“I’m not sure darkness is going to make much of a difference.” The light failed to penetrate far, so Kilan had a point.
“Maybe not but humor me.”
“It would help if we knew why the tunnels existed. Maybe we’d know what to expect.”
Kilan’s tone gave Antal pause. He sounded dismayed. It crossed Antal’s mind that Kilan might be afraid. He crushed his rising annoyance. No one had convinced him yet that Kilan was a coward, not even Kilan himself. “You’re not looking forward to going off alone, are you?”
The resulting silence lasted so long Antal thought he would have to prompt, and then Kilan said, “No. I’m not looking forward to falling down another hole or tripping over and breaking my neck in the dark.”
Clearly, he hadn’t wanted to admit that. The fact that he hadn’t lied pleased Antal, though he couldn’t say why. He tried to see it from the prince’s point of view. Kilan was younger. He had less experience. He hadn’t had the same training…yet he could act courageously despite those things; Antal had seen it. “I hate to state the obvious, but is there anything the comet can do?”
The pause was shorter this time. “I’ve tried. The problem is I’m still new at this. I need to feel calm to tap into the power by myself.”
“How calm?”
“The calmer the better. I can usually do it without too much thought. I can even be distracted, but I’ve never done this while stressed, not without Markis to help me. He says that soon it should come naturally even when I’m…” Kilan’s hands fluttered in the air, searching for something elusive. Finding the action annoying, Antal caught one of his hands. Only then did he become aware just how much tension thrummed through the younger man’s body. If that tension wasn’t entirely fear -- and he didn’t believe so -- then there had to be other reasons. He made a wild guess.
“Let go of the guilt.”
“Guilt?”
“For putting us in this situation.”
Kilan hated responsibility; no doubt he now felt accountable for getting them into trouble and obligated to get them out of it. The prince looked startled even though he shouldn’t have; he truly wasn’t that difficult to read.
“How did you… Never mind. Sometimes I think you’re related to Ryanac.”
Antal laughed. Ryanac always seemed to know what others were thinking. “No, but there are reasons why Markis chose me as Uly’s Sonndre.”
“They all approve of you.”
Maybe Kilan wasn’t aware of it, but Antal heard the respect and self-doubt in the prince’s voice well enough. The respect both surprised and pleased him, not because it existed but because of the depth of emotion he could hear in the other man’s voice. As for the self-doubt, Kilan’s tone suggested he lacked the same approval from those that he looked up to most, and no matter what Kilan cared to admit, he admired his brother and the men in his life. That and feeling bad for causing this problem were reasons enough to prevent Kilan from tapping into the comet.
Without analyzing why, Antal reached up and brushed Kilan’s hair back from the side of his face. Where Antal’s hair now hung loose, Kilan’s was still in a braid. He didn’t wear it as long as most Swithin men did. His style was shorter, just overflowing his shoulders, more feminine, and it suited him. The physical connection felt more intimate than it should have. Impulsively and owing to the fact that Kilan did nothing to stop him, Antal pushed his fingers in a little way so that the heat of his fingertips would sink into Kilan’s scalp.
Kilan turned to face him with a clear expression of surprise. Antal flicked his gaze to Kilan’s wide eyes, down the lines of his nose, left and right over his cheekbones, finally resting his gaze on the prince’s lips. He liked what he saw and wondered when or if ever he’d taken the time to notice the prince. Was Kilan’s lack of confidence solely the prince’s fault, or was he…invisible? Yes, perhaps, but Antal had always believed the prince preferred it that way. He’d believed Kilan’s penchant for being there in the background was his choice. On some level he still believed so, but what if…it wasn’t entirely his choice. What if at times Kilan very much wanted someone to notice him?
