Sweet Memories

by Marie Higgins

  “I’m assuming you no longer have a headache?”

  She shook her head, hoping to hurry and get this food swallowed.

  A smile graced his face and he pointed to the table. “May I join you?”

  She swallowed hard. “Of course.”

  He took a plate and placed food on it before sitting next to her. It was hard not to look at him without remembering that he had just come from being with Adora, and the servant had been touching him entirely too personally. Who knows what else they had done alone in the room before Vicky had arrived?

  Adora’s threat from the other day still rung through Vicky’s ears. What exactly did the servant mean that she wouldn’t like Cole very well once her memory returned? And yet, the conversation she’d overheard a moment ago perplexed her as well.

  Were the pieces of this insane puzzle now starting to fit together? What if Cole only married Vicky’s mother for her money? He could live in this large estate and do anything he wanted with the land—and the servants. Obviously, he’d been having an affair with Adora this whole time. Was that the reason Vicky wouldn’t like Cole when her memory returned, because he’d cheated on her mother?

  Inwardly, Vicky groaned. How could she have even thought he’d have feelings of love for her? She was probably just a hindrance to him, especially now that she’d lost her memory. The only reason he’d asked her to come to the estate and be his housekeeper was because he felt sorry for her. Vicky should have inherited some of her mother’s money, shouldn’t she? Was this Cole’s way of helping her out?

  Suddenly, the food on her plate didn’t look appetizing. Since the accident, she’d thought of him in a different light—her hero and rescuer. She’d allowed her heart to soften for this man. Perhaps she shouldn’t have thought of him as her defender.

  If her thoughts were correct—which she figured they were—there was no way she could continue to live here any longer. Her breaking heart wasn’t handling the crushing reality of her current situation very well. No matter what, she needed to regain her memory. And she needed to stop herself from falling in love with him.

  She took a sip of her tea. “Cole? Would it be an inconvenience for you if I had you take me to the docks this afternoon?”

  He choked on a bite of his food, so he quickly washed it down with his coffee. His eyes were wide when he looked at her. His whole body stiffened. “Portsmouth? You wish to go there?”

  “Yes. To the docks.”

  “But why?”

  “I just thought that if I went back to the place that caused my memory to disappear, I might be able to see or hear something that would make me remember. Maybe someone who worked close by might remember me.”

  A sigh escaped him and his body relaxed. “Yes, I think that’s a splendid idea. Are you feeling up for the journey?”

  Straightening her shoulders, she lifted her chin stubbornly. “I’ll force myself. I’m tired of feeling so helpless.”

  “I understand completely. We shall leave after we eat.”

  Should she find it strange that he answered so quickly? She tried to push the rejected feeling aside and concentrate on what was important. “I thank you for your assistance. I really don’t know where I would be if you hadn’t found me.”

  He offered a gentle smile. “I’m so very grateful I was there to help.” He placed his hand over hers and softly squeezed.

  Oh, good grief. Why did her heart race every time he touched her? For certain, she would have to keep these feelings away from her heart and remind herself that he was already taken by Adora.

  Vicky nibbled on a piece of cheese, hoping her appetite would come back, but it hadn’t. When he was finally ready to leave, so was she.

  They took the same buggy they had the other day before the situation with the horses had happened. Although it had given her a headache, at least she had received more memories, even if they were just flashes. Hopefully, something that drastic would happen at the docks. She desperately needed to remember. Her heart was in danger otherwise.

  The ride wasn’t as interesting as it had been the other day. She wanted so badly to ask him about his relationship with Adora, but she couldn’t bring herself to say the words. It was none of her business, anyway. And yet, if he were involved with the servant, why had he been so sweet to Vicky, and he didn’t hesitate to touch her so personally, either. Perhaps that was the type of man Cole was. If that were the case, maybe he wasn’t involved with Adora at all. Had she assumed wrongly about his and the maid’s relationship?

