How to Boost Your Profile

by Meredith Badger

  Mum glances at the time and sees that I’m right. She picks up her coffee-to-go cup and heads for the door. ‘We’ll talk about this later, Carolyn,’ she calls out.

  Once she’s gone I look at Carolyn, waiting for her to thank me for stopping the fight when I did. But my darling sister just screws up her face and says, ‘What are you looking at?’

  Usually when she says this, I say, I haven’t worked it out yet. But right now I can’t be bothered saying anything to her. I feel heavy, like I’ve just eaten twenty bowls of cereal instead of just a couple of mouthfuls. Silently, I get up and go to my room where I plug in my hair straightener.

  While it warms up, I start my make-up. A thick layer of foundation goes on first to cover up the red blotches on my cheeks. Then there’s concealer for the circles under my eyes. Rouge, so I don’t look so washed out. Eye shadow, with separate colours for the brow, the corner and the bit just above my eye. Putting on make-up always makes me feel good. It doesn’t even matter that by recess, some teacher will make me wash it off. It’s putting it on that counts. I know Leni and Soph think it’s a waste of time, but they don’t get it. Putting on make-up is like covering up the bad stuff. It’s the same with my hair. My dumb curls are the one thing I know I can smooth out.

  I’ve still got a tube of old, cheap mascara in my makeup bag, but when it’s time to apply it I find myself pulling out the 5000x from my pocket. I hold it in my hand. Does it really matter if I keep it? Cosmetica has hundreds of branches. And each shop must have at least fifty tubes of this mascara. It’s not like they’ll miss one little tube. I twist it and crack the plastic seal.

  The 5000x mascara is incredible. Way better than my old one. It’s thick and lush and, although it doesn’t make my eyelashes look 50 metres long (which I’m glad about, really), they definitely look very cool.

  When I’m finished, I open up my cupboard and look at myself in the full-length mirror stuck to the door. Maybe my boobs don’t look any bigger, but I feel like my profile has been boosted a little.

  I spot Leni and Soph before they see me. Leni, who is tall and totally gorgeous (although she has no idea that she is), has her sports bag slung over her shoulder so I guess she’s had an early training session with the aths team this morning. Soph is munching on something that looks way too healthy and homemade for my liking, and she’s talking very intently to Leni. Probably about her latest plans to save the world.

  Sometimes I think it’s weird that the three of us are friends. It’s not like we have a whole lot in common. For instance, I can’t drag either of them into Cosmetica, even if I try bribing them with the promise of a Jokey Juice afterwards. And the things they’re into don’t exactly light my fire either. I went on a protest march with Soph and her mum once and it was the most boring thing I’ve ever done – although I made sure she didn’t realise that.

  I figure friendship is something you just shouldn’t examine too much. It’s like gravity – you just accept that it works, even if you don’t understand exactly how. Because if you start questioning it, maybe you’ll end up floating away into space. I’m just happy I’ve got Leni and Soph.

  I sneak towards them until I’m really close. Then I yell, ‘Hi, guys!’ and pull them towards me so that our heads almost collide. Leni yelps in surprise and Soph drops what she’s eating.

  ‘Anya!’ says Soph crossly. ‘That was my breakfast!’ The thing on the ground looks kind of like a muesli bar, but a mutant one. There are all these green, bug-like seeds sticking out of it and it’s a safe bet there’s no chocolate.

  ‘Um – I think I’ve done you a favour, Soph,’ I say, crossing my eyes at her. Soph never stays mad at me for very long – especially if I can make her laugh. ‘But hey,’ I add, because I feel bad about making her lose her breakfast even if it does look gross, ‘I’ve got a real muesli bar in my bag. You can have it if you want.’ I fish it out from where it’s lurking, way down the bottom. There’s a splodge of something blue and sticky on it – probably from the leaky pen in the bottom of my bag that I keep forgetting to remove. ‘Mmm, this one is ink-flavoured!’ I say, offering it to her. ‘Nommy-nommy!’

  Soph backs away, laughing like I knew she would. ‘No, thanks,’ she says. ‘I was full anyway.’

  ‘So you and Ethan really broke up?’ says Leni. ‘I can’t believe it.’

