The Hitwoman and the Mother Load

by JB Lynn

  It was where we’d originally met; he’d stopped to help me change my tire. I’d thought he was cute then, but when I’d found out he was the nephew of the mobster twins, Anthony and Tony Delveccio, I realized Angel was off limits. His uncles hire me to kill the occasional bad guy for them so that I can pay for my niece, Katie’s, medical care, and I wouldn’t dare piss them off by having a work-pleasure overlap.

  Finally, as we drew near the grounds, Angel asked, “Does he do this a lot? Steal her away in the middle of the night?”

  Well aware that I might have inadvertently contributed to my father’s latest misadventure, I answered carefully. “If Archie is responsible, then yes, he’s done it a number of times.”

  Angel shook his head.

  “They really love each other,” I felt compelled to explain. There was a lot about my dad that I didn’t like, but I’d always been in awe of the love shared between my parents.

  “If he loved her, he’d leave her in a place where she’s safe and is getting the help she needs.”

  I glanced over at him, taking in the stress in his jaw and white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel. I wasn’t sure we were talking about my mother anymore, so I just remained silent.

  “Where do you want to start?” he asked.

  “They won’t let us in the building,” I replied. I knew this from experience. “We could drive around the perimeter.”

  “You don’t sound enthused.” He drove past the entrance and began to trace the circuitous route around the edge of the hospital’s property.

  “I’ve done this before. No one’s ever found her. She just pops up in places and gets taken back.”

  “So why are we out here?”

  “You’re the one who volunteered first,” I reminded him.

  “I had to do something.”

  “I understand.”

  “Do you?”

  I slid a sideways glance at him. “Maybe I don’t. Explain it to me.”

  “When Angelina first started having her problems she would disappear for days at a time. She’d end up in trouble, my uncle would bail her out, and the cycle would repeat again a month or two later. Everyone, including me, just thought she was a young woman acting out and pushing her boundaries. We didn’t realize how bad she’d get.”

  I nodded, remembering my mother’s descent into her mental illness. The excuses that had been made, the blind hope that she’d somehow just snap out of it.

  “And now he wants her out,” Angel continued.

  “Who?”

  “Her father. My uncle.” Flexing his forearms like he wanted to strangle the man, he hunched forward over the steering wheel like the weight of that knowledge was too much to bear.

  I kept my mouth shut. The last thing I needed was to get caught in the middle of a family squabble between my employer and my manny.

  Angel changed the topic of conversation. “You didn’t seem surprised to find out that your mother is missing.”

  I shrugged. “Like Susan said, if Archie’s around, trouble’s bound to be nearby.”

  “Must have been tough as a kid. A low-grade criminal as a father and your mother here.” He waved at the hospital we were circling.

  “She didn’t end up here permanently until I was a teenager. When my sister Darlene disappeared...” I paused for a moment to catch my breath as the familiar vise of despair tightened around my chest. The memory of that day at the carnival always brought back the panic of losing my sister and the anger I felt at my mother. If I hadn’t been so busy trying to keep her out of trouble, I could have protected Darlene.

  Angel reached across his truck and patted my thigh.

  The move was meant to be reassuring, but the intimate contact sent a zing of awareness through my whole body that made me jump.

  “And now all these years later you’re still trying to clean up after the mess your parents created,” he said softly.

  “Some things never change.”

  He looked over at me. “I shouldn’t have dragged you out here.”

  “You didn’t. I volunteered.”

  “Only after I did,” he reminded me.

  I shrugged. “You meant well. And if I hadn’t volunteered, Susan and Leslie would have shoved me out the door to search.”

  By this time we’d circled the hospital grounds.

  “This is a waste of time, isn’t it?” Angel asked with a heavy sigh.

  “Probably.”

  My cell phone rang. I glanced at the display. “It’s Susan.”

  “Maybe they found her.”

  I chuckled. In some ways, Angel was a sweet, naïve man. “More likely she’s decided it’s dumb to be out here in the middle of the night and we should go back to the B&B and try to get some sleep.” I answered my phone, putting it on speaker for Angel’s benefit. “Haven’t found her.”

  “And we won’t, wandering around in the dark like this,” Susan said tiredly. “Go home and try to get some sleep.”

  “Yes, ma’am. See you there.” I disconnected the call before looking at Angel and saying, “You heard the woman.”

  With a lazy spin of the steering wheel, he turned the truck around.

  “Why does your uncle want your cousin to leave the hospital?” I asked, revisiting his earlier revelation.

  He shrugged.

  “Is it because of what happened with the Cupid Killer?” Less than twelve hours before, I’d saved his mobster uncle from the hitman his other daughter had hired to kill him. “That kind of shock, the danger and betrayal, would mess with anyone’s head.”