  The mere idea had Vicky’s hopes bouncing up with excitement. A little voice in the back of her head kept whispering words of encouragement. Something was definitely wrong with her. Had she gone mad after all?

  Vicky relaxed a little more and was able to chat with him about the weather—and horses. She hadn’t realized how adamant he was about making his stud farm flourish. It made her heart light to know he had a dream and would stop at nothing to obtain it.

  Volunteering her assistance was on the tip of her tongue, but she clenched her teeth to keep from saying anything. She couldn’t offer to help him, mainly because she wasn’t sure she really knew why she could train horses so well. Another reason why she didn’t say anything was because she didn’t want him to completely capture her heart and have him break it.

  “Oh, look.” He motioned his head ahead of them. “We are here.” He pulled the buggy over to the side of the road and stopped the horses.

  She scanned the dock. One ship bobbed in the water with the rhythm of the small waves, but so far, nobody boarded. She narrowed her gaze on the few shops along the walkway, hoping that something or someone would look familiar. One lady stood by a flower cart, chatting with a potential buyer. A man selling nuts had a cart not far from them.

  Slowly, Vicky’s mind opened. The dock was crowded as she moved along, trying to get to her destination. A strong odor had wafted around her. Fish...and something rotten. At times, it was hard to breathe. The weather was hot as the sun blared down upon her and her black widow’s gown. The humidity was horrid, as well. She was impatient for some reason, and very annoyed.

  Vicky sucked in a quick breath. “I’m remembering.”

  Cole turned on the seat and touched her arm. “What do you remember?”

  She shrugged. “Not a lot, yet. I was here and there were two ships...and many people. It was a very hot day, as well.”

  “Yes, that’s right.” He gently squeezed her arm.” “Come. Let’s walk around. You may recall more.”

  Cole climbed out of the buggy before turning and reaching up to assist her. She placed her hands on his shoulders, and he grabbed her waist. Carefully, and slowly, he lifted her down. She stared into his wondrous gray eyes that held so much emotion, and once their gazes locked, she couldn’t find the strength to look elsewhere. Against her will, her heartbeat hammered with excitement. When he brought her down, her body bumped against his, causing more mayhem to flutter inside her chest.

  Deep down inside, she knew this feeling was so wrong, and yet, she never wanted it to leave. She wanted to be in his arms all the time. The way he returned her gaze made her wonder if he held the same feelings as she. His expression shifted slightly, and the color of his eyes lightened and his breath turned ragged.

  He appeared almost shy as he slowly released her, which she found odd. He cleared his throat but didn’t say a word. Instead, he turned and offered his elbow to her. As if it was the most natural thing for her to do, she slipped her hand around his arm and allowed him to lead her toward the dock.

  Heavens, her breathing had accelerated so quickly, she could scarcely catch her breath. Then again, his nearness had always left her heart fluttering with exhilaration. Please Cole, don’t be in love with Adora...

  For some reason, he didn’t seem to be limping as much as he’d done before. Perhaps he wasn’t in as much pain today. She hoped that was the case. Most certainly, there would be a lot of walking today, and she prayed he was up for the task
.

  They stopped when they came upon the first dock worker. Sweat coated the slender man’s head, and even stained his shirt. In his hands, he held a broom, but he stood, facing the water and stared across the sea.

  “Excuse me,” Cole said. “Might I have a word?”

  The dock worker swung his head toward them and scowled. “What do you want? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

  Vicky arched an eyebrow. Busy doing what? He hadn’t moved the broom since they left the buggy.

  “Forgive me for disturbing your work,” Cole continued, “but this is very important, and I assure you, it will only take a moment of your time.”

  The sweaty man rolled his eyes. “Then make it quick.”

  “All I need to know is if you recognize this woman.” Cole motioned his hand toward Vicky.

  The tall, thin man who looked to be middle-aged, eyed her slowly, from the top of her head, down to her heeled boots. He shook his head. “Sorry, but I don’t believe I’ve seen this woman before.”

