by Kay Gordon
He sighed and a slight smile appeared on his lips as he stared out at the lake. “I know what you mean. Even though I’m up here a lot, it’s just not the same without campers.”
“Exactly.” I glanced back out to the camp. “You and Christy seem close.”
“I guess.” He shrugged slightly. “She’s great and all but there are a lot of miles between Georgia and Colorado. The same could be said for you. You and Drew are serious then?”
“We are. We’re talking about life after camp. We’re five hours apart but…”
As I trailed off, Keaton nodded and ran his hand through his long hair. “And the Kira thing doesn’t bother you at all?”
“Kira thing?” I furrowed my brow and shook my head. “What Kira thing?”
“Them. The two of them. Their friendship. Their relationship.” He watched my face as he spoke and then sighed. “You didn’t know. He told me he was going to tell you.”
I stared at him for a moment as my heart started pounding in my chest. “What are you talking about?”
“Drew and Kira were a thing for years, Shaylee.” Keaton pulled out his phone and started swiping through photos on the camp’s website.
“No.” I shook my head and scoffed. “My sister never mentioned Drew. Besides, she was really involved with-”
“AJ,” Keaton finished as he showed me a picture. It was of my sister and I knew it was her last summer at Camp Holcomb because her hair was only down to her chin from where it’d been growing out after the chemo. She was in the arms of a young kid who was around sixteen, too. He was tall, thin, and had on a pair of black framed glasses. I recognized him immediately from my camp days but that recognition suddenly went beyond five years before. He may have been young and gangly but the smile and turquoise eyes were the same.
It was Drew.
“What?”
Keaton nodded and put his phone away. “Andrew Moore, Shay. Went by AJ as a kid, Drew as an adult. I thought you knew. That’s what I’ve been trying to talk to you about.”
I felt like I was going to be sick. I didn’t say anything else as I stood from the ledge and moved to the slide. I didn’t even bother sitting down as I gripped the sides and crouched so I could run down as fast as possible. I didn’t stop running as I dashed to Cabin Seven where I knew Drew would be. AJ. Whoever he was.
AJ. I never knew his last name but Kira had spoken about AJ all of the time. Hell, I knew AJ thanks to her. They were best friends at camp and she eventually fell in love with him. He was her first everything. Everything. And I’d fallen in love with him, not knowing who he was, but he knew me. He had to.
He and I hadn’t really spent that much time together while we’d been at camp together thanks to our age difference. But, as if Keaton had unlocked them, memories of AJ flooded my mind. Those turquoise eyes that I could easily get lost in were familiar and for a good reason.
The first week of camp, when Kira had finally coaxed me into being social beyond her, AJ had been there at the treehouse. He’d been the one to teach me to zip-line. He’d been the person who’d flanked my other side when I went to my first end of week campfire, helping me construct my s’more. He’d just been there, been present.
He did cheer for me during my first karaoke stint. He had laughed at movies when I’d chosen to sit with my sister. He’d continued to help me with the campfire snacks more times than I could count. Hell, he’d even danced with me at my first ball, the last Kira had attended.
AJ had been present in my camp experience and I’d never even realized that he and Drew were the same person. He never told me.
I pushed open the counselor door to Cabin Seven, not bothering to knock and not caring if anyone was asleep. Jordan popped up from his bed instantly. Surprised lined his face and he shook his head.
“Are you okay?”
“Where is he, Jordan?” I glanced around and he pointed to the bathroom.
“Changing. I thought he was coming to run with you?”
I stared at the closed door for a moment and shook my head. I was torn between knocking it down and running far away. I chose the latter. I didn’t say another word to Jordan as I walked back outside.
I ran to the lake and didn’t stop until I was on the east side. I walked down the old dock and wrapped my arms around my knees when I sat down. I don’t know how long I sat there until I heard running feet approach as Drew called my name, his voice frantic. I didn’t bother to turn when his feet slammed against the old dock and he kneeled next to me.
