by Helen Warner
Sophie grinned back. ‘Yup. Emily will be down next, I guarantee it. It’s ironic, really, as we’re the ones who need a lie-in most but your body clock just goes haywire, doesn’t it?’
Amy nodded and poured Sophie some coffee. ‘Here. Shall we take it out onto the beach?’
‘Sure.’ Sophie took the mug gratefully and headed outside onto the wide strip of sand in front of the house. Amy followed and they walked towards the water’s edge, Sophie savouring the feeling of the warm sand between her toes. She sat down, taking care not to spill her coffee. ‘God, this is heaven, isn’t it?’
‘It is.’ Amy dropped down beside her, gracefully crossing her legs beneath her. ‘I’m so glad I came. I nearly didn’t.’
‘Why not?’
Amy shrugged. ‘Nick wasn’t too happy and it’s hard leaving Megan.’
Sophie nodded. ‘I know. But you need a break, Amy. And even though it’s hard to leave them, it’s amazing how quickly you get over it – usually after the first glass of Prosecco!’
Amy laughed. ‘That’s true.’
‘So…’ Sophie scooped up some sand with her spare hand and let it fall through her fingers, a peculiarly satisfying sensation. ‘How are you finding motherhood?’
Amy reached up and untied her hair, which tumbled down her back in copper-coloured ripples. ‘It’s hard.’ She tilted her chin up towards the sun and closed her eyes. ‘I don’t know how you coped, Soph, and I definitely don’t know how Emily coped. Jesus, imagine having to do it by yourself…’
‘I know. She’s pretty amazing.’ Sophie gazed out to sea for a minute, thinking. Amy had an army of people to help her. She had probably never had a sleepless night, thanks to the maternity nurse she and Nick had hired. Yet even she had found it tough going. It made Sophie feel better somehow. She and Steve had managed it all between themselves with very little help. Maybe she wasn’t such a hopeless mother after all.
‘And what about Nick? How’s he taken to being a dad?’
There was a beat too long before Amy replied. ‘Great. He’s been great… but he works a lot. You know how it is.’
Sophie didn’t know. Steve had never prioritized work over Emma. He had doted on her from the second she was born and couldn’t get home quickly enough to see her. But then again, maybe Nick enjoyed his work more than Steve did. She wasn’t quite sure what Nick did but it seemed to involve property and travel. Whatever it was, it made him a lot of money.
‘What’s she like? Megan, I mean?’
Amy’s face melted into a wide smile. ‘Oh, Soph, she’s perfect. Just so sweet and so good! We got her into a routine from the start and she never seems to stop smiling. I just didn’t expect to feel the way I do about her. It’s like falling in love for the first time.’
That old familiar prickle of guilt caused Sophie’s stomach to clench. She should have felt like that about her little Emma from the start. Emma, who had also smiled her way into the world; who had always fed and slept well and whose huge blue eyes twinkled with the sense of humour she was already starting to display. She wondered if she would ever forgive herself for the indifference she had felt towards her cherished little girl in those early days. ‘I know exactly what you mean.’ The well-worn lie tripped off her tongue all too easily. It was what people expected and it was less complicated than having to explain how you really felt.
They sat in silence for a while, each of them breathing in the sharp, salty tang of the sea and enjoying the moment. Eventually, Sophie spoke. ‘Amy, last night, when we were talking about Melissa…’
Amy’s expression hardened instantly. ‘Hmmm?’
Sophie hesitated, unsure whether to continue. ‘Well, I got the feeling that maybe something had happened between you and her? Something bad.’
Amy didn’t reply but she pursed her lips slightly.
‘It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it…’ Sophie swallowed, regretting bringing it up.
‘No, it’s OK,’ Amy said, eventually. ‘Nothing happened between me and her.’
‘Oh. OK.’ Sophie frowned to herself, nonplussed.
‘But unfortunately I’m not sure the same could be said for her and Nick.’
‘Oh…’ Sophie said again. ‘I did wonder—’
‘I saw them, late one night,’ Amy cut in, her eyes drifting, as if they were running from the tears that were chasing them. ‘Megan was six weeks old.’
A sudden burst of boiling rage shot through Sophie. Whatever issues Melissa had, this was unforgivable. She had crossed a line that no woman should ever cross and she was glad that Melissa wasn’t within physical reach.
