Pain & Redemption

by Kat Kenyon

  When she finally gets them in, they look amazing. My mom sends her to the bathroom to look for herself, and to give her a chance to clean up and breathe.

  When she gets back, it’s Mom’s turn to open the present from Rayne. I was there while this was being made. It was done fast, but a labor of love.

  Rayne’s pulled together dozens of the best on-field and off-field shots, quotes, and interview material from the season and made a scrapbook. All the stuff Mom missed. All the stuff she didn’t see, didn’t hear.

  The delicate way Mom’s fingers brush the images is intense, her tears falling silently as she goes from page to page. There’s stuff in there I forgot or never saw, that I was shocked by. I’ve never had anything like it. I love it, and Mom is beside herself.

  Looking at my present from Rayne, I know I have something similar. She let me look through Mom’s present, but not mine.

  When I open it, I expect to see a duplicate of my mom’s. It’s a scrapbook all right, but not like the other one.

  Mom’s is full of the season, the public images that are out there, but mine…is us. Images I’ve never seen, images from my phone, her phone, from ESPN, from God knows where. Posts from our social media, comments from friends. It’s us from new, to painful, to reborn. She has us down in a place to remember, and pressure builds behind my eyes.

  Damn.

  “I hope it’s okay,” she says softly. She knows there are moments in here that I missed. Moments I wanted. Moments she’s given back to me in these swirls of color and text.

  I struggle to find my voice for a second. “I love it.”

  Opening my arms, I wrap around her, needing to feel her. She came back. Holding her as tight as I can without breaking her, I whisper in her ear exactly what the book of memories, hers and mine, means to me.

  I watched her walk away from me, and ghost walk week after week, as broken as I was. When she came back, she brought life back into us both. It doesn’t hurt to breathe anymore. I’m not swallowing sand anymore. I’m alive again.

  Settling her on my lap, I exhale the excess energy until I’m under control, and Mom waits. She’s quiet and gives us the time we need.

  Finally, I look at her. “Sorry.”

  “Hold on to that feeling you two. Treasure it. Above anything given, anything you think you earn, everything you’ll get. Treasure that. The day you don’t, you’ll lose it and you may not get it back.” Her smile falters. “Love is strong. And fragile. It’s like silk. Beautiful and soft to the touch. It can be raw and beautiful, or refined and flawless. It can be stronger than almost any other fabric. But, it stains faster than almost anything, and once you ruin it, it’s almost impossible to clean. When you try, it warps, shrinks, it won’t ever fit the same. Treat it with care.”

  I know she hurts. She loved my dad with everything in her, and the destruction of their relationship has changed her.

  But, I won’t be him. I’m going to take care of my girl. I know what I have, how lucky I am. “I’m sorry, Mom.”

  “I know, honey. And I know you love her.” She smiles and nods at Rayne. “Sweetheart, you are tough out of luck. You’re family now.”

  A bubble of laughter releases the tension and emotional weight. We spend the rest of the day and into the night together.

  Mom leaves the day after for Granddad’s. He’s standing by her and me, helping with everything. He’d do it even if she stayed home and cried, but that’s not what she’s doing. The society training of her childhood is coming out, and it looks good on her.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Rayne Mathews

  It was the best holiday I can remember, and two days later we’re dressed up and pulling into a gorgeous banquet hall. After he shuts off the engine, he comes around and opens my door. His idea of helping me out of the truck is to feel me sliding down his body before his lips descend and meet mine.

  I give him a hug. “I’m so excited for you.”

  We’re going to the team dinner, and they’re handing out awards for the season and Tyler’s getting something tonight.

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” he says into my hair before grabbing my hand and putting it on his arm, walking me to the doors and opening them for me.

  I spot our little freshmen group as soon as we enter the lobby, and wave. A huge smile breaks across Mike’s face and he thumps Bay. Bay thumps Kevin, and they start clapping. Before we know it, all the players in the room are turned, laughing and clapping at us.

