by Jill Patten
He was complicating things for me again, making me reconsider what I told him earlier. I liked his company. I liked being around him.
He released me and his eyes saddened, so I looked away.
Walking up to the house with Kendra’s arm draped over my shoulder, I stopped before going inside. Not able to help myself, I turned around to watch Jaxon and Reed back out of her driveway and leave.
Chapter 13 ~ Apologies
Two weeks had passed since distancing myself from Phillip and Jaxon. Those two weeks went by a lot smoother than I had anticipated.
After Jaxon dropped me off at Kendra’s that night, he texted me later, saying that if I ever needed him for anything, I could call or text him any day, any hour. He did sort of contact me once by relating a message via Kendra saying that my car checked out fine and that he didn’t find anything wrong with it. I felt guilty wasting his time, knowing darn well that my car was in decent running condition. It really saddened me to cut ties with Jaxon. I think he would have been a lot of fun to hang out with. The platonic male friend scene would have definitely been a new adventure for me. Hopefully, after high school and when Phillip left for Wake Forest, I could start to do all the things I’d missed out on.
I feared returning to school that following Monday. Dreading the one class I had with Phillip the most, but it turned out he ignored me just as much as I did him. We were right back to where we were after the break-up.
Life was getting easier already. Other students in class occasionally struck up conversations with me. Even one of the popular football players, Trent Moore, asked me to go to Friday night’s basketball game with him. I think my face turned twenty shades of red when he stopped me in the hall to ask. He was one of the guys at school that everybody loved, and not just because he was tongue-panting gorgeous, but because he had the best personality to go with his ripped physique and pretty face. Reluctantly, I turned him down. Not because I was scared to go, but because I didn’t want to attend the game where Phillip would be. No need to rub it in his face.
It felt good to live freely again, especially after being kept prisoner for three plus years. I didn’t normally like being put in the spotlight, usually preferring to hide in the shadows, but I enjoyed the small increments of attention.
By the beginning of week three, I started catching Phillip staring at me: in the parking lot, during class, during lunch… it didn't matter where I saw him, his eyes always held the same look in them—guilt. I didn’t have it in me to meet his gaze. Kendra told me I was a coward. She wanted me to stare him down, laugh in his face, and tell him to go fuck himself. Of course, she hated him with every fiber of her body, but I didn’t share those feelings with her. I avoided eye contact because I was worried I would feel sorry for him. He’d never shown any type of remorse in his life when it came to me, so to see it now filled me with pity.
It was Tuesday morning, exactly a week before Christmas and three more days until Christmas break. We still used the term Christmas vacation, Christmas tree, Christmas card, and so forth in our little town. The country folks—especially the elders—were not very keen on using the phrase ‘holiday’ in the place of Christmas. You couldn’t exactly throw those politically correct terms into the Bible-belt country. Many southerners frowned upon it.
The atmosphere at school was becoming more cheerful with the idea of a two-week vacation around the corner. Yes, we still had to get past exams in the coming week, and luckily I was exempt from all of mine except World History. I honestly thought Coach Harrison hated my guts. Coach Harrison was not only my World History teacher, he was also the varsity basketball coach and Phillip was his ‘baby,’ so to speak. If anything happened to Phillip and our team didn’t make it to state, I was sure he’d be eyeballing me as the cause. No matter how much I worked my butt off, I was sure he’d still find a way to sabotage my grades. If only I could prove it. Today I was on my own since Kendra, Miss I-get-straight-A’s-without-studying, was exempt from all her exams. If she wasn’t my best friend, I would hate her.
Despite having to come to school for one hour, I didn’t have to attend either English class or lunch, leaving me Phillip-free all week. I didn’t think I could handle one more week of those puppy dog eyes pleading with me. My stupid self was likely to cave in.
Feeling positive with my answers, I turned in my exam and headed out the door to my locker. Musing over my plans for the day had me feeling elated. I caught myself humming ‘Carol of the Bells’ while thinking about the Christmas shopping Kendra and I had planned for this afternoon. Christmas had always been my favorite holiday, followed by my birthday. What could I say? I loved receiving presents. I was not a high maintenance type of girl, so it didn’t matter how extravagant or how inexpensive the gift. I was easy to please regardless. Not to be mistaken as a miser, though. I thought giving gifts was just as much fun as receiving them.
