Infinite Faith Infinite Series, Book 4)

by L. E. Waters

  “Hitler’s brought Poland to its knees in twenty-one days. He’s going to wage war on the world. But I am going to stop him.” He looks so serious that I can’t laugh at him. “Really, I am. That is why I had to come back here today, to say goodbye.”

  I’m going to be sick. “I thought you brought me here to be alone with me, and then you show me this horrible thing, and now you’re telling me goodbye. How can this get any worse?”

  I see a large rock and I have to sit before I stop breathing.

  “I have to go back to Munich to finish what I started. I can’t sit back and let evil cast its shadow over Germany, and the world.”

  “What do you think you can do about it? No one will believe you if you tell them. Hitler has everyone under his thumb. How can you change anything?”

  “I can’t tell you, but I have a plan. Something very important to do. It will change everything.”

  I scoff. “And you have to leave me to do it? Don’t you worry about me here at all? You’re just going to walk away and forget about me?”

  He sits beside me on the rock. His hand lies open as if he wishes I would hold his hand again, but I don’t. “I won’t forget you. You are one of the reasons why I’m leaving. I need to help you and everyone else.”

  “Is it because I’m in here? What if I were to leave and come with you?”

  “No, I must do this alone.”

  “You don’t need to pretend. I know you just want to leave, you always do. You never stay.”

  “This isn’t about you or me, this is about something bigger.”

  “There’s nothing more important than you staying with me.”

  “You can’t say such things; of course there is. Haven’t you learned that by now? If we’ve really lived all those lives, haven’t you realized it’s always about something bigger than ourselves?”

  I hate him for being right. Hate him for looking at me with those beautiful, shining green eyes. Always taking them away from me. Never staying long enough. Never allowing me any lasting security. Just long enough to remind me of what I’m always missing. What I never seem to be able to hold on to.

  “I believe everyone has a path and must use their heart as a compass.” He takes my hand and holds it to his heart. “No matter what temptation might test you, one must stay true to a promise.”

  That sounds horribly familiar. I can just imagine the tall grasses above our heads on the abbey’s grounds.

  I reach up to his face, forgetting how much he dislikes his face being touched. His usual reflex sends him back from me for a moment, but he sighs and sets his smooth skin into the palm of my hand. We both smile, knowing what he has allowed me. His happy smile fades into an apologetic one and he brings me to him for a bittersweet kiss.

  Tears start and flow faster than the river we sit beside. “Why do I ever think you’re going to care about me more than anything else? This will never change.”

  “What are you talking about?” His head lifts to the sky with a strange smile. “How can I be responsible for things I can’t remember?”

  “How can you not remember, when I cannot forget?”

  “I can only live this life with you now.”

  He decides to forcibly fill his hand with mine, but I let it lie limp. “Fine. Go. Leave and never come back to see if I end up in this river.”

  “Annelie, look at me.” He brings our hands up to his chest and I slowly meet his gaze. He wipes away the tears and I snuffle up as much as I can since I don’t have a handkerchief. “I care about you very much. So much that I stayed here much longer than planned. I couldn’t leave, even though I had to. And I came back even though I shouldn’t leave Munich.”

  I try to look away, but have to look into those beautiful eyes for more of what I need to hear.

  “I wasn’t allowed to fall in love with anyone, no distractions.”

  “Allowed? Who has forbidden you?” I practically snort, then realize he might have just admitted he loves me.

  “There are others. Others that are trying to stop what’s happening. I can’t tell you any more, except that we’re not supposed to have any distractions from our goal.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Forget I said anything.” He looks away for a moment. “I just want you to remember that I wouldn’t have left for anything else. It will be the hardest thing to do, walking away from you today.”

  “Then don’t. Kathrin is trying to get me released and, once I’m out, I can be with you. Not just for a few moments in a garden, but for as long as we’d like.” I take our hands to my chest.

