The Retreat

by Heather Mar-Gerrison

  His eyes lit up, “How long have you got?” he asked.

  I shrugged. I’d got all day but I didn’t want to spend all of it in this overpriced outlet, “A couple of hours maybe?”

  He nodded. Turning around he shouted to one of his colleagues, “Shane?”

  The other guy in the shop looked up from where he was doing something behind the counter, “What’s up?” he asked.

  The guy who’d approached me hurried over to him, “I’ll be busy restyling this guy for an hour or so – hold the fort?”

  He nodded, “Sure thing.”

  Wow. Restyled? What the hell did that mean? Still I had to do something to woo Dylan back and I’d done pretty abysmally so far in getting started with a relationship with him. Let’s face it, I’d barely gotten as far as admitting to myself that I was gay. But, whichever way I looked at it, I’d been involved with Dylan and things between us were as gay as gay got.

  The biggest thing I had to overcome was worrying about how other people judged me. Having parents that frowned upon same-sex relationships was something I’d grown up accepting. It was fine for Bailey to be as gay as a rainbow – and it was fine for me to be friends with him. As long as that was as far it ever went.

  But I’d suppressed my natural desires and had dated Sophie – because it was the right thing to do as far as my parents were concerned. So, I’d missed out on discovering my sexuality when I was a teenager – and now I had absolutely no idea how to embrace the gay lifestyle. I was essentially straight – I just happened to have fallen for a guy and it was absolutely mind-blowing.

  So now I was taking the first steps of becoming who I really wanted to be. Was I supposed to start wearing different clothes? Well, maybe not but I wanted to. Should I have my eyebrows groomed? (better than I did myself?) Wear moisturiser? Should I have my hair styled instead of cut? What? What?

  And how the hell was I supposed to tell my parents? The last they knew, I’d been happily married for chrissakes – and to what they considered to be a lovely girl as well… Oh, God – they were going to totally disown me…

  But what was the alternative to embracing my newfound love? Because that was essentially what we were talking about here. I’d fallen in love. He might not be what my parents would have wanted for me – but who was this about, anyway? Them or me?

  If they couldn’t or wouldn’t accept me, then that was going to have to be too bad. I was in love and I wanted to tell him that. I just hoped that I hadn’t left it too late.

  “So?” The shop assistant asked as I stepped out of the fitting room to check out my appearance in the mirror, “What do you think?”

  It was the sixth outfit and I was beginning to feel a little exhausted, “I love them all.” I said sincerely, “I’ll take the lot.”

  He beamed at me, “Fabulous!” he said, “Now,” He looked down at my scuffed trainers. “What about shoes?”

  Oh, Christ…

  *

  I looked up at the house I’d grown up in and swallowed down the massive lump in my throat that was threatening to cut off my air supply. I wasn’t upset. I was fucking terrified and it was a lump of fear in my throat.

  What the hell was I supposed to say?

  Still having absolutely no idea, I got out of the car.

  I’d decided to wear one of my outfits and I felt pretty damned fabulous in my slim fitting jeans and fitted white shirt with a subtle navy stripe. It didn’t scream gay but it definitely hinted at a guy who knew how to dress. I’d never been one of those guys before…

  I rang the doorbell. It didn’t seem right to walk in without asking anymore. I’d been left home a few years now.

  Mum answered the door. She looked at me and blinked, “Oh,” she said, “Nathan. What a lovely surprise. What are you doing here?” she looked towards the car, “Where’s Sophie?”

  I cleared my throat, “I uh, I was passing and I figured I could drop in for a cuppa?”

  She beamed at me, “Of course you can, darling.” She said, wrapping me up in a hug, “Come on in.”

  I followed her on slightly wobbly legs.

  “So, how’s Sophie?”

  I hesitated. What the hell was I supposed to say, “Um…”

  She turned, a small frown on her face, “Have you two fallen out?” she asked. “Is that why you’re here?”

