by Kay Gordon
I nodded my head with a forced smile. “See you in a bit.”
After watching the two of them walk out of the amphitheater, I rose from my seat and began making my way down the bleachers. I’d barely stepped off of the final ledge when I heard Drew say my name behind me. I didn’t bother turning around, not even when he repeated it with desperation obvious in his tone.
Instead, I headed to where May was standing near the stage, examining a clipboard in her hands. As if she could feel me coming, she looked up and a smile flooded her face. It immediately dropped when she got a really good look at me, though.
“Shaylee,” she started but I shook my head quickly.
“How could you do that? Keep such a big secret from me?” I felt tears gather in my eyes. Again. “Why?”
“Oh, sweetheart.” May placed the clipboard onto the stage and took my hand in hers. Without saying anything, she led me out of the amphitheater and to the lake which was about one-hundred feet away. When she took a seat in the sand near the water’s edge, I followed suit and sat next to her.
“I was really surprised when you didn’t recognize him that first day,” she murmured, still holding onto my hand tightly but staring out at the water. “I didn’t really see you too often until right before we opened the camp and by then you were both irritated and taken with him. I decided to let it play out naturally, like you were strangers, and it played out so beautifully, baby girl. The love between you two is so pure and so passionate.”
I tried to pull my hand away but she wouldn’t let it go. “It was all lies, May. God, if I’d known he was Kira’s AJ, I never would have gone near him.”
“I know and that was what really cemented my decision not to tell you.”
“That’s not fair,” I huffed angrily. “You all tricked me. Set me up and let me fall without knowing all of the facts. How could you?”
May exhaled a long breath and took a minute to respond. “I suppose I thought that once you loved him, it would be enough.”
“I feel so betrayed.” I stood, wrenching my hand from her grip finally. “Betrayed by my family. Betrayed by the person I let myself fall in love with. You should have told me.”
Without waiting for her to reply, I walked away, brushing the sand off the backs of my thighs as I did. I made it back to the amphitheater that was mostly abandoned and picked up my phone from one of the employees who was still there.
I shoved it into my pocket and headed towards the dining hall. I was almost there when I heard someone calling my name behind me.
“Shaylee!”
I turned and smiled at Aubrey as she jogged towards me. “Hey.”
“A bunch of us are going to town to celebrate our last night after the campfire. Are you and Drew coming?”
“Um, I don’t know about Drew but I’m going to pass.” I forced my face to stay cheery. “I didn’t sleep too well last night.”
Aubrey’s blue eyes were scrutinizing as they examined my face. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m just sad. Letting go of them was harder than I thought it would be.” That wasn’t a lie and I could tell she bought it when she smiled sympathetically.
“If you change your mind, text me and I’ll let you know where we’re at.” She linked her arm through mine and we continued the rest of the walk to the dining hall in silence.
When I walked in, my eyes scoured the area for Hannah, knowing she’d be with Jordan. I was only hoping that she talked him into a table away from Drew. I wanted to sit with her but definitely not with him.
My hopes were answered when I saw her wave to me from the table we’d shared with our girls for the past eight weeks. Jordan was with her, along with Joanne, Tammi, and Cameron, but no Drew. Aubrey and I grabbed our own food and went to sit with the group.
I participated in the conversation as we ate, laughing with the people who’d become my friends so easily. Several invites to come to town with them were thrown my way but I managed to deflect them all. They bought my excuse but I could feel Hannah’s eyes on me the whole time.
After dinner was the end-of-summer campfire for the staff and I forced myself to have fun. Howard and May both spoke, thanking everyone for their hard work and inviting us all back the following year. They went over the travel procedure for the next day and a few other things that I tuned out while I ate my dessert.
As the campfire began to wind down, I hugged all of my friends tightly and told them to be safe for the evening. When I got to Hannah, I pulled her aside to let her know I probably wouldn’t be in the cabin when she came back the next day. The two of us hugged fiercely, promising to keep in touch, and the tears shining in her hazel eyes mimicked the ones I felt pooling in my own when we separated.