  “Good to see ya, Rayne!” I don’t have to turn to know that it’s Brent.

  These were my people for so long, and the distance I’ve kept between us fades away as they cheer our clasped hands, forgotten.

  “Welcome back!” Lark’s voice chimes from somewhere to my left.

  Heat rises in my cheeks, and I turn into Tyler’s chest. I feel him chuckling more than hear him.

  “Lucky bastard!” Ethan, from the back.

  “Yeah, yeah!” Tyler yells at the crowd. I feel him raise an arm to wave them off as he squeezes me.

  Someone yells, “Cheers, motherfucker!” and starts a cacophony of catcalls and retorts. Tyler laughs through the whole thing, flipping people off, and kissing my head. He heads for our group to wait for dinner, and I’m wrapped up in hugs by the guys. We’ve seen them in the last couple days, but not much.

  “You guys look good,” Dylan says, coming up behind us.

  Looking back at all the times Dylan added his two cents, I want so much to give him more than I can. Throwing my arms around him and squeezing him hard in a hug, I whisper, “Thank you. For everything.”

  His returning hug is warm and intense. I feel him momentarily put his face in my neck, then lift and look at Tyler. “You’re welcome. And take care of her. I’ll kick your ass if you don’t.” Releasing me, Dylan steps back, smiles his perfect GQ smile, then looks at both of us. “Anyone ever tell you two, you were sucking up all the pretty in the room?”

  Tyler coughs on his laugh and grins. “Kinda, yeah. And I swear, you won’t ever need to come looking to kick my ass. I owe you.”

  They grasp at their forearms and pull into a half hug. What they whisper, I can’t hear, but it’s good because they smile at each other when they separate.

  It’s a good night. Everyone agrees that the awards go to the right players, and Tyler takes home the Best New Player award. The team unity is palpable throughout what amounts to a private pep rally, player and coach supporting each other. And when the official dinner is over, they aren’t ready to separate. We end up at a bowling alley with the team in suits and dates in semi-formal dresses, shoes off, slipping and sliding across gleaming floors and drinking to the Warriors, and all things Blood and Iron.

  These are people who stood by us this semester, even when we couldn’t see it, and they’ll be with us in the semesters to come.

  It feels incredible.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Tyler Blackman

  It’s all about the bowl game now.

  I feel strong in mind and body for the first time in months. I’ve gained weight in the last week and a half, and my confidence is back, and I see it seep into Rayne.

  Loving her this time is as easy as breathing, and I give her every moment I can. Time is important when I can’t fix everything else.

  The dean says Gabe and his family still aren’t responding. For the expulsion to be complete, they have to have proof of notice so he can’t appeal, and they still don’t have it. The final steps are being taken, but I’m worried it won’t be enough.

  I never knew how hard it is to take care of this kind of shit. It’s almost impossible to deal with a stalker, even one who’s been violent. There has to be a better way to do this, but the school seems unwilling to really hold him accountable or speed up the process.

  It makes me nervous to leave her alone, no matter what the school says. Until I know they’ve done what they promised, I won’t breathe easy.

  We have a schedule for the
team though, and I can’t skip. We spend most of the time on film and analyzing key players’ strengths. This will be a grinder, so our coaches aren’t beating us up, instead, they’re keeping today’s workout light.

  I’ve already been put on notice, I need to plow through defenses like bowling pins. They’re counting on Lark and me to move fast off the line, outpace a quick defense, and out-muscle what is a slightly smaller and less powerful set of cornerbacks and safeties.

  We can do it. I’ve done it before, and while Lark isn’t known for that kind of brute force, his speed and agility are crazy.

  Our major concern is, the opposing offensive line is massive. They’re the biggest in the conference, bigger overall than our defense, which means we have to meet them touchdown for touchdown, or we’re out. So, we work full tilt while holding back what we need to play the game.

  When I step out of the locker room, I’m surprised when I run into Rayne’s coworker, Beth.