  Well, yes. Not that it matters… I sighed, “We’ve uh… We’re uh… She left me, Mum.”

  Mum blinked, “Left you?” she repeated, “When?”

  Shit. I should have told her this in June… “Um, we uh, we separated in June and she filed for divorce. She’s living with some guy she works with.”

  Mum’s face was a picture. “Oh, my God, Nathan.” She said, instantly sounding disappointed in me, “Why the hell didn’t you tell us?”

  I shrugged, “I was embarrassed…”

  “Embarrassed?” she asked, “Why?”

  I took a deep breath, “Because it wasn’t really a marriage anyway. We should never have gotten that far.”

  She frowned, “What?”

  I’d started now, so I was going to damned well finish. “We were living a lie.” I said, thankful that my voice sounded normal and clear and strong. “I didn’t love her any more than she loved me. She was in love with another guy and didn’t know how to tell me – and I was hiding what I really am behind my relationship with her.”

  “Hiding?” she asked, her frown deepening and beginning to look wary of me, “What are you talking about? Hiding what?”

  Did she really not get what I was talking about? Time to rectify that… “I’m gay, Mum.”

  She actually took a step away from me. That stung. “Don’t be so ridiculous. You’re a married man.” She scoffed.

  “Actually, I’m pretty much a divorced man – but regardless of my marital status – it doesn’t make me straight, Mum – and it never will.”

  “And why do you think you’re all of a sudden gay?” she asked, her voice getting shriller with indignation, “Has that Bailey fellow been filling your head full of nonsense?”

  Taking a deep breath and trying to keep a hold of my temper I shook my head, “No.” I said, “Bailey has no idea that I’m talking to you about this. But I’ve fallen in love, Mum. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life when I’m with this person and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. It would be nice if you and Dad could at least be happy for me even if you don’t understand.”

  Her mouth tightened up, reminding me strongly of a cat’s arse. “Him?” she said as if it was a dirty word. “I see.”

  Well, how could she not see? I’d been trying to explain this for the last five minutes…

  “He’s adorable.” I ventured, unable to stop the smile from spreading across my face at the thought of him, “I think you’d like him if you allowed yourself to.”

  She nodded even though her mouth was still pursed and the frown hadn’t left her forehead, “Well, I can’t deny I’m curious to meet someone who could finally make you happy.”

  It was a backhanded compliment but I’d take it. “I’d love you to meet him,” I said sincerely, “give me a ring when you’re ready to, huh?” I got up, “I’ve uh, I’ve gotta go. I’m going to go and see him right now.” And God willing, he’ll take me back…

  “Wait!” Mum called after me in a panic, “Are you expecting me to tell your father this news?”

  I shrugged, “If you want to tell him, go ahead – but I’ll be back over the weekend – hopefully you can meet Dylan then.”

  I jumped in the car before she could say anything else, turned it around in the road, and shot off in the direction of Crofton.

  I spent the whole journey planning what I was going to say. I needed to tell him that he meant the world to me and that I really wanted to tell everyone that we were in love with each other. I wanted him to understand that I was totally committed to him and that I had never been ashamed of the way I felt about him.

  I wanted him to und
erstand that I’d never intended to hurt his feelings and that I would like to spend the rest of my life making it up to him.

  *

  Dylan answered the door, his eyes red and his lovely little nose all pink. “Oh,” he fluttered his hands in front of his face, “I wasn’t expecting anyone…”

  Least of all me, no doubt, since he’d totally told me to go to hell the last time we spoke. “Has someone been upsetting you?” I growled, ready to murder the next person I saw.

  “Oh, no – no.” he shook his head, “I was just reading the best book… it’s been made into a movie too...”

  I blinked, “You’re crying over a book?” Fuck, my mum and my sister did that – but I’d never done that. “What the fuck were you reading?” He held up a book that I vaguely recognised as an award winning ‘gay’ film, “Oh, that.” I nodded. It was, apparently, a bit of tear-jerker but I wasn’t into stuff like that… Never had been – and not because I was in denial. I just didn’t like chick-flicks… or whatever the gay equivalent to that was…

  “It was brilliant.” He said, sounding like he had a bad cold. “Brilliant but very sad.”

