“Megan?”
I looked up in response to my softly spoken name. How could I not when his concern for me was a tangible thing between us.
“I know we left things kind of tense the other day and I’m sorry.” He fidgeted, restlessly running his fingers through his wavy hair. “But if you ever need anything, I want you to know that I’m here.”
The earnest expression on his face touched me. Was Anna right and he was really going through some sort of relationship growing pains with a stranger I’d never met? Was I going to lose this friendship forever?
The waiter brought our food, giving me something else to concentrate on. Grateful for the distraction, I watched from the corner of my eye as Jared dug into his Cajun-style eggs and potatoes while I picked at my French toast and fruit salad.
It was now or never. If I didn’t try to straighten this entire thing out before some other woman took him away from me, I would never get another chance. “What were you really asking the other day when we were talking about sexy and attractive and responsible?”
He paused, and I could practically hear his mental sigh. “I just think you judge a book by its cover too often, that’s all.”
Could all of this really be explained in one old cliché? “Because I don’t date guys who don’t meet the criteria on my list?”
“I think it’s easier to explain from a slightly different angle. What is it that attracts you to Ollie?”
The million dollar question. What was it anyway? “He’s easy to talk to, for starters.”
“What else?”
“He’s funny and we laugh at a lot of the same things, so there’s a lot of that witty back and forth that makes you feel like you really connect with someone.”
“And?” Jared pressed.
“We share a lot of the same personality traits.”
Jared frowned. “Like what? You haven’t really known him long enough to decide that, have you?”
Those words coming from Anna might have made me mad. Jared’s casual comment made me think. What were Ollie’s personality traits? “He’s not controlling, he likes to try new things…” I couldn’t really come up with anything else.
“Okay, what things does he like to do?” Jared asked gently. “Remember that stupid quiz you and Anna got out of Cosmo?”
“The one about couple identity?”
Jared nodded, sunlight glinting off the gold highlights in his short hair.
A knot formed in my stomach and I put my fork down before fiddling restlessly with my napkin. “Well, he listens to all kinds of music, but he likes Country. He likes reality television, hanging out with friends and going on float trips in the summer.”
“So where, in all of that, is there a stretch of common ground for the two of you to build your relationship? You hate Country music, you don’t watch much TV, and we both know float trips are just an excuse to drink the same beer in a new environment.”
“If both of us like to try new things, we’ll find new activities to do together,” I stubbornly insisted.
Jared chuckled. “You keep using that same phrase, about trying new things. What does that really mean? You always were mule-headed when it came to lost causes.”
“Hey! Don’t call me and Ollie a lost cause. We’ve barely started dating!”
I should’ve been hopping mad at the judgment in his words, but I wasn’t. Jared wasn’t trying to be mean. Anna was the one who was openly hostile toward my relationship with Ollie. I got the feeling Jared was just concerned and his friendship was something I didn’t want to lose because of my temper. So I lifted an eyebrow and let his accusation go. The bright smile he gave me in return caught me off guard, making my heart rate jump and my breath catch.
The waiter set our check on the table and Jared threw down a few bills before I could even pick up my purse. “Come take a walk with me. It’s nice out.”
“Where’s Anna?” I suddenly remembered that our other partner in crime had never managed to show up.
“You know Anna, she’s probably still negotiating. She’ll catch up when she’s convinced everybody to do what she wants.” Jared stood and gestured to the door. “So, how about it?”
We exited the restaurant and I followed Jared’s lead toward a small park several short blocks down the narrow street. Faded, crumbling brick buildings rose on either side of us. Their narrow windows were hung with bright curtains and held window boxes that would be full of flowers once the real warm up arrived. The few trees lining the street were bare of leaves. Spring was still several months off, though the weather felt almost spring-like. The sky was pale blue and the air was brisk. It was a nice day for a walk.
Tucked into the neighborhood surrounding the Soulard Market, the park was empty that Sunday morning. Jared took one of the gravel-lined walkways, passing a towering playground structure and some swings.
Deciding I had nothing to lose, I asked the question that had me burning with equal parts curiosity and dread. “So, are you seeing anyone?”
His blue eyes met mine. “Not really, why?”
“I just wondered if that was what sparked the whole sexy versus attractive thing the other day.” I kicked a stray stick with the toe of my Doc.
“How long have we known each other, Megan?”
Distracted by the sudden change of subject, I shrugged. “Three or four years?”
“Four and a half years ago, Anna brought you to my gym for the first time. I know the two of you had been friends for awhile before that, because I felt like I already knew you from listening to Anna talk about you.”
His words gave me a jolt. Had it been that long? How could he remember all of that so clearly?
“In all that time, have you ever seen me really date anyone, Megan?”
I thought back, choosing women from my memory bank and then setting them aside when I realized he hadn’t actually dated them. “You’ve been out with a few.”
“Once or twice maybe.”
The knot in my stomach grew tighter. “Why are you asking me this?”
“In college I pledged a fraternity my Freshman year. For the next four or five years, all the way through college and into my adult life, I had more casual sex than I care to recall.”