  I nod and then sit down on the grass. Leni and Soph sit beside me and I show them Ethan’s message. They both agree that it was really low of him to send it instead of talking to me about it in person.

  ‘What did you write back?’ asks Soph.

  They can’t believe it when I tell them I haven’t written anything yet. ‘I just haven’t worked out what to say,’ I explain. ‘I guess I’m still in shock.’ I lie back on the ground, even though there’s a risk that the dampness from the grass will make my hair revert to a giant frizzball. ‘And the worst bit is that now I can’t go to the social anymore,’ I sigh.

  ‘Why not?’ asks Soph in surprise.

  It seems pretty obvious to me why not, but I explain anyway. How I’ve been picturing the social for so long in my head. Me turning up in some amazing dress, my arm tucked through Ethan’s, everyone looking at us enviously. ‘It won’t be any fun going on my own,’ I say.

  ‘You won’t be going on your own,’ says Leni, giving me a gentle push. ‘You’ll be going with us. Your friends. It’ll be way more fun. At least Soph and I know how to dance.’

  That makes me laugh, because Ethan is definitely not the most co-ordinated person. ‘Okay,’ I say, sitting up and brushing the grass off my back. ‘I’ll come.’

  Leni’s right. It will be fun going with them. Plus it’ll give me a chance to look amazing in front of Ethan, so he realises what a big mistake he’s made.

  ‘I just can’t work out why Ethan did it,’ I say. ‘It was just so sudden. What happened?’

  The tiniest flicker of a look passes between Leni and Soph – one I’m not meant to see.

  ‘You guys know something, don’t you?’ I say, pouncing immediately. ‘Come on. Tell me.’

  Leni suddenly looks really uncomfortable and I know it’ll be hard to get any info out of her – especially if she thinks it’s going to hurt my feelings. So I turn to Soph, who is big on telling things as they are even if it’s painful. ‘Spill it, Soph,’ I say.

  ‘We saw Ethan just before you turned up this morning,’ says Soph. ‘He was walking with Hannah Darcy.’

  I can’t believe it. ‘Massive Hannah?’ I say. ‘You’re kidding me, right? Were they holding hands?’

  ‘Shh!’ say Soph, looking around.

  ‘No, they weren’t doing anything like that,’ says Leni soothingly. ‘They were just walking together, laughing about something.’

  Walking and laughing with someone doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but then sometimes it does. The thing is, Ethan never really laughed much with me at all. Half the time I wasn’t even sure he was listening, which is why I had to send him so many text messages.

  I take a breath. Try to calm down. ‘Are you sure it was Hannah?’ I say. It’s pretty awful to be text-dumped by your boyfriend. But when it looks like you might have been replaced by someone like her – well, that’s just too much. It’s not just that she’s really huge, it’s also that she’s one of the nerdiest people in our entire year. She always sits up the front in class and asks way too many questions. The only person I can think of who is nerdier than Hannah is … well, Ethan, I guess, but back before I changed him. I can’t believe that he would give me up to go out with her. It’s so humiliating.

  ‘We’re sure,’ says Soph quietly. Leni pulls a sympathetic face and nods.

  I take out my phone.

  ‘What are you doing?’ asks Soph.

  ‘I’m texting Ethan, of course,’ I say. ‘I have to find out if he’s going out with Hannah now.’

  ‘No, don’t,’ says Soph quickly, grabbing my phone.

  Leni agrees with her. ‘Wait till you’ve calmed d
own a bit at least,’ she says. ‘Otherwise you might say something you regret.’ Right now I can’t imagine regretting anything I might say to Ethan.

  The bell rings and Soph gets up. ‘We’d better go,’ she says. ‘It’s maths first and you know how Mr Cartright loves giving out detention if you’re late.’ Actually, Mr Cartright loves giving out detention even if you blink at the wrong time during his class.

  Soph makes me promise I’ll just ignore Ethan for the moment before she gives back my phone. ‘Don’t let him see that you’re upset about this,’ she says.

  I shove my phone in my bag, then sling my schoolbag onto my shoulder. ‘Oh, don’t worry – I’ll ignore him, all right,’ I say. ‘I’ll ignore him like no-one has ever ignored him before.’

  Ethan is sitting back where he used to sit before we started going out – right at the front of class. Hannah is beside him. So Leni and Soph were right. I instantly start ignoring him. I hope he notices.