I found myself entertaining thoughts of breaking out of my three-year traditional Christmas/New Year’s routine. Number one item on my agenda—discussing holiday plans with Kendra. This year, I wanted to go clubbing somewhere to ring in the New Year or maybe snow-tubing the day after Christmas.
Stopping by my locker, I dropped off my book bag, not wanting anything school related coming home with me. As I opened up the metal door, a small envelope fell out landing by my feet. Hastily, I swiped it off the floor. My curiosity was running wild since there was nothing written on it. I eagerly opened it up, pulling out a small card with the sweetest little Cocker Spaniel puppy with droopy, sad eyes. I flipped the card open to see the words ‘I’m sorry’ written in the all-too-familiar, most beautiful handwriting I had ever seen from a guy—Phillip. I was stunned. The entire time I’d known Phillip, I’d never known those words to come out of his mouth. He had never apologized for anything in his life, at least not that I was aware of and definitely not to me.
A small smirk of a smile formed on my face. Dammit! My body always betrayed me. Glancing around, I looked up and down both ends of the hall, with a funny feeling Phillip was hiding somewhere, watching me.
Not really knowing what to make of his apology, I shoved the card in my purse and headed out the door to my car. I pondered over his act of contrition on my way to meet Kendra. Sure, he took the first step in admitting he was wrong, but, in order for me to know how sincere he meant it, I needed to hear it. I needed to see the expression on his face while saying it.
Kendra’s little pink bug stood out amongst the rest of the cars as I pulled into the theater parking lot. As usual, she insisted in doing all the driving. I took the card out of my purse and tossed it into my console before getting out of the car, not wanting to take any chances of Kendra finding it in my purse or having it accidentally fall out. She didn’t need to know about it just yet. Sure, she was my best friend, and I normally tell her everything, but this was one of those instances where I didn’t feel it was necessary. I knew I would only be given negative backlash, and I wasn’t in the mood to have my Christmas spirit dampened.
I rushed out of my car, fighting the bitter cold, and jumped into Kendra’s. The heater was cranked up full blast, warming my frozen fingers and toes. Since my car was so old, it took a good five to ten minutes—the duration from school to work—for the heater to pump out anything remotely close to warm air.
“So, how do you think you fared?” Kendra asked, batting her big, Barbie blue eyes at me.
“Who knows, ask Coach Harrison,” I grumbled. She kept staring at me, batting her eyes and wiggling her eyebrows up and down. “Is something in your eye? And why do you keep giving me googly eyes?”
Kendra stopped her eye performance, giving me the stare down. “You’re a bitch.”
Unable to hold it in any longer, I busted out laughing at her. “You’re such a baby. I see your fake lashes. Happy now?” Kendra was the reckless one in our duo. She would do or try anything at least once. She once shaved all body hair, except for her eyelashes and the hair on her head, just to see what it wo
uld feel like. I had learned long ago to never lay a dare on her because she just wouldn’t back down.
“It’s about damn time you noticed. I was about to get a headache from all that blinking,” she exclaimed, rubbing her forehead intently.
“So, what’s up with the lashes? We’re just going shopping. Those spider legs look more like something you would wear clubbing.”
Kendra pulled her sun visor down admiring her lashes in the little mirror. Smiling, she turned to look at me. “I just wanted to try them,” she shrugged. “I figured if those fake bitches in magazines could pull them off, surely I could too.”
I laughed again. “Well, they’re cute, and they make your already beautiful eyes look voluptuous.”
“Sultry and sexy,” Kendra said nonchalantly, throwing me off track with her random remark.
“Huh?”
“Gah! Keep up, Court! Sultry and sexy is the look I’m shooting for, not cute. Voluptuous is a perfect description, but who wants to be cute?” She rolled her eyes, shaking her head at me.