“Shaylee? What’s wrong?”
I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat as I turned my face to look at him.
“I don’t know, AJ. What do you think is wrong?”
His eyes closed and his head dropped instantly. “I was going to tell you. I tried, Shay, I really did.”
“Yeah? You should have tried harder! Nine fucking weeks have gone by and you’ve lied to me every single day.” I shook my head and looked away from him. “You know what I realized while I sat here? I realized that you showed me this spot. Remember?” He didn’t answer but I kept talking. “You showed me this spot. I tried to have sex with you here. And now I realize… This is the very spot where you had sex with my sister. Where you took her virginity.”
“How did you know that?” Drew’s voice was a whisper and I finally turned back to look at him. His face was obviously pale, even in the dim moonlight, and he wore a pained expression.
“She told me. She told me everything about you, AJ. Everything. Your first kiss, when she first fell in love with you, how you two would sneak out after lights out, the first time you had sex, the letters you would write in the off season. Everything.” I reached up and angrily wiped a tear from my cheek. “I’m so stupid. I don’t know how I didn’t realize it earlier. No wonder you latched onto me immediately. I look just like her.”
“No, Shaylee.” Drew’s hand touched my face and I flinched away from him. “No. You and me… We have nothing to do with Kira.”
I moved to my feet and watched as Drew straightened up himself. I just stared at his handsome face for a moment and my heart crumbled.
“You chased me. You made me fall in love with you. You lied to me.”
Drew shook his head as a look of devastation crossed his face. “Shaylee. I love you. I loved Kira but not like I love you. Not even close. She was my best friend but you’re so much more.”
“You knew it was me right away, didn’t you? That was why you fucked with me so much.”
“Shay…” He rubbed his chest and nodded before looking anywhere other than my face. “I saw you in Atlanta while you were waiting for the connecting flight. Howard and May had told me you were coming but when I realized it was you in the airport, I couldn’t believe it.”
He chuckled but it didn’t hold any humor. “We boarded before I could talk to you and when we landed, I honestly thought you’d recognize me. I thought we’d fall right back into friendship but you hated me instantly. I’ll admit that it was fun to tease you, Shay, but I always planned on telling you. I just wanted to get back in your good graces before I did. By the time we got to that point, weeks had passed and I was so scared to tell you. Scared to lose you.”
I wiped another tear and folded my arms across my chest. “Well, congratulations. You and me? There is no you and me. I need you to leave me alone.”
“Don’t do that, babe.” Drew reached for me and I stepped away.
“I’m not your babe. I’m not your girlfriend. I’m not your friend. I’m just Kira’s younger sister.”
I turned away from him and walked back towards the path. Drew called my name several times and I could hear him behind me but I broke into a run as soon as I hit the trail. I made my legs move at a grueling pace and managed the mile and a half run in less than ten minutes.
I cried silently in the shower as I stood under the spray. When I couldn’t cry anymore, I got out and went to bed. I didn’t fall right to sleep, though.
I laid there and replayed the summer in my mind, searching for the moments with Andrew Moore that could have alerted me to the truth.
Yeah, I remembered a few times when he tried to tell me something but the summer was full of opportunities. I didn’t understand why no one but Keaton insisted that I know the truth. Howard and May obviously knew who he was and knew his history but they hadn’t enlightened me. Instead, they’d pushed us together.
The betrayal stung from all directions. It was well into the night before I finally fell asleep.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I woke up when the tone sounded the next morning and felt like complete shit. I stayed where I was for a few minutes, just collecting my thoughts, and finally forced myself out of bed when I heard the girls in the next room.
“Push your drama out of your mind, Shaylee,” I whispered to myself. I needed to take my own advice because the campers were leaving throughout the day and I had no idea if I’d ever see them again.
