The Beginning (The Butterfly Series Book 2)

by Isabella Redwood

  She was hurting and not knowing what I could do to make her feel better was killing me. Our dad had left to go back on deployment and gave us our gifts to open at dinner.

  ‘I hope you like them,’ he grinned placing the two identical boxes except for ribbon colour in front of us, mine turquoise, Lexi’s yellow. I turned to wait for Lexi to open hers first, but she just got up from the table without saying a word with my mom hot on her heels.

  ‘Don’t let her bad mood ruin this, cat, she needs a reality check and sharpish. I have had the, I’m the centre of the universe, bull up to here.’ He rose from his chair and came to sit next to me. ‘Open your gift, sweetheart.’ I wanted to scream, to yell, and to fight. Lexi was none of those things, but I couldn’t, I failed her as usual.

  I could never stand up to him. Frozen to my seat, I gently tugged at the turquoise ribbon and lifted the lid. Inside was the most beautiful mahogany jewellery box I had ever seen. Shaped into a treasure chest, I stroked the handcrafted wooden ballerinas and lifted the lid.

  Inside, a ballerina pirouetted round and round, her reflection in the mirror glinting across her satin tutu. The music to Romeo and Juliet’s ballet providing a distraction from the harsh words my father had spoken moments earlier and I lost myself in the music, drifting as I pirouetted round the stage.

  ‘Look inside the next layer.’ His voice startled me and I obediently lifted the lid to find a satin scarlet red pouch. Opening it cautiously, a pair of diamond and topaz earrings fell into my hand. They were in the shape of teardrops with the outer in white gold and the stones strategically placed as little teardrops barely clinging on.

  ‘I love them, I love it all, thank you so much, Dad.’ Hugging him close and wanting desperately to go check on Lexi, I excused myself and carrying both our gifts upstairs I knocked quietly on her door.

  ‘Lexi, can I come in please,’ I uttered, almost with a whisper. The door opened, and a tear stained impeccably beautiful face peered around the door.

  ‘I don’t feel well, Caitlan, can we talk tomorrow. Besides, I know you are dying to talk to Lucas and I just want to go to sleep. K, love you.’ She closed the door before I had chance to say anything further and placing her gift outside her door, I felt so helpless.

  Flopping onto the bed, I pulled the laptop onto my knees and fired it up. Dying to see the words I always longed to in my email box.

  Hey, almost birthday girl, your gift is on its way, I hope you like it. I can’t wait to see you wearing it.

  My heart sang and I closed the screen, not reading the rest. The words, see you wearing it echoed through my fog-filled brain. If Lucas saw me, it would be over, faster than I could blink. On paper I could be funny, honest and me. In person, I could only be a pathetic mess who could not even stand up for her own sister with her dad. Yes, that would be a disaster and throwing my hands over my head, I just wanted to disappear.

  Sitting up and jumping off the bed, I know what I needed to do.

  ‘Lex, I know you said you were tired, but would you come practice with me please, I miss you.’ Standing at her door, I waited for her to respond. She didn’t, complete silence.

  Sighing, I swung my ballet slippers over my shoulder and headed to our practice room in the attic. My dad had installed a barre for us and we had borrowed my brother’s music system. Choosing a cd, I cranked up the volume as high as I could, without disturbing anyone downstairs and started to warm up with Jared Leto’s voice caressing my ears and the lyrics to R-Evolve, thundering through my feet as I pirouetted around the room. Finishing with echappé sauté, I collapsed onto the floor exhausted.

  That was what I needed; dancing always calmed me and bought everything into focus.

  Climbing into the shower, I scrubbed my skin with the strawberry and vanilla shower gel, its scent enveloping me and my thoughts drifted back to Lucas. We had never discussed what we looked like. Picturing all the different possibilities, I giggled to myself.

  After discovering he had a girlfriend I was devastated, but having him as a friend was the best gift I could ever have and that was enough for now. Of course I wanted more, and he had on more than one occasion suggested it was not going anywhere with her and his mother had wanted them to date. I thought that was really weird, but knowing how my father was, would I have agreed to the same thing? The thought made me cringe and once again, realising the water had gone cold and I was now freezing I wrapped the towel around me and opened the laptop.