  A tear rolls down from one of his eyes. “That would be nice. I wish the world was safe for us to do that, but it’s not. This world is splitting around us and hell is taking hold through the cracks.”

  He sounds like Elfi.

  “Why can’t you just go for a little while and promise to come back later?”

  I don’t know if I really want him to answer, and the look in his eyes makes me drop his hands. He fights to grab mine back, though, and I hold them away from him. He takes my face within his hands instead and pulls me toward his lips. A surge of something powerful flows from his lips to mine.

  He pulls away as I remember to breathe again. But he stays close and takes one of my hands again. “I don’t want to make any promises I can’t keep.”

  I throw my head back to the sky. “Why do you always say that?”

  “It’s not my fault I was so honest in the past.”

  We laugh a defeated laugh. Both getting tired of the same fight.

  He picks up a tendril of hair off my shoulder with a sheepish smile. “Would you do me the favor of a tendril of your hair?” He brandishes a small pair of grooming scissors. “I don’t want to break tradition.”

  How can he always get me to smile even when I want to hate him? I nod and he shears the lock away below my ear.

  “You’re taking my heart with you, why not my hair as well?”

  He stands up and pulls me to my feet. We don’t need to say anything as we make our way back to the garden. I wonder only now if Kathrin is still dining with Luther or if she’s left without Georg. I hope she has gone. Did she know of Georg’s intentions?

  He doesn’t bother to enter the garden again, and I don’t care that anyone looking down from our floor can see us. The white sky of October leaves me empty. The way the leaves fall, fluttering and drifting, makes time seem to slow or even stand still.

  He fumbles for something in his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. “This is the name and address of someone who will help you if you need it. Tell them my name and that I sent you to him if you have any trouble.”

  “I would rather have your address.”

  He cocks his head to one side. “You know I can’t do that. I have to focus now.”

  “Will I ever see you again?”

  “No promises, remember?” That sly smile tears whatever’s left of my heart.

  “I don’t know how many more times I will forgive you for leaving me.” Strangely, I laugh.

  “If I can come back, I will.”

  “I guess that is all I can hope for.”

  He leans into me again for one last sweet kiss and my hands grab onto his collar to hold him there. He pulls back and removes my hands. He turns and walks back down the road toward the guards and I rush into the garden to cry into Teresia’s warm fur.

  Chapter 19

  I wish the month would go quickly, but it lingers and drags on, as the days get shorter and the nights longer. The garden is all cleaned up. Seeds are saved and any perennials protected with burlap in the expectation of a cold winter. We make sure to line Teresia’s bedding box with lots of wool and to place it in the most sheltered spot in the garden. Kathrin’s visits increase as Luther makes more promises of letting me go home. I cringe as she tells me of how his hands are getting more familiar in their exploration of her body at each lunch: startin
g with every attempt to hold her hand, traveling up her arm, down to the small of her back, and then venturing up her stockinged legs, creating goose bumps of fear instead of pleasure. She’s a fool to think he’ll let me go while he’s enjoying her and the game so much.

  Dr. Evert is far too busy to visit with me, and I try to fill the emptiness of each day with the library he gave to us. I’m curled up in the grey light of November when Frieda throws back the gate and rushes to find me, not even bothering to remove her overcoat and scarf.

  “Annelie! You won’t believe this.” She opens the newspaper that has wrinkled up in her clutch. There on the front page is a photo of Georg, looking disheveled and forlorn. I grab it in both my hands and pull it closer; the words spin all over the page in my hurry to absorb what’s happened.

  The Amazing Rescue of the Führer!

  I don’t have the patience to read it. “What is this? Tell me!”

  She unwinds the scarf around her head and whispers, “Georg has attempted to assassinate Hitler.”

  Our strange behavior catches the attention of everyone else and they crowd around us, each trying to pull the newspaper from my unsteady grasp.

  Juliane asks, “What has Georg done?”

