by Kristy Love
When the wheelbarrow was empty, she ran inside the house. Before long, the window opened and she started throwing more of his stuff out. Clothes, pictures, and electronics rained from the sky. A small smile tugged at Roxie’s lips.
When Mia finished throwing stuff out her bedroom window, we heard her banging throughout the house, searching for more to destroy. When she was satisfied, she returned and continued to yell as she threw things on the dying fire and kicked it back to life. She ended up on her knees, sobbing and tossing things in. It helped her, clearly, but it also took a toll on her. Roxie got down and wrapped her arm around Mia. She stayed next to her as Mia continued.
Finally, Mia held one last picture. Her tears flowed down her cheeks. Her face was red and her voice was hoarse. “The one thing I’m glad of,” she said, “is that you can’t mess up my children. At least they’re free from you.” She threw the frame into the fire and let it burn. She collapsed into Roxie’s arms and sobbed. I joined them on the ground and held both my sister and Roxie while all three of us cried.
It may have been meant to help Mia purge Brock from her life, but I felt it helped me, too. Somehow, it toned down the darkness inside me.
For the first time, I felt a glimmer of hope peek through the cracks of my despair. Life could go on. Gia would eventually wake up and everything would be better. Brock wouldn’t be here to mess with my sister or my niece. It would be fine.
I just had to hold my shit together until that happened.
Roxie
HARPER, MIA, AND I were at dinner, where Mia and Harper were meeting for the first time. My two friends got along great, and Mia had a smile plastered to her face the whole time. Since she moved out of David’s, she’d been a lot happier. He was really dragging everyone down.
Things were deteriorating between us. I hardly heard from him, and almost never saw him now that Mia moved out. It was really starting to depress me. I wanted to be with him, but I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. At what point was it enough?
“You’re seriously planning to have a beer in each hand?” Mia asked. Her raised eyebrow caused her forehead to wrinkle. She was getting better at being around alcohol. She realized not everyone was irresponsible, but she still refused to drink.
“Honey, the more the merrier,” Harper replied.
Mia laughed. “Is that your motto in the bedroom?”
Harper smirked at her, and raised her own eyebrow. “Don’t knock it until you try it.”
I slapped her arm. “You slut! Are you kidding me?”
Harper dissolved into laughter, which caused her to almost slam her head into the table. “Of course! I just wanted to get a rise out of you.”
The dinner had been going really well. It was lighthearted and fun, full of laughter. I could already tell it would become a regular thing. I was glad that Mia now had someone else in her corner. She needed that. Now that she wasn’t at David’s, I didn’t want her at home all alone and moping, dwelling on Gia in the hospital.
Initially, she was reluctant to take me up on my invitation to dinner, but eventually she agreed to come with us. She couldn’t find the right balance between living her life and visiting her daughter. She hated Gia being alone, but she also had to keep going. I told her she needed to be as happy as she could be for when Gia woke up. Gia would need her to be in the best place possible. Sitting in the hospital and wasting away or being constantly depressed wouldn’t help. Gia needed good energy from Mia to help her awaken.
As much as Mia needed to be sitting by Gia’s side, she also needed to take care of herself. As much as I believed Gia would one day wake up, I worried what would happen if she never woke up. What life would Mia have then? If she spent every moment at the hospital, she’d have no one. She’d need support, whether Gia woke up or not. It was so hard on her. Mia worried about being selfish, but she also was going crazy.
We all decided on dessert, and each ordered something to share between of us. We had chocolate fudge cake, cheesecake, and an ice cream sundae. It was pure heaven. The conversation continued to flow easily and I couldn’t remember the last time I was so relaxed and happy. We’d paid our bill, but kept our table. We weren’t ready to call it a night.