  Hi Lucas

  You really didn’t need to get me a gift, just wishing me happy birthday is more than enough. I think a virtual me is much better than the real thing. Hope you’re having a great day.

  Lexi.

  I was just about to shut off the computer when a reply came back.

  Seriously, Lexi, meeting you would be the best day of my life and as for the gift, it is your birthday, of course I will get you a gift. Today sucked, but you just made it a whole lot better. I can’t wait to wish you happy birthday tomorrow and to see your beautiful face.

  Lucas. x

  He had never put an x at the bottom of his messages before and the grin that the little letter produced was enough to power the whole street with electricity. Wait, what? He can’t wait to see my face. What did that mean? I closed the laptop down and grabbed my pyjamas.

  Tossing and turning all night twisting those words over and over in my head. What did he mean?

  The door to my room flying open and Seth screaming happy birthday broke my thoughts, and I smiled as he handed me his card and gift, eyes glowing, I loved my brother.

  Lexi woke up shortly after and we opened our gifts together, waiting to exchange our gifts for each other last.

  Besides, from the jewellery box and earrings I also got a leather bound notebook, The handmaid's Tale book I had wanted to read for ages and a new leotard for the audition. Opening Lexi’s gift last, I smiled at her wrapping. Glitter and sparkles poured out as I tore the paper and my eyes widened at the contents. A silver heart with a crystal stoned heart in the middle sparkled back at me, its little rainbows glinting as they spun around.

  ‘I have one too, our hearts always together.’ Tears welled in my eyes and I wrapped my arms around her as tightly as I could.

  ‘Thank you so much, I love it, Lexi.’ Wiping the tear away that had escaped I handed her gift over. She tore the paper off with enthusiasm and a huge smile lit up her face. The first time I had seen her happy in days. The light returning to her eyes, little by little, before they beamed as brightly as a lighthouse beacon in an incoming storm.

  ‘Caitlan, I love it, thank you so much.’ She hugged the silver charm bracelet I had given her before putting it on and looking more and more like the Lexi I know and love by the second.

  We all had a great time at the party and the three-tier chocolate fudge birthday cake my mom made had me feeling deliciously nauseous as I sunk into the sofa. The doorbell ringing and my mom returning with a parcel awoke me from my sugar-induced coma and I blinked nervously in anticipation.

  ‘Lexi, this is for you.’ My mom presented her the box and went back to the kitchen to feed the hungry crowd of friends that had gathered to celebrate with us.

  ‘I think this is for you,’ giggling, she handed me the box and winked, returning to the party and I ran upstairs as fast as my legs could carry me. Setting the box down on the bed, I just stared at it as though it housed a man-eating lion ready to pounce.

  Reaching for the scissors off my desk, I carefully opened the box, sliding them in at an angle to not injury the contents and opened the lid.

  The smell was amazing, an array of body bath products lay on top with cotton candy and rose filled bath bombs the culprit. A little note was attached to each gift.

  To help you relax after a long day of ballet.

  The next was a stationary set decorated with roses and lilies, my favourite flowers and a pack of pens.

  To make sure, you have no excuse not to write to me.

  I was gri
nning from ear to ear. The next was a single red rose wrapped with a satin ribbon.

  I wish I were there to give you this in person.

  Then the final gift, lifting it out of the box, I opened it gingerly, a pad of A3 paper and watercolours cascaded out onto the bed.

  For when you want to draw me a picture. I’m hoping it will be a self-portrait. Love always Lucas xx.

  Tears were flowing down my face, happy tears and I felt instantly guilty. Lexi had been putting a brave face on it, but something was deeply wrong and here I was giddy with happiness over a guy. But he was not just any guy. Staring at the array of gifts in front of me, I hugged them all as though it was an extension of Lucas. He had come so unexpectedly into my life, yet was exactly what I had needed. I was falling for Lucas and I did not want to stop it.