Hannah and I got dressed quickly but I didn’t miss the inquisitive looks she kept sending my way. Before we went out to the main cabin area, she stopped me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Later, okay?” I forced a smile to my face and was grateful when she nodded. Together, we headed out into the main cabin area and were met with a bunch of sullen faces.
“Hey, none of that,” Hannah said with her hands on her hips. “It’s been an amazing summer and your families are going to be so happy to see you.”
I nodded my head in agreement. “Plus, we’ve all exchanged contact information so we’ll keep in touch.”
“I wish summer was longer,” Cate muttered with a slight sniffle and Nicole leaned over to wrap her arms around her.
“Me, too.”
“Oh, come on, Debbie Downers.” I grinned at them all and gestured to the door. “Let’s go eat.”
We all walked to the dining hall while Hannah and I went over the bus schedule for the day. The first of our campers had to leave for the airport at nine so we only had two more hours together.
We’d just sat down with our food when I felt his eyes on me. I didn’t bother looking because I had no desire to see Drew, much less talk to him. I was just glad that he never came over because I didn’t want to create a scene in the dining hall.
I felt like I was in a fog while I ate. Everything Kira had ever told me about AJ played on repeat in my head. I still remembered the night after we’d come home from her last summer at camp. She and AJ… Drew… had gone out to the east side of the lake together their last night at camp. She could barely wait until we were home to tell me all about it.
“Did it hurt?” I asked, chewing on my fingernail as I listened to every word she said. The smile that bloomed across Kira’s lips was serene and caused one to hit mine, too.
“A little but it was perfect, Lee.” She sighed, closing her eyes as she replayed the memory in her mind. “He was so caring. So gentle. I wouldn’t change a thing.”
“I’m jealous.”
Something flashed behind my sister’s brown eyes. “You’ll find this someday. You’ll find your own version of AJ.”
We were in her room on her bed, both of us on our sides as we faced each other. Her brown hair was too short to tuck behind her ear but strands of it rested on her pale forehead. Her face was thin, too thin, from all of the weight she’d lost and the exhaustion she felt was completely obvious just by looking at her. Despite it all, she was beautiful and that beauty was only amplified with the moment of bliss she was in. Both of us were silent for a few minutes before I finally spoke again.
“Are you going to ask him to come visit, you know, before…?”
Kira shook her head and I hated that some of her happiness faded. “I people to remember me when I was stronger. It’s bad enough that you’re going to see me when I’m weak.”
“You will never be weak,” I told her as I reached over and grabbed her hand. “Even when your body gets weak, you’ll still be so strong in the way that matters.”
“’For infinity, Lee.”
Tears burned the back of my eyes. Our time was limited and life wasn’t fair. The fact that my beautiful sister wouldn’t make it to her sixteenth birthday proved that the universe was unbalanced. I had no idea how to live without her. Without my best friend.
“For infinity.”
“Shaylee?”
I blinked a few times to clear the memories from my brain and turned to Hannah. “I’m sorry. What?”
“Shay.” The concern was written all over her face but I just shook my head, causing her to sigh. “The girls are ready to head back.”
“Okay.” I stood from the table. Jenny immediately laced her fingers through mine and I dropped my free arm across Alexandra’s shoulders. We walked slowly, again as if we were heading to our execution, and I fought back tears. Between the crap with Drew and losing the girls I’d come to love so much, I was torn apart.
When we made it back to the cabin, Hannah and I stayed in the main area to help the girls finish packing their stuff. They’d done a really good job the night before so there wasn’t a lot to do. I spent about ten minutes re-folding different things for different girls and sighed when there wasn’t anything else for me to do.
Our cabin looked so pathetically empty despite the twelve bodies that were inside of it. The walls were bare, the shelves empty, and the mood was dismal. When I had first decided to join Camp Holcomb for the summer, I never even imagined that letting them go would be so terrible.
“I couldn’t have imagined a better group of girls,” I said, breaking the sad silence in the room. “I’m going to miss you all.”