“Thank you for everything, Shay. I’m so glad to have you in my life.”
I smiled and hugged her one more time. “Me, too. We’ll see each other soon. Maybe I’ll be a cliché and come to Florida for spring break.”
“Oh, hell yes,” she replied with a laugh. “Text me when you’re home safe?”
I promised I would, hugged her one more time, and turned to head towards my cabin. I could feel Drew’s eyes on me but I didn’t bother to look for him. It would only hurt more.
I finally made it back to my cabin and pulled out my phone, looking at it for the first time. The notifications were blowing up from two weeks of me ignoring it. I had a few voicemails, mainly from my parents and automated messages from the school district regarding the upcoming year. I went through my email and responded to a few from my boss and my school advisor, but nothing else needed my attention. My texts were a bit fuller, blown up from friends who wanted to make sure I was still alive and to invite me to events before the semester started in a few weeks.
I didn’t bother to respond to any of them and instead called Briana. She answered on the second ring and her excited voice brought a smile to my face.
“You’re alive! I don’t remember the last time I went so long without talking to you. Nine weeks away is too much.”
I chuckled quietly and let my head fall back against the seat. “It feels like so much longer than that. How are you?”
“Better now that you’re finally coming home. Wait until I catch you up on everything you’ve missed.”
I listened to her go on and on about life in Arizona for more than thirty minutes, not bothering to interrupt her as she did. Everything seemed so insignificant but I knew it was important to her. Plus, it gave me time to pack what little of my stuff was still out. When she finally stopped to breathe, I felt dizzy from information.
“So, boring summer then?”
Her musical laughter filled my ear. “The slowest. Update me on everything. How’s Drew?”
“God, Bri.” I sighed and flopped down so I was on my back, staring up at those glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. “Things went from perfect to fucked up so quickly. I don’t even want to talk about it right now. Do you mind doing me a favor?”
“Anything, Lee.”
“Can you change my flight tomorrow? It’s not supposed to leave until mid-afternoon but I want to take something sooner. First thing in the morning. I left my credit cards on my dresser. I don’t care which one you put the charges on.” Drew and I were scheduled on the same flight back to Atlanta before we were due to split off for our own connecting flights. There was no way I was getting on an airplane with him.
Bri was quiet for a moment. “Shaylee. What happened?”
“It’s over,” I whispered, my voice breaking as tears finally spilled over and down my cheeks. “I want to come home, Briana.”
“Okay. I’ve got you, babe. Just a minute.”
I stayed on the phone for ten more minutes while she managed to change my flight so I was leaving Maine at six in the morning rather than three in the afternoon. While she finalized the change for me, I put her on speakerphone and sent off a text to both May and Howard, asking if they could arrange transpor
tation for me that early. They both replied back immediately that it would be handled. Briana then promised to pick me up at the airport the next day and told me she loved me with so much concern in her tone.
I stayed on the bed long after we hung up, my eyes affixed to those stars as the room went dark with the setting sun. I thought about how I’d done the exact same thing after the first time Drew and I were together, contemplating my decisions. Everything was so different then. I thought he was a cocky jerk who had slept with me without a second thought. I had no idea then that he would tell me he loved me six weeks later.
The side door to the cabin creaked when it opened, and as if I materialized his form just by thinking about him, Drew’s deep voice filled the small space.
“Shay.”
Chapter Thirty
I turned my head slightly so I could look to where he was standing near the door. God, he was such a handsome man.
The brown hair on his head was longer than it’d been nine weeks before and a mess from him either running his fingers through it or from the cap he’d been wearing all day. The hair covering his chin and cheekbones was much neater and I knew he probably trimmed it that morning. He was wearing his orange counselor shirt from earlier and had his hands shoved into the pocket of his khaki shorts.
His eyes, though. Those turquoise orbs were like a window to his feelings. Even in the dark room, I could see how sad they were.
