Horrible Harry and the Kickball Wedding
Page 2
Wednesday morning when it was our turn to use the art table, Song Lee told us what her mother said.
“It is okay to pretend we get married. Mother is making me veil out of old lacy white curtain from ... bathroom.” Then she giggled.
Harry socked the air. “Yahoo!”
Sidney cut something out of brown construction paper and taped it under his nose. “Now do I look like a minister?”
“With that mustache,” I said, “you look more like Groucho Marx.”
“Very funny, Doug.”
“No, I like it! Do you have any good ideas for me? What does the best man wear?”
“A boutonniere.”
“A boo-tin-what?”
“Boutonniere,” Sidney repeated. “That’s a white carnation.”
“I can show you how to make one, Doug,” Mary said. “Just get me some Kleenex.”
As we worked at the art table, Mary and Ida made daisies out of yellow and orange construction paper for their bridesmaid bouquets. Song Lee made some insects out of folded paper and glued them on her wedding bouquet.
“That’s neat,” Harry said.
“It is origami,” Song Lee said. “Japanese paper folding. I show you how to make grasshopper.”
Miss Mackle came over and asked us what we were doing. Song Lee giggled, Harry shrugged, and I just smiled. None of us wanted to tell the teacher.
“Looks like fun,” Miss Mackle said. The next morning at 8:30 A.M. we all met by the big tree.
Song Lee looked beautiful! She was wearing a red sweater with white fuzzy hearts on it. The bathroom curtain on her head looked just like a wedding veil!
Mary examined the bogus bugs on Harry’s boutonniere. “A black-widow and a lady bug. Ohh! My goodness!”
Harry grinned.
Sidney fiddled with his paper mustache but he couldn’t get it dead center under his nose.
“I didn’t bring our family Bible,” he said, “because it’s too heavy. I just brought another black book. See?”
We all read the title of Sidney’s book: Easy Car Repairs.
I felt like I was twenty-two standing there next to Harry with my Kleenex boutonniere. “You hold this,” he whispered as he handed me a peanut can.
“The wedding ring’s inside?” I whispered.
“It sure is,” Harry grinned.
I wondered why the can didn’t rattle. Even a plastic ring would make some noise.
While Sidney double-checked to see if we were standing in the right places, Ida and Mary started singing a song they had made up, to the tune of “She’ll Be Comin’ Round the Mountain”:“O-oh, Harry’s getting married to
Song Lee,
0-oh, Harry’s getting married to
Song Lee.
There will be a big, big wedding
By the tree where we go
sledding,
0-oh, Harry’s getting married to
Song Lee!”
Sidney cleared his throat. “I memorized the words for this special Valentine wedding ceremony.”
“Good going, Sid,” Harry said as he took Song Lee’s hand.
“Ohhh,” Mary sighed. “True love.”
Sidney opened up his black book to the chapter called “Oil, Lube and Filter,” and began his speech.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered together in front of the big tree and these witnesses to bring together Song Lee and Harry in marriage ... through sickness and health ... and... ”
Just then Dexter walked by and gave us this weird look. He was bouncing a new soccer ball. “Who wants to play a game of real kickball?”
Harry’s head slowly turned as he watched Dexter run to the kickball diamond with two big third graders.
When Sidney asked, “Do you ... Harry, take Song Lee to be your wife,” Harry wasn’t listening anymore.
He was unpinning his boutonniere.
“Well?” Sidney said. “Do you?”
“Eh... I’ll see you guys later,” Harry mumbled. Then he took off!
Mary’s eyes bulged. “Where’s he going?”
“To the kickball diamond,” I said.
“KICKBALL!” Mary and Ida shouted together.
“He’s supposed to say, ‘I do,’ ” said Sidney.
“HOW HORRIBLE!” Ida exclaimed. “Poor Song Lee! Deserted at the altar!”
Suddenly Song Lee threw her veil in the air and called, “Wait for me! I play center field.”
We all just stood there shaking our heads and thinking the same thing. Here we were at a wedding with no bride and no groom.
“Great!” Mary groaned. “Some wedding!”
Here Come the Brides
Sidney closed his big black book, and I picked up the veil. Mary and Ida glared at the kickball diamond.
“I can’t believe it,” Mary said. “After all our big wedding plans!”
Slowly, Sidney reached into his back pocket.
“You want to go to a real wedding?”
“YES! Your mother’s!” Mary and Ida said, jumping up and down.
Sidney handed each of us one of his wrinkled invitations that he had been carrying in his back pocket all week.
“Thanks, Sidney!” I said. “I really do want to see a wedding from beginning to end.”
Mary put her nose in the air. “You aren’t giving Harry and Song Lee their invitations, are you? They walked out on us.”
“You mean ran out on us,” Ida said.
Sidney nodded, “Yeah, but I know how they feel. I didn’t want to be in Mom’s wedding rehearsal either.”
When the bell rang and everyone lined up, Sidney handed out the rest of his invitations.
Harry ripped his open. “ALL RIGHT! I wouldn’t miss a wedding for anything!”
Mary gritted her teeth. “Except your own!”
Harry laughed as he gave the soccer ball a knuckle noogie.
“Harry,” I said.
“Yeah, Doug?”
“Ol’ Sid was right. You should have married a kickball.”
Then I tossed Song Lee’s veil on the ball, and Sidney started singing:“Here comes the bride
Big, fat, and wide
Harry will marry
A kickball ... all right!”
While everyone was cracking up, Harry grabbed the peanut can out of my hand. “Well, if I am marrying this kickball, I better get out the wedding ring.”
Suddenly, everyone turned pin quiet. Our mouths dropped open as we watched Harry slowly take off the lid.
SCHHHHNNICK!! A huge green python popped out of the can and went flying up into the air.
“AAAUUUUGH!” everyone shrieked.
Song Lee giggled while Harry howled.
When the python landed on Mary’s head, she threw it back at Harry. “A cotton slinky!”
“Like it?” Harry grinned. “I got that at the party store too.”
Everyone groaned.
Mary put her hands on her hips. “Harry, we’ve had enough of your surprises.” Then she stomped into the school with Ida and Sidney.
Song Lee was still standing on the steps when Harry reached into his back pocket and pulled out a black plastic spider ring. I noticed it had a touch of bright red fingernail polish on it. When Harry slipped the ring on Song Lee’s finger, she smiled.
Not too many of us knew that Harry did marry Song Lee on Valentine’s Day.
Just Harry, Song Lee, me, and Dexter, who sang:“Here comes the bride
All red and white
Song Lee and Harry
Are married—all right!
Boogity shoogity
Shoogity boogity
Be bop da-boom!”
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