During a break in the conversation, I let my gaze scan the restaurant and caught a glimpse of David over Mia’s shoulder. He had on a black suit that fit his body perfectly. A smile tugged at my lips. Maybe he came to join us since Mia was here. Instead, he turned to someone at his side. A woman, who stepped out from beside him. He pressed his hand to the middle of her back as they walked through the restaurant. She wore a tight-fitting purple dress that ended way too high on her thighs, and offered him a flirtatious smile. Her auburn hair was styled with a slight wave and I noticed her eyelash extensions from across the room. I hated her on sight.
When they reached their table, he pulled her chair out and she sat. He took a seat next to her and stretched his arm across the back of her chair. He smiled as they talked, and she touched his arm repeatedly.
My lips pressed together and my hands curled into fists. Rage stormed though me. It filled my stomach and my heart. I couldn’t believe he was out with another girl right in front of me. An older couple arrived and joined David and his mystery woman. Whatever was going on?
“Roxie, what’s wrong?” Mia pulled me out of my dark thoughts. My eyes stayed trained on David and she followed my gaze. I knew the moment she saw them because she sucked in a breath.
“What’s going on?” Harper licked her spoon nonchalantly. She had no idea what had me on edge. I was ready to walk over to him, punch him in the face and kick him in the balls.
“Look over there.” Harper followed Mia’s pointing finger her spoon dropped on her plate, causing a loud clatter. David’s eyes flew to our table and locked onto me. Heat rose in my face as my anger grew.
Anger and betrayal. How could he do this to me? After everything I did for him? After how much I’d been there for him and his sister?
“Oh, shit,” Harper murmured.
David never broke eye contact with me. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” I wasn’t sure if the hurt or the anger was worse. How could he? The thought kept repeating in my mind, over and over, as we continued staring at each other. The noise in the restaurant disappeared as the only sound I heard. My eyes stung with tears that threatened to spill over.
“What are you going to do?” Mia rested her hand on mine. I pulled my eyes away from David. I couldn’t take it another second.
“Right now I’m debating between stabbing him in the heart and cutting his dick off,” I replied. My hands clenched and I wished I had a knife. A really sharp, really deadly knife.
“He’s not worth going to jail over,” Harper said.
“I’d only go to jail if they found the body.” My eyes went back to David. He was talking to the people at his table. I wasn’t on his mind anymore, clearly.
“If you stab him in the middle of the restaurant, they’ll find the body.”
At that moment a waitress passed holding an open bottle of red wine. It was David’s favorite label, and she seemed to be headed for his table. An idea struck and I flagged the server over.
“Does this bottle belong to that table over there?” I pointed towards David’s table. She nodded. “We’d like to take this over if you don’t mind. They’re friends of ours.” She smiled and handed it over to me. I picked up my purse and cast a glance at Mia and Harper. “Are you ready to go, ladies?”
I stood and led the way to David’s table. I stopped right next to it and peered down at David. He held my gaze as though he refused to be fazed by me. “Hi, we saw you over here and your sister wanted to give you this bottle of wine,” I thrust out the bottle.
“Thank you so much,” the older man said. He took the bottle and inspected the label before looking back up at me. “Are you his sister?”
“Oh, no.” I motioned toward Mia. “This is David’s sister, Mia.”
“Mia, I
’m Steven and this is my wife, Darlene.” He shook Mia’s hand and then Darlene shook Mia’s hand. “This is our daughter, Sandra.”
“Hi,” Mia mumbled, then shot a glare at David. “I didn’t expect you to be here tonight, David.”
“Sandra just flew into town and David was kind enough to pick her up and bring her to dinner.” Darlene smiled, clearly pleased that David was here with Sandra. My heart hurt so much that I feared it’d give out and I’d die right here, next to their table. The last thing I’d ever experience was this betrayal from David.
“We thought they’d make a lovely couple. Don’t you think?” Darlene asked. Mia’s mouth opened and closed as though she was searching for a response. Her eyes were wide, and clearly shocked. Harper shuffled next to me. Her eyes seemed to plead with me to leave.
David pulled Sandra closer to his side and smirked at me. He wanted to get to me; he wanted some kind of reaction from me, but I’d be damned if he’d get it. Instead, I plastered a huge smile on my face and turned my attention to Darlene and Steven. “They make a lovely couple. I’m sure they’ll be very happy together.”