“What do you want, AJ?”
“Fuck, don’t call me that.” His voice was hoarse and he reached up to grab the back of his neck. “I’ve always hated that stupid nickname.”
“Why?” I asked, unable to stop myself. He stepped inside and took a seat on the edge of Hannah’s bed. My eyes never strayed from him.
“My name is Andrew Richard Moore, Jr. My biological mother called me AJ for short, after my bastard father. The first summer after I aged out of camp, I got a job. I reinvented myself. Got my braces off, bought a better wardrobe, got contacts and eventually laser eye surgery just a couple of years ago. That’s when I decided to lose that asshole’s name. I didn’t want to be his junior and since my biological mother had called him Andrew, I picked Drew.”
“Oh.”
We stared at one another as a thick tension filled the room. His eyes stayed on mine when he stood and I forced myself to stay frozen as he walked across the room, taking a spot at the edge of my bed instead.
“Kira gave this to me on our last day of camp. It was the last time I ever saw her.” He held his hand out suddenly, causing me to flinch. He wasn’t deterred, though, and opened his fist so I could see what he had. A silver, oval keychain with a shape cut out in the middle was laying against his palm. The void was in the shape of an infinity sign, the exact same size as my necklace.
Sitting up, I moved so we were next to each other. I reached out and touched a fingertip to the warm, smooth surface. Like my necklace had been, the keychain was engraved with the same simple words. For Infinity.
“When she gave this to me, she told me to make sure I found someone worthy of my love. ‘Someone who fits.’ Don’t you see how much you fit, Shay? You fit me as perfectly as your charm fit this. You’re my everything.”
“Drew,” I whispered, shaking my head slightly. He reached out for my hand and pushed the keychain into it before forcing my fist closed.
“I love you.” His voice was firm and he dropped his forehead to mine. “Keep this. Your sister would want you to have something. The first time I saw the charm on your neck, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from it. I realized that it was cut from this same piece. We each held two pieces of something to make it whole. You make me whole, babe.”
My eyes closed and I absorbed the warmth of his skin against mine while tears rained down my cheeks. I loved him, too. I loved him more than I wanted to admit. I couldn’t get over the lies or the knowledge that he belonged to Kira, though. I refused to be a replacement for the first love that he lost. I loved him but I loved myself, too.
“Thank you,” I managed quietly, choking on the words while holding back a sob. “I wish…” I didn’t know how to complete that sentence. What did I wish for? Did I wish that he’d told me? Would it have made a difference? I had no idea.
Drew’s nose ran along my cheek before his lips pressed to the top of my head. “Me, too. I need you to know that everything I’ve said, everything I’ve done, everything I feel for you- it’s true, Shay. I need you to know that. Tell me you do. Please tell me that you know I love you.”
Instead of answering with words, I nodded and buried my face into his neck. He smelled so familiar, felt like home, and I didn’t know how I was supposed to walk away from that man. All I knew was that I had to.
But not that moment.
Not trusting myself to speak, I tightened my fist around the keychain he’d given me and leaned into him. Our lips met and I wanted to both cry and sigh simultaneously. Sigh because it was so perfect and cry because we’d never have it again. The universe was a mean bitch.
The kiss was desperate, savory, and overwhelming but it was absolutely everything. My body screamed to pull him closer. My heart begged me to get over his history with my sister. My brain, however, told me that I couldn’t have Drew Moore, that his own heart belonged to someone else. It told me that I couldn’t betray Kira by taking the man she loved.
At least not forever, I reasoned with myself. One last night would give us closure, give us the chance to say goodbye. While we kissed, I placed the keychain on the nightstand and reached for his shirt.
Drew froze, probably surprised by my actions, but he snapped out of it quickly. He let me pull his shirt over his head before doing the same with mine. Our hands roamed each other’s bodies frantically, as if we were both afraid the other would disappear. His wet lips ran down my chin and jaw until they were at my neck and I didn’t bother directing them. The feeling of his beard scratching against my skin while he lightly sucked had me squirming beneath him.