  “Were you working the dock a week ago on Saturday during the late morning hours?” she asked.

  “No, I wasn’t.”

  “Sir,” Cole cut in. “Can you point us to someone who was working that day? I assure you, it’s very important.”

  The look of annoyance was still in his stare when he met Cole’s eyes. After a few awkward moments, the man shrugged and turned toward one of the vendors. “See him over there, selling nuts? He works here all the time.” The man shifted his attention toward a small office closer to the docks. “And Walter. He was working that day, I’m sure of it. He was here when they had that accident with the trunks falling off the runaway wagons and hitting the passengers.”

  Her heartbeat quickened, and she looked at Cole. “We should talk to Walter.”

  “My thoughts exactly.” He nodded and then met the man’s stare. “I thank you for your assistance.”

  Side by side, she walked with Cole toward the small office building. Excitement—and hope— flourished inside of her chest. She even walked with a bounce to her step. So did Cole. But that wasn’t the only thing different. It wasn’t until now that she noticed he was holding her hand. When had that happened? And was that part of the reason her heart skipped the way it did?

  EIGHT

  Cole’s stomach was tied in knots. At this moment, he didn’t know how to feel. Although he wanted Walter to recognize her, Cole really didn’t want her memory to return. Before Vicky remembered her hatred for him not loving her mother, he wanted to show her the kind and loving man that he was inside. Since her accident, they had come so far. And he didn’t want anything to ruin it now.

  Another thing that had been heavy in his heart was wondering if he had been the one to push Rebecca down the stairs that caused her death. After she died, the servants had treated him differently. He hadn’t remembered anything about his wife’s death due to his high fever. But Adora had seemed to want more of his attention, and more of his affection, which he couldn’t give. That was the reason he’d changed her position in the household. He just didn’t want her under foot at every turn.

  But now as he watched the excitement flashing in Vicky’s lovely green eyes, all worries he’d had of the past faded. He couldn’t imagine what she was going through, but his heart went out to her. What would make her happy right now was if her memory opened, even a little, and let her recall something important that happened in her life.

  He wanted her to be happy, even if the end result would be her hating him.

  Lately, he’d been having mixed emotions about Vicky. She wasn’t what he thought she’d be as the daughter of his dead wife. Vicky’s beauty delighted him, and his feelings being with her were unexplainable. All he knew was that he enjoyed himself and he never wanted them to be apart. Earlier today when Adora mentioned having Vicky return home, he couldn’t describe the pain twisting in his chest because it was something he’d never felt before. Just thinking about her leaving made him uneasy, and lonely.

  He shook away the thought as he led them toward Walter. Cole really had no right to have feelings for Vicky. He’d never really been in love with a woman. He’d never really pictured himself with a woman who’d be his wife and bear his children, either. But now, he couldn’t even imagine himself without Vicky. Why did her mere presence make him lighthearted and hopeful?

  They passed two women standing by the flower cart. The patron had been watching him with wide eyes, but as they neared, she turned back toward the flowers. He didn’t recognize the medium built, brunette woman, but his first reaction was to wonder if this was Lord Hollingsworth’s niece. But when the woman failed to show him any attention after that, Cole concluded this wasn’t the woman. As horrible as it might sound, he seriously hoped Hollingsworth’s niece had died in the accident on the dock.

  They reached the small office with the closed door. Through the window, Cole could see Walter—a short, very round, man with receding black hair. The older man didn’t appear to be much older than forty. Spectacles perched on the man’s nose as he sat at a desk flipping through papers.

  Cole knocked on the closed door, not knowing if they should enter. Walter looked up and met Cole’s gaze, and then motioned his hand for them to come inside.

  “He doesn’t look familiar at all,” Vicky whispered just before they stepped inside.

  There wasn’t a lot of space, and Cole stood very close to Vicky, which he didn’t mind. He kept the door open so that the air could circulate better.

  “Good day,” Cole greeted the other man. “May we take a moment of your time and ask you a few questions?”

