by Kristy Love
Fuck, the things this woman did to me.
I sat next to Gia’s bed watching over her with my chin resting on my hands. Her small chest moved in time with the machines, and the beeping of the heart monitor let me know she was still alive in there somehow. I needed her to be okay. There was no way I could forgive myself if she never woke up. If she died . . . that wasn’t even a thought I could entertain.
I’d lost so much already, I couldn’t lose her, too.
“Here you are.” Mia crossed the room and stood across the bed from me. She brushed her free hand over Gia’s forehead, then leaned over and kissed her before sitting. “Hey, baby girl. Mama’s here.” She smiled at her daughter. “I planted some sunflower seeds today. I know you always wanted some of those in the garden in the back, so I figured I’d get them started. They can greet you when you come home.”
She talked to Gia every time she came in—said she hoped it would somehow wake her up. I sat back and watched silently. She hadn’t acknowledged me, only talked to her daughter. She smiled and laughed and carried on as though Gia were responding. It was both sweet and heartbreaking.
It seemed the nightmare never ended.
Before she could finish talking to Gia, her phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket and looked at the display. I could see the screen and noticed it was her mom. Mia set her lips in a firm line, stood to answer, then moved away to stare out the window. Her voice was hushed, though by the tone of her voice it wasn’t a happy conversation.
Following the accident, my dad and her mom made comments to me that made it clear they were unhappy with Mia. Mia lost a lot of support when her friends and family became unkind, even harsh. Roxie and I were the only people she had.
She eventually hung up and shoved her phone in her pocket, blowing out air. When she turned toward me, she pasted on a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. I caught her gaze and raised my eyebrows in question. She gave her head a quick shake, clearly not wanting to talk about it, then sank into the chair next to her daughter’s bed and continued to talk to her as though she were awake.
Once she caught Gia up with everything that had happened since the night before, Mia’s eyes met mine. “How are you doing today?” There was a hint of annoyance and sadness in her tone.
I scrubbed my hand over my face. I wasn’t even sure how to respond. I hadn’t seen my sister since that night at the restaurant. It wasn’t bad enough that Roxie was avoiding me, but so was Mia. One moronic idea had cost me two of my favorite people in the world. “I’m okay. How are you?”
“I’m as good as can be expected. My daughter is still unconscious, my brother is a dumbass, and my best friend is heartbroken.” She raised an eyebrow at me. “Two of the three can be fixed fairly easily. The other . . .” Her eyes strayed to Gia. “The other one is much more complicated.”
“I’ve tried calling her.”
“Maybe you should try harder.” Mia’s eyes flashed with anger as her cheeks reddened. “What do you plan on saying?”
“That I made a mistake.”
Mia laughed bitterly. “Come on, David. You can do better than that. Roxie isn’t stupid enough to fall for your bullshit.”
“It’s not bullshit.”
“Then you need to work on your delivery,” she snapped.
“I don’t know what you want from me, Mia.”
“I want to know why. Why would you cheat on Roxie? Was she not good enough? Did she not care enough? Was she not helpful enough when we both needed her the most?”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then what’s it like? Did you find someone better to spend your time with? Someone who would treat you better? What is it, David? Because no matter what way I spin it, it still doesn’t make sense.”
“I didn’t cheat on Roxie.”
Her eyes narrowed as she glared at me. “What do you mean? You didn’t sleep with the bimbo? I wouldn’t expect you to in the middle of the restaurant, but going out on that date? It was cheating.”
I closed my eyes and blew out a slow breath. “It wasn’t a date. Steven runs a machine shop a few towns over. He makes custom car parts for a good price. I’ve been trying to get a contract with him for months. Finally, he offered to go to dinner to discuss the details. At the last minute, he asked if I’d pick up his daughter from the airport. I was hesitant because his wife had made a million hints that she’d love it if I took their daughter out on a date. I explained I was seeing someone, but she wasn’t hearing it.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I went along with it because I didn’t know what else to do.”
“So you sold yourself and threw away your relationship with Roxie over a contract? Over business?” She looked incredulous, her eyebrow arched and her lips pressed firmly together.
“No, I’m saying I’m in a bad place. I made a stupid decision. I hurt so damn much, Mia. Every time I see Gia in this bed or I think of her lying here, in a hospital . . . I lose part of my mind. I hurt so bad, I guess I wanted someone else to hurt, too.”
“That doesn’t seem like a really good reason.”
“There is no good reason.” I shrugged. “I hurt. I wasn’t thinking. I wanted to see how far I could push Roxie before she gave up. Part of me believed she’d never give up, but it wasn’t until I saw her walk away in that restaurant that I realized I was a moron and I’d gone too far.”
“Of course. You want her now that you lost her.”
Pain seared my heart as though her words were a white-hot blade. “I lost her?”
Her eyes softened. “Honestly? I don’t know. I know she cares about you a lot. I know she’s hurt and feels lost.” She shrugged. “I think you need to give her time. You need to let her figure out what she wants, because right now? She’s not ready for you. She needs time to pick herself up.”
“How long?”
“You’ll know. Just give her time and then see how she feels. Her emotions are too raw.”