  We make it to our seats just before Mr Cartright strides in. He’s been at the school for about a hundred years and he has a beard that stretches from ear to ear but no moustache, which looks totally wrong to me. He also has these really thick woolly eyebrows that meet in the middle. It’s like he’s tried to grow a moustache, but just too high up on his face. Mr Cartright doesn’t like me and the feeling is completely mutual. He’s so different to Miss Smith, who was the teacher who made me love maths back at primary school. Maths was fun back then – because Miss Smith always came up with interesting activities for us to do. Mr Cartright’s classes are always exactly the same. He stands up the front and writes down an example of something on the whiteboard, then sets us problems to do. It’s so predictable and boring.

  Mr Cartright has favourites, too. He gives them extra work and gets them to compete in maths competitions and stuff. Ethan’s one of his favourites and Hannah is another. I’ve worked very hard not to be one. I guess I was kind of Miss Smith’s favourite and I got teased about it heaps. After that I realised it’s better to be ordinary, which is basically what I’ve aimed for ever since I started high school.

  When Mr Cartright starts droning on, I begin calculating how long it’ll take me to save up my pocket money to buy a Charm Bra. I have to take into account my essentials, like credit for my phone and Jokey Juices, but I also think about ways I can save money, like asking for the bus fare from Mum and then walking to school instead. I’ve just come up with the answer – about three months – when Soph hisses, ‘Anya!’

  I sit up with a start, realising that Mr Cartright has asked me a question and everyone is looking at me, waiting for me to answer. Everyone except Ethan, who is keeping his eyes straight ahead.

  ‘I’m sorry, Mr Cartright,’ I say. ‘Could you repeat that?’

  Mr Cartright’s eyebrows scrunch down like grey storm clouds and he raps the whiteboard with a marker pen. ‘What does x equal in this equation?’ he says. ‘You’ll need to apply the formula we learnt yesterday.’

  I look at the board and work out the answer, pretty much straight away. I think about pretending I have no idea, but I’m feeling a little flustered so I just blurt it out instead. ‘X equals 16.’

  Mr Cartright opens his mouth, like he’s about to tell me off for getting it wrong like I usually do (on purpose), and then realises I’ve said the right answer. The look on his face is pretty funny, and I guess I must smirk or something because suddenly he glares at me. ‘What is that gunk on your face, young lady?’

  Oops. I thought I was sitting too far away for him to notice my make-up. His eyesight must be better than I realised.

  ‘Go and wash it off. Now.’

  I make my chair scrape loudly across the floor as I stand up and start to walk towards the door.

  Mr Cartright has already turned his attention back to the class. ‘Anyone else have an idea about this next equation?’

  Hannah’s hand shoots into the air, which is typical, but I’m surprised (and frankly, disappointed) when Leni also puts her hand up. I need to talk to her about this. She’s going to end up a favourite if she’s not careful.

  I deliberately walk right in front of where Ethan is sitting and, although he’s not looking at me, I give him an extremely disdainful look before I walk out the door. Even if he didn’t see it, I’m sure he must have felt it burning the back of his neck.

  Edi Rhineheart is in the girls’ bathrooms when I get there and for once she’s not surrounded by her entourage. She’s drying her hands and on her wrist is a pretty silver bracelet, gleaming in the light. It’s made from several threads all twisted and knotted together. It’s so beautiful that I can’t stop staring at it. Maybe I’d feel – and look – just a tiny bit more like Edi if I had a bracelet like that, something that sparkled and shone.

  ‘I love your bracelet,’ I say.

  ‘Thanks.’ Edi isn’t looking at me when she replies but then, she never really is. Sometimes I suspect that she doesn’t even know my name. ‘Do you know that shop Cargo?’

  I nod. ‘It’s that little cool one near the cinema, right?’ I don’t bother adding expensive.

  ‘Yep,’ says Edi. ‘It’s from there.’

  This is the longest conversation I’ve ever had with Edi. And it’s going pretty well so far. I lean against the nearest sink and sigh. ‘Mr Cartright is making me wash off my make-up,’ I say. Edi makes a sympathetic noise and straightens her skirt. I can tell she’s about to leave. ‘I’m kind of spewing,’ I add quickly, ‘because the mascara is 5000x and I hate to waste it.’