  ‘Hey, what did you get?’ Lexi had crept in without me noticing and I showed her the contents of the box Lucas had sent to me.

  ‘Wow, he really knows you so well already, these are great gifts, Caitlan. I don’t think I could have done better myself.’ Not wanting to ruin the moment, but having no choice, I struggled to find the words.

  ‘Lex, you know I am always here for you, no matter what right? It is always you first. I will stand with you. What did dad do?’

  Having Lucas to talk to I had gone through so many of my feelings surrounding my dad and his relationship with me and my sister. I felt so much stronger and able to face up to him, more than I had ever before and seeing how, whatever it was, had caused her so much distress; I would, no matter the consequences.

  ‘I promise you, Caitlan, I’m okay and thank you, I know you would, me too no matter what.’ Hugging my sister close, the oddest feeling came over me. Things were changing, had been changing, but suddenly it didn’t feel right, something was hanging over us. Shielding my sister in my arms, I knew I had to be strong for her, no matter what.

  Lexi - Christopher

  Checking my watch, it was 23:30. I had twenty minutes to finish getting dressed and sneak out the house to meet the taxi I had ordered.

  Feigning a headache, I had left the party early and showered, waiting for everyone to go to bed and picked my outfit. Curling the last piece of hair, I surveyed myself in the mirror.

  I had selected a red cami with dark blue jeans and a wrap shirt over. Leaving my hair loose and finishing the last of my makeup, I was ready to go. Grabbing my shoes and bag, I opened my bedroom door gingerly. Having rehearsed for years crossing the floorboards, avoiding all the squeaky boards I succeeded in arriving at the ground floor undetected. Putting on my coat and shoes, I opened the front door and walked quickly to the awaiting taxi at the end of the road. This was it; I was meeting Christopher again.

  The taxi ride seemed to take ages, but in reality was only twenty minutes into the city of Seattle. Light traffic at this time of night and paying the driver, I felt chills of exhilaration, in trepidation and anticipation. Walking up to the cafe entrance, I saw him waiting, nervously checking his watch. He was breath-taking, around six foot with dark hair and striking blue sapphire eyes. I watched as he tugged at his shirt, straightening it before lifting his head. He saw me watching.

  ‘Wow, you look beautiful.’ Pulling me into his arms, I had never felt more at ease. The last few days had been the worst of my life and reciprocating his embrace, tightening my arms as much as possible, I sighed.

  ‘It is so great to be here, you have no idea.’ He smiled and opened the door for me into the cafe. Sitting down in a private booth we both ordered a mocha and muffin, making polite, but flirty conversation while our drinks were being made.

  ‘I can’t believe you are here and that I’m going to be leaving tomorrow for a year. I am going to miss you so much, you have no idea.’ Looking into his eyes and feeling the exact same way, I leaned forward across the table, uttering the words I never thought I would say, but longing to feel anything than miserable entrapment.

  ‘I would like to stay with you, for tonight, if you would like me too.’ My eyes dropped, not wanting to see rejection on his face. What if he did not want me? He had already told me that he was staying at his cousin’s apartment until he left for deployment and that they had left to go skiing in Canada today. I just wanted to be as close to him for as long as I could, in his arms, not thinking what that may lead too. Needing him more than I had ever needed anyone.

  ‘Lexi, look at me.’ I rose my eyes, startled and insecure all at the same time. ‘We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I just want to be with you for as long as we can.’ Kissing my fingers one by one, I smiled and drowning in my perpetual hatred of my father, I felt a sense of satisfaction. You may not want to know me dad, but I can be loved.

  Helping me back into my coat, we walked hand in hand talking about everything and nothing, it felt so right. Was I ready to take this step? I had boyfriends in the past who had wanted to go further than first base, but it had never felt right.

  With Christopher, it was like all the stars had aligned and we were about to witness an apocalyptic meteor shower.

  My emotions and desires so knotted together, I could not see straight. Just feeling his hand wrapped around mine and him stroking my knuckles made my blood boil with desire. I wanted to kiss him so badly and reaching over, I leant in. The heady emotions flooding through me made it almost impossible to concentrate on anything other than him and not realising we had reached our destination so quickly my heart was in my mouth.