  “He killed the Führer,” Gitta answers, having been the closest to us.

  Frieda checks to see if Bathilda’s aware of our gathering, but she’s still in her office. “Hitler is still alive.”

  “Of course Georg couldn’t kill the Führer.” Verena scoffs.

  Frieda’s eyes widen. “He would have killed him if a fog hadn’t rolled in, causing Hitler to end his speech early. Georg planted a bomb in his podium that even took the Bürgerbräukeller ceiling down! Eight people died.”

  Georg couldn’t have managed this—building bombs, assassinations, and killing innocent people. Yet the look on his face after he told me he was going to put a stop to everything flashes in my mind’s eye.

  Odelia asks the question I’m too stunned to ask. “Why do they think Georg has done this?”

  “He was caught trying to cross the border into Switzerland. The guards found instructions on making explosives, a Bürgerbräukeller postcard, a Red Front Fighters’ group emblem, pliers, and leftover metal parts.”

  Elfi says, “They probably planted it on him.”

  “That doesn’t mean he made the bomb,” I say. Could he even make a bomb? Had he ever talked about bombs?

  “They also found terrible bruises on his knees, from crawling under the stage where the podium stood.” A look of pride spreads across Frieda’s face. “He slowly carved out the bottom of the podium on his knees, little by little, every night for a month.”

  Ursel asks, “How do they know that?”

  “Waitresses at the beer hall recognized him. That, and he confessed.”

  “He confessed?” I couldn’t believe it.

  “I’m sure after hours of torture.” Elfi’s convinced.

  Torture. The bile rises so quickly in my throat that I can barely mange to catch it in my hands.

  Juliane jumps back from me and I run to the bathroom. Luckily, I haven’t had breakfast yet, although there’s so little to eat anyway. I stare at the tiled wall, almost seeing my reflection in the shine, the blurred colors of me. How can this be?

  “He’s a goner now for sure,” Verena says so loudly I hear her.

  “Shhhh!” Gitta chides.

  “What? He tried to kill the Führer. Do you think he’s going to give him an award?” Verena actually laughs.

  Part of me is glad that he did have a reason to leave me, but the other part knows that I won’t ever get to see him again. How long will they keep him alive? What will they do to him? I feel the bile rise in my throat and I bend over the sink again.

  “I’m surprised they haven’t done it yet,” Ursel says. “Maybe the fairies can still save him?”

  “They’re sure he couldn’t have done this alone,” Frieda’s voice chimes out. “They’ve also arrested two British agents who they suspect were working with Georg.”

  “Georg is a spy?” Gitta gasps.

  “He’s too boring to be a spy.” I can imagine the look on Verena’s face.

  Elfi jumps in. “Hitler would like nothing better than to pin this on England so he has reason to go to war with them.”

  I walk back to the group and they quiet for a moment, thinking I didn’t hear what they said.

  Gitta opens her arms to me. “I’m so sorry, Annelie. I know how much you cared for him.”

  I let her hug me, but this is the first time I wish we’re allowed back in our rooms so I can be alone.

  Frieda tries to sweep the newspaper back under the table, but my quick hand stops her. “Please, I need to read it.”

  I go to the seat in front of the window facing the garden and drown out the whispers about Georg behind me. The newspaper makes Georg a monster that has threatened the life of a much-loved Hitler. All of Germany must be raising their pitchforks to have his blood. How can they be so blind to the lies Hitler feeds them, with promises of German superiority and riches, as he burns and spreads the ashes of those he hates? Georg was so close. He missed Hitler by a half an hour. Fog. The devil’s breath. Hitler takes the opportunity to declare how the Lord has saved him, but it’s not my Lord that would have done such a thing. Oh, Georg, what must you be going through right now?