  I nodded, “Okay. I don’t know how to respond to that. I don’t like sad films. I like action movies.”

  He rolled his eyes, “God, you’re just like Zoe.” He muttered. He looked back up at me, "I don’t want to be like Oliver and Elio.” He said.

  I looked at him blankly. What the actual fuck was he on about? “Who?” I asked.

  He held the book up in exasperation. He was often exasperated with me and I truly wondered why the hell he liked me, never mind anything else… “The book I read,” he said, “the characters. They fell in love but they couldn’t be together – well, you know – it was the eighties…”

  I frowned at him. What the hell did that have to do with us? “You’re really not making any sense, Dylan.” I said helplessly.

  He turned around and fixed me with his frankly mesmerising eyes. I stared back, momentarily lost, “I know I’m not,” he said passionately, “but listen to me – everything ends. We all die.”

  I nodded. I had absolutely no idea where he was going with this but I was on board with whatever it was he was trying to say. When he got passionate like this I couldn’t help myself. He was always stunningly beautiful but when he got all fired up like this, he was utterly compelling and I was like a fly caught in a web…

  “I want you to be brave enough to take me on – to be with me until we’re old and grey and one of us dies. And I’ll mourn your passing or you’ll mourn mine – but let us not lose each other before then because you have homophobic parents and you’d rather hide behind a girlfriend than admit that you love a guy. I fucking love you. I love you more than I can explain. I’d be like Elio – I’d never forget you.”

  I nodded. “Absolutely,” I agreed, “That was what I came over here to tell you.” Albeit in a completely different way to the way he’d just wowed me with his words.

  He beamed at me, “Really?” He asked, “You’re going to give us a chance?”

  How could I not? I’d fallen for him hook, line and sinker. I nodded. “Definitely.” I said. I picked up the book that was on the side next to me, “Fuck.” I muttered as I squinted at the blurb on the back, “I really need to read this book.”

  He chuckled, “Yeah,” He agreed, “Maybe you do – but not right now. Now you have to kiss me and tell me that you love me more than life itself.”

  I grinned, gathering him into my arms and breathing in his wonderful smell I nodded, “I can do that.” I said and lowered my mouth to his wonderfully shiny waiting lips.

  I pulled away from him in a bit of a daze. It was fair to say that Dylan was the best kisser in the universe and then some.

  He smiled up at me, “I like that shirt – you haven’t worn that before.”

  I shook my head, “No.” I agreed, “It’s brand new – as are the jeans.”

  He looked me up and down hungrily, making my dick harden rapidly in my now rather too tight jeans. “Mmm.” He said, “I like those – very figure-hugging.”

  I nodded, “Uh, yeah.” I said nervously, “I’m never gonna be into the gay scene like you are – but I want to look good for you.”

  Chapter 18 – Absolutely sure…

  Dylan

  I couldn’t believe that he’d actually decided to embrace his sexuality and to choose me. But he had chosen me. He’d chosen to come out and to live his life with me as his boyfriend and I couldn’t have been more delighted. The fact that he wanted to look good for me too was just the icing on the cake. What a guy…

  “Are you absolutely sure about this?” I asked as we broke apart from a truly spectacular kiss. I really didn’t think I’d be able to stand another week of not talking to him. It had been absolute murder…

  He nodded, his eyes slightly glazed, “I’ve never been surer of anything in all of my life.” He said, “I went to see my parents and told them I was getting divorced but that I’d been really lucky and had found love.”

  I stared at him, “Seriously?” I asked, “What did they say?”

  His smile faded, “Well. I can’t say it went particularly well – there was only Mum at home when I got there – but having said that, she wants to meet you.” He said, “She said she wants to meet the man who made her son smile again.” He gave me a sheepish grin.