  “Certainly.” The man’s voice came out squeaky. “What is it that I can help you with?”

  “I was wondering if you recognized this woman.” Cole nodded toward Vicky. “She was in the accident at this dock a week ago, and she lost her memory. We are trying to find someone who might have helped her.”

  The man’s beady eyes narrowed as his gaze slid over Vicky. He shook his head and frowned. “Forgive me, but I don’t think she looks familiar at all. There were several women injured in that accident, and I’m afraid I just don’t recognize you.”

  Cole switched his attention to Vicky. Her eyes watered and she quickly blinked back the moisture. His heart sank. There had to be someone here that would remember. How often did women in mourning travel alone...

  His thoughts skid to a halt. That was it!

  He cleared his throat. “Um, Sir. Perhaps her clothes are throwing you off a little. When she was here a week ago, she was wearing a widow’s black gown and bonnet.”

  Suddenly, the man’s eyes widened and his mouth shaped into an O. He nodded. “Yes, I do recall helping a woman who wore a black widow’s gown.”

  An audible sigh released from Vicky’s mouth and she leaned against him as if she’d lost her balance. He quickly slipped an arm around her waist to keep her upright. With him by her side, she’d always be protected. “Then you do remember helping her?” he asked Walter.

  The man nodded. “In fact, I still have your satchel.”

  Vicky sucked in a breath and her attention shifted to Cole. She clutched his hand as excitement sparkled in her eyes. He couldn’t believe how attractive she was at this moment, and yet it was just the happiness on her face and the twinkle in her eyes that made her so breathtakingly lovely.

  “Oh, thank you, Sir,” Vicky said as she looked at the man.

  The round man stood too quickly, which made his chair tip over. He didn’t seem to mind as he waddled toward a large drawer. When he pulled it out, several items were in there; from shoes to umbrellas, hats and even spectacles. And one black satchel with the initials VH.

  Walter carried it to them and handed it to Vicky. As she grasped it, her hands shook.

  “Thank you, Sir,” Cole said. “I’m certain this satchel will give her the help she needs.”

  “I hope so.” The man nodded. “There were a few women who were injured, but thankfully, no one died
. One lady is still in the hospital in a coma, I believe, but I suppose that’s what happens with severe head injuries.”

  “Yes, that’s so very true.” Cole knew first hand because of the war. Many of his own men had fallen into comas, and some had died there afterward. These were not pleasant memories. “So, you said none of the injured women died?”

  “No, unless it was the woman who was taken to an older couple’s house because there was no room at the hospital. She was in a coma, as well.”

  Hope sprang inside Cole again. Could this woman be Miss Owens—Mrs. Becksted? “I see. But thank you again for your help.”

  Wordlessly, Vicky walked out of the tiny office with her gaze locked to the satchel. Cole followed her closely. She didn’t seem to be paying attention to anything but the bag, and he worried she might run into a wall or trip over something on her way. So, without asking her permission, he circled his arm around her waist again. He rather liked being this close and personal with her. The heat from her body radiated onto him, and for some odd reason, it comforted his nerves.

  After they walked a few minutes without speaking, Cole leaned close to her ear. She smelled so lovely, like a rose garden. It took all of his willpower not to bury his face in the crook of her neck and partake of her sweetness.

  “I think you’re allowed to look inside, my dear,” he whispered huskily, not realizing his voice had deepened until after he’d spoken.

  She took an uneven breath, raised her head, and met his eyes. Her nose nearly brushed against his. Why hadn’t he pulled back? And yet, even at this moment as her breath breezed across his face, he still didn’t straighten.

  “I know,” she said softly. “I’m just so...unsure.”

  “What frightens you, my dear?”

  “More than anything I want my memory to return, but I worry that if I see what’s inside this bag, I might not like the memories I once had. What if I had been a terrible person?”

  Her enchanting eyes made his heart melt. Seeing her turmoil made him just as nervous. He’d do anything to comfort her. Anything.