  “He suggested it before all that,” Angel muttered. Then he threw me a sideways glance, “I still can’t believe you beat up Vinny.”

  Vinny, Tony/Anthony Delveccio’s bodyguard, and I had never gotten along, but things had come down to a physical knock-down-drag-out fight in my race to save the mobster from his demon spawn and her arrow-wielding henchman.

  “Adrenaline,” I answered, my voice rising with each syllable.

  “Smooth liar,” God mocked from his hiding spot, which made it sound as though my chest was squeaking.

  Angel chuckled. “You brought the lizard along.”

  “He’s sort of like a good luck charm,” I lied lamely.

  “Hate to break it to you, but he’s not doing his job,” Angel laughed.

  “I am not a good luck charm,” God raged. “I’m a sentient being. One who is intelligent, logical, creative, and loyal.”

  “Sounds like he’s upset I dissed him,” Angel interrupted, staring at my squeaking chest.

  “Oh, just shut up,” I said to them both.

  The man clenched his jaw and tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

  The lizard fell silent too.

  I didn’t know what was worse, knowing that I’d upset God or having insulted Angel. I felt badly about both, but I couldn’t apologize to either without making the situation worse with the other. So I kept my mouth shut too.

  The atmosphere was so icy in the truck that I considered asking Angel to turn up the heat, but I knew my discomfort had nothing to do with the actual temperature.

  Chapter Three

  When we got back to the B&B, Angel hopped out of the truck and stalked inside without waiting for me to catch up.

  I stood outside the house for a moment. “I told you to keep quiet.”

  “You called me a lucky charm,” the lizard said snootily.

  “Be careful, or I may tell Piss that you’re magically delicious,” I snapped. I went into the basement through the same cellar storm door Patrick had entered through earlier.

  Neither the cat nor dog was there. Tearing off my coat, I dumped the lizard into his terrarium without care.

  “Ow! Sensitive skin, you Neanderthal.”

  Ignoring him, I climbed the stairs to the kitchen to find the other animals.

  “Your dog has lost her mind,” Templeton announced the moment my feet hit the tiled floor.

  He was still in his silk PJs, but he�
��d added a ruffled smoking jacket to his ensemble. Not for the first time, I thought that although they both drove me crazy at times, he and my quirky Aunt Loretta complemented each other.

  “What?”

  “She keeps growling at Leslie.”

  “She wouldn’t—” I protested.

  “Oh she is, sugar,” Piss confirmed, wrapping herself between my legs. “Every time that woman steps near the kitchen that dumb dog, bless her heart, stops her.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Beats me,” Templeton replied, thinking I was talking to him.

  “You told her not to let Leslie drink.”

  “Wine,” I sighed with exasperation.

  “Excellent idea!” Templeton crowed, rubbing his hands together. “I’ll find us some.”

  I’d meant that I’d told the dog not to let Leslie get into the wine, but I couldn’t very well explain that to him as he scurried off in search of some vino.

  I scooped up the cat, looked her in her one good eye and said, “You know very well that I told you to keep Leslie out of the wine.”

  She flattened her good ear. “I know that, but what you said last was ‘Just don’t let Leslie drink’ and that’s what the thick-as-a-brick remembered. I tried telling her she’d misunderstood, but she had it in her head she was obeying an order. Guard dogs, you can train ‘em, but you can’t train ‘em to think. She’s been growling her fool head off.”

  I hung my head, realizing I had my work cut out for me to convince Leslie that the scary-looking dog was really harmless.

  “Are you going to put me down or is this one of your new interrogation techniques?” the cat hissed.

  “Sorry,” I murmured, putting her back on the floor.

  Tail held high, she twitched her whiskers at me disapprovingly before heading back into the basement.

  “Anyone else I can piss off tonight?” I asked the empty room.

  “You haven’t tried me yet,” a familiar voice replied.

  Whirling around, I found Brian Griswald, nephew of the U.S. Marshal who wanted to marry Aunt Susan, standing behind me.

  “Detective,” I greeted cautiously.

  “Why so formal?” he mocked. “We’re almost family.”

  “Did they find my mother?” I asked.

  He shook his head and leaned against the counter. He looked tired.

  “You’re putting in a long day.” I tried to figure out how many hours it had been since he’d stopped the Cupid Killer from offing me on a rooftop. “Do you want something to eat or drink or something?” I opened the fridge and peered inside. “We’ve got cheese.”

  “Sounds good, thanks.”

  I took out a plastic-wrapped chunk of cheddar cheese. “The dog gets the American, but you get the good stuff.”

