Toxic Secrets

by Jill Patten

  Jaxon quickly spun around to face me as relief washed over his face. “Where the hell were you? I thought you got lost or someone had kidnapped you. I was about to send out a search and rescue.” He dropped all the ski equipment on the floor by my feet.

  Crap! Was he upset? Was he mad at me? I had to stop thinking his reactions mirrored those of Phillip.

  His demeanor quickly changed. “Nah, I’m just joking with you. I just got over here myself. I figured you would want to take a bathroom break before we head outside. I know how you women love your bathrooms,” he laughed.

  I grabbed the front of my puffy coat, pulling it away from my body, “With all this garb I have on, I’m hoping to avoid the bathrooms at all cost. Speaking of cost, how much do I owe you?”

  His lips curled to the side, “You owe me nothing other than spending the day with me, and, of course, allowing me to teach you how to ski.” He leaned down close to my ear. “These instructors here have nothing on me,” he muttered low.

  Chill bumps spilled all over my body. “You’re the little charmer, aren’t you?” I said, giving him a playful smile.

  He threw his chin up in the air, arrogance radiating off his body. “I try my best,” he chuckled.

  I rolled my eyes, shaking my head, “Are all Californians cocky?”

  “Nope, just me,” he beamed. “I’m the only sexy, funny, charming and adorable Californian motherfucker you will ever meet. I have more great qualities. You just haven’t discovered them yet.” He ran his hand through his hair with a smug grin on his face. I pretended to ignore his innuendo.

  My layers of clothing were suddenly making me sweat, or was that Jaxon? I needed to get outside in the crisp, snowy air to drop my body temperature a few degrees.

  “Yo! Mr. Swag, I think we need to jump on those bunny trails before you blow your head up with all those vain compliments,” I snickered, pulling him by his coat to the nearest bench. He laughed, following close behind me.

  Jaxon turned out to be a great ski instructor. He was very patient and refrained from laughing at me all twelve times I fell on my butt. The moments I got frustrated and wanted to give up, he encouraged me, pushing me to keep going. After skiing down the bunny slopes time after time without falling, Jaxon decided it was time for me to broaden my horizons and take the ski lift to the Green Trail… whatever that was. I figured he knew what was best, so I agreed.

  Standing in line for the ski lift was a tougher challenge than I ever imagined, but getting on the lift was almost a nightmare. Jaxon prepped me before it was our turn to hop on the lift, but the operators still had to stop the entire contraption so I could gracelessly maneuver myself on the seat. I had never been so mortified in my life, but Jaxon was so decorous. Not once had he laughed or poked fun at me.

  The falling snowflakes were beautiful as they piled high on the surrounding pine trees. As far as I could see, the resort was covered under a fluffy, white blanket of snow. Jaxon and I rode the lift up in silence, enjoying the peaceful beauty around us. Together, we were on our way to embracing this magnificent winter wonderland.

  The exit ramp was fast approaching when my nervous jitters decided to pay me a visit. I was petrified of the staff shutting the lift down again for me to depart. Jaxon, my knight in black ski attire, came to my rescue, taking my poles as we were about to descend. He then wrapped his arm around my waist to steady me as we glided off the lift and down the small knoll.

  Jaxon held onto me tight until we made our way to the top of the hill. “You ready for this?” he smiled, pulling his ski goggles down over his amazing eyes.

  I laughed nervously, “No, but I guess you’re going to make me do this regardless.” Grabbing my goggles, I slid them down to protect my eyes from the falling snow. My motor skills were going to be a challenge. Therefore so, my vision was going to be a necessity. Taking down a small child was not something I wanted to add to my list of ‘embarrassing moments for the day.’

  He gave me a crooked grin, then replied using a bossy tone. “Yes, I am. As you can see, the only way back is for us to ski down this hill.”

  Jaxon started slowly down the hill. He didn’t go far before he stopped to wait on me. I stood there frozen, unable to move. Fear was taking over. All I kept envisioning was me flying down the hill, out of control and unable to stop. “Sweet Cheeks, come on, let’s go!” he yelled up at me.

  “I can’t,” I yelled back.

  He pulled the goggles off his eyes, placing them on top of his head. “What do you mean you can’t? Are you scared?”

