The Beginning (The Butterfly Series Book 2)

by Isabella Redwood

  ‘That will be fine. A nurse will be in to go through pre-op with you after your celebration and bring clothing for you and your sister, ready for theatre.’ I smiled, though it never reached my eyes, before giggling at the term he used for the operating room, theatre. Imagining that we were going to see a play was much better than picturing all the blood and my internal organs on display.

  ‘Wow, is he really coming tomorrow?’ Seth piped up, looking visibly ecstatic. He had been overjoyed that I was having a boy, a new friend for him to play video games with. I did explain that it would be some time before JC would be able to do things like that and his reply saying he would teach him had brought tears to my eyes.

  ‘Yes, he sure is,’ our mother confirmed, hugging me, the tears welling in my eyes as she pushed us to carry on decorating, while she went to pick up the cake with Seth in tow.

  ‘It is really happening,’ Caitlan said aloud, staring at me, as though she was seeing through me.

  ‘Everything okay?’ I asked, her expression was confusing me.

  ‘Yes, of course, I just can’t believe I am going to be an aunt at seventeen. Yes, I know the whole huge belly was a giveaway,’ she pointed at my huge planet sized stomach and I reached to pull her into her arms. She was as nervous as I was and I held her as tightly as my stomach would allow.

  ‘It is going to be fine, I know it,’ she gushed, reciprocating my hug, and we carried on decorating, me with streamers, her with everything else.

  I watched as my sister decorated the hospital room to perfection. Balloons, streamers and ceiling pom poms later, we were finished, just as my mom and Seth returned with food, fruit punch and birthday cake.

  The party was in full swing, everyone having a great time, laughing and reminiscing about our previous parties. We were famous at our school for throwing an elaborate party, mainly due to Madam’s influence, wanting to re-create the fancy events she had invited us to work at for her.

  Teaching us how to walk correctly through the crowds, sashaying as only she could without a sound. Materialising with an array of delicious delights to tempt and please the party guests. Looking down at my stomach now, there was no way I could have done that, having to ask the guests to part the sea in order to get past and I smiled.

  ‘You look happy, I love it,’ Caitlan proclaimed, smiling her smile that lit the whole room up.

  ‘I am, sis, I really am,’ I replied enthusiastically. Gone were the nerves and worries the last eight months had been. I would be holding my baby in my arms this time tomorrow night and I could not be more excited, bubbling over with the amount of birthday cake I had stuffed myself with. Relishing the opportunity to eat before the starvation period began.

  Fumbling around inside my bag, I found the gift I had purchased and wrapped for Caitlan, decorated with a turquoise satin ribbon, her favourite.

  ‘To the best sister, I could ever have dreamt of having,’ I announced handing her the box as she grinned and hugged me, slipping her finger underneath the bow and opened the box. Inside were two silver rings with the letters C and L, one for both of us.

  ‘I thought we could wear each other’s initial,’ I explained, quietly, ‘so we can never forget who we are,’ I added, placing her ring on and then mine. My fingers were too swollen for mine to fit properly. I was just about to put it back in the box when Caitlan handed me her gift.

  ‘I love the ring, it is so beautiful, thank you,’ she gushed, eager for me to open her present, the box wrapped with a pink satin ribbon. I opened it tentatively and had to sit down it was so stunning. Inside the box were two silver necklaces, mine had a sunflower and Caitlan’s was a crystal shaped ballet shoe.

  ‘Oh, they are gorgeous,’ I marvelled at the sunflower, throwing rainbows on the magnolia wall behind me.

  ‘Here, you can thread your ring through it, until you can wear it again,’ she explained, the tears flowing down both our faces as she swept my hair away and attached the necklace.

  We had both just had our usual haircut, just a couple of inches off, though Caitlan always wanted to grow hers longer. But wanting to look the same, my desire to be a little shorter always won out.

  Looking at my sister now, I saw her in a new light. We were not identical in the same way anymore; at least we would not be tomorrow. I would have a scar, albeit the doctor assured me, a small one and the biggest difference I would be a mother.