‘She doesn’t know I saw them.’ Amy’s voice jolted Sophie out of her fury. ‘Neither of them do.’
‘Oh God, Amy. I’m so sorry. I honestly don’t know what to say.’
‘It’s fine. And it could have been worse. It was just a drunken kiss… I don’t think it went any further than that. Trouble is, it was obvious they both wanted it to, even if they didn’t actually have sex.’
Sophie shook her head, trying to find an upside to what Amy was saying but there wasn’t one. Knowing that your husband wanted to sleep with one of your best friends was almost worse than discovering that he had. Any hesitation she might have felt about cutting Melissa out of the group for a while dissipated in an instant. There was no other option. She finished her coffee and stood up purposefully. ‘Right, I’m going to tell her to leave. I don’t want her spoiling what’s left of this weekend.’
‘No.’ Amy stood up and faced Sophie, her eyes narrowing and her lips set in a straight line. ‘I’ll do it. With pleasure.’
Melissa was still asleep when Amy barged into the room. She could feel her rage boiling to the surface when Melissa didn’t even stir, despite the disturbance. Amy grabbed the duvet and hauled it off her, revealing Melissa’s perfect, petite frame, wearing just a sleeveless top and a thong. For some reason, the sight of her looking so perfect enraged Amy even more. ‘Melissa! Get up. Now!’
Melissa’s eyes shot open in alarm and she sat bolt upright, looking around her in confusion and shock. ‘What? What’s going on?’
Amy clenched her fists, aware that if she didn’t leave the room now, she might very well punch Melissa. ‘Get some clothes on and come downstairs. I want to talk to you.’
As she stalked out of the room and headed for the stairs, she could hear Melissa muttering to herself. ‘Can’t you just bloody talk to me here? Fuck’s sake!’
Emily emerged from her bedroom, frowning as she pulled her robe around her. ‘What’s going on?’ She followed Amy down the stairs.
Amy swept into the huge living room where Sophie was waiting, chewing her lip nervously.
‘Amy, what the hell’s going on?’ Emily asked again.
‘Yes, what’s going on?’ Melissa appeared, having thrown on a pair of cut-off denim shorts and a T-shirt.
Amy leaned against the glass table for support – she was shaking all over. ‘We’d like you to leave. Now.’
Melissa immediately looked at Sophie, who shook her head and dropped her eyes. ‘What? Why?’
‘Because I saw you and Nick. Together. Kissing. I know what’s been going on, Melissa, and I’m not going to take it any more. I’ve discussed it with Sophie and Emily and we’d like you to leave.’
Melissa’s cheeks flamed instantly. ‘Nothing’s going on, Amy! I don’t know what you think you saw, but it was nothing.’ She wrung her hands together, looking at Amy with a pleading expression.
‘I know what I saw and it wasn’t nothing!’ Amy’s voice quavered and she swallowed hard. ‘Megan was six weeks old, Melissa!’
‘Jesus,’ Emily muttered, before coming to stand beside Amy in a gesture of support.
‘So,’ Amy continued, drawing herself to her full height and tilting her chin up. ‘We’d like you to leave. And you are not welcome at my house again.’
Melissa slumped into a chair and put her face in her hands. ‘I’m sorry,’ she w
himpered. ‘It meant nothing. It was just a drunken kiss. I’m really sorry.’
‘Get up!’ Amy was shocked at the vehemence of her own words but all the hurt and anger she had been bottling up for so long was now erupting in a torrent and she couldn’t stop herself. ‘Get up, go upstairs and pack your things and get out. There’ll be a taxi waiting by the time you come back down.’
Melissa looked up slowly, her thin face wet with tears. ‘Please, Amy. I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you. Please don’t—’
‘I said, get out!’ Amy yelled, making all of them jump.
Melissa stood up shakily and threw Sophie a pleading look. ‘Soph?’
Amy looked at Sophie and could see she was wavering. Finally, she shook her head. ‘No, Melissa. You’ve crossed a line here. You need to leave.’
‘Is this… for ever?’ Melissa sounded like a frightened child, her eyes huge in her tiny face.
Sophie glanced at Amy before speaking. ‘You need to sort yourself out, Melissa. Don’t contact us again until you have.’