  I nodded. This was embarrassing. Just call me Courtney the Coward.

  Jaxon was side stepping his way up the hill to reach me. “You will be fine. Stop worrying.”

  “I know, but what if I fall? Or what if I can’t stop? Or what if I go off the side of the mountain? Those orange thingys are not going to stop me from meeting the grim reaper.” Okay, maybe I was getting carried away, but still, the thought briefly crossed my mind.

  Trudging up the hill on skis looked to be a difficult task, but, as I watched Jaxon make his way up to where I was standing, he made it appear effortless. He wasn’t even breathing hard when he stopped in front of me. “Meet and greet with the grim reaper?” he snickered. “C’mon, Court, your fear is giving you wicked illusions. I’m not going to let anything happen to you, I promise.” His facial expression told me he really meant what he said. “I will stay right beside you until you feel comfortable, then I’ll follow behind so I can keep an eye on you.”

  Gathering as much courage as I could, I closed my eyes, said a quick prayer, and then allowed myself to glide down the hill. Jaxon stayed alongside me, keeping his word. “Remember, if you want to slow down or stop, make a ‘V’ with your skis.”

  I nodded, not wanting to speak, afraid of breaking my concentration.

  Halfway down the hill Jaxon fell back behind me, giving me space. As I started to feel comfortable, gaining confidence, I straightened my skis to gain a little speed. For the first time that day, I thoroughly enjoyed myself, finally understanding the enjoyment people found in the sport.

  My thoughts were contemplating whether or not to attempt the blue trail before the day was over when I heard Jaxon yell “fuckin’ asshole!” Who was he talking to? Right at that moment, some jerk cut right in front of me, causing me to cross my ski tips. I was on the ground tumbling before I could comprehend what was happening.

  When I finally stopped rolling, Jaxon was already squatted down in front of me assessing the damage. “Fuck!” he hissed. “I am so sorry, are you okay? Does anything feel broken? Are you bleeding anywhere?” He was frantic as his hands and eyes were everywhere on me, feeling and looking for injuries.

  “I’m okay, Jaxon. Just a little dizzy from all the somersaults,” I laughed. Looks like I had another embarrassing moment to add to my list.

  “Are you sure?” he asked, lifting my disarrayed goggles off my head. “I’m really sorry. That guy nearly hit me right before he cut in front of you, giving me zero time to warn you. I’m sorry I broke my promise.” His eyes were sad, genuinely apologetic.

  The sincerity he was showing was doing funny things to my insides. “I promise, I’m perfectly fine. Pride is a little cracked, but that can easily be sealed,” I smiled at him. “Now as for what I look like… I’m afraid to see what this white, mangled mess looks like,” I snickered, feeling the snow everywhere in my hair and sliding down my neck. “I bet I look like an albino yeti,” I snorted.

  Jaxon stood, offering his glove covered hand to help me up. Grabbing it tight, I let him pull me to my feet. “I think you look like a snow princess,” he whispered, before softly kissing my lips.

  I was startled, jerking away even though I wanted more. “I’m so sorry, Court, I didn’t mean to do that… I did, but I didn’t.” His eyes were laced with anxiety. Perhaps he was worried over my reaction. “Not yet anyway,” he mumbled, almost inaudible.

  My brain was screaming in confusion as my tummy danced
with butterflies. I blew his kiss off by focusing on my new nickname. “Snow Princess?” I looked at him questionable. “Is this my new nickname? I was starting to like Sweet Cheeks,” I said, brushing the snow off my coat and head warmer, distracting myself. Making eye contact at this moment was not a wise choice.

  He gave me a one-dimpled, crooked grin, aware I was avoiding the brief connection. “No, Sweet Cheeks is permanent, but out here, right now, you’re Snow Princess.” I grabbed onto his sturdy arm as he helped me snap my boot back into my ski. “Speaking of nicknames, I noticed that Phillip called you Jeanette. Is that your middle name or something else? If it’s none of my business just tell me.”

  He handed me my poles so that we could descend the rest of the way down the hill. “It’s a nickname, one that I hate, and one he calls me when he’s mad or when he wants to piss me off,” I seethed. Just thinking about it got my blood boiling.