  She’s an odd one. She hit on me multiple times at the beginning of the year, but she seemed like a ready-made clinger, so I avoided her. After Rayne and I broke up, she got standoffish, glaring instead of tracking me like she did initially. Which seemed weird and made no sense.

  When she sees me, she startles, looking around to see if I’m the only one who’s around. No one should be here because Dixon is closed for the week. There’s not even a receptionist in the lobby.

  The way she’s hanging out at the corner of the football team’s private hallway, hands fidgeting, sends up a red flag.

  “Hey,” I say. Her startled expression and paling face scream guilt.

  “Hi, Cyborg.”

  “Whatchya doin’?”

  ’Cause someone got into the locker room a while back who shouldn’t have been there.

  Why do I think you had something to do with that?

  “Nothing much, just needed something,” she stutters, backing up.

  “Beth.”

  “Yeah.” Her face brightens for a second, not catching my tone.

  “What are you doing here?” I demand.

  Her face darkens and her lips thin. The ugly twisting of her expression fits, suiting her general vibe better than the fake smiles. And her ugly invades the words that come out of her mouth. “It’s none of your business.”

  “Actually, it is.” I step in front of her, dropping my bag to take up a good portion of the hall. “No one’s supposed to be here except for the two teams prepping for championships, and you aren’t on either. This area’s for team members only and you sure’s hell aren’t a football player. So, I’ll ask again, what are you doing here?”

  She gets flustered and tries to give me a death glare when I stand silent, crossing my arms. I want an answer. Her hands shake and fly to her jean pocket. When she doesn’t answer I turn, heading back in to tell Coach she’s here.

  “Where are you going?” she calls as I hit the steel door to the locker room.

  “To tell them we have a trespasser.”

  “You’re gonna tattle on me?” She sounds shocked.

  “Well, you aren’t talking, and I can’t drag your ass out of here, so…yeah,” I say, shrugging. Not that I would touch her.

  “Wait, don’t.” She grabs my arm as the steel door swings open. It nearly hits her in the face and she stumbles back, glaring. “You did that on purpose.”

  I didn’t, but there’s no way I’m explaining myself to her. “Yet another reason to get someone,” I say, dashing inside.

  I want someone out here now because one lie and my life is over. By the time my conditioning coach comes out, Beth’s gone.

  He believes me, and after what happened with Val, all the teams’ coaches are stressed and concerned about security. Beth may be a weak link, and now everyone knows they have a place to start looking.

  Chapter Thirty

  Rayne Mathews

  “I still don’t understand how you got the tickets.”

  “Do you care?” I laugh.

  I know the answer. Tate and Tegs will have their asses back in town. No one turns down tickets to the Rose Bowl, and they’re both fans.

  Everyone was able to get tickets for their families, but friends were a different matter. When the coaches gifted me four tickets, the windfall allowed us to give both the tickets Tyler bought to Leslie, leaving me with three spare tickets: two for Tate and Tegs, and the other for Bay’s girlfriend Kris.

  “No. No, I don’t, but I want to hear about why you want to go, and what the hell happened after I left.” She’s excited and breathless, and oh so Tate right now.

  “I didn’t have to call him,” I say, biting my lip. I know my blush has to be bright enough to glow.

  “What?” she shrieks into my ear. I pull the phone away, laughing at how loud she is. I shake my head and just look at my screen; I can still hear her clearly. “You didn’t have to call! You didn’t? Does that mean he called you?”

  Tyler laughs and pulls me back under the covers, grabbing the phone. We’re naked and he’s warm, so I snuggle in as I hear her yelling, “He’s there!”

  Tyler hits loudspeaker. “Yeah, Tate, I’m here. Happy holidays,” Tyler tells her before kissing the spot between my shoulder and neck, making me sorry we’re still talking.

  “Oh my God, you called her! I’m so happy you called her!”

  “I didn’t call,” he laughs, and I can immediately hear and smell Tate’s mental brakes.

  “What?”

  “I came for her, Tate. And begged.” There’s no fear in his voice, no ego, no regret. He just turns his attention to the mark on my neck, making me reach my hand behind me to stroke him. On the other end of the line, she roars to life.