Antal flicked his gaze back to Kilan’s eyes, returning the prince’s stare. Maybe because of the situation, maybe because of what Kilan had witnessed him doing, and maybe since he was touching him, for the first time the young prince felt real to Antal. While it would be accurate to say Kilan looked like a younger version of Markis, for the resemblance was clear, the comparison no longer served. Kilan’s face appeared more angular, sharper, brighter somehow. He carried a look of innocence in the same manner as Uly’s face did. It had everything to do with the expression. Antal watched Kilan’s eyes watching him in turn, and he kept looking. He brushed his fingertips down from Kilan’s scalp, all the way down the side of his face to his chin. That skin felt smooth, youthful, with only the lightest graze of stubble. The look in Kilan’s eyes managed to look young and yet older, wiser, innocent and knowledgeable all at once. A puzzle was Kilan, but now he had no time to consider it.
“Can you create light the way Markis can?”
“You’ve seen that?”
Antal nodded.
“I’ve only managed it for a short time.”
“A short time is better than none and may be all you need.”
“I realize that!” He didn’t quite shout, but his agitation was clear. “I tried while you were unconscious. I went down the tunnel, and then when it became too dark to see, I tried.”
Definitely not a coward, no matter that he thinks he is. Antal kept his voice gentle. He let his fingers brush back and forth over Kilan’s jaw as a way of staying connected, to help calm him. “You were worried about me. You didn’t know if I’d wake up. You’d just had a shock yourself. Maybe it would work now.”
“Maybe. Are you manipulating me?”
The prince clearly referred to his touch. “Only a little.” Surprisingly that was true, although possibly part of the reason was he felt a little vulnerable himself. Falling naked down a hole would do that to you. “Touch equals comfort. Maybe I need a little comfort too.” He couldn’t resist teasing. “You don’t seem to object.”
Uncertainty flashed through Kilan’s eyes, but he did nothing to push Antal away. “I still need to feel calm.”
“So we’ll sit until you’re calm.”
Kilan laughed. “That could take a while.”
“It doesn’t look as if we’re going anywhere. I don’t suppose it’s worth asking if you can contact Markis?”
Could he contact Markis? He was less surprised that Antal asked than the fact that he hadn’t thought of trying. Having once combined their powers to track Uly’s location, it took a small leap of the imagination for Antal to assume he could contact Markis directly. He tried to ignore the question of why Antal touched him, why he continued to stare at him that way. Wondering about that wasn’t going to calm him.
“I don’t know. I’ve never tried to do it deliberately. I’d need to feel even calmer to attempt that than to produce a light. Even if I access the power, usually Markis knows. I can send him my…feelings.” He shrugged, frustrated by the inadequacy of the explanation. “That’s a poor way to describe it. I don’t know if I can call him. I think he could probably locate me if he wanted to, but my tapping into the power alone wouldn’t be cause enough for him to do that right away. I’d have to hold it or keep tapping in for him to grow concerned, and I don’t even know if it would work that way at this distance. We’ve had no reason to try. Anyway,” he said, forcing a smile to his face, “I wasn’t sure you’d want anyone to know you’re here.”
“Ryanac knows, but he’s not expecting me back for at least a couple of days. What excuse did you make for being away?”
He thought of lying but couldn’t; it was his fault Antal lay there hurt, and the least he could do was be honest while they were trapped. “I lied to too many people.”
Antal’s twisted smile suggested he expected as much. “Even so,
they’ll notice you missing before they miss me, and they won’t know you’re here with me.”
Kilan opened his mouth to say that actually Ryanac did know, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to say so. He felt guilty enough.
“Whatever happens, we’re stuck here tonight and maybe most of tomorrow even if we could let someone know right away. I can’t walk. We’ve no horse?” Antal made it a question, and Kilan shook his head. Hiking to the glade was part of the cleansing for Antal, and Kilan hadn’t ridden a horse, choosing stealth over speed and comfort. “I don’t know about you, but I’d rather face Ryanac’s teasing than be stuck here for several days or crawl home on my hands and knees.”
I’d carry you. He didn’t say so aloud, but he would do so. Instead what came out of Kilan’s mouth was, “It’s my fault you’re hurt.”
“I chased you.”
“I provoked you.”
“And I should have left well enough alone and beat the crap out of you later.” Antal sounded very decided about that. His expression suggested those amber eyes twinkled. Kilan wished he could see better…and suddenly a small light illuminated the gloom.
