The Hitwoman and the Mother Load

by JB Lynn

  Only Katie, pinching her nose shut with her fingers, said what we were all thinking, pointing at Gypsy with her free hand and saying, “You stink.”

  “Katie!” Aunt Susan chided. “We don’t say that about our guests.”

  Gypsy turned to Zeke, who appeared to be holding his breath. “Do I stink?” she asked.

  Looking like a deer caught in headlights, it took him a long moment to answer. “The scent is a bit strong.”

  Armani stopped shaking the tiles long enough to add, “Oh you stink, honey, like you’ve rolled around in a pile of manure.”

  “Armani!” I reprimanded, knowing I sounded just like Susan.

  She shrugged. “Someone should tell her. Otherwise she’ll never figure out why people are so standoffish around her.” She leaned across me to confide to Gypsy, “It’s because you reek.”

  Gypsy jumped up. “I’m sorry. I had no idea. I’m sorry.”

  She ran away from the table and out of the room.

  “Excuse me,” Zeke said, chasing after her.

  “Look what you did,” I accused Armani.

  “The kid started it,” she countered, pointing at Katie.

  Katie glared at me, daring me to tell her she’d done something wrong.

  “Why can’t we just have a nice meal?” Susan lamented pitifully.

  “Where’s Leslie?” I asked, suddenly realizing she was missing from the table.

  Susan and Griswald shared a look.

  I knew that look. It meant that bad news was about to be shared.

  “Yeah,” Marlene piped up. “Where’s Aunt Leslie?”

  Susan sighed. “One meal. I wanted one peaceful meal and now everything’s gone straight to hell.”

  “Bad word! Bad word!” Katie yelled enthusiastically.

  Thankfully Angel shushed her before any more bad words were directed her way.

  Susan cleared her throat. “Leslie has suffered a relapse.”

  “Is she sick?” Doc asked, his medical curiosity piqued.

  “I think she means Leslie fell off the wagon,” I replied dryly.

  Susan nodded.

  “Did she hurt herself?” Katie asked. “Does she need a bandage?”

  “No, honey,” Angel soothed. “She didn’t get hurt.”

  I shot him a look of gratitude.

  “That’s what I get paid for,” he replied.

  It was easy to forget that he was paid to care for Katie when he seemed to spend all his time doing stuff like moving furniture, building chicken coops, and chasing after my wayward mother.

  “So where is Leslie?” I asked, even though I was sure I wouldn’t like the answer.

  Again, Susan and her beau exchanged a look.

  “On a bender?” Griswald stated, his tone making it clear that his answer was the end of the conversation.

  “What’s a bender?” Katie asked.

  I groaned. All I needed was for her to go back to school talking about benders. I’d end up being called to the principal’s office again.

  Thankfully we were saved from that conversation by the return of Zeke and Gypsy. Gypsy had changed her clothes, and if her damp hair framing her face was any indication, she’d tried to rinse off the patchouli.

  “She’s still odiferous,” God griped from my bra.

  Everyone at the table stared at my chest.

  Zeke chuckled as he retook his seat.

  Gypsy offered me a tentative smile when she returned to her chair. I smiled broadly in return, assuring her that I felt no animosity.

  “Before we begin,” Susan said, rising to her feet, wine goblet in hand. “I’d like to thank our honored guests for being here. Gypsy,” she raised her glass in a toast, “Armani,” she toasted her too, “and Angel.” She toasted him so enthusiastically that I was afraid the wine would slosh out of her glass and ruin the tablecloth. “Thank you for your support and friendship in trying times.”

  “Cheers,” Angel said, raising his glass.

  “Cheers. Cheers.” Glasses clinked all around the table.

  I held my breath to keep from breathing in more noxious fumes when I clinked with Gypsy and quickly turned to meet Armani’s glass with mine, but she hadn’t picked it up. Instead, she was staring at the center of the table.

  “Is something wrong?” I whispered.

  She nodded slowly.

  “What?”

  She shook her head, her dark, wavy hair falling forward, hiding her face.

  “I feel it too,” Gypsy whispered from my opposite side.

  I turned to face the thin woman, with long hair and haunted eyes. “What is it?” I tried to keep the panic from my voice, but I was really starting to worry.

  “I think it’s your sister,” she whispered back.

  Terror gripped me as I imagined that Redcoat’s men had gotten hold of Darlene.

  “Is something wrong?” Aunt Susan asked from across the table.

  Before anyone could answer, the doorbell rang.

  My panic about Darlene’s well-being overwhelmed me and I ran for the door, knocking my chair over in the process.

  “Maggie, wait!” someone called, but I barely heard them.

  DeeDee raced past me to the door.

  “Away go! Away go!” she barked.

  “Up shut! Up shut!” God bellowed in response.

  “Stop it. Both of you,” I warned as I yanked the door open.

  I barely registered his face, before his fist flew at me.

  Instinctively I turned away, but I wasn’t fast enough to evade the blow.

  His knuckles crunched as they slammed into my cheekbone. The force of the blow slammed my head back and knocked me off my feet. The pain of the blow left me crumpled on the floor cradling my face.

  “Bite?” DeeDee barked.

  “No,” I gasped, afraid of what he’d do to her.

  “Attack?” she growled.

  “No. Stay with me.”

  I tried to look at the doorway to see if he was still there, but all I saw was stars.

  “What the hell?” Angel gasped, almost tripping over me.

  Instead of answering him, I whimpered in pain.

  Suddenly I was surrounded by a crowd of people.

  “Let me through,” Doc ordered. “This woman needs medical attention.”

  “This woman,” Marlene said, “is my sister and you know her name.”