  I grinned, “Aw.” I said, “So do you think they’ll be okay with you being gay?”

  He shrugged, “Well, I hope so. I don’t think she was particularly thrilled at the idea – and I called Dad on the way over here. I couldn’t wait for the weekend to tell him and I didn’t want to leave it to Mum. He was totally shell-shocked.” He swallowed, looking as if he was only just holding it together. “He said he thought I was having a mental breakdown due to the pressure of my divorce.” He added with a shrug, “He’ll come around. Well, I hope he does, anyway.”

  I looked at him in dismay, “What if he doesn’t?” I asked in a small voice. “I don’t want to ruin your relationship with your parents – that’ll just end with you resenting me – ultimately you’ll fall out of love with me for ruining your life.” I was being melodramatic again but I meant every word. This was important. I really didn’t want to be the one to take him away from everything that was familiar and safe just to have a relationship with me.

  He gazed at me, “I don’t think I could ever fall out of love with you.” He said softly, the way he felt about me written all over his face, “I fell in love with you the first time I ever laid eyes on you – and now that I know you, I love you more than ever – and the fact that you’re so concerned about me and my parents being okay with each other just makes me love you all the more.”

  I grinned, “Me too.” I agreed, “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”

  He smiled, “And I have tickets to see George Ezra in November at Liverpool.”

  Oh, God. He was perfect… perfect.

  Epilogue

  Nathan

  “I can’t believe you made me read it.” I said, wiping my eyes and sniffing. The last page is fucking brutal.”

  Dylan nodded, stroking my hair as I lay on the sofa with my head in his lap as he watched the TV. He smiled down at me, “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

  I nodded, “Totally beautiful.” I agreed, “But so damned tragic.”

  He nodded, “It was the eighties.” He said sagely.

  “I’m glad we were millennial kids.” I said softly.

  “Me too.” He said, snuggling into me, “Nathan?” he asked tentatively.

  I looked up, “What?” I asked.

  He smiled that beguiling smile of his, making my heart beat just that little bit faster, “Will you marry me?”

  Well, there was no question about that. “Yes.” I said without missing a beat, “I’d marry you tomorrow if I could.”

  He smiled down at me, his eyes full of love for me, “I’m good,” he said with a chuckle, “but I’m not th
at good – how about a week on Saturday?”

  I looked up at him, raising my eyebrows, “How long have you been planning this?” I asked.

  He giggled, “Since we got back together after our argument. I knew I never wanted anyone else. I love you.”

  I smiled up at him, reaching for his beautiful face, I stroked his cheek, “I love you too.” I said, “You have no idea how much.”

  His eyes filled with tears, “I think I do.” He said, “Not many guys would be prepared to come out to their parents, overcoming all kinds of prejudice for someone like me – but you did.”

  I shrugged, “They’re small-town.” I said, “They’ll get over it – and what do you mean, someone like you? What’s that then?” I was seriously confused, “You’re one of the kindest, funniest, sassiest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. You’re amazing Dylan. Don’t ever think you’re not the most special person in my life.”

  His eyes filled with tears and he bit his lip, “But what if they don’t get over it?” he persisted, “What if they never come around? What if they never accept us?”

  I swallowed. I sincerely hoped they would come around. I still loved my parents for all of their faults. Maybe we could invite them to the wedding… Granted it would be my second wedding in less than a year but what the hell? This time I’d got it right. This time I was in love. This time, my fiancé actually loved me back… “Well, that’ll be their loss.” I said, “If they come to the wedding – great. If not – well, just wait till we start having babies – they’ll soon be round here, doing our heads in.”

  Dylan laughed, “I can’t wait.” He said.

  I grinned at him. Neither could I…

  The End

  If, like me, you’ve fallen in love with Dylan and would like to find out even more about his midwifery skills, check out my Novella, “Zoe’s First Date with Fate.” Where he first appeared…

  Thank you for reading The Retreat.