“I don’t want to lose her, Mia.”
“Then you shouldn’t have been such a dumbshit.”
As always, Mia held me accountable for my idiocy.
IT’D BEEN OVER a week and I still hadn’t heard from Roxie. According to Mia, Roxie still had no interest in talking to me, which made me feel worse than I already did. Why had I been such an arsehole?
Oh, that’s right. I thought I’d be better off without her around.
My heart felt both heavy and empty at the same time. I felt restless, as though I was missing something. I’d never felt this way before and I didn’t like it. I sat around my office, listless. What was I supposed to do with this? I was beginning to wonder if everything was beyond repair.
Someone knocked on my door and then it opened. I kept my chair facing the window. I wanted whoever it was to leave me alone.
“David?” Greg said. The door closed and his footsteps got closer.
“Is there an issue in the shop?”
“Yeah. Barry is here. He wants to know when the Camaro will be done.”
I sighed and turned my chair around to shuffle through the papers on my desk. Where were those order sheets? When I found them, I glanced over them quickly to confirm my answer. “The parts should be here in a day or two.”
Greg’s lips pressed together. “I told him that over the phone three days ago. He’s getting pissed. He thinks you’re trying to take advantage of him.”
“Fuck.” I rubbed my eyes and sat back in my chair. “Even after everything I did on that Mustang for him? He’s going to pull this?”
“I don’t know, but he’s out in the garage causing all kinds of shit.”
“This is the last fucking thing I want to deal with.” I threw the papers down on the desk. I stood and motioned for Greg to follow me to the garage.
Nothing was working out. Everything was shit.
And I had no one to blame but myself.
I calmed Barry down and promised to call him as soon as the parts came in. He left and I walked through the shop to get
back to my office. I had no idea why I was even still here. I was distracted, irritable, and useless.
This was why I should have avoided falling for Roxie.
“David,” Mia called out across the showroom. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a steadying breath before I turned toward her.
“Yeah?”
She bit her lip and dropped her gaze to the desk. “I’m sorry.”
“What?”
Her eyes darted around the room, not ever landing on me completely. I walked over and stood in front of her desk, arms crossed over my chest. “I’m sorry. I may have messed up.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Uh . . . It’s Roxie.”
“Is something wrong?”
“I may have been wrong when I told you to give her space.” She cleared her throat. “Or at least, I may have been wrong about how much time to give her.”
I felt my face pull into a scowl. “Stop talking in circles.”
She took a breath as though preparing herself. “Roxie just texted me and she’s going out tonight. On a date.”
“A date?”
“Yeah. Apparently one of her clients is single and asked her out tonight. She accepted.”
“You told me she was too upset, Mia, that she needed time.” My voice was low, though I felt deadly. I felt ready to jump out of my skin and choke someone. Not Mia, but the first person who crossed me. First, this Barry shit, and now Roxie was going out with some arsehole. I’d fucked up, sure, but that didn’t mean she was allowed to move on. Fuck.
“I misread the situation.”
I pressed my hands against her desk and leaned forward. “Where is she going? When?”
Mia’s gaze fell. “She won’t tell me. She was afraid I’d tell you and you’d show up and ruin her chances of moving on.”
“Let me see your phone.” Mia handed it to me and I read the exchange.
Mia: What are you doing tonight? Want to hang out?
Roxie: I can’t. I have a date.
Mia: What?
Roxie: Yeah. It was kind of last minute. A client asked me out after I showed him a couple of houses today.
Mia: What about David? You guys haven’t officially broken up . . .
Roxie: He broke up with me when he showed up with that whore at the restaurant.
Mia: I think you’re making a mistake.
Roxie: I’m not arguing with you about this, Mia.
Mia: Where is he taking you?
Roxie: Nope. I’m not telling you anything. You’ll tell David and he’ll show up. I’m trying to move on, Mia. I can’t move on with David around.
My blood boiled as my eyes scanned the rest of the conversation. She didn’t think we were together anymore. As I set Mia’s phone back on the desk, I remembered what Roxie did before she met me. She slept with anyone she wanted.
There was no fucking way I’d allow that to happen.
“Call her. Find out what time she’s going out tonight,” I told Mia as I strode out the front door.
When I got in my Mustang, I sped out of the parking lot. I wasn’t sure if I’d head home or straight to Roxie’s, but there was no way she’d erase me from her life.
Not without a fight.
Roxie
I FELT LIKE shit. My heart hurt. That wasn’t even a strong enough word. It was all fucking David’s fault.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought I’d be able to move on with my life quickly. Robert was my fiancé and I was able to move on rather quickly. Unfortunately, David had me tied up in knots and I couldn’t seem to untangle myself. The more I tried to forget him, the more thoughts of him circled through my mind. Mustangs seemed to be everywhere. My bed reminded me of David. The shower. The kitchen. Fuck, even the TV.
It was kind of ridiculous. I drove by his garage with a frequency that was stupid. Part of me wondered if I could get away with burning the fucker down. Fire seemed to be the great eraser. It erased Robert from my life. It erased Brock from Mia’s.