Darlene made an approving noise and patted Steven’s hand as though reminding him that she was right. David’s eyes were still glued to me. Was he waiting for a reaction? “I think so, too. I was so happy when this date worked out,” Darlene gushed.
Little did she know that every word she uttered drove the knife deeper into my heart. “We’ll let you all get back to your dinner,” I said, then turned to face David, “and your date. Have a lovely evening.” I threw everything I had into a convincing smile, though my heart was crumbling and my soul was dying. I turned and left, concentrating on every breath and step. I couldn’t let on that I felt as though I was being gutted. I blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay. My chin wobbled and my chest hurt so badly. I’d never experienced this indescribable pain before.
I would not lose it in this restaurant. David would not know what he did to me. I refused to lose it.
I’d opened up to him. I let my guard down. I loved him. And he repaid me by breaking my heart.
I threw open the door to the restaurant and lost my fight as tears slid down my cheeks. I swiped them away angrily. I was such a fucking fool. I gave him so much. I’d promised myself never to love again. I broke my promise and ended up hurt again.
I raced across the parking lot, crying and pissed off and such a mess of emotion. I got to Mia’s car and stood beside it. My exit plan wasn’t very good. I was locked out of her car without either my phone or my purse, and my heels were too high to walk the several miles home. My heart was broken. I hated how weak I felt.
Thankfully, Mia and Harper had followed behind me. They hugged me as I cried and lost my mind.
When it was clear that the tears wouldn’t stop soon, I pulled away. “Please, can we just go?” I practically begged. Mia unlocked the car and we all climbed in. She drove off. My heart shattered.
“I can’t believe he did that to you,” Mia fumed. She slammed her palm against the steering wheel.
Harper craned her neck to ask me in the back seat, “Did he know you’d be there? It was too much of a coincidence. How could he show up with someone else at the exact restaurant, at the exact time we were there?”
“He knew I’d be there with you guys,” Mia growled. “He asked what I was doing tonight and I told him. He did it purposely to hurt you, Roxie.” Her eyes met mine in the rear view mirror. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I know he’s been an ass lately, but I didn’t think he’d go to that level.”
“It’s not your fault, Mia. I’ll be okay. I just need some time. And alcohol.” I smiled, though it was weak.
Mia nodded and drove. She took us back to my house. As soon as I got inside, I got my bottle of wine. Instead of pouring it into a glass, I took long pulls straight from the bottle. Harper pulled the bottle away from me.
“Slow down there, sister. Being shitfaced won’t help the situation,” she said. I immediately grabbed the bottle back from her with a glare.
“Being shitfaced won’t help the situation, but it sure as fuck will make me feel better right now.” I drank more of the brain-erasing liquid.
Mia stood next to me; her soulful eyes studied my face. “I’m still in disbelief.”
I pulled the bottle away from my lips. “I don’t know how to process this.” Tears threatened to spill over again. “How can you say you love someone and do this to them?”
Mia shook her head. She looked as upset as I felt. “David is a lot of things, but I never saw him as a cheater.”
“I know he’s your brother, but we all saw him. He was there with another girl.” Harper put her hand on her hip and cocked an eyebrow.
“I’m not denying it. I’m just surprised that he did it.” Mia lowered her eyes to the floor. “It had to be intentional. He knew we’d be there. He went out of his way to ask if I’d be there with Roxie. I just can’t believe he’d be so blatant about it.”
“He purposefully wanted to hurt her,” Harper said. She spoke to Mia as though it was Mia’s fault.
Mia nodded. “I know. I just don’t get it.”
“What’s there to understand? He’s an asshole. Moving on.”
Mia looked hurt and Harper looked pissed off. I sighed. “Can I please get drunk, hang out with my best friends, and forget about all this shit for one night? Please?” I pleaded.
“Of course.” Mia rested her hand on my arm. Harper nodded.