  “Knock the snow off your skis, like this,” he said, showing me how to strike my pole against my skis. “So where does Jeanette come from? What’s the meaning behind it?”

  I gave an exaggerated sigh, “You know the Chipettes from Alvin and the Chipmunks?” I asked. He nodded. “Well, he says I’m just like Jeanette—we’re shy, clumsy, and timid, and we both share the same color of hair and eyes, and both wear glasses. He said the only quality I don’t have that she does is the high IQ,” I shrugged, knowing Phillip’s words turned to shit as soon as they hit the air.

  He cocked his head, looking at me studiously. “Glasses?”

  I threaded my hands through the loop of my ski poles, “Yeah, I used to wear them, but I switched to wearing contacts after getting tired of his jokes.” I shrugged. “I thought it would stop him, but, of course, it didn’t.”

  I was ready to change the subject. I didn’t want to think or talk about Phillip during my time with Jaxon. “Wanna race?” I challenged, pushing off to get a head start.

  I could hear him laughing behind me saying something along the lines of ‘you’ve got to be joking.’

  This time, I flowed smoothly down the mountain. Jaxon passed me then slowed down to let me pass him. We kept up the playful game of cat and mouse until we reached the bottom. He stopped directly in front of me, picking me up in a big bear hug, celebrating my accident-free journey. Jaxon lowered his face to mine. Was he going to kiss me again? Would I let him? I closed my eyes, ready for his soft lips to connect with mine. I couldn’t restrain myself this time. I wanted to feel his tender skin, taste his sweet, cool mouth, get lost in him again.

  After waiting what felt like an eternity, his forehead connected to mine. His breathing was ragged, and I could smell the sweet, peppermint aroma tickling my senses. “I’m so proud of you. I knew you could do it,” he whispered, restraint evident in his tone. I kept my eyes closed, afraid of losing control if I looked at him.

  My breathing was heavy, not from exertion, but from the unwelcomed feelings I was developing for this wonderful, charismatic guy embracing me. Confusion was overcoming my senses again. I was perceptibly attracted to Jaxon, but was I developing a crush? Yes, it was a possibility. He represented all the qualities in a guy I never knew I wanted. Unless I wanted my heart broken later, I couldn’t allow those feelings to grow. He was much older than me, my mom wouldn’t allow it, he lived on the opposite coast, and he would be leaving soon.

  Jaxon released me, setting me back on the quickly accumulating snow.

  We spent the entire day together, alone. He bought my lunch, ignoring me the entire time I argued, waving my money to the cashier. As the day progressed, the snow changed from dime-size to quarter-size, adding at least six more inches to the amount already lying on the ground. Jaxon and I sent continuous texts to Kendra and Reed throughout the day, both of us deciding to give up when they never responded. At first I was worried, fearful of something horrible happening to them, but after a while my concern became overshadowed by anger. Knowing how sneaky Kendra could be, my intuition was telling me she had this planned all along.

  The evening hour was quickly approaching, filling me with anxiety. The snow was coming down relentlessly, and I knew, even if we left right then, our drive home would be treacherous. I was tired, cold, and ready to go home. My hair was in between stages of being wet and frozen, and my stomach couldn’t make up its mind whether it was hungry or nervous.

  Jaxon’s phone buzzed, bringing me subtle hope, when suddenly my phone buzzed right after his, indicating I also had a text. My mood lightened a little as I saw Kendra’s name flash on my screen.

  K: Hey we r n the main lobby trying 2 find somewhere 2 stay 2nite. Roads r bad!!

  The first thought to cross my mind was how much my mom was going to freak and how I would be grounded until I turned eighteen.

  I turned to Jaxon, curious to find out who his text was from. “That was Reed. He said to meet them in the main lobby. They’re trying to find a place to stay for the night.” he smiled warmly at me. “You look cold. Let’s get you inside and see what those two crack-heads have planned for us.”

  After wasting an hour of arguing over Reed and Kendra’s irresponsibility, we managed to make amends, thaw our limbs and clothes, return our rentals, feed our bellies, and reassure our parents that we were okay. Due to the weather, someone had canceled their reservation at the last minute, freeing up a one bedroom chalet at the bottom of the mountain. It wasn’t exactly what we were hoping for, but it was better than our last option—sleeping in Reed’s truck.