My nails dug into his bare back and I jutted my hips up, desperate for him to be inside of me. I gasped his name when he moved to pay attention to my breasts. Slowly, too slowly, he pulled down on my bra and bared me to him. The feeling of him raking his teeth along one of my nipples while using his fingers to pinch the other was heavenly.
The muscles in his back flexed under my touch and I moaned with both pleasure and frustration. I reached around to stroke his heavy erection through his pants, loving the way his breathing hitched when I did. He finally pulled away from my chest and made quick work of his pants before doing the same with mine. He found a condom in his wallet and rolled it on his length quickly. His lips found mine again as he settled between my thighs, swallowing my gasp when he thrust inside of me.
Words were spoken between us, although not many. Our names, our love, our apologies. Even more was said with our bodies as they told the depth of our love. I knew it sounded dramatic, but I doubted I would ever love anyone like I loved Andrew Moore.
He stayed with me all night. We would doze off between sessions of lovemaking or maybe just sit and listen to the other breathe. We didn’t talk, though. There was too much to be said and nothing at the same time.
Four o’clock came too soon, long before the sun, and I shut off my alarm quickly. Drew’s arms were wrapped around me from behind, holding my body to his chest, and his deep breathing told me he was still asleep.
I allowed myself a few more minutes in his hold, knowing it wouldn’t happen again. Despite everything that had happened, I felt so safe in his arms, so secure, so perfect. How something could feel so right and be so wrong was beyond me.
Ever so slowly, I withdrew from his arms even though every cell in my body protested. Once I was up on my feet, I glanced back to find him still asleep in the same position, his arms resting loosely where I had been.
I forced myself to turn around so I could head to the bathroom. On my way there, I tripped over something and looked down to
see what it was.
Drew’s Los Angeles Dodgers cap sat on the floor. He hadn’t been wearing it when he came in the night before but I knew he’d likely kept it in his back pocket. I had no idea what possessed me to pick it up but I did, stuffing it into my backpack quickly.
I got ready to go in the bathroom. I slipped into the same shorts and t-shirt I’d arrived in nine weeks before and pulled my brown hair up into a ponytail. The sight of the two hickeys on my neck made me sad and I let my fingers brush against them for a moment. Putting the rest of my bathroom stuff away, I turned off the light and stepped out into the dark room.
My bags were packed. Everything was ready. I made my way back to the bed and stared down at Drew’s sleeping form. I ached to lean down and kiss him, to throw my arms around him and profess my undying love. I didn’t do either. Instead, I picked up my phone and the keychain he’d given me the night before. I slipped both into my pockets and looked at Drew one last time.
His eyes were open, though, and they stared up at me. I froze, stuck in his gaze.
Neither of us moved. Nothing was said. His eyes were sad, which I was sure reflected in my own. Swallowing back my sadness, I tightened my hold on my duffel bag and spoke.
“I don’t regret any of it.”
“Not a second,” he agreed, his voice hoarse. He stayed where he was, head on the pillow we had been sharing just minutes before, and the sadness on his face almost did me in. When he opened his mouth again, I did lose it. “I love you, Shaylee Butler. So fucking much. Never doubt that.”
The sob escaped my mouth without my permission and all I could do was nod my head. What I really wanted to do was run over and throw my arms around him but somehow found the strength to resist.
Gripping the handle to my suitcase in one hand, my duffel in the other, my backpack slung over my shoulder, and my vision blurry from tears, I forced myself to walk out the side door, leaving Drew behind.
When I got to the front of camp, I’d managed to stop crying. I was expecting to see a camp shuttle waiting for me but Howard and May’s SUV was parked up front instead. Both of them were standing next to it, talking quietly and they smiled when they caught sight of me. Howard immediately took my luggage from me and moved to load it into the back. May offered me a travel cup full of coffee with a sad smile on her face.