  Edi turns around then and looks at me. Really looks at me. ‘You’ve got some 5000x?’

  I shrug, like it’s no big deal. ‘Sure,’ I say, ‘It’s the best one.’

  Edi stares at my eyelashes for so long that I start to feel a little self-conscious. ‘I mean, obviously it doesn’t really make them look five thousand times longer,’ I say, babbling a little, ‘because that would be crazy. But still.’

  ‘It looks great,’ says Edi. ‘I’ll have to get some!’

  Without thinking twice about it, I unzip the pocket of my uniform and pull out the 5000x and hand it to Edi. ‘Here. You have it.’

  She stares at me in astonishment. ‘No way. Really?’

  ‘Sure,’ I say. ‘My mum and my sister both work at the mall. I get a huge discount on anything I buy.’ Okay, so it’s a lie – but it’s worth it when Edi smiles at me.

  ‘Well, if you’re sure,’ she says, taking the 5000x. ‘Thanks!’

  As she walks out, she stops and says, ‘It’s Anya, right?’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘Well, see you round, Anya.’

  I say See you round back. Then I get to work, scrubbing off the make-up, but I don’t mind because I’m busy thinking. I’m thinking about how easy it was to take the 5000x. How I’d done it without even realising. Would it be just as easy if I actually meant to steal something? It’s a pretty interesting question.

  For the rest of the day, I sneak looks at Ethan during class, but every time, he seems to be totally focused on his work. Not once do I catch him taking a peek at me. And during the breaks he disappears completely. It’s so frustrating! How am I supposed to ignore someone who is avoiding me? Leni and Soph keep saying it’s better this way, but I don’t see why. The more time goes by, the more confused I feel about what went wrong between us. I just can’t work out why he’d choose Hannah over me.

  I admit that the way we got together was a bit unusual. I had this idea for a kissing competition, which I basically came up with as a way of helping my friends. They are both such awesome people but they’re completely hopeless when it comes to guys. Leni just turns every boy she knows into a friend, even when it’s obvious (to me at least) that they have a thing for her. And Soph is too focused on all her campaigns and issues to bother with guys. I mean, that’s not right, is it? I love imagining us all going out together with our boyfriends – to the movies or to the Royal Show or whatever. But I realised that this was never going to happen un
less I helped them out.

  So to give them a push-start, I decided that we all had two weeks to kiss someone – and this is how I ended up kissing Ethan. His mum is friends with my mum so I’ve known him since primary school. I always thought he was a total dork, but that changed after we kissed. I guess I started seeing beyond the geeky exterior and realised that with a bit of work, Ethan had the potential to be really hot. And the thing is, the more time I spent with him the more I liked him. He’s funny, you know, in a quiet kind of way.

  And he sometimes came out with stuff that really surprised me. Like one day last week, after I’d had a massive fight with Carolyn, he said to me, ‘You know she deliberately stirs you up because she’s jealous of you.’

  Interesting, huh? I mean, obviously it isn’t true. Why would Carolyn be jealous of me, for god’s sake? But I was still pretty blown away. I’ve known him for ages but I never realised he thought about things like that. So you can see why I was upset about being dumped – especially with no explanation.

  Anyway, the whole day goes past and it’s like I no longer exist for Ethan. It’s awful, and by the time I walk out of the gates to meet Dad after school, I’m feeling kind of low.

  Dad’s already there, waiting in his van – I can see him through the window looking at something on his phone.

  The van has Mick’s Insulation written across the side in big red letters, even though my dad isn’t called Mick. In fact, there is no Mick at the insulation company he works for at all. Dad says it’s just a name the owner came up with because Mick sounds like the sort of person you’d trust to go in your roof. The owner’s name is Cyril and he definitely doesn’t look like a guy you want anywhere near your roof. Whenever I’ve met him at the main office he’s been running around, looking worried. Dad calls him Cyril the Squirrel, but not to his face.

  When Dad sees me, he leans over and opens the front passenger door. This is usually Carolyn’s seat and if she catches me in it, I’m dead meat. Dad sees me hesitate and smiles. ‘Don’t worry, kiddo,’ he says. ‘She’s working this afternoon.’