“Careful there. You’ve exercised those eyes enough in the last few minutes. I’d hate for you to get a migraine,” I giggled and smiled at her, giving her my best smartass grin.
“You’re still a bitch,” she huffed with attitude and stuck her tongue out at me. All I could do was shake my head at her and smile.
Our first stop was the mall. Kendra had the ever-growing list of people to buy for. Her mother left her with specific instructions of who to buy for and what to buy. Even the store to buy it in. Kendra was a chronic shopper, so it never bothered her in the least to do her mother’s bidding.
Thankfully, my list was smaller than usual, as this year I was short on cash. My gift buying consisted of my mom, Kendra, her parents, and Reed. Christmases past saw most of my hard earned cash going directly to Phillip, and I was guiltily excited to disperse those dollars elsewhere, although I was still considering buying something small for his dad.
The mall was overly crowded. Christmas music blasted through the speakers in every store, and women of all ages were wearing some sort of Christmas décor. Small children were running around, either playing or whining while waiting to have their ‘moment’ with Santa, and I absorbed every little piece of it into my merry little heart.
Kendra and I snaked through the crowd at the food court, looking for an empty table to rest our legs and feed our growling bellies. Finding one, we took turns guarding it while the other ordered food. I had my usual gyro from Great Wraps while she ordered from the same place everyone else in the mall flocked to—Sbarro. Pizza, yuck!
I popped a fresh fry into my mouth, nearly burning it. “So, what are the plans for Christmas and New Year’s?” I garbled, quickly taking a sip of soda to relieve my scorched tongue. I took another gulp, holding the cold liquid in my mouth to bring some relief before swallowing. “I really want to do something different, something fun. What do you think? Any ideas?”
Kendra’s lips broke out into a mischievous grin as she shoved her slice of pizza in her mouth.
“Hurry and chew,” I muttered. “I know you’ve got something up your sleeve with that sneaky grin you’re sporting over there.”
“Hmm, it’s funny you bring this up because Reed and I were just talking about the same thing this morning,” she said, wiping pizza sauce off her chin.
“Well, to be honest, I was kind of thinking about me and you doing something by ourselves, but I’m up for whatever.” What I really wanted was for us to spend some time alone like we used to.
Kendra took in a deep breath, giving me a nervous feeling as to what she was going to say next.
“Hear me out before you say anything or make any decisions, okay?” Yikes! This was serious news she was about to deliver. I started to feel a little uneasy.
“Okay,” I said warily.
“We were talking about going skiing up in West Virginia for New Year’s—”
I interrupted her. “Count me in! Why would you think I need to consider going skiing when you know I’ve been dying to go for years?”
Kendra went every year, and Phillip never wanted me to go. I always gave into his obsessive controlling need to have me close to him. Even though Kendra invited him every year, he always declined. He always used the excuse that it was too dangerous, that he didn’t want to risk breaking a leg or arm, and he didn’t need anything jeopardizing his basketball career.
“Because Jaxon is going.” Kendra almost cringed, as she threw in the monkey wrench.
“Oh.” It was all I could say. Her mentioning Jaxon was the last thing I expected. The guilt settled in the pit of my stomach. Our separation wasn’t fair to him. I knew it from the moment I had made the decision. He treated me with nothing but kindness, and I swept him to the side the same way I did Phillip.
Kendra leaned up from her chair, propping her elbows up on the table. “Okay, here’s the deal… Reed and I really want to go skiing New Year’s Eve, and Reed invited Jaxon to go with us. Reed asked me if it was okay if Jaxon went, too, so I told him sure. Problem is, Jaxon doesn’t want to go because he said he will feel like a third wheel, and he doesn’t want to intrude. Reed really wants Jaxon to go, so he wanted me to ask you if you would come, too.”
“Whoa, slow down and take a breather Kendra. You’re going to pass out from lack of oxygen. I promise you I wasn’t going to interrupt, if that’s what you thought,” I chuckled, shaking my head.
“Courtney?” she said, her voice all whiney. She batted her stupid, fake lashes at me at the same time as popping her bottom lip out.