  “Oh my God, I love that! You came for her. Holy shit, hold on, hold on!”

  We hear her fumbling for a moment. Whatever she’s doing has her full attention, and Tyler uses the break to suck on my neck hard enough to make me squeal. He laughs softly as we hear her put us on loudspeaker.

  “Tegs! He came for her. Seriously!”

  Tegs is in the background chortling to himself. “Last time I checked, it hurts if he doesn’t.”

  Of course, he’d take it there. Our reunion has been reduced to an orgasm joke, and Tyler’s snorting against my back.

  “That’s nasty as fuck!” Tate shrieks and sounds of slapping and scuffling come across the line. She’s roughing up her boyfriend while he wrestles her to sexual submission, and not for the first time. He thinks it’s funny, and so does anyone watching.

  “Well, it’s true. Back me up, man!” he yells. It sounds like the phone hits the floor.

  Tyler’s body is shaking so hard he can barely breathe.

  “What are you laughing at?” I ask the big man behind me.

  My question sets off another round of ab-crunching laughter. I try to turn and look at him, but he locks me down with his arms and legs.

  “What is so damn funny?” Trying to keep from laughing with him, I give a twist of my hand.

  Taking a shuddering breath, he bites my shoulder and pretends to rip a piece out, pausing as the sounds from the phone go silent. Pulling me back so he can look at me, he smiles and chuckles, the laughter playing in his eyes. “First, I’ll always come for you, both kinds. Second, not coming for you, both kinds, would hurt.”

  “Dirty bastard.”

  My retort makes his body shake again as he drops his head back onto my shoulder. He takes another breath, laughing, then lifts up, more serious. “Were you gonna call?”

  “I missed you.”

  “Were you going to call?” he asks again, his smile hesitant, his eyes scanning my face.

  “I hadn’t decided. But, I’m sure I would have broken. I can’t be without you.”

  I smile as his joy rebounds into a kiss full of all the promises we’ve made, and the ones left unsaid. Sinking into each other again, it’s another hour before we meet up with our group for lunch.

  The energy is the same as before, but Bay brings Kris. They
’ve grown close in the last month. Their casual period is over, and he seems really happy. And Wyatt isn’t around.

  When our food comes, I almost catch Bay before he gets my pickle stuffed in his face. I was waiting for him, but it disappears anyway. He’s like a food ninja, getting in and out of my plate without being seen.

  “You didn’t really want it,” he tells me while he scans my plate.

  Asshat.

  Scrunching my nose at him, I glance at the others, not convinced Kevin didn’t purposely distract me so Bay could get it. It’s something I wouldn’t put past either of them.

  Sunday lunch is full of plans, with everyone’s family coming in the next couple days to watch the game. Mike’s dad, who never comes to anything, is bringing his uncle. Kevin’s parents are coming. In fact, most of the Lopez family will arrive in a few hours, and Bay’s family is going to be in the stands with the rest of us.

  Leslie and Tyler’s aunt Margot are using the two tickets he gave her for Christmas, and his dad bought tickets before it sold out. He’s assuming he’ll be the only one there, but his messages never say anything encouraging. Which is why my job will be to make sure there’s enough positive energy to keep his dad’s craptastic energy from ruining the biggest day in his year.

  “You gonna eat that?” Bay points at the remaining chicken on my plate.

  I draw my brows and lips together and glare.

  “What the—You know what, I don’t have to handle you anymore. Kris, would you just hammer the hell out of his bicep for me, before I get mean?” I hiss the last word in his face.

  He laughs at me until I bring Kris into it. He’s really not laughing when she grins like a happy, little demon, and hauls off and punches him.

  “What the hell, you two? That’s not fair.”

  “Tough shit.” I laugh while thanking her.

  “I just asked,” he whines, his green eyes skating over me, then homing in on Kris. “I mean really, what’s with the hostility, ladies? Why you guys gotta be so mean?”