Blinking at his hand, Kilan stared at the small swirling ball of orange light that he held. “Well, that’s a surprise,” he murmured. He hadn’t even realized he’d lifted his hand.
“You weren’t trying?”
Kilan shook his head. “I wasn’t even thinking about it. Usually I have to consciously tap into the power.”
“Can Markis sense you?”
“I…can’t tell.”
“Is it stable?”
He presumed Antal meant the light. “I…guess so.” By the comet, could he sound any more doubtful?
“What aren’t you telling me?”
He didn’t want to say, but Antal would be relentless -- just like Ryanac -- so he had to say something; besides, he owed him. He told the truth but put laughter into his voice to make it a joke. “I couldn’t help thinking it’ll go out at just the wrong moment, and there’ll I’ll be, stuck in the dark, on my own.” He tried to avoid Antal’s gaze, but somehow that stare held.
“You’ll be fine,” Antal said.
Sure. Nice try. Antal was just trying to boost his confidence, but not wanting to appear a coward in Antal’s eyes, Kilan stood up. “I’d give you my jacket,” he said, staring at the light rather than the other man’s nakedness. “Trouble is, I’d have to put out the light to remove it. The light feels…settled enough, but I don’t want to risk letting go of it.”
“I’m fine. I’ll use the blanket. Just go. Take a quick look as far as you think is wise, and then make your way back to me.”
Kilan nodded, not taking his eyes off the light until he’d turned away and walked a fair distance into the earthen passage. He glanced back, but by then Antal was just an outline. The passage curved, and Kilan ducked out of sight.
Chapter Nine
“There’s good news and bad.”
Antal blinked his eyes open at the sound of Kilan’s voice. He’d wrapped himself in the blanket, and leaning back against the tunnel wall, tried to get some rest. He looked in time to see Kilan let go of the light, plunging them into gloom. He could only hope Kilan could recall it.
“Before you tell me,” Antal said, “have you anything to bind my ankle?” He should have thought of it sooner. He cursed that his thinking wasn’t as clear as usual. It wasn’t in his nature to be so lax. They had no ice at hand, but binding it might help with the swelling. He’d searched the pack but found nothing, and anyway, he struggled to reach his ankle without increasing the pain or risking further injury. He needed Kilan to bind it for him.
Without hesitating, Kilan shrugged off his jacket. He lifted his tunic over his head. Antal blinked, this time in surprise. Not only had Kilan stripped with no signs of being self-conscious, but what Antal saw surprised him. The young prince was definitely a young man now, lithe and lean. The developing muscle could go either way, but something in Kilan’s frame made Antal believe the prince would always appear sinewy. Kilan had, in fact, the kind of body that Antal liked in a male lover. He swallowed, blinked, looked away, and then glanced back, focusing on what Kilan was doing rather than his body.
Deftly, Kilan tore a strip of fabric loose from the tunic and then put the garment on again. Antal tried to ignore the relief he felt to see Kilan covered once more. What he felt wasn’t even a heated attraction, so why did he suddenly seem so interested? Because Kilan was, maybe? Because he was stuck in a hole with nothing better to occupy his thoughts? Well, he had other considerations right now, but later…later they would need to rest, perhaps sleep. They had only one blanket.
Bending, Kilan worked the strip of cloth around Antal’s ankle with both gentleness and proficiency. Antal watched his movements with more than casual interest. As much as Kilan protested his hatred of responsibility, he did what needed doing when necessary. Granted, he needed a little pushing at times, but he followed orders well.
“I was going to suggest you tear a strip off the blanket,” Antal remarked while watching Kilan work. A small smile played about the other man’s mouth.
“Not so easy and we need the blanket. It’s not worth ruining.”
So he does think out his actions. “We?”
“I have my tunic. You can wear my jacket. Later we can share the blanket.”
That was just what Antal had been thinking. “And body heat, I imagine.”
“Naturally.” Silence reigned while Kilan finished his task. He looked up, smirking. “Don’t get your hopes up. This is survival, not a seduction.”
“As if I’d want you to seduce me.” Antal waited to see if he could detect any disappointment in Kilan’s expression. He couldn’t tell what the other man was thinking, but he could tell he was thinking something. Thinking it very hard.