  It was suddenly terrifying and exhilarating at the same time, we would be truly different for the first time in our lives and clinging onto my sister now, I wanted to stop time just for a moment and catch my breath.

  The guests started leaving around two hours later, I was exhausted and after packing up all the decoration, we waited for the nurse to come back to complete the pre-op checks.

  I felt my eyes close; unable to keep them open any longer, my whole body aching and the headache from earlier had become more and more pronounced as the night went on. Not realising that I had closed my eyes, I heard voices all around me, panic-stricken.

  ‘Caitlan, Caitlan, wake up,’ my sister was shaking me, her voice fuelled with so much emotion, I withdrew from the hazy dreams my body was sucking me into and opened my eyes. But nothing, it was still blackness all around. My heart started to beat faster, trying again to open my eyes without success.

  ‘Mom, Mom,’ Caitlan was screaming, ‘she won’t wake up.’ My heart was now hammering in my chest, I wanted to wake up, but nothing was working. I tried to move my arm, to reach for my sister and let her know I was okay, but it felt like a piece of lead and I remained as still as the game we used to play when we were little, sleeping lions.

  I could hear an alarm going off, mom had pulled the emergency cord, followed by doctors and nurses speaking loudly to each other and then we were moving.

  I was screaming inside, but nothing would come out. I could feel my leg starting to twitch, then suddenly my whole body was, and I was not doing it. A tear fell from my eye as my sister screamed as though she was being tortured.

  ‘Crash C-section now, we need to get this baby out before we lose them both,’ the doctor yelled aloud until all I could feel was my body suddenly stiffen and then nothing.

  Caitlan – baby JC

  It felt like my brain was being compressed in my head, stuck on a spin cycle in a washing machine, endlessly turning round and round at full speed.

  I watched as they wheeled Lexi into surgery, mom looking petrified, wringing her hands, the way we all did when we were scared, Seth, completely silent. The searing pain slowly faded, replaced with a haze that made my limbs feel as though they were floating.

  A few minutes later and I heard little squeals, baby JC was here. My mom continually pacing froze as the door opened and a nurse appeared wheeling JC in an incubator.

  ‘What happened? Is everything okay with my daughter and the baby?’ Mom spoke, her voice full to the brim with unspoken emotion and terror.

  ‘They are both doing well. Your daughter had to be put under anaesthetic to complete the C-section and will be asleep for some time. She will leave surgery and go straight to recovery. Shortly after she will be taken back to her room and you can wait with her until she wakes up.’ The doctor explained in an authoritative tone.

  ‘The baby is doing well. He will be monitored in the neonatal unit, just as a precaution. Once he has something to eat and his mother wakes, I see no reason for him not to be returned to her provided all his observations are stable. The nurse will take him there now,’ he smiled and gestured towards the nurse waiting to the side, taking the incubator and pushing it forward.

  ‘Can I come with him?’ I asked, desperation clear in my voice. I knew it would be what Lexi would want and was relieved when it was confirmed, mom would stay with Lexi and I would go with JC.

  Watching him, so tiny as the nurse wheeled him into the elevator, I did not know what to say or do.

  ‘Don’t worry, he is a good weight and everything looks normal with his observations. He will be just f
ine,’ she advised, squeezing my arm reassuringly. I smiled in response though it was more out of politeness than sincerity. Until he was returned to Lexi and in her arms, I would not leave his side.

  We arrived at the neonatal department and I gasped seeing the tiny babies hooked up to all kinds of monitors; parents looking ashen sat close by.

  JC looked big in comparison though smaller than Seth when he had been born. I kept my hand on his incubator and assisted the nurse to wheel him into our corner of the room. She did not need my help, but let me assist anyway and I smiled as her warmth and obvious concern radiated from her.

  Once JC was transferred over into his crib that looked like a fish tank and had his monitoring equipment attached, she left us together, alone for the first time. I just kept staring at him, not knowing whether I should touch him or leave him alone.