  “What happened?” Susan asked, grabbing my hand.

  “He hit me.”

  “Who?”

  I didn’t dare say. I couldn’t.

  “Maggie, who hit you?” Griswald asked in his most authoritative tone.

  I shook my head.

  That was a mistake because it made the pain worse. I moaned.

  “Give her some air,” Doc demanded. “We don’t want her going into shock.”

  “Do you really have medical training?” Zeke asked incredulously. “I thought you were a stripper or something.”

  “He’s both,” Marlene announced proudly.

  “Stripping is just a way to pay for my education,” Doc told Zeke. “It won’t be my career.”

  “Maggie,” Griswald tried again. “Who hit you?”

  “I didn’t see him,” I lied, hoping that the telltale squeak in my voice would be attributed to pain. I closed my eyes so that he couldn’t see my deception on my face.

  “I’ll get her some ice,” Susan declared.

  At least someone was being logical.

  “She’d probably do better with a raw steak,” Angel opined. “She’s gonna have some shiner.”

  “Pull,” Armani urged.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Pull.” She shook her bag of tiles in front of my face.

  Even with my eyes closed I knew she wanted me to reach in. “No.”

  “It’s important,” she urged.

  Grudgingly I pulled seven tiles, but I didn’t hand them over to her. The situation was awkward enough. I didn’t want one of her weird predictions further complicatin
g things.

  “Can we eat now?” Katie asked, offering a simple solution to my problems with both Armani and Griswald.

  “Excellent idea,” I declared. “Someone help me up.”

  Half a dozen hands lifted me into a standing position. I swayed woozily.

  “You okay?” Angel asked worriedly, wrapping a supportive arm around my waist.

  “Just a little dizzy.” I leaned against him.

  “She could have a concussion,” Marlene opined as though she’d suddenly become a medical expert like her boyfriend.

  “Or she could have low blood sugar since she hasn’t eaten,” I snapped. “Can we please go eat the meal Susan spent so much time preparing?”

  Murmuring amongst themselves, the crowd shuffled as a group toward the dining room.

  “Give me the tiles,” Armani urged.

  I tightened my grip on them, the wooden corners biting into my flesh.

  “Maybe you should let her sit down first,” Angel suggested.

  Once I’d been deposited in my seat and Aunt Susan had slapped an ice bag into my free hand, Armani physically pried the tiles from my fingers and laid them out on the table. ADEELNR

  “Everybody dig in,” Susan said tiredly.

  Everyone passed around the food and ate in silence. I guess we were all lost in our own thoughts. I know I was. I had to figure out what to do about the man who’d hit me, Vinny, Delveccio’s bodyguard.

  I hadn’t given his name to Griswald, for fear he’d have the police pick Vinny up, but there was no way he was going to get away with attacking me in my own home. I wouldn’t allow it, and I doubted his boss would either.

  “Can I be excused?” Katie asked when she was done eating.

  “Sure, honey,” I told her.

  She slid off her chair and limped out of the room. Apparently I was good for something after all.

  “Someone is missing from this celebration,” Gypsy suddenly intoned with a voice fit to lead a séance.

  “Yes, dear,” Susan said. “Leslie. We already went over this.”

  Gypsy shook her head, a move that sent waves of patchouli in my direction.

  I felt like I’d been sprayed by a skunk. “Do we have any tomato juice?” I blurted out.

  Susan shook her head.

  “It’s not Leslie,” Gypsy said mysteriously.

  “Well, if you mean Loretta, she’s in the hospital,” Susan explained.

  Gypsy shook her head again. It was like she was trying to kill me with that stench. “A different kind of sister.”

  “A different kind?” Marlene parroted.

  “Darlene,” Gypsy declared. “You’re missing Darlene.”

  An uncomfortable hush filled the room.

  “Darlene’s dead,” Zeke finally said.

  Gypsy shook her head, this time I coughed on the fumes. “She’s not dead. She’s not here.”

  “Now look here,” Susan jumped to her feet. “You can’t just go around—”

  “Look,” Armani interrupted. “Look at the letters she pulled, ADEELNR.”

  “So what?” Marlene asked.

  “They spell Darlene,” Armani revealed reverently.

  “So what?” Zeke scoffed. “You’re telling us that Darlene is still alive?”

  His disbelief was almost palpable. I made a mental note to myself that he must be a very good con man.

  “Yes,” Gypsy confirmed. “She’s alive.”

  “You don’t expect us to believe that, do you?” Zeke asked.

  She shrugged. “I’m just telling you what I see.”

  “And I’m telling you what I see,” Armani added, tapping the tiles.

  “Enough of this nonsense,” I declared. “Let’s just eat.”

  While I chewed on a morsel of Susan’s roast, I watched my aunt’s expression. I could tell that she didn’t believe what Gypsy had said, but I saw a faint hope in her eyes.

  Maybe Darlene’s plan could work after all.

  Chapter Thirty-six

  I was in the backyard with DeeDee when Gypsy found me.

  “Your sister’s here,” she said.

  I looked at her through my eye that wasn’t swollen shut. “Darlene?”

  “Teresa. She wants me to tell you something.”

  “Okay,” I said, bracing myself for the worst.

  “She said to look in the Cat’s Nest hiding spot.”

  I glanced toward the tree. “Cat Nest,” I corrected automatically.

  “She says what you need is there,” Gypsy continued.

  I nodded my understanding.

  She smiled at me. “The solution will present itself.”

  “What?” I asked, remembering Doctor Donna had said the same thing.

  “Find what she left you,” Gypsy said mysteriously before walking away.

  “What do you think it is?” God asked when she was gone.

  I shrugged. “I’m not sure I want to know.”

  The End

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