Melissa burst into noisy tears and rushed out of the room, leaving a stunned silence behind her.
Amy sank down into a chair, all the rage leaving her body instantly. She felt weak and wrung out. Sophie knelt down beside her and put an arm around her shoulders. ‘It’s OK, Amy. It’s hard, but she needs a bit of tough love. Otherwise she’ll never sort herself out.’
Amy nodded. Already she felt guilty but Sophie was right. This was the only way to make Melissa take responsibility for her behaviour. She just hoped it didn’t push her over the edge.
JUNE 2002
‘The Queen’s Golden Jubilee celebrations continue tonight, with a party in the palace taking place to celebrate the monarch’s fifty years on the throne. Queen guitarist Brian May kicked off the event by performing a solo on the roof of Buckingham Palace.’
PORTRUSH, NORTHERN IRELAND
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Sophie stood in the arrivals hall at Belfast International airport, watching the arrivals board. Flying to Belfast used to be such a tense affair, but these days, Belfast was a vibrant, bustling place. Since 9/11, Irish terrorism had been succeeded by a new, more sinister threat. Their flight landed twenty minutes ago, so they should be through soon. The butterflies in her stomach danced a little harder with every passing minute. She wasn’t entirely sure why.
Steve and Emma had flown home that morning. Sophie was staying on for a couple of extra days and had invited the girls to come for the weekend, the final part of her thirtieth birthday celebrations.
It had been such a lovely week so far. Amazingly, for almost the first time she could remember, the sun had shone every single day and they had spent their time eating, drinking and watching Steve surf the huge waves at White Rocks beach, reminding Sophie of that first magical summer when she had got together with him. The big difference this time was that they had their little Emma with them. At three years old, she was a like a tiny cloud of golden energy, always laughing, always talking and, it seemed, always on the move. She never sat still for a minute and grabbed every second of every day as if it was her last. Sophie was besotted with her.
Over dinner on her birthday, she told Steve the news she had been keeping to herself until she was sure. It was so different in every way from her pregnancy with Emma. This time she felt almost ecstatic. Seeing the blue line so clear, so bold and so positive was like a sign that she could finally put her mistakes behind her.
Steve’s lovely face crumpled with emotion as she told him. ‘What’s wrong?’ she said, a sharp cramp of fear clutching her insides, in case he wasn’t happy.
‘It’s you.’ He shook his head and drew a hand across his face. ‘The difference in you from before, with Emma…’
‘I’m sorry. I was just scared.’
‘I know. You have nothing to apologize for…’
Sophie dropped her gaze. She had so much to apologize for that if she started now, until the end of her life it wouldn’t be enough.
‘You have nothing to apologize for,’ Steve repeated. ‘I’m just relieved to see you so happy this time.’
Sophie lifted her eyes to his. ‘I am happy, Steve. And I’m relieved too. I really want this pregnancy to be different. To make it up to—’
‘—yourself,’ Steve interrupted. ‘You need to make it up to yourself. No one else.’
‘God, I love you so much.’ The tears Sophie had been holding back began to stream down her cheeks. ‘And I love Emma…’
Steve reached out and took her hand. ‘We know you do. And we love you too. Everything is going to be OK.’
Sophie sniffed and blinked quickly, as two familiar faces came into view in the arrivals area. Emily’s shiny black bob had grown out to just below her shoulders and hung in a sleek, dark sheet, in sharp contrast to Amy’s auburn mane, which was piled up on top of her head. No Melissa. Sophie’s heart dropped slightly, even though she had known she wouldn’t be here, because she hadn’t invited her. She had spoken to her a couple of times and she seemed to be getting herself back together but Sophie wanted to make sure Amy was completely comfortable before bringing her back into the fold.
Emily and Amy were deep in conversation, hauling their weekend cases behind them, and Sophie felt a sudden, deep surge of affection for them both. They had never been to Ireland to visit her before and she was touched that they had made the effort. As she watched them, they looked up and smiled in unison.
‘Welcome to the Emerald Isle,’ she said, adopting her best tourist-guide smile and giving a brief curtsey as she swept her arm expansively around the arrivals hall.