  ‘It is okay, he won’t bite,’ a new nurse appeared at my side and I startled in response.

  ‘Hi, I’m Lisa and I will be helping you take care of JC until his momma wakes up,’ she explained, checking his paperwork and noting things down. ‘Everything is fine, I promise, he is a good weight at seven pounds and I’m sure he will be getting a little hungry soon, so the first thing I would like you to help me with is sitting on this chair here,’ she gestured to the white rocker next to his fish tank and I immediately sat down without question. ‘Great, now I am going to take JC out of his crib and you can snuggle with him while I go get him some food. Is that okay with you?’ she questioned, staring at me curiously, and I nodded in response. ‘Perfect, here he is, now remember he may look small, but he is strong and as long as you support his head, he will be just grand,’ she confirmed, her Irish accent strong, though not to the point I could not understand her.

  Placing JC in my arms, she left, and I just stared at the perfect creation before me. His eyes were shut and his blond tuffs of hair shone under the fluorescent light. He had Lexi’s colouring and our nose. I could not stop staring at him; he was so perfect.

  ‘Hi, JC, I am your auntie, everything is going to be just fine and your momma will be holding you soon,’ I reassured, stroking his cheek, watching his little face crease every now and then as though he was dreaming. I was completely lost in awe of him and did not notice the nurse return, startling in response.

  ‘Now here is a little milk for him, I noted on your sister’s file she wants to breastfeed and this is a little donated breast milk for him, until she wakes up,’ she advised handing me a bottle. ‘Have you fed a baby before?’ she questioned, eyeing me carefully.

  ‘Yes, my brother,’ I reassured, taking the bottle from her proffered hand.

  ‘With him being a bit premature, you will need to encourage him a little, keep stroking and tickling his toes to wake him up if he falls asleep. He may only have a couple of sucks, but that is fine for now. Your sister will be waking up soon and he can then go on the breast,’ she continued and suddenly looked coy as though she wanted to ask me something. ‘I was there at the C-section, and could hear you screaming. I thought you were scared or something, but then I saw your sister. You are identical twins?’ She exclaimed, looking at me as though I was some great treasure to be discovered.

  ‘Yes,’ I cleared my voice, trying again, ‘I feel her pain, it is hard to explain,’ I drifted, not sure how much I should be talking about our connection to a complete stranger, though she seemed kind and I continued. ‘Will my sister be okay?’ I still felt hazy with little twinges of pain, but nothing like earlier.

  ‘Yes, she will be grand, the cure for pre-eclampsia, the condition your sister had is delivery and now little JC is here, her body will return to normal.’ I nodded, not wanting to talk anymore, just wanting to muse and stare at JC; she understood and left us alone while I attempted to give him the bottle.

  He was reluctant at first, but had a little go and fell back asleep content after I winded him and changed his diaper with the nurse assisting me. I had helped my mom with Seth a lot when he was a baby, but all the wires were intimidating and I was happy with the reassurance the nurse being presented gave.

  Around two hours later, I was just rocking in the chair back and forth when my mom walked through the door.

  ‘Hi, sweetie, how is he doing?’ She asked, drawing him into her arms after she had washed her hands and applied the required apron. ‘Ah, look at him, so beautiful, just like your sister and you,’ she gushed, stroking his face and hands.

  ‘I gave him some breast milk, and he has been asleep most of the time. How is Caitlan?’ I replied, desperately in need of information and the answer that she was awake and well.

  ‘She is resting, sweetie, it was a lot for her body to deal with and she will be awake soon. I just wanted to see this little one and check you were both okay,’ my mom explained, cooing at the baby as he tried to open his eyes.

  ‘I think he is hungry again,’ I confirmed, reaching for the bottle to give to my mom.

  ‘No, darling, you do it, he is looking for you,’ she gestured for me to sit down and take him and I nestled him back into my arms as he tried to focus his big blue eyes. I knew he could only see shadows, but maybe he was remembering my voice.