The blood drained from my face. I did not want to hear this.
“I want you to understand something.” He paused on the path and turned toward me. “The only thing I managed to get out of those years was a healthy respect for restraint and a reputation.”
A reputation?
“The biggest mistakes of my life were made during the first year the gym was open,” Jared admitted quietly. “I slept with a number of my clients, and that doesn’t go away. After awhile, people just assume you’re still doing it.”
We weren’t walking anymore. I was barely breathing.
“So what I want to ask is this: have you ever actually known me to do those things or be that person? Have you really known that I’m a player, or have you just taken everybody else’s word for it?”
I cleared my throat, turning and continuing down the path. “I never really thought that much about it. I know Anna used to tease you about all of your women.”
“She hasn’t done that in years, Megan. I asked her to stop.”
“Why?”
He seemed to clam up, his openness receding into a noncommittal shrug. “Partly because it was time, and partly because I want other things in life.”
I swallowed a thick lump that had just appeared in my throat. “You do?”
“Don’t you?”
“I guess that’s why I’m dating Ollie, isn’t it?”
He veered off the path, heading for another adjoining section of the park. “I don’t know, you tell me.”
“It is what I want,” I decided. “To find someone who’s like the second half of me, that person I don’t want to be without. I want to marry and have a family and stop being so lonely.” I was acutely embarrassed that I’d just admitted that to him. What kind of
loser was I that I’d toss all of my most secret desires out there for him to sort through?
“There’s nothing wrong with that.” He touched my shoulder. “I think it’s what all of us want after we manage to grow up a little.”
I hesitantly went a step further. “Wanting those things with someone is why I go for attractive and not sexy.”
“Are we back to that again?”
“I just want more than a handsome face and a great body.”
He chuckled, eyes dancing in his chiseled face. “I still think you’re not giving sexy enough credit.”
“Maybe you just don’t understand how I feel. Look at you. Wherever you go you have beautiful women falling all over you. They make up excuses to talk to you, to touch you, to be with you. Maybe hanging onto sexy is just too stressful.”
Jared suddenly stopped walking, standing stock still in the middle of the path. His eyes took in every inch of my body from head to toe, lingering until I felt a blush heat my cheeks. What was his problem? I knew I didn’t look like Hungry or Desperate, but surely he could understand what it was I was trying to say about gorgeous men.
“You don’t think you’re good enough.” His voice was so low I barely caught his words.
“What are you talking about?”
“What you just said, about women throwing themselves at me? Are you trying to tell me that you don’t think you can compete with them? That a sexy, attractive guy who loved you would be distracted or lured away by one of those women?”
I had been, but I hated the way he’d phrased it. As if I thought I was inferior. Did I think that? Was that why Ollie was safe? Because he wasn’t the type that would attract a lot of other female attention?
Horrified at myself and my thoughts, I turned away from Jared and pressed my hands against my flaming face. How could I think about Ollie like that? Friendly, understanding Ollie who maybe didn’t look like Jared, but didn’t deserve any less in the way of admiration.
“You see everybody else so clearly, Megan. Why can’t you see yourself the way I do?”
I barely registered his words. I was sinking into a well of self-doubt, wondering if I was following this path because I was falling in love with Ollie or because I was running from something else. How could everything I believed about myself be so wrong?
“Megan, turn around. Don’t hide from me.”
I thought about that day, in the cellar, when I’d been so frightened by the strange thoughts tumbling through my head concerning Jared. He was my friend. I didn’t have a lot of friends, that’s not the way I’m wired. Was anything worth risking that friendship with him?
His gentle grip settled on my arm, forcing me to turn and face him. I tried to keep my face averted, but he gently put his thumb beneath my chin, giving me no choice but to meet his deep, blue gaze. For the first time in forever, I allowed myself to really look at him.
Jared Walker is intense. There’s really no other word for it. At first glance he’s all rippling muscle and tanned skin wrapped into an athletic package that stands just shy of six feet tall. But if that’s all you see when you look at him, you’re missing some of the best parts. Like the way his eyebrows give life to his expressions, the elegant arches lifting in question or angling to show off his wicked sense of humor. Or the way he grits his teeth when he’s thinking and the muscles in his jaw jump around. And he has the sexiest mouth of any man I’ve ever seen, the kind of mouth you dream about kissing if you’re brave enough.
“I asked Anna to bring you to the gym that very first time, Megan,” Jared admitted quietly. “She talked nonstop about this wonderful friend she’d made, a straight shooter who always made her laugh and whose loyalty was just as stubborn as her personality. So I told her I had to meet this girl.”
I swallowed, my throat thick and fuzzy as I watched the emotions fly over his features. His hand shifted, his forefinger keeping me from looking away, and his thumb gently stroking the line of my jaw. Chills raced over my skin at the light contact.
“The first time we talked, I didn’t know what to think.” He smiled at the memory. “You weren’t like any other woman I’d ever met. It was obvious the gym thing wasn’t really your scene, but that didn’t stop you. You found what you liked about it and you were happy to share that with Anna and me. You insinuated yourself right into our lives and made things better when I hadn’t even realized how much they were lacking. Your sense of humor is incredible. You’re not afraid of anything and you’re always ready to help out a friend.”
