THREE HEROES

by Jo Beverley

  When she swam out of the hot darkness he was still thrusting.

  “Zeus, no,” she muttered, but he didn’t stop. Why did she think she could say no to this? And did she want to? Soon her body ripped off into madness again.

  It happened one more time but that time he was with her, or far, far away from her. When he collapsed on her, she had to fight the urge to push him off and run away.

  No more.

  She couldn’t take any more.

  But of course, there would be no more. It was not physically possible. Was it? What did she really know of this?

  Maurice’s lovemaking had been strong, and when he demanded that daytime sex she’d been excited before he’d entered her, and exploded quickly. He’d always stroked her to more pleasure afterward as if in a kind of payment. She’d didn’t know why, and had never asked. He’d seemed to enjoy watching her fall into pleasure.

  She’d never experienced anything like this, however. Ravished expressed it perfectly. Ravished, razed, and conquered. Aching, burning, and drained, and ashamed about how much she was already grieving the loss of it.

  There was no doubt. Lord Warren would never do this to her . . .

  She woke exhausted, parts of her body still sore. She gently touched her nipples and almost flinched. When she tried to move away from him, however, she found he was lying on her hair.

  When had it been freed of her plait?

  During that other ravishing sometime in the night, as hot, as fierce, as strong as before. Could she walk?

  She had to.

  The light through the partially open curtains suggested very early morning, but she must be back in her room when her maid came.

  She looked back at him and saw his eyes open, watching her. Blank eyes. Guarded eyes. With a suppressed groan she knew she couldn’t let him feel the slightest regret about what had happened. And there wasn’t any. She just didn’t want more at the moment.

  Or most of her didn’t want more.

  Parts of her were shameless hussies.

  “Good morning,” she said softly.

  “Is it? Good?”

  “It promises to be a lovely day.” But she realized they were going to have to talk about sex. It was not something she had ever imagined doing. She reached up to touch his stubbled cheek. “I fear you must have a low opinion of me this morning.”

  By a sudden release of tension, she knew she had found the right words. He moved his rough chin against her hand. “You really enjoyed that?”

  “Oh yes. But,” she added quickly, “I couldn’t take more now.”

  Too late she realized that the “now” promised things she wasn’t sure about, but she couldn’t retract it.

  “I liked it, too,” he said.

  She tapped his cheek in playful rebuke. “You like challenge, Lord Vandeimen. How silly that sounds. May I call you Van?”

  “Of course. Or,” he added with a grin, “Demon. You called me that a time or two.”

  She knew she was coloring. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It’s one of my names. I’d rather you not call me George.” But his lids had lowered over his eyes.

  “What is it?” she asked. “Better to be honest.”

  He looked at her. “Was this what you wanted all along? What you’re paying for?”

  “No!” Then she calmed herself. “No. I promise.”

  But it reminded her why she’d started this, and that he didn’t know the truth. She didn’t want to tell him now, to spoil this strangely beautiful night, but she must. For the sake of the fragile connection between them, she must.

  She eased her hair free of him, then laid her hand on his shoulder. “Van, I have to tell you something. I don’t want to, but I must.”

  She felt the tension, even though her eyes could not detect it. “Yes?”

  “I know your father lost most of his money and shot himself . . .”

  His brows twitched, but he didn’t say anything.

  “The money was lost in an investment involving rubber production.”

  “You do know a lot. Why?”

  That was a more dire question than he suspected. She tried to find words to soften it, but there were none. “My husband was the principal in that scheme.”

  She left it there, not trying to explain or excuse because there was no explanation or excuse, searching his still features, braced even for violence.

  He moved slightly, freeing himself of her touch, lids lowered so she could no longer read his eyes. “And your part in this?”

  “None! I knew nothing about it until after Maurice’s death. I found it in his papers, his accounts . . .”

  She noticed his chest rise and fall with his breaths wondering what else she could say to hold off disaster. But then he looked at her. “Is that why you sought me out? Why?”

  Panick gripped her. If she told him, he’d know he didn’t owe her anything. He’d leave!

  So be it.

  She licked her dry lips. “When I realized what Maurice had done, I knew I had to put it right. From pride, however, I didn’t want anyone to know what a scoundrel my husband had been. I tried to think of cunning schemes. I followed your doings anxiously, and even thought of finding someone to deliberately lose a fortune to you at cards.”

  “Why didn’t you?” But he was looking lighter, if rather dazed.

  “I didn’t know how. That’s how I heard about your disastrous loss, though. It was so unlike you. I’d heard that you nearly always won. I knew I had to act.” She reached out again to touch him, and he didn’t move away. “Thank God I did.”

  He collapsed down on his back. It broke contact again, but she didn’t mind. He was staring at the ceiling. “I wish your husband was alive to be killed,” he said, almost idly. “But it wasn’t entirely his fault, you know. There were too many deaths in the family. They broke my father’s spirit. In the end, he was probably glad of an excuse to go. I should have dragged myself away from war to help him.”

  She took a risk and lay down beside him, close to him.

  He moved his arm and gathered her in, and she almost melted with relief. She’d told him, and it hadn’t destroyed everything.

