Pain & Redemption
Page 24
“I like the team I have.” She rolls her neck, getting ready for the reality she knows is coming.
“You need new shadows.”
She grits her teeth, and even though this upsets her, she’s able to keep herself level. It’s a relief to see.
I want to give her whatever she wants, but this isn’t really up for debate. It’s about her safety, and I’ve already talked to Granddad, so it’s a done deal. She needs more than a handful to run the security detail properly long-term so we’re getting them. With the news coverage the paparazzi has gotten out of control. They have chased us in the car, broke onto the beach property we were at, and one actually took pictures of me in class. Students have harassed me for information, and the online vitriol is cruel, constant, and creepy.
She’s not going to be without the best protection I can get her. Not when I can’t be there, and even when I can, I want more help. Especially right now.
Weeks, and the stupid fucker is still on the run. Which means he’s still a threat, and while he’s a threat, there won’t be a moment anyone can touch her without her agreeing. He knows he’s in deep shit and he’s dangerous. I don’t know what he’d do right now if he got his hands on her and I don’t want to find out. And no one wants to see what I’d do him if I’m the one he finds.
We need a new guy.
We know his dad’s helping him, we just can’t prove it. There’s no way he’s been out there for a full month without help.
She reads on my face that I’m not budging on this and she sticks her tongue out at me. “Get me a new Shadow,” she mutters.
“I love you.” I stroke her cheek with the back of my hand. I don’t push her on anything but her safety. I can’t let anything happen to her again.
“I love you too.” Her chest rises and falls with a wave of some pained emotion. “I’m sorry, Tyler, I just…” and her eyelashes close, shuttering like a camera lens.
I hate it when she closes her eyes to me.
“You never need to be sorry.” Cupping her cheek, I try to send the truth through whatever invisible thread binds us. “I have one job. Love you. And loving you right, includes making sure you’re safe.”
Her eyes get glassy as her body slumps. Unconsciously, my thumb finds the lips I get to kiss, yet miss desperately. “Just focus on finding your feet, okay?”
Her lips come together to kiss my thumb, subtly pulling it in, then releasing it and for a brief moment we’re in another time.
The before.
I’m stunned as her hands find my belt loops and pull on me, trying to tug me from my chair.
The subtle jerk on my hips makes me smile, a real one. Turning it around on her, I pull her onto my lap, resting my hands at the small of her back. She buries her face in my chest, curling into me.
“I don’t know why you’re still here,” she whispers into my shirt.
Tilting her head back, I can the tears on her face as she tries to smile at me, I can’t tell if I’m helping her or hurting her.
My chest is so tight it feels like it’s going to stop, it hurts so bad. When her hands slip around my neck, her lips finding mine, I feel like I’m going to break open.
Her tongue grazes my lips, making me inhale hard. It’s tentative, gentle, and I don’t open at first. I don’t want her to be overwhelmed. She hasn’t done this in weeks. Not like this, and I’m terrified she’ll pull back…terrified she’ll get scared.
I want her to want me…to be sure. I don’t make any moves, I respond and wait, and even when she finally slips her tongue past my lips, I hold still.
She pulls on my hair, and I give her what she wants, letting her take the kiss where she’s demanding, the air sawing in and out of my chest
It’s a kiss.
Our first real kiss in a month. It means everything. We’re still there, beneath it all. And I’ll wait forever, for as long as she wants me. I’ll wait even if this is all I ever get—if this is as far as it goes ever again.
I die a small death as she kisses away weeks of aching for her. Of watching her fold in on herself. Of folding myself around her to keep her together.
It only lasts seconds, not even a minute, but it’s enough. She’s enough, and as I feel her pull back and I want to hold on, but I don’t.
I can’t. I wouldn’t do that to her. She has to come to me on her own, in her own time. Right now, everything that can be up to her, has to be up to her.
“I’ll always be here.” She has to know I’m never leaving her again.
“I know. I don’t know why you’re willing to live through this with me, but I don’t care. I’m selfish, and you make things better. You make me better. I love you, Tyler.”
She buries her face in my neck and squeezes hard, even as she winces from the pressure on her ribs. I feel the exhalation that always follows her committing herself to me.
She thinks of me as home, her safe space in a world that makes her feel chased and threatened. I’m where she goes when she’s under attack. I wrap my arms around her gently to avoid causing her more pain.
I’m exactly what she thinks I am, only much more dangerous. Because I will put down the next motherfucker who so much as thinks of her.
I played nice last time.
For months Gabe stalked her and the school did nothing. I did nothing. He assaulted her multiple times, and the school did nothing, and I didn’t do what I should have. When we got back together, and he threatened her, I did everything the school said to. I went by the book. I didn’t threaten him. I didn’t hit him or beat him into submission the way I wanted to, like he deserved. No, I let the school “talk” to him. I let them call campus security. I listened to Coach Mills, to Kinnerk, and the therapist. I listened to Dean Lister when he talked to Rayne and promised they had things handled.
Fuck. That.
Fuck them.
I want the bastard dead, not captured. I don’t want her having to think about him ever again. I don’t want her having to testify. If I get my hands on Gabe Stevens, I will kill him.
I don’t say that to her. I don’t tell her that all my violence has returned plus interest. She doesn’t need to deal with it. But, it’s there. In the meantime, I’m the storm circling her, creating an eye of calm for my girl, and I’ll rain down hell on anyone that comes for her.
Acknowledgments
There are real people who have stuck with me for the long haul, and I couldn’t be more grateful. Sadie, Lisa GF, Erin Rowley, and Kristy Stalter deBoer: I don’t know what I would have done without you. Your willingness to send me encouragement, and to redline things that didn’t work is more than anyone could have hoped for.
Thank you for letting me know how to be better and for making me feel stronger instead of weaker.
To the amazing professionals who worked with me on this book, thank you for being part of the ride:
Taryn Lawson- Thanks for stepping into this sequel. It’s scary, and I’m grateful for you being there.
Marla Esposito- I’m learning. Someday, the expertise you’re sharing will sink in.
Shannon Passmore- You’ve stepped into the whirlwind with me on covers, campaigns, merchandise, and I couldn’t have been luckier to find you. Ilsa did me such a big favor.
Shelly Duncan- Two covers down…we’re going to need that next shoot.
About the Author
Kat graduated from Cleveland-Marshall and Oregon State (go Beavers!) after first attending University of Oregon (go Ducks!) as a political science major. Lord help us.
As a child, she constantly had her face buried in a book and loved mythology, religion, politics, and a plethora of other areas depending on her mood. Not much has changed.
Everything is interesting and everything informs her writing. When not fighting to get her arm back from her cat, Akasha, or trying to figure out what her talented hubby is up to now, she lives in Starbucks, depending on her rewards card
Upcoming books by Kat Kenyon
Universe 1
> Lies & Devotion (Blood and Iron Warriors: Book 3)
Universe 1: Book 4 (Dylan’s Book)
Universe 2
The Curse of Damien Angel (Curses & Catastrophes: Book 1)
The Catastrophe at Knor’s Dam (Curses & Catastrophes: Book 2)