How could he be so deluded? I was scared of everything! More than anything else right then, I was scared of him.
A shadow touched his face. “I’ve watched you go through some pretty bad relationships. For years I’d wish you the best of happiness and hope that I could at least be there if you got hurt. And there were a few times I stepped in when I thought things got out of hand. I kept thinking it was nothing that any other friend wouldn’t do.”
He was going to start in on hating Ollie. I suddenly realized that this was where he was going with this entire, lengthy, uncomfortable conversation. He agreed with Anna that Ollie was bad for me, and he was about to say so. That’s why Anna hadn’t showed up this morning. She was going to give Jared a chance to convince me that Ollie was Satan in disguise. Adrenaline began winding its way into my bloodstream. I was getting really tired of this argument.
Something shifted between us. I couldn’t have said what it was, but the atmosphere turned electric. Awareness crackled in the air, and Jared’s face grew tight with emotion I didn’t understand. My chest heaved, my heart pumping as if I’d run a mile on the treadmill. My palms began to sweat and I rubbed them restlessly against my jeans.
“You’re beautiful inside and out, Megan. You need to know that,” Jared murmured, closing his eyes briefly. “And I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”
Everything around us slowed as I realized he was going to kiss me. I don’t know when it became inevitable or why I didn’t try to stop him. I’d expected us to argue, but his lips descended on mine and I was swept away.
Heat built inside me, every inhibition falling away as Jared flooded my senses. His familiar scent filled me with comfort, shifting in my mind to blend with the spicy taste of his kisses. My hands had been hanging loose at my sides, but without conscious decision, my arms wound about his shoulders and my fingers tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck. I pulled him closer, wanting more, needing him to fill me with something I didn’t understand.
He complied, arms sliding around my body and pulling me tight against his warm, supple frame. His mouth opened, tongue slipping between my lips to slide against mine in a maddening rhythm I couldn’t get enough of. He was warm and soft, fire and heat and desire all wrapped into one.
His hands moved. One tangled in my curls and the other slipped down my back to cup my backside, holding me powerless against him. My senses broadened, becoming slowly aware of other things as his tongue retreated from my mouth and his lips skimmed my jaw to the hollow beneath my ear. We fit so perfectly, my hips against his, a growing hardness between our bodies beginning to burn with the contact.
Jared kissed my neck, his mouth trailing wet kisses down the column of my throat. My head lolled back, my body demanding he continue and my brain too stunned to protest. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, but I wanted it, and him, more than I had ever known.
I don’t know what would have happened if my phone hadn’t interrupted us. Ollie’s Marimba shattered the mood and made me leap out of Jared’s embrace. I fumbled for the phone, unable to meet Jared’s eyes.
“Hey baby, I’m missing you,” Ollie purred in my ear.
Tears stung my eyes. What was I doing? Was I no better than Professor Jackass to be with one and then the other as if I were the player? “Hey Ollie, how was your trip?”
“It’s family, baby, you know how that goes.”
“Are you home yet?”
“No, no
t until late tonight, but I’m wishing I’d taken you with me. Nothing sounds better than a few hours in the car chatting live with Megan. Can I take you to dinner tomorrow night?”
Jared stood half a dozen paces away, an unreadable expression on his face as he listened to my side of the conversation. I had to make him understand that this was a onetime thing, a mistake. I couldn’t let him think I was interested in him like this. He was my friend and I didn’t want to lose that. “Actually, why don’t I cook for you tomorrow night at my place?”
There was a short pause on Ollie’s end and then, “Are you sure?”
“Of course.” I wasn’t but I wasn’t going to tell Ollie and Jared that.
“That would be wonderful, Megan, really special. Thanks. What time can I come over?”
“Right after work?”
Another pause. “I’ve got a few errands to run after work. How about eight o’clock or so?”
“Sounds great. I’ll see you then.” I hung up the phone, aware that my goodbye hadn’t held its usual warmth and wondering if Ollie had noticed.
There was an awkward silence between Jared and me. The day’s brightness seemed to fade a little and the breeze took on a chill. I wondered if my mood could actually affect the weather or if we were just in for the usual lightning quick change.
“Megan.” There was an agonized look on his handsome face.
“Don’t,” I told him, holding up a hand. “Don’t make excuses.”
He took a breath to say something else, but I didn’t want to wait. I didn’t want to hear his explanations or his regrets. It was hard enough already when I couldn’t understand my own feelings. I didn’t want to know anything about his.
“I need to go.” I turned and walked blindly away.
I kept going, watching my Docs as they crunched down the gravel walkway and then turned onto the sidewalk. I kept my eyes down, seeing the pavement shift to blacktop and then back as I crossed streets on my way back to the safety of my townhouse.
How could things have gotten so out of hand so quickly? Worse still, how was I supposed to make them go back to the way they were?
Mr. Wonderful Lies Page 9