Maria almost tackled me in a hug and all twelve of us were embraced in a gigantic group hug just seconds later. Sniffles sounded and I felt tears sting the backs of my eyes. We stayed like that for a few minutes and then parted to sit back on the beds. Everyone stayed like that, making light conversation until it was time to head out to the amphitheater.
The girls left in small increments, starting with Maria and ending with Lizzy. When Jenny’s parents arrived to pick her up, they raved about how happy and healthy she looked. Both of them thanked Hannah and me profusely for keeping her safe all summer long. When it was Jenny’s turn to embrace me, she gave me the tightest hug yet. I probably wasn’t supposed to have favorites but if I did, Jenny would have been it.
“Promise you’ll text me all of the time?” she asked, her bottom lip quivering when we pulled apart. I smiled and nodded once.
“Promise.”
Once they were all completely gone, Hannah and I sat on the top row of the bleachers facing the stage in silence. We watched as counselors and campers said goodbye to one another and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of Drew no matter how hard I tried. He was giving Luka a hug and when he pulled away from the young kid, his eyes met mine. Sadness, a deep sadness that I knew had nothing to do with his campers, painted all of his features. As quickly as I could, I averted my gaze to look at something else. Hannah caught the interaction and finally spoke.
“Okay. You’re worrying me. Jordan told me that you were really upset last night when you were looking for Drew and that Drew is acting just like you today. All mopey and sad.”
“He has no right to be mopey or sad,” I replied with a bitter edge in my tone. “Drew Moore has been lying to me since the beginning and his lies caught up with him.”
Hannah’s fingers entwined with mine. “Talk to me, Shaylee. What happened?”
I swallowed down a new wave of tears and let out a sigh. “You remember how I told you I used to come here with my sister?” When she nodded, I continued. “Well, Kira aged out once she hit tenth grade but six months after her last summer, she passed away.”
“What?” Hannah let out a slight gasp and shook her head once. “I’m so sorry, Shay.”
My head dropped to her shoulder and I sighed. “They found a low grade brain tumor when she was thirte
en and removed it. She never made it to remission completely because two years later, she had two more and they were both grade-four gliomas and neither was operable. Radiation and chemotherapy didn’t help so we knew it was coming in the end but…”
“But that doesn’t stop the pain.” Hannah let go of my hand so she could wrap me up in a hug, which I returned reverently. We sat like that for a few moments before I pulled away. Staring back out at the last of the kids, I told her about Kira’s years at camp and her friendship and eventual relationship with AJ.
“Wow. That’s some Nicholas Sparks type stuff,” Han said with a smile and I nodded.
“That’s what I thought when she told me everything. They were like a romance novel. Kira Butler and AJ Moore’s story would have been a great movie adaptation one day.”
Hannah’s whole body went stiff. “AJ Moore. Please say that’s Drew’s brother.”
“I wish. Andrew Moore, otherwise known as Drew, and affectionately called ‘AJ’ in childhood.”
“And you had no idea?” When I shook my head, Hannah rubbed her neck in irritation. “But he knew you?”
“Oh, he knew. Keaton was nice enough to fill me in yesterday.” I swallowed back as much of the hurt as possible but the lump in my throat made it hard. Hannah muttered about hurting Drew and made me smile. It was nice to have someone behind you. “You and Briana would get along so well.”
“Good to know because I’m going to visit Phoenix sometime and the three of us are going to tear the city up.”
I grinned and nodded my head in agreement. We sat quietly again and didn’t speak even as the last camper disappeared for the buses. About twenty minutes had passed when Jordan called Hannah’s name at the bottom of the bleachers and I caught her shaking her head at him. I nudged her shoulder with mine, though.
“Go. It’s okay. I need to go see if I can talk to May or Howard before dinner anyway. Spend time with your boyfriend while you can.”
“Okay.” She squeezed me one more time before standing up. “Meet you in the dining hall?”