  ‘Make yourself at home, I will go get us some drinks,’ planting a chaste kiss on my lips, I closed my eyes. Hearing him busy in the kitchen I wandered from the living room across the hall into the bedroom he had been staying in. Noticing his bags all packed waiting by the door I felt my heart splinter. He was really leaving tomorrow. Shaking the thought from my head, I nervously sat on the edge of the bed and caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror.

  My cheeks were flush from the cold and something else. My eyes were glowing and lying onto the bed, all doubts swept away, a hurricane torrent, and the sky was now clear.

  ‘You okay?’ handing me a glass of soda I sat up to receive it, our fingers touching sending tingles down my arm, this was it.

  Placing my glass down onto the table, I looked into his eyes for the longest time, not talking, not needing too.

  Our minds communicating all our dreams, hopes, fears and desire, no words needed.

  He moved closer, and I held my breath. Gently caressing my cheek with his finger, I softly moaned.

  ‘You are so beautiful, Lexi, there are no words.’ Without wanting to think any longer, just feel, I found his mouth. Gently at first until all our longing flew through us into that kiss and I forgot everything else that had mattered, replacing it with this moment.

  Lying in his arms, our legs entwined, listening to the sound of his heartbeat and the thrum of the rain on the window I smiled. It was everything I had imagined it would be and closing my eyes, I had never felt more at peace.

  Saying goodbye was torture, I felt like my heart was being pulled out from my chest and manipulated at the hands of the US Army, never had I hated anything more. He would be gone for a whole year and I could not breathe.

  ‘I love you, Lexi, please take care of yourself while I am away and as soon as I get back we will be together forever, I promise.’ Blinking away the tears, I kissed him one last time and waved goodbye as the car pulled away. Knowing that would be the last time I would see him, I would not be me when he came back.

  All the anger and resentment that was milling at my feet relentlessly was building again and this time there would be no Christopher to bring me back. My father had stolen any hope of me being able to live without this all-consuming guilt tearing me apart and now I had to face it because there was nothing left.

  I could not sit here every day knowing what my dad was doing and not tell her any longer. She deserved to know and running away was not possible anymore. Doing this would change everything. My family would be dest
royed and everything that had made me the person I was today, shattered to smithereens, but there was no choice.

  Climbing into the taxi home, I tried to find the words that would hurt the least, it was impossible.

  In twenty minutes, my mother’s whole universe would be destroyed at the hands of her daughter and feeling the inevitable bile brimming to the surface, the tears flowed mercilessly.

  Arriving home, everyone was still asleep and climbing into the shower my skin ached with the memory of last night. Christopher had been so gentle, so tender and I got lost in the memory, before a knock at the door brought me crashing back down,

  ‘Lex, you feeling any better, can I come in?’ Caitlan sat on the toilet while I blow-dried my hair, both speechless, lost in our own thoughts and the nausea that had been brewing finally got the better of me. Holding my hair, she soothed and reassured me while I eradicated all the hatred inside of me.

  ‘Do you want me to get mom?’ handing me a clean towel I nodded feebly. The time was now.

  ‘Darling, what is wrong?’ Caitlan had gone to make Seth breakfast, and I just cried until I couldn’t cry any longer wrapped in my mother’s arms. ‘Please, just tell me, everything will be okay, I’m here, I promise.’ My heart felt like a million spears were stabbing it and I pulled away, clearing my voice and closing my eyes. I could not do this and see her face.

  ‘Mom, I don’t know how to say this, please don’t hate me, I couldn’t bear it.’ The tears were breaching, streaming once again and my voice was barely audible.

  ‘Look at me.’ Her voice was so authoritative I opened my eyes startled. She never rose her voice. ‘You listen to me, there is nothing you could ever say or do that would change how I feel for you. You’re, my baby girl, and I love you more than life, forever, always, you got that?’ She was holding my arms firmly, but lovingly and I nodded. Taking a deep breath, speaking the words no child should ever have to say to their parent.