  Kathrin is here within a few hours, her face white from the rush. “He almost did it! He told you he was going to stop him and he almost did.” She’s out of breath from running up the stairs. “If only he had done it. I wonder how long Luther would’ve stuck around here.” She flops back in her chair. “Oh, I wish he set that bomb thirty-one minutes sooner. He almost saved you, Annelie.”

  “Killing Hitler wouldn’t have stopped them from occupying the hospital.”

  She jumps up toward me. “Of course it would have. Hitler is telling everyone what to do. Without him, the whole machine would putter out. No one would care about the mental institutions. No one would care about Jews. They didn’t get rid of them before Hitler, so why would they care about them after?” She shakes her head. “No, everyone would have gone back to the way things were. It’s why Georg did this. For you. For everyone. He’s the only one who could see it.”

  “It all doesn’t seem real.”

  “Where is the piece of paper he gave you?”

  “In my room.”

  “Hurry and get it. We must reach that person at once.”

  I fetch it quickly and she grabs it as soon as she gets back. “Gordon,” she reads. “Do you want me to call him?”

  “Don’t you think I should be the one who contacts him?”

  She looks around her. “How? You don’t have access to a phone.”

  “There’s one near Dr. Evert’s office. Maybe he can help me.”

  She purses her lips. “I wish I could be there when you do. Do you think he’s a spy?”

  I stare at the name: Gordon. Strange name. “I don’t know who it is.” I almost laugh at the thought of Georg being a spy, but then remember what Kathrin and I were capable of in the past. “He did say that there were others he was working with.”

  She looks at her watch and screws up her face. “I have to go meet with Luther now.” She gives a shiver. “Hopefully he’ll keep his paws off of me this time. I think I’m going to slip a little something in his drink so I can leave earlier.”

  “You could always slip him one of Bathilda’s chocolates. Even he won’t be in such a lustful mood running to the toilet all day.”

  She laughs, but then a gloom washes over her. “I doubt even that could curb his eagerness. No, the sleeping pills will work much better.”

  “Good luck.”

  “No, it’s you who needs luck. Go to Dr. Evert at once.” She pats my hand and runs off down the hall.

  ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

  I’ve only seen Dr. Evert a few times within the las
t month, as he stopped going to the garden and only made quick checks upon us, like a farmer checking to see if the foxes got his chickens yet. We tried to talk of lighthearted things when we saw him, seeing the worry and dread set in his once smiling eyes, but nothing blew the clouds away. As we started to lose the extra weight we gained from the food improvements, Dr. Evert grew gaunt as well.

  I tap on his door.

  “What is it?” He’s almost aggressive.

  “It’s Annelie. Can I come in?”

  The chair screeches out from under him and he flings the door open. “Get in quick.” He checks the hall, then closes the door quietly. He whispers, “I told you not to come down here.”

  I wish he’d be happy again to see me like when we were back in the garden. Part of me wants to try, but he’s struggling with much more now. I’m one of the last things on his mind. “I need to ask you a favor.”

  He scoffs. “You ask that like I can grant you one.” He holds his thin hands up. “I don’t have any control here anymore. I’m useless.”

  “You’ve heard about Georg.” The small glint in his eyes tells me he has.

  “I didn’t think he had it in him.” Jealousy’s still there even though Georg is locked up, most likely being tortured and destined for the firing squad.

  “The day he said goodbye to me, he left me this name and telephone number if I ever needed any help.”

  He studies the piece of paper. “And you think I can help you do that?”

  “Please,” I say quietly and sweetly. “I need to get out of here. Maybe this person can help me.”

  I catch the glimmer in the bottom of his eye before he turns away. Once he looks back, it’s gone. “What does it matter now? Let’s go.” He opens the door and pulls me out once he sees the hallway empty. He slowly opens the door to the office next to his and yanks me in. The small room is filled with a telephone system. Dr. Evert takes the number from me and dials. As soon as he hears the ringtone, he passes the phone to me. I can count on my hands how many times I’ve made a phone call with Mother at our neighbor’s house.

  A stern man answers.