  Brian watched me grab a plate and a knife. “American cheese isn’t really cheese.”

  “A man of discerning taste.” Unwrapping the cheese, I cut off a few slices and arranged them on the plate. “Are you here because of my mother?"

  “Not officially. Uncle Larry asked me to stop by.”

  Smiling at the somber Lawrence Griswald being called Uncle Larry, I grabbed a box of crackers from the cupboard and offered them.

  Brian accepted with a nod, snagging a hunk of cheese.

  Templeton burst back into the kitchen brandishing two bottles. “Wine. Wine. Wine.” He blinked, surprised to find Brian standing in the kitchen munching cheddar. “Wine, Detective Griswald?”

  He sounded a little nervous as he made the offer. Like me, having law enforcement in the house was nerve-racking for Templeton who wasn’t always a one hundred percent law-abiding citizen.

  “No thanks.” Brian grabbed a cracker.

  “Where’s Leslie?” I asked.

  Templeton rummaged in a drawer. “Hiding from the hell hound.”

  “Don’t call her that,” I retorted sharply.

  “DeeDee?” Brian asked, sounding surprised. “Are you having problems with her? My girlfriend’s great with dogs.”

  “The one Armani set you up with?” I teased gently.

  Brian looked around furtively to see if my psychic matchmaker was lurking around. “Yes,” he admitted grudgingly.

  “Interesting woman, that one.” Templeton pulled a corkscrew from the drawer. “I’d love to take her to the horse races some time to see what she could do with a trifecta.”

  “Off back,” a bimbo insisted from outside the kitchen.

  “DeeDee!” I shouted, hurrying toward the sound of the growling dog.

  Rushing into the dining room, I found the dog baring her teeth at Leslie.

  “Stop that!” I jumped between them. “What are you doing?”

  “Drink not,” she announced proudly.

  “She’s rabid,” Leslie accused.

  “She’s not rabid. Confused maybe, but not rabid. She’s not dangerous.”

  “Confused not,” DeeDee whined indignantly.

  I waved a hand at her. I could only talk to one of them at a time and unless I wanted to end up in the room my mother had recently vacated, I had to focus on my human conversations. “Go lie down.”

  She gave me a hurt look. “Job my did.” She slunk away.

  “Four for four,” I muttered.

  Leslie looked at me questioningly.

  I shook my head. “It’s nothing.” It would have sounded crazy if I’d told her that I’d managed to piss off Angel and all three of my pets in the past half hour. “Did Marlene come home yet?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Katie’s asleep?”

  My aunt nodded.

  “Susan back yet?”

  She nodded. “They made a beeline straight for her room.”

  “Maybe that’s what we should do too. We could all use some sleep.”

  Leslie nodded. “Things will look better in the morning, right?”

  I forced a brittle grin and lied through my teeth. “Of course they will.”

  Chapter Four

  The next morning, or maybe I should just say later that morning, considering I got less than three hours sleep, I awoke to find that the dog had forgiven me, the cat was holding a grudge, and the lizard was catching up on his beauty sleep.

  After I'd let the dog out and fed her and the cat, I headed up to the kitchen to get myself a much needed cup of coffee.

  Marshal Griswald was there ahead of me, looking about as ragged as I felt.

  "Morning," I murmured.

  He gave me the briefest of nods as a response.

  "Forgive me," I said carefully. "Are congratulations in order?"

  He shook his head, while pouring me a cup of coffee.

  "I'm sorry that my mother's disappearance put a crimp in your plans."

  He looked into my eyes as he handed me the steaming cup. "You misunderstand. I asked Susan to marry me, she turned me down."

  I was so shocked, I almost dropped the cup. Scalding liquid splashed onto my hand. "Ow!"

  "Painful," Griswald agreed. I wasn't sure if he was talking about my burn, or his heartbreak. "There's no new news on your mother’s whereabouts."

  Putting down my cup, I hurried over to the sink and turned on the cold water. "Can't say I'm surprised."

  "I don't suppose you know whether or not your father took her?"

  I shook my head as I put my hand into the stream of water, grateful for the relief from the burning sensation it offered. "Probably, but I don't know for sure."

  "Don't know what for sure?" Marlene asked, gliding into the kitchen like someone who'd actually gone the full night sleeping.

  I shot a glance at Griswald, unsure of whether she even knew that our mother was missing. He shrugged.

  I turned off the water, and regarded her carefully. "Mom's missing."

  If Marlene was caught off guard by the news, she didn't reveal it. All she said was, "Is she?"

  I sensed Griswald examining my sister, no doubt suspicious of her lack of concern. Feeling a need to protect her, I physically p
ositioned myself between them. "Did you and Doc have a good time last night?"