“Really? We’re resorting to pouting?” I asked, cocking my head to the side.
I stayed mum for a little while longer, tapping my finger against my temple. Not wanting to answer yet, sitting silent, pretending to contemplate my answer. Kendra was used to instant gratification, so I liked making her squirm. I really, really wanted to go, so, if I said yes, was it going to be worth it to me in the end? I guessed I’d never know if I didn’t take that chance. Imagine, little ol’ me, Miss Chicken Little, expanding my horizon. It may not be considered living on the edge to most people, but it was to me.
“Pleeezzz? Wait, no, you don’t have to give me an answer now, but will you please consider it and let me know something by the end of the day?”
And the never-ending begging began. I knew if I didn’t answer, she’d talk the subject to death.
“I’ll go, but you have to promise you won’t announce this on Facebook. My life has been flowing smooth as still water in the past couple of weeks, so there’s no need to lob a rock into it.”
“I promise. You know I’m always good on my word. My goal in life is to make yours better, not worse,” she smiled. Moments like this were why I loved her so much. My secrets were her secrets; taken to the grave.
Kendra threw our trash away while I gathered all of our shopping bags. “Do you think we can find the remaining gifts in enough time to get you back by four o’clock?” she asked, crossing off items on her list.
I smiled at her. “With your shopping expertise, I’m sure.”
On the way home, I debated talking to Kendra about Phillip’s apology. The longer I thought it through, the more I decided to leave it alone. I wasn’t in the mood for fighting, and, when I defended Phillip—which I thought I would—we inevitably ended up in a yelling match. My day had turned out to be nearly perfect, so my lips were staying sealed until further notice.
My thoughts flipped from Phillip back to our earlier conversation about Jaxon. I wondered how Jaxon felt about me going, or if he even knew. “Is Jaxon aware that there is a possibility I’m going skiing?” I sneaked a sideways glance at Kendra to read her facial expression.
She was not giving anything away. “Yes.”
“So… how does he feel about that?” I asked, propping my back against the door so I could assess her better.
Her lips curled up to the side. “He’s pretty damn excited, if you want to know the truth.”
Wow! Blunt much?
She had my curiosity running wild. “Did he say this?”
Kendra suddenly slammed on her brakes then raised her hand, sprouting her tallest finger and shouting profanities at the car in front of us. I sat there taking steady breaths to lower my pulse and decided to sit back in my seat and watch the road so I wouldn’t be taken by surprise again.
Moments later, she carried on our conversation, as if nearly rear-ending the car in front of us had never happened. “Court, he didn’t have to. You could see it on his face… the way he talks, the way he acts when your name gets brought up. He asks about you every day, you know,” she said as she pulled into the theater parking lot. “If you ask me, I think he likes you, but, if you ask him, he says he thinks of you as the little sister he never had,” she frowned. “I think he just doesn’t want to admit he has a crush on you, you know because of the age difference and all.”
“Huh,” I said to myself. In the minimal time I spent with Jaxon, I received so many mixed signals from him that I felt like I was a traffic light on the blitz. I’d admit, I was profusely attracted to him, I would have loved to been his ‘friend’ or even his girlfriend, but I saw too many complications stemming from either.
Kendra parked beside my car, popping the trunk so I could gather my shopping bags. She rolled down the window. “Thank you again for agreeing to go skiing. We are going to have so much fun. You won’t regret it, I promise,” she yelled cheerfully before driving away.
As I unlocked the door to my car, I noticed another envelope lying under my windshield wiper. Pulling it out, I found another card with a single red rose on the cover. I open it up and saw that beautiful penmanship again, the card reading ‘Please forgive me. Phillip.’ How did he know my car was here? Was he stalking me?
Chapter 14 ~ Holiday Surprise
The temperature was hovering around the freezing mark, and a fine dusting of frost blanketed the ground. Christmas Eve in Mayberry was both beautiful, yet chillingly frigid. Every now and then, North Carolina got a hefty dumping of snow, but it looked as if today was going to be more of the customary ice. Ugh! I had a very busy day planned ahead, and hazardous weather was not a part of it.