  “You were doing your duty,” she said.

  “Doesn’t duty to family come first?”

  “If it did, there’d be no more wars.”

  “And that would be a good thing.”

  She rolled closer, put her arm across him. “Speak of war if you wish, Van, but don’t torment yourself. Sometimes there are dragons, and they have to be fought. Doubtless Saint George left family behind to worry.”

  “Saint George. We all wanted to be Saint George the dragon killer, so none of us could be. And Con ended up getting a tattoo of a dragon. I never did understand why.”

  “So much worse than a demon?” she teased, licking over his grimacing devil, then blowing.

  He rolled over her, smiling. “To us it was. To us the dragon was everything bad, from the head gamekeeper to the French. But he insisted.”

  “It links in to the title he has now.”

  “But he never expected to inherit that . . .” He took a handful of her hair. “This is beautiful.”

  “It’s mousy brown.”

  “Not at all. It makes me think of young deer and the soft mystery of the forests. It’s very English hair.” He buried his head in it for a moment, then looked at her again. “If we couple again it will be on my terms. Gently.”

  “You don’t like it like that?”

  “I like it. But I want to cherish you gently to heaven one day, my lady.”

  “This is only for the six weeks!” It came out harsher, blunter than she meant, but she meant the warning. To herself as much as to him. “In fact, as you now know, you owe me nothing.”

  “Are you saying that I owed you this?”

  She colored fiercely. “No. But the money is yours. You don’t have to pretend to be engaged to marry me.”

  “I keep my word. I am still yours to co
mmand, my lady.”

  A number of lewd suggestions flashed through her mind, but the saner parts of her body protested, and anyway, she still needed to help him heal. That had been the main purpose all along, and now she knew what must happen next.

  “Then we visit your home for a few days,” she said. “Just us.”

  He stared at her. “Why?”

  “Why not? If I were really to be your bride I would want to.”

  “But this is mere pretense.”

  She tried not to show that the flat words stung. “Why not?” she asked again.

  “It’s been virtually uninhabited for a year and before that it hadn’t been kept up too well.”

  “Then it’s time you assessed what needs to be done.”

  He rolled away to lie on his back again, but this time it was hostile. “I know what needs to be done.”

  Her mouth dried, but she had to continue. His fierce resistance showed that it was important. “You will soon have the money to care for it. You need to start making plans.”

  He did turn back to look at her then. “Is this a command, O ruler of my heart?”

  At the biting edge, she wanted to say no, to let him escape, but she said, “Yes.”

  He rolled away from her, out of his side of the bed, shocking her with his beauty because her mind had not been in that place. Every muscle, every bone, was angry.

  He turned. “Didn’t you want to get back to your room?”

  She was tempted to clutch things around her and scuttle, but this was another of the demon’s damned battles. She climbed out of her side of the bed stark naked. Not trying to cover herself, but glad of her curtain of hair, she asked, “When can you be ready to leave?”

  “In moments if necessary. How do we travel? Horseback?”

  She winced at the mere thought, and knew he’d said that deliberately. “Curricle?”

  “I don’t have one.”

  “I do. You can drive if you want.”

  “I don’t know how.” At her look of surprise he said, “It’s not something you do in the army in wartime. I can ride twelve hours at a stretch, though, if I have to.”

  She wondered if it was only her lustful side that caught an ambiguity there, and leaped toward it even as most of herself recoiled. She turned to look for clothing, even if it did lose her points. Her shoes. Her corset. Her dress . . . Where was her shift?

  Still in the bed. She turned and he had found it. He tossed it to her. She realized she was going to have to hide it and hope her maid didn’t notice the loss. She looked at him again. He was slightly erect.

  She scrambled into her dress over nothing, and tugged the laces tight beneath her breasts. Without her corset she had to push them up first, and she glanced anxiously at him.

  Anger had been replaced with a hint of a smile.

  “What are you laughing at?”

  “You’re beautiful, even if you’re not eighteen. And that comes free of charge. And I like to make you turn from a lily to a blush-pink rose. The journey will take four to five hours. Can you drive that long?”

  It astonished her that he asked instead of stating it. Warmed her. “Probably not. We’ll travel post.”

  “Where will we stay?”

  Even thawed, he was making this trip entirely her concern, dissociating himself while being obedient to her commands. She would not be weakened by that.

  “There must be an inn.”

  “The Peregrine, where I am known. We are engaged to wed, but an unchaperoned journey is still slightly shocking.”

  “Only slightly. I’m not a delicate young miss, and we’ll have separate rooms. I’ll order the post chaise and a hasty breakfast, and we’ll set out in an hour.”

  She left with that, creeping back to her room feeling like a naughty child. No, like a wicked woman.

  She was wicked to have let it go this far when it could never go further, but at least she had told him the truth. She felt lighter for that, happier, cleansed of deceptions and sins.

  As reward, she’d steal the two remaining weeks for herself before saying farewell forever.

  Chapter Eight

  They sped out of London as true daylight broke, alone. She’d announced that they did not need their personal servants. She very much wanted to be alone with him, and it wasn’t for lustful reasons. She hungered to know him better.

