The Hitwoman and the Mother Load

by JB Lynn

Suddenly suspicious, I switched on a light so I could look from the dog to the lizard. “What’s going on?”

  “I asked her to wake you,” God replied calmly.

  “No. I mean why are you being nice to her.”

  The lizard didn’t answer.

  “Because he’s worried about you, sugar,” Piss explained, winding herself between my legs. “We all are.”

  “Sad Maggie.” To illustrate her point, the Doberman sprawled out on the ground, put her head down and sighed dramatically.

  “I’m fine,” I told them.

  The three animals shared a look, but none of them spoke.

  It was Piss who finally broke the silence. “I snuck upstairs to eavesdrop so that I can tell you what’s going on. Katie’s in bed and there’s no news on your mother.”

  “Thanks.”

  She kneaded my shin gently. “I’m sorry about that tomcat, Patrick.”

  I shrugged. “We aren’t…we weren’t.”

  “He’s a scoundrel,” God declared.

  “A no good louse,” Piss added.

  DeeDee rolled over on her back as though hearing her beloved Patrick being called names was too much for her. “Explanation has he sure I’m.”

  “I’m sure he does,” I agreed with her soothingly. Just as I was sure I wouldn’t like what he had to say about the matter.

  “So you’ll meet with the reporter?” God prompted.

  I nodded. “Coming along?”

  “Wouldn’t dream of missing it.”

  “Me too,” Piss declared.

  “Too me,” DeeDee added.

  I shook my head. “I can’t take the two of you into a diner.”

  “We’ll wait in the car,” Piss said.

  “But—”

  “We’ll be there as moral support,” the cat added in a tone that signaled there’d be no reasoning with her.

  So, I, along with all three animals, piled into the car and drove across town to find out what Jack Stern knew about my sister.

  Considering how the rest of the day had gone, I didn’t hold out much hope.

  The reporter, clad as usual in a black leather jacket, was already at the diner when I arrived. He occupied a booth in the rear and waved me over the moment I saw him, despite the fact he was sitting with a long-haired brunette.

  The brunette slipped out of the booth as I approached and I realized she wore a waitress uniform.

  “Coffee?” she asked as I slid into the seat she’d just occupied.

  “Please.”

  “He already ordered,” she said in an accusatory tone. “Do you know what you want or do you need a menu?”

  “Taylor ham, egg and cheese on a roll,” I rattled off.

  “You want fries with that?”

  “No thanks.”

  She sauntered off, leaving me to face Jack.

  “Sorry I ordered,” he said with a self-deprecating smile. “I’m starving.”

  “No problem.”

  “Any word on your mom?”

  “Is that why you wanted to meet?” I asked suspiciously.

  He shook his head. “Just making conversation like friends do, Maggie.”

  “Are we friends?” I wondered aloud. After all, Jack was a crime reporter, if he found out what I did as a side hustle, it would make a hell of a story for him.

  “Hope so,” he murmured, looking up at the waitress who delivered my coffee and his overloaded platter of food.

  He practically drooled while he looked down at the steak, still oozing blood, and crisp French fries.

  “Don’t wait for me,” I told him. “Eat while it’s hot.”

  He grabbed his fork and knife and dug in. He raised his eyebrows, reminding me that he’d asked about my mother.

  I filched a fry before answering his question. “No,” I said slowly. “There’s no word on my mom. I don’t suppose you’ve heard anything?”

  He shook his head. “Not about her.”

  “But about Darlene?”

  He nodded as he chewed a hunk of meat.

  I waited for him to swallow before I asked, “Are you going to share it with me?”

  He eyed me thoughtfully. “Not sure you’re going to believe me.”

  “Why not?”

  He shrugged. “You’re the suspicious kind. Some might say a little paranoid.” Before I could argue, he added, “Not that I blame you with your family history.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  His eyes crinkled with amusement. “And yet you’ve kept your sense of humor.”

  His lightheartedness was infectious and I found myself grinning.

  “I try,” I told him with a light laugh.

  “Heard you clobbered one of the mobster’s goons.”

  I shrugged. “I got lucky.”

  “Don’t suppose you’d like to do an interview about it?”

  I shook my head.

  He shrugged and flashed a boyish grin. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

  He concentrated on his steak while the waitress delivered my sandwich.

  “There you go, hon. Anything else you need?” she asked.

  “No thanks.”

  Jack watched her walk away before he spoke again, “About your sister.”