‘It looks… breathtaking!’ laughed Emily, hugging her with her free arm. ‘Oh, it’s good to see you, Soph. I can’t believe it’s been so long.’
‘I know. It’s absurd. Still, you’re here now.’ Sophie reached out to hug Amy. ‘And you have no right to look as good as you do, young lady! Where did your baby weight go?’
Amy shrugged and grinned but Sophie noticed that the laughter didn’t reach her eyes. ‘It’ll be back soon enough…’
‘Seriously?’ Sophie’s mouth dropped open in surprise. ‘You’re pregnant again? Wow! Congratulations.’
Amy sighed. ‘I’m really sorry, Soph, I don’t want to be a killjoy on your birthday weekend.’
‘I wouldn’t worry – that makes two of us who’ll be drinking water then…’ Sophie waited for the penny to drop.
‘Oh, great!’ Emily cried in mock frustration. ‘So I’ll be the only one enjoying the Guinness then, I take it?’
Sophie nodded. ‘Yup. I’m pregnant too.’
‘Oh, Sophie, I’m so happy for you!’ Amy’s eyes, which had looked so lifeless a few moments ago, now lit up with genuine delight. Sophie tried not to let her confusion show. Maybe Amy was still in shock at being pregnant again so soon after Megan was born.
‘So how did Nick take the news?’ Sophie asked, as she led them out towards the car park.
‘He’s delighted. It was him who was so desperate for another one.’ Amy sounded exhausted at the mere thought of it.
‘But you’re happy too?’
Amy hesitated. ‘Actually, I would rather have waited another year but he wouldn’t let it drop.’
Emily looked up and caught Sophie’s eye. Sophie decided to change the subject.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Amy sipped her sparkling mineral water and tried to ignore her phone, which she could feel vibrating incessantly in her bag on the floor. The other two were chatting away, oblivious. She didn’t need to answer it to know it would be Nick, checking up on her. There had been the most almighty row about her coming this weekend but she had put her foot down. She wasn’t going to miss Sophie’s thirtieth birthday weekend, whatever he said.
‘Amy!’ Nick bellowed from downstairs. Upstairs in their bedroom, Amy tensed. Megan was asleep and his shouting reverberated all over the house. She quickly finished applying her lipstick and scampered out of the bedroom and d
own the stairs. Nick was standing in the wide hallway, a heavy scowl crumpling his smooth, chiselled, handsome face.
As she appeared at the top of the stairs, he looked up. ‘There you are!’ The scowl deepened as she reached him. He looked her up and down with narrowed eyes.
‘What?’ She tried to laugh but it died in her throat. When had she become so tense around him? It was ridiculous.
‘Is that a new lipstick?’
‘Yes.’ She touched her lips in an involuntary movement.
‘When did you get it?’ His mouth had set in a hard line.
Amy frowned, wondering why he had become so critical. There was a time, not so long ago, when he used smother her with compliments, telling her endlessly how beautiful she was. The compliments were becoming rarer and rarer. ‘This morning, when I took Megan for a walk.’
Nick nodded curtly. ‘I don’t like it. It doesn’t suit you.’
Amy’s stomach dropped. ‘Right. I guess I won’t be wearing it again then.’ She sighed heavily and shook her head, before walking past him into the kitchen. She hated any kind of confrontation and lately Nick seemed determined to start a row about absolutely anything.
‘Amy! Don’t be so sulky.’ Nick followed her into the kitchen and grabbed her arm roughly, spinning her round to face him.
‘I’m not sulking.’ Amy rubbed her arm surreptitiously and rearranged her features into a smile. ‘Anyway, dinner’s nearly ready. Why don’t you go and freshen up and I’ll pour you a drink?’
Nick pursed his lips, as if deciding whether to pursue an argument or to let it go. Eventually, he seemed to make a decision. ‘OK. I’ll be back in five minutes. Maybe you could wash off that horrible lipstick in the meantime?’
Amy looked at Sophie across the table, envying her the glow of happiness that seemed to envelop her. Her large blue eyes shone and her skin was clear and dewy. Despite what she said, Sophie had lost the extra weight she had put on during her first pregnancy and her face had taken on a new definition, with high cheekbones and a toned jawline. Her long chestnut hair was thick and glossy and she was holding her head high again, embracing her height instead of trying to hide it.