  “You never really explained how you joined the army,” she said as they passed through Camberwell Toll Gate. “Didn’t your parents object?”

  “Somewhat. I think they recognized the madman in me, though.”

  “You’re not mad.”

  He smiled. “I feed off excitement as a vampire feeds off blood,” he said again, making her instantly hot and needy. The glint in his eyes sent off warning signals, but it was so much part of him that she rejoiced.

  “I can’t cure you,” she said calmly.

  “I don’t want to be cured. I think you’re something of a madwoman yourself.”

  Oh no. She was not going to talk about sex in broad daylight. “So your parents let you go.”

  His smile acknowledged her retreat. “Bought me a commission in the regiment of my choice. Waved me farewell.” The smile faded. “And I more or less forgot about them.”

  He leaned back into his corner and stared into nothing. “It was all so exciting, so new. New friends, new places, new challenges. Then when it ceased to be new, ceased to be pleasant, it had swallowed me whole. I always assumed they’d be there, frozen like waxworks, when I was ready to return.”

  Maria inhaled a careful breath, thinking carefully about what to say. “Did you never return home?”

  “Not in the last five years. I could have. I should have . ..”

  “Your family understood, I’m sure. They must have been proud of you. And later, their spirits guided you to safety.”

  He turned sharply at that. “Pap. Good men with adoring families died all the time.”

  Shame flooded her for speaking such an empty platitude, but all she could think to say was another. “They must want you to be happy.”

  “I am attempting to live, and live well.”

  It was like trying to read a foreign script. “Why is it so hard, Van? Do you not want a good life?”

  “Do I deserve one? For some reason you see me as something worth saving. I’m not so sure.” But then he turned to look out of the window, and she knew he wanted to be left in peace.

  She granted him that, for now. She felt as if she were cracking open the cage of a seething demon, here in a confined space. She remembered, an eon ago, feeling inadequate and unprepared. Back then, she’d had no idea of the true challenge. Back then, however, she hadn’t cared as she cared now.

  After the first change of horses, she broke the silence. “Tell me about getting a tattoo.”

  His brows rose, but he answered. “It hurts.”

  “I suppose it must. Does it take a long time?”

  “Ours did.”

  “Do you ever regret having a devil engraved on your chest?”

  It was meant to be a light question, but he said, “I have wondered if I was inviting a dark fate.”

  “That’s not possible!”

  “It’s surprising what’s possible.”

  “Did your friends’ designs have any mysterious power?”

  “Hawk was always hawkish, but he’s become more so. Con ... It was strange that he chose a dragon. I’ve never been sure what it meant to him.”

  “A taste for sacrificial virgins?” she suggested.

  He laughed, fully, eyes bright. “I have no idea. We’ve been out of touch too long.”

  She risked a probing question. “I gather he came home after Waterloo. Why haven’t you seen him?”

  That killed the laughter, but he shrugged. “I came home in January, and he was hunting in the Shires. When I visited Steynings he wasn’t in the area.”

  “You could have written, arranged a meeting.”

  “Perhaps I didn’t want
him involved in my mess.”

  That made her heart ache, but it was hopeful that he was speaking of these things. Perhaps the physical act of moving toward home was moving his mind. Had their passionate night had any part in this? She’d like to think so.

  Over the hours they chatted about childhood, and families—but only the sunnier aspects—and about the easier parts of their adult lives. It was clear that his childhood had been happy, his family loved, and that one of his greatest problems since returning to England might have been loneliness.

  At the fourth change she suggested that they stop for refreshments, but he looked around almost like a dog sniffing the air, and said, “No. Not long now.”

  She’d been noting the mileposts to Brighton, forgetting that his home was not in the town. They were six miles away and must be close to Steynings.

  He spoke to the postboys, giving instructions, and not far from the inn they took a side road. She read the signpost. Mayfield, Barkholme, and Hawk in the Vale.

  “Hawk in the Vale?” she guessed.

  “That’s the nearest village, yes. It’s pronounced Hawk’nvale.”

  “Like your friend’s name.”

  “Almost. The family’s been there about as long as the village.”

  He was looking out of the window, but it was no longer a means to escape conversation. She knew he was seeking signs of home. They reached the top of a rise, and he pointed to the left across rolling hills to a white house on a hillside. “That’s Steynings.”

  She relaxed. Perhaps he’d just needed to come here to embrace his home and his purpose. Perhaps their talk along the way had helped as well, and their night of passion. Whatever had worked the miracle she sensed that he was finally, truly, coming home.

  Her face suddenly ached with unshed tears, but she made herself be happy. Soon her task would be over, and she could go on with her life with an easy conscience.

  “How long until we get there?” she asked.

  “An hour, likely. It’s not far, but we’re off the good roads.”

  “It’s a handsome house.”

  The house had disappeared behind trees now, and he turned to her. “Built new by my Dutch ancestor who came across with William of Orange and married into the English. Then fancied up in the Palladian style by my grandfather.” He flashed her a slight smile. “Around here, we’re the nouveau riche.”