Somehow, I knew it would never erase David. He was permanently seared in my mind. And my heart.
I sat on my bed, staring into my closet. I couldn’t manage the energy to pick out an outfit. Instead, I sat in my robe, miserable. Mia was right. This was a mistake, but I had no idea how to get out of it. I accepted the date quickly, without thinking about it. I didn’t consider that I only wanted to sit at home and eat fucking desserts. The only thing I wanted was to forget about David for one evening. Hell, I’d take even an hour. One hour without him popping into my mind would be amazing.
I needed to hear a friendly voice. I needed someone to tell me what to do. I decided to call my mom for advice. I’d talked to Harper and Mia, but nothing was helping.
“Hello?” my mom answered the phone.
“Mom . . .”
“Roxie, honey, what’s the matter?”
“I need help, Mom.” I sniffled. I rolled over in my bed, wishing she were here with me. Sometimes, I swear, a mother’s hug could cure anything. Or at least make it hurt a helluva lot less.
“What do you need?”
I told her everything. I laid out everything about David and me, even the things that I was sure a mother didn’t want to hear. As I talked, I felt the weight of everything pressing me down. I sniffled; I cried; my heart ached.
“Sweetheart,” she said, the sadness in her voice.
“Mom, I love him. I love him so much, but I can’t get past the hurt. After what Robert did to me and now David . . . I don’t know what to do.”
“You can’t keep holding onto the pain of Robert. It’s been years. It’s beyond time to move on.”
She spoke to the truth I knew was in my heart. It was time to let go. Robert had hurt me. The pain had been bad, but it wasn’t worth all the years of beating myself up and closing myself off. “It is. I just thought I was moving forward with David.”
“After everything he’s been through recently, don’t you think you can give him another chance?”
I rested my forehead in my palm and closed my eyes. “He hurt me,” I whispered.
“I’m sure you hurt him by yanking him back and forth. It sounded like you would pull him close just to shove him away with everything you had. He kept giving you chances. Give David a chance. Hear him out, listen to what he has to say. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll offer an explanation that will enable you to move forward with him.”
“What if he hurts me again?” Tears leaked from my eyes, sliding down my cheeks.
“Then you deal with it then. You can’t avoid being hurt, Roxie. Life is full of hurt. It’s also full of beauty. You have to embrace the beauty.”
Once again, my mom had spoken to my heart. I felt the knot in my stomach unravel a little bit. Her words were the truth—I knew as soon as I heard them. I knew I should listen to her. Even if this was the end of my relationship with David, I should hear him out. “I know you’re right.”
“There is no right answer, Roxie. You just have to follow your heart.”
“I will. Thanks for talking to me, Mom.”
“You know I’m here for you. Always.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, baby girl.”
We said our goodbyes and I hung up, a smile tugging at my lips. I needed to follow what my heart and my gut felt. I needed to talk to David and see what was going to happen between us.
My decision made, I was going to cancel my date and talk to David. My phone chiming interrupted me and I looked at the text.
Mia: Please don’t hate me. I told David. He’s on his way to your place. Please hear him out. Please?
I growled at my phone. My conversation with my mom went out the window. I was consumed with anger. Damn Mia! I knew she thought this was a mistake. She’d been after me for a week to hear David out, and that he had a valid reason for what he did.
More like an excuse.
My mom’s words swirled through my brain, mixing with Mia’s, but the image of David out with
that woman flooded my thoughts.
I had to go through with this. I needed a break from David and myself.
I rushed to my closet, chose a dress, and threw it on. I slipped on a pair of pumps and grabbed a purse. I had no idea if I matched, I just needed to get the fuck out of here. I snatched up my phone and shoved my wallet into the handbag. I dialed my date’s number as I practically ran to my car.
“Hey,” Nick’s smooth voice answered. He oozed sex, and I hoped he’d help me not think about David.
“Hey. Change of plans. I’ll meet you at the restaurant, okay?”
“I’m almost to your place.”
“Turn around,” I said as I turned my car on. “I’ll meet you there.”
“Okay. See you then.”
I hung my phone up and tossed it on the passenger seat. I let a satisfied smile engulf my face. I’d successfully derailed Mia’s attempt at meddling in my life.
LESS THAN TWO hours later, I pulled into my driveway. After the car was turned off and the keys were in my hand, I dropped my head against the seatback with a final sigh.
Was everyone out there a moron? Was I the only person on the entire fucking planet born with any brains in their head?
The date with Nick was a disaster. From the moment I arrived and found him checking his hair in the fucking spoon, I knew it was doomed. I should have told him I had to leave and walked right back out the door.
Instead, I subjected myself to his special brand of stupid.
Nick was obsessed with himself. He was constantly primping his hair, checking himself out in any reflective surface, and he talked nonstop about himself. It was endless.
On top of thinking he was hot shit, he was truly stupid. All of his conversations surrounded his sales job. I had no idea how he sold anything when the only thing he was interested in was himself.
How had I missed all of this while showing him houses earlier? Had I missed it in my desperation to forget David?
I got out of the car and walked up to my front door. I was ready to call an end to this shittiest of days.