  I waited.

  “A tiger came to see me about her.”

  I frowned. “A tiger.”

  “Okay, maybe a guy wearing a tiger mask.”

  I blinked, thoroughly confused.

  “I was in college when your sister disappeared.” Jack speared a piece of steak with his fork. “It was big news. I even covered it for the school paper.”

  I wanted to ask him what that had to do with the tiger, but since he was on a roll, I didn’t interrupt.

  “Of course I was a kid with no experience, so I didn’t uncover anything earth-shattering.” He stuck the steak in his mouth and chewed. “So then, all these years later, I meet the sister of the girl who disappeared.”

  I toyed with my sandwich, but didn’t pick it up.

  “A woman whose father is a criminal, whose mother is insane, and whose sister was abducted and killed. Pretty tragic stuff.” He paused for a moment and met my gaze. “And I like this woman who’s stepped up to care for her niece after another of her sisters dies in a car accident. I admire her, so I decide I’ll try to do something to help her. I’ll get her some closure regarding her murdered sister.”

  I stared at him, unsure of how to respond to his revelation. “And?”

  “I start looking into the case again, thinking that after all these years of experience I may notice something that others missed. And do you know what I found?”

  I shook my head.

  “Almost everything about this case has disappeared. Police reports. Witness statements. Everything.”

  I nodded. Patrick had told me the same thing.

  “Why do you think that is?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  He picked up a French fry and studied it. “I don’t know either.”

  “I’m sorry, but what does this have to do with Tiger Man?”

  He popped the French fry in his mouth. “Tiger Man. I like that. Catchy.” He eyed my sandwich. “You going to eat that?”

  “I haven’t decided,” I snapped.

  “So this guy in the mask shows up, gives me a sealed envelope, and tells me that I can find all the answers I want about Darlene Lee at the address enclosed.”

  My heartbeat sped up. My mouth went dry. “What did you find?”

  “I haven’t gone. Yet.”

  “Why not?”

  “I thought you might want to come along.”

  I stared at him, trying to process what he was saying.

  “Unless you don’t want to,” he added hurriedly. “I mean, I’m perfectly capable of going myself, I just thought that since you deserve the answers, you might want to come along for the—”

  “Yes,” I blurted out. “Yes, I want to go. Now?”

  He shook his head.


  “Why not?”

  “Tomorrow. Better to be able to see what we’re walking into. And you can bring along that big, scary dog of yours for good measure.”

  “He has a point,” God said from his hiding place in my bra.

  Jack raised his eyebrows.

  “My niece’s lizard. Too cold to leave him in the car,” I lied smoothly.

  “You should eat that.” Jack motioned toward my sandwich. “You’ll want to keep your strength up.”

  He was right.

  I’d need it.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Let’s get Delveccio’s daughter out tonight,” I said as I climbed back in my car.

  “Prison break!” God crowed enthusiastically.

  “DeeDee help,” the dog barked excitedly.

  “Do you have a plan?” Piss wanted to know.

  “No. But how hard can it be if Archie Lee can pull it off. Besides, I’ve got you guys to help.”

  God scrambled up onto the dashboard, raised a front foot in the air and yelled, “Freedommmmmmm!”

  “Freedommmmmmm!” DeeDee barked.

  “Way too many movies,” Piss hissed.

  Without a plan, but with quite a bit of enthusiasm, we drove over to the hospital mental health facility grounds.

  “What if you get caught?” Piss worried aloud.

  “I’ll tell them I was looking for my mother. It’s the perfect excuse.”

  “And you just happened to bring your dog with you?” she pressed.

  “Me that’s!” DeeDee panted proudly.

  “Yes, dunce, that’s you,” God confirmed.

  Piss flexed her sharp claws in the lizard’s direction. “One more insult out of you and I’ll slice and dice.”

  “Ginsu!” DeeDee barked.

  “You all have to stop watching so much TV,” I warned, scooping God off the dashboard and putting him on my shoulder. “If I get caught with DeeDee I’ll just say I brought her to track Mom’s scent.”

  “That’s a bloodhound’s job, not a Doberman’s,” Piss reminded me.

  I shrugged. “Desperate times call for desperate measures.” I jumped out of the car. “Come on!”

  “What’s job my?” DeeDee asked as we crept across a dark field toward the facility.

  “To provide a distraction if I need one.”

  “Know one need?”