  ‘It is okay, JC, I’m here,’ I soothed, giving him his bottle and watching as he gripped the finger I placed in his little hand. Each finger so small and wrinkled, kissing each one in turn.

  ‘You are doing a lovely job, Lexi, I will text you as soon as Caitlan wakes up,’ she confirmed and kissed us both on the cheek, leaving to return to my sister and Seth.

  I suddenly felt a huge sense of responsibility, I was taking care of JC, me. It was the best feeling, and I grinned from ear to ear as he finished his milk and I settled him down after changing his diaper myself. Rocking back and forth in the chair, snuggling him close, I had never felt happier. Reaching for my phone, I took a picture of us together and set it as my screen saver just as the nurse returned to check his observations.

  Another two hours passed, and the doctor did the rounds on all the babies in the unit, coming to us last.

  ‘He is doing great,’ the nurse explained as the doctor flipped through his chart.

  ‘Yes, he certainly is,’ he reiterated, turning to the nurse with his instructions.

  ‘He can return to his mother and we can monitor from there,’ he explained, and she nodded, gathering up a transfer bed, like the one we had travelled up to the unit in earlier and placed JC inside.

  I assisted wheeling him downstairs and everyone turned to face us as we arrived at my sister’s room. Seth and my mom washed their hands and were holding him as I sat next to my sister. She was so still, but looked comfortable, various drips running into her arms kept me from holding her hands properly, but I gently took her fingers and told her all about JC.

  A further hour passed, and the exhaustion had set in. I could barely keep my eyes open any longer, curling up next to Seth as my mom held JC and I fell asleep.

  I could hear muffled voices and opened my eyes to find Lexi was just starting to wake up.

  ‘Hey, how are you feeling,’ I asked, reaching to grip her fingers as her eyes opened and closed.

  ‘Like Madam just worked my ass off,’ she replied, her voice croaky and dry. Giving her some sips of water, I went to JC’s fish tank and scooping him up, placed him gently into her arms.

  ‘Ah, he is just perfect,’ she announced, the tears flowing down her face as she cradled him into her arms. I helped her bring him to the breast as the teacher at the birth class had shown us and called for a nurse.

  Waking my mom up, she helped Lexi trying to encourage JC to latch on and the nurse arrived with the lactation consultant shortly after.

  ‘Hi, Caitlan, my name is Leah and I am here for any help you need with breastfeeding,’ she introduced herself and sat down. I moved from the bed to give them time to chat and watched as Lexi started to learn how to feed her baby. She had wanted from the class we attended to breastfeed having learned the health benefits to both baby and mother an
d was listening attentively to the instruction she was receiving.

  ‘Just remember, it should not hurt when he is feeding. If it does, take him off and re-latch him. Keep applying the cream to your nipples after feeding and let him have access to the breast whenever he wants. It works on a supply and demand basis, the more he demands, the more your supply will generate. For the first few days it will be colostrum that gives him everything he needs and then around day four onwards your milk will come in,’ she instructed, giving Lexi all the contact numbers in case of any questions and left us alone.

  ‘How do you feel, sweetie,’ mom asked, taking her hand gently.

  ‘I’m a mom, Mom,’ she declared, holding JC as though he was the most precious thing in the world, she kissed his cheeks and smiled. He was really here, and this was her life.

  lexi – new mom

  I was in a room with numerous people, my mom, sister, brother, nurse, doctor and all I could see was my baby. Lost in him, I would hear, but not hear everyone around me, chatting, laughing, giving instructions, and all I could focus on was JC.

  I memorised every trace of his features, his little button nose, just like mine. The topaz blue of his eyes when he would open them, scrunch up his face and grunt to be fed. I had not heard a real full-blown cry yet, maybe because I had refused to put him back in his crib, which Caitlan had nicknamed the fish tank for even a second. Stroking the little lines of his fingers, the creases in his arms and legs, he was the most perfect thing I had ever seen, and he was mine.

  ‘Look at his little face, those cheeks, I just want to kiss him,’ my mom gushed, as I stroked the little tuffs of blond hair that were sticking up in places.