“I haven’t found a way out, so that’s the bad news,” Kilan told him as though Antal had said nothing. “I have found a better location with a small water source. It’s not far.” Kilan looked him up and down. Antal doubted the regard was sexual. He tried to feel pleased that Kilan hadn’t let himself be distracted, was all business, yet… He couldn’t help feeling just a tad thwarted. “You can make it,” Kilan told him. He clearly meant even with the ankle. Rather than waste time arguing, Antal nodded. Later. Survival first. Anything else would have to come…later.
“I promise you can,” Kilan added as if he believed Antal would need convincing.
Antal returned the prince’s gaze. “I trust your judgment.” He expected to see surprise, and that was exactly what flashed into those dark eyes. “You’re capable of making an assessment under difficult circumstances, more capable than you know or wish to accept.”
Kilan opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. “I wish you would say that to some of my trainers when we get back. They accuse me of…”
Holding up a hand, Antal forestalled him. He knew exactly of what they accused the prince. He was also in no mood for Kilan’s childish, selfish protests, no matter the true reason behind them. “You play them up purposely. You’re quite capable of acting serious.”
Apparently, the young prince had nothing to say to that.
“I have just two questions. If we move farther into the tunnels, how will Markis ever find us? And can you reproduce the light so we can see where we’re going?”
“He’ll know because I’m going to leave him a message, and as for the light, the short answer is yes.”
Kilan stood, reaching down to help Antal to his feet. Antal ignored the proffered hand. “I need to get so far by myself,” he mumbled as way of apology. He clearly didn’t need to explain his actions; Kilan didn’t react to the rejection but just waited. Edging around onto his knees with some difficulty and much wincing, finally Antal knelt, got his good foot under him, and then he reached for help. Making it to his feet required endurance and a few caresses in unexpected places. He reasoned that each touch was necessary, and felt grateful the pain pr
evented him from fully appreciating the brush of hands on his skin.
Finally Antal was standing. He allowed Kilan to take the blanket, balancing with one hand against the wall as Kilan helped him into the jacket. The longer length design hung over his hips. It wouldn’t protect his modesty entirely but would suffice. Not that he cared about nudity, but the chill air around his nether regions felt a little peculiar. Kilan folded the blanket and tied it to his pack. He swung the pack up over his back.
Kilan turned and studied the ground in front of them. He looked up at the opening and then moved position. The daylight was fading. Antal tried not to think of the nice cave and his provisions just a short walk away. Instead, he watched Kilan raise a hand, produce a light, and then send that light spiraling downward. The flare lit up Kilan’s eyes, making him look feral. Antal looked away as the brightness seared his sight. When he next looked, he could see that Kilan had seared a symbol into the earthen floor. He couldn’t make it out clearly from this angle, but that didn’t matter. It looked rather like a sun, the way a child would draw it but with a tail. Was it the comet?
“If Markis sees this, he’ll know I’ve been here. Of course, he needs to find the hole in the ground and look down.”
“That’s why I wondered if we’d be better off waiting here in case we heard someone calling.”
“Not tonight.”
Antal grinned reluctantly. “No. Not tonight.” It didn’t matter how mystical Markis’s power was; he couldn’t fly. A rescue party would take time to get here. The evening would grow colder. They needed a better place to bed down for the night.
* * *
Pausing every other step, Antal’s arm around his shoulders and his arm around Antal’s waist, Kilan had tried to support as much of the other man’s weight as he possibly could. It made for slow progress, and every time he took a step that was a little too jarring, Antal grimaced. He had to be in a great deal of pain for it to show at all. For the final part of the trek, Antal had either stopped trying to suppress his gasps or failed to. Every time Antal had been unable to conceal the pain, Kilan had gritted his teeth, refusing to apologize. If he started apologizing, he rather feared he wouldn’t stop until Antal grew irritated with him, as he undoubtedly would. Even now, finally settled and bedded down for the night, Antal let out a small moan.
A Swithin Spin: A Princely Passion Page 11