  “I’ll tell you,” Piss assured her. “If Maggie needs you to make a ruckus, I’ll shout it from the rooftops.”

  “More like you’ll yowl,” God said.

  “A well-timed yowl can change everything,” she replied with a sugary sweetness that made my teeth ache.

  “You stay here, DeeDee,” I said, when we reached the building.

  I reached for the door handle.

  “Wait!” God shouted in my ear.

  I jumped. “What?”

  “Isn’t the door alarmed?”

  “Only for when it’s opened from the inside.”

  “Are you certain?”

  “Pretty sure. I don’t think this is the kind of place they have a problem with people breaking into.” I pushed the door open and held my breath.

  No alarm.

  “See?” I stepped inside.

  “The door swinging closed may be what triggers the alarm. Prop it open,” God urged.

  “With what?” I asked.

  “A rock or something.”

  “If I go looking for a rock, the door will close.”

  “Have the beast hold it.”

  Sighing, I called the dog. “Here, DeeDee. Come here.”

  She loped over.

  “I need your help,” I started to explain.

  She opened her mouth to bark. I grabbed her snout with both hands. “I need quiet help. Understand?”

  She blinked.

  Releasing her, I explained, “I need you to sit right here. I’m going to lean the door on you. Don’t let it close. Okay?”

  “Close no,” she panted.

  I left her in the doorway and dashed back out to find something to prop the door open. I didn’t see any rocks around, so I grabbed the nearest garbage can, a big, metal contraption and lugged it over.

  “Ugggh,” God groaned. “That aroma is dreadful.”

  DeeDee’s nose twitched.

  “I know it stinks,” I told them, “but it’s the only thing available.”

  “Good smells,” DeeDee panted. “Tuna. Coffee. Chip potatoes.”

  “Potato chips, you imbecile,” God raged. “Potato chips. Tubers fried in rancid fat.”

  “Enough,” I said, wedging the can into place. “No more discussions. We’re here to do a job and get the hell out of here before we get caught.”

  Piss shot past me. “Where’s her room?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Of course you don’t,” she muttered. “Awesome plan.”

  “I told you that I didn’t have a plan.”

  “Then what are we doing here?”

  “I don’t know. I just felt like now was the time to come get her.”

  “You’ve been spending too much time with Armani,” God opined from my shoulder.

  “How are we supposed to find her?” Piss asked.

  I shrugged.

  “Unbelievable.” The cat flopped down on the floor and began to clean herself, making it clear that the next step was mine to take.

  “I told her to be ready, maybe—”

  “Someone’s coming,” God warned.

  He was right. Footsteps were approaching from around the corner and I heard someone talking.

  I ran to the nearest open door. Peeking in, I saw the room was unoccupied. I ducked inside and pressed my back against the wall, hoping it wouldn’t conduct the sound of my pounding heart. Piss wound herself between my feet.

  “Ten minutes,” a male voice said, drawing nearer. “Ten minutes and we’ll never have to deal with the bitch again.”

  I held my breath.

  “Angelina Delveccio will no longer be a problem.”

  Piss kneaded my leg, as if to say, “Did you hear that?”

  “Follow him,” God whispered to the cat.

  She sprang away.

  I waited until I could no longer hear the man before I crept out of the room following the direction he’d gone in.

  “Put me down,” God ordered. “I’ll be your lookout.”

  “Be careful,” I whispered before placing him on the linoleum floor.

  He ran ahead.

  I really wished I’d brought the dog inside with us. Things were not going as I’d expected.

  When I reached the end of the hall, I hesitated, unsure of whether to go right or left.

  “To the right,” God called.

  Even though I couldn’t see him, I turned.

  “My right,” he yelled.

  I spun around in the opposite direction and hurried along.

  “Stairway,” he said when I caught up to him.

  Picking him up, I opened the stairwell door and ran up the steps.

  “This way,” Piss whispered from the other side of the door at the landing. “Hurry.”

  Pushing that door open, I spotted the cat, halfway down the hall, sprinting away.

  I walked as fast as I could after her.

  She darted into a room on the right.

  Hearing a muffled crash, I broke into a run. Reaching the room, I saw Angelina and the orderly she’d pointed out struggling over control of a hypodermic needle.

  “Ginsuuuu!” God bellowed.

  Piss obliged by unsheathing her claws and slashing at the man’s ankles.

  With the cat attacking his ankles, I jumped on his back.