We watched movies and I drank until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.
If only I could erase David from my memory as easily.
I AVOIDED DAVID. I wouldn’t answer his texts or phone calls. I stopped going to see Gia at the hospital and Mia at her house. I couldn’t risk running into David. It felt like an open wound had taken the place of my heart. I’d been hit by a bus, but somehow was still walking around. Mia tried to talk to me about David, but I told her I couldn’t.
I needed time to deal with what I felt. I wasn’t sure how to keep going when every breath hurt. Every thought seemed to go back to David’s betrayal. It hurt to smile. And I was angry.
I was so fucking angry.
I’d fought hard against letting David in. I’d tried to protect myself, but eventually I trusted him. I’d unwrapped my heart in slow increments and hesitantly handed it to him. And then he destroyed it. I couldn’t deal with it.
Nothing had ever hurt this badly before.
I sat on my couch, eating warm, homemade brownies. I kept promising myself I’d only eat one more, but before I knew it, only a quarter of the batch remained. My stomach hurt and I felt slightly nauseated, but I kept eating them. I hoped the sugary sweetness would make me feel better.
I only felt worse.
Still, I didn’t stop. I was a glutton for punishment.
My phone rang. It was David calling again. I hit ignore and set my phone down. I couldn’t talk to him. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, whether it was an explanation, or an excuse, or him breaking things off officially. I wasn’t interested. I couldn’t think beyond my own heartbreak.
Someone knocked at the door and walked in. I assumed it was Harper because that was her usual greeting.
“Hey, Harp. I’m in here. If you want a brownie, you’d better hurry up,” I called out. I tore off another chunk.
“Thanks for the offer,” Mia plopped down on the other side of the brownie pan. “I think I’ll have one.” She ripped off her own piece of brownie.
“I didn’t know it was you.”
“I wanted to stop over and see if you were in the mood for company.”
“I’m always glad to see you.” We lapsed into silence with a dumb TV show playing out on the screen before us. I wasn’t even sure what was happening, though it was a good distraction. It seemed one couple was fighting and one couple was constantly making out.
“This show is awful,” Mia remarked before she took the last of the brownies. I wasn’t thrilled that she to
ok it, but I was glad I couldn’t eat it anymore. My stomach was about to burst, and I felt like puking, though I wasn’t sure if it was from dessert or heartache.
“It is.”
“This isn’t you,” Mia said after another stretch of silence.
“What do you mean?” My head rested against the back of the couch so I turned to face her.
“Avoiding problems. Sitting around and moping. Waiting for things to happen.”
“Sometimes I get sick of being the strong one. Sometimes I just want to hide away from my problems.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to hear what he has to say. I’m not interested in excuses. I know what I saw, Mia. I’m not sure what he could say to make it all go away.”
“It won’t go away, but maybe you both could understand where you’re coming from.”
“I’m not ready. Not yet. I’ll say something or do something I’ll regret. I’m hurt and I’m angry. That’s not a good combination.”
She nodded. “I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I’m here for you, always. You’re the last friend I have, Roxie. I can’t lose you because things go south with David. At the same time, if you aren’t happy with him, then you need to move on.”
“You’re stuck with me, Mia. Forever.” I smiled, though it was sad. I didn’t want to lose Mia either, but she was a strong reminder of David.
I either had to forgive him or forget him, I just had to figure out how.
David
EVERY TIME I was certain I couldn’t fuck things up more than they were, I did. I wasn’t thinking clearly and it was causing me to make stupid mistakes.
I seemed to be full of stupid decisions lately.
Perhaps my worst decision yet was pushing Roxie away. She tried so hard to be my rock—and Mia’s—and I did nothing but hurt her. After everything I’d done, I wondered if I finally pushed her too far. Before last night, I wanted to push her too far. I wanted her gone. Now? I’d do anything to reverse the damage I caused. Unfortunately, she wasn’t returning my calls or answering my texts. I didn’t like feeling like a desperate man.