  It was early in the night once we got into our chalet, and exhaustion was taking over. The place was small, but suitable for our one night stay. It provided all the amenities we would need, minus an extra bed. I whispered my concerns to Kendra of our sleeping arrangement, but she was dead set on sleeping with Reed. Reed voiced his reasoning of why he was not sleeping with another man when he had a sexy, hot woman to share his bed with. I could have strangled Kendra for telling Reed I didn’t want to sleep in a bed with Jaxon. Taking notice of my discomfort, they offered to sleep on the couch bed, taking all the blame for us being in this predicament to begin with.

  Staking claim on the bathroom, I took the first shower. The hot water felt amazing, relaxing my tense muscles from a surprisingly stressful day. I vigorously scrubbed the washcloth over my teeth, trying to clean them the best I could without a toothbrush.

  After showering, I put my thermals back on over my panties and bra. I ran my fingers through my hair to disentangle the wet curls, making myself somewhat presentable before going to bed.

  Jaxon kept quiet as I crept to the bed, sliding under the covers. There was so much tension building in the small bedroom, I was relieved when he took his turn in the bathroom. I tried to rush myself asleep as he took a shower, hoping the combination of my fatigue and the running water would lull me to sleep before he got out. His shower lasted a whole two minutes. I switched positions, lying on my side with my back facing where he would lie. The room was dark, only a sliver of light was peering from the crack around the bathroom door.

  Before exiting the bathroom, he turned the light off. My eyes had already adjusted to the dark, and I could clearly make out his half-naked silhouette as he approached the bed. I feigned sleep as he crawled under the covers beside me.

  Lying still for what seemed like hours, Jaxon startled me as I felt him turn his body to face me. “Court, are you awake?” He was whispering, tapping my back. Stretching, I turned onto my back, pretending he woke me up. “I am now, is something wrong?” I whispered groggily.

  “We need to talk.”

  “About… ?” Oh boy, I was afraid of where this was headed.

  “Us. There is something going on with us. I know you feel the chemistry, too. If you didn’t, you would discourage my flirting.” His voice was steady and serious. “I know you remember what happened after the party. I know I hurt your feelings, and I apologize for that. I had to stop before things went any further. I didn’t want to take advantage of you in your condition, that wouldn’t
have been fair. Something… something like that should be consensual without alcohol fogging one’s intellect.” He was propped up on his elbow, looking down at me.

  My heart fluttered, I was lost for words. He knew. He knew this entire time what I thought was my own personal secret. I felt like a fool. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why did you ask me what I remembered if you already knew?” I was confused why he hadn’t told me this before now.

  “I didn’t know how you felt about me. You kept reminding me how you didn’t want a boyfriend, that you were only interested in us being friends. And I can’t leave out the times that Kendra and Reed reminded me you were off-limits,” he sighed. “I occasionally tossed a few hints your way here and there to see what kind of reaction I would get from you,” he huffed. “But—”

  I cut him off before he could say anything else I didn’t want to hear. I don’t know why I did it, but it was possibly the most impulsive thing I’d ever done in my life.

  Reaching up, I cupped his stubbly face in both hands, and pulled him down until our lips met. He was hesitant at first. The kiss was feather-light, so I grazed my fingers over his ear, through his short, soft hair, encouraging the kiss. He inhaled deeply, his breath ragged, the smell of mint exploding all around me. His lips parted slightly, and the tip of his tongue ran across my bottom lip, asking for an invite.

  Accepting the invitation, I opened my mouth, tasting his tongue and the sweetness that fulfilled him. He ran his hand down my arm, sliding it across my abdomen before grabbing my hip, squeezing gently. At that point, the kiss deepened. I trickled my fingers across his jaw line, down his neck, stopping once I reached his nipple rings. I allowed them to explore his chest, fondling the piercings, which caused a moan to escape his lips. He quickly repositioned himself over the top of me, hovering, but not putting any weight on my sensually heated body. His mouth pulled away from my lips, making a trail down my neck, leaving light kisses along my collarbone.