. Squinting, her eyes tried to adjust to the harsh impersonal lighting fixtures. Brynn looked around and realized she was in the hospital and wearing a gown that was two sizes too big. Where are my clothes?
The last thing that she remembered was opening the screen door and seeing…what? What did I see? What made me faint? Brynn’s head felt fuzzy, and it hurt. A lot. Her tongue felt dry and thick, and too big for her mouth. She desperately wanted water. She reached up and pulled at her long thick hair, trying to make the headache stop.
She instinctively put her hand over her belly. Oh my God, the baby. Is the baby okay? Brynn’s heart was starting to race. tHow long have I been here? Is the baby alright? Adam, where are you? Why is this happening now that everything has been going so well? Why?
Losing Eva (The Eva Series Book 2) Page 1
