This Love

by Anna Bloom

  “Whatever! You must have had someone?” My cheeks flush faintly as I realise the implication of my question.

  His eyes evaluate me and a finger reaches out and gently runs along the curve of my cheek, turning my face I kiss the palm of his hand. This is one of those moments. One of those moments I know you don’t forget. Sat in my dark, warm, snug bedroom on a cold winter night with a boy like Freddy, those are moments meant to last.

  “Are we going to have the talk?”

  “What talk?” My cheeks burn hotter to belie my feigned innocence.

  “The talk where I tell you about the other girls, and how many there are. You possibly get a bit mad and then tell me about boys I really don’t want to know about, but still need to know about all the same.”

  God he just blinds me with the way he turns things.

  Sitting up, I straighten my back against my cool bedroom wall. “Do we need to have the talk, it’s only been a week, no one has the talk this soon?” I’ve heard that somewhere.

  “I don’t think we are just anyone, Amber French.”

  “Okay,” I agree. I don’t think he is just anyone. He’s magic. No one else is magic.

  He rolls onto his back as he contemplates what to say. ‘He’s older, he’s older,’ I chant in my head. Like his two year head start in life could account for any number that he throws at me.

  His fingers link through mine. “One.”

  One? He must be fibbing. I’m about to call him on it, when he turns and faces me and I can just tell by the expression on his face that he’s not lying. Freddy Bale the most beautiful man ever created has only been with one person before. God damn.

  “Why only one?” My voice comes out as a scratch.

  “I don’t know. I guess I just realised I didn’t want to waste my time. I know that’s not, uh, very normal.” He chuckles to hide his embarrassment and my heart nearly bursts. This guy can’t be for real.

  Then a blinding thought hits me; surely someone would only limit himself like that if it were a major love thing. ‘The One’ kind of deal.

  Oh shit, he’s met his one already.

  I feel crushed.

  “And this is the mad bit I was expecting.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I can guess what you’re thinking, and your wrong. I’ll tell you why one day.”

  “Why one day and not now?”

  “One day. And that’s all I’m saying.” In a flash he is kneeling in front of me, my face cupped in his rough hands and his lips on mine. When he pulls away the dark blues hold my own inferior brown eyes. “Your turn.”

  There is no good way to do this. “Two,” I practically shout. I screw my eyes shut so I can’t see his reaction.

  His hands fall to my shoulders and silence permeates around us, flooding the dark corners of the room with my secrets.

  When he speaks his voice is teasing. “And the boyfriend?”

  My eyes fly open. “I told you I don’t have one now.” I should tell him I’ve never really had one, I’ve just made the foolish error of having sex with three people I don’t really give a crap about. Shit. Why didn’t I wait for someone like him?

  “I think you’re wrong there, Amber French.”

  I start to protest but he cuts me off with a kiss. I still try to speak but his tongue puts paid to any further statements on my behalf.

  “You’ve got me,” he whispers when he pulls away. “You know, if you don’t mind me hanging around?”

  I don’t know what to say, I’m not even sure if I know what he’s saying.

  “So I’m going to ask again about that boyfriend?” His eyes laugh at my expression.

  “I have a boyfriend.” I nod my head slowly as the fact sinks in. “I don’t think he’s going to like you kissing me that much though.”

  Freddy laughs and pulls me down on the mattress. “I’ll sort him out, don’t worry about it.”

  “Okay.” I kiss him with renewed vigour. “But be careful, I think he might be a bit possessive.”

  “I’d be too,” he murmurs low as he pulls my jumper over my head.

  And then my boyfriend kisses me like it’s never going to end.

  HOLIDAYS

  I follow Danni’s steps as we weave our way to an empty cafeteria table. My bottle of water wobbles, threatening to tip into my lasagne at any given moment. It’s the last day before the Christmas break and the school catering company has gone all out with a festive treat of lasagne and garlic bread. I ditched the garlic bread, which made Danni snigger and pull faces. She’s been better about Freddy the last few weeks, I think it became very clear he wasn’t going anywhere. I also think his daily pick-ups with a mocha latte and a Danish helped with the situation. She can still be bitchy, but then she’s always had a sharp edge, I’ve just never been on the receiving end of it before.

  As is usual over the last couple of weeks, our trip across the steamy cafeteria is watched by most of the female population of the school. A lot of people have had a lot to say about Freddy and I, and the exclusive relationship we are locked into.

  “The evil twins are trying to kill you with their eyes again.” Danni whispers, as she perches on her plastic chair.

  There are a whole lot of people, girls mainly, but not always, who think now Freddy Bale has broken his abstinence from relationships, they should be the ones to be with him. Not me. Apparently I’m just not a good fit for the local mechanic. And it’s not just the kids at school making this clear. It’s everyone. Even my dad, who never has anything to say about anything, has had a ‘quiet word’ about the developing situation and how I need to stay focused on my future. I would have listened, but as I could all too clearly hear my mum behind it, I just shut off and picked at the ragged ends of my nails, while dad performed his fatherly duty and told me whom I could and couldn’t go out with.

  When he was done, I asked him how mum had managed to convince him into doing her dirty work, considering they barely speak. I found it rather amusing that he was practically paraphrasing her. All he said was mum was trying to protect me, and one day I would understand. Cryptic conversations are never enjoyable.

  I keep my head down and take a bite of my lukewarm lasagne. “Did you look at that prospectus last night?” I ask, once I’ve swallowed the gritty mince down my throat. Danni spends a long moment chewing. “What, the one for The University of Suffolk?” she asks eventually, her tone laden with implied meaning.

  “Yes, the one I gave you yesterday?” I roll my eyes at her attempt at feigning ignorance.

  “Amber, seriously, its in bloody Ipswich, we don’t even like going shopping there, why would you think it’s a good place to spend three years at Uni?” She’s not wrong but she also knows why I might be looking at studying there for the next three years. The shops are shit but it’s closer to Freddy. We may have only been together a handful of weeks but already the thought of leaving him next summer to go and study feels unappealing.

  Danni pats her hand on mine, her dark brown eyes searching my face. “Listen, I get it, you guys have just met, you love him and all that jazz, but you can’t seriously consider going to a second rate Uni just because you're scared to leave him.”

  I pull my hand away and take another mouthful of the monstrous lasagne.

  “I’m not in love with him.” I state, despite the mouthful.

  “Okay, lust, whatever.” She shakes her head. “Aren’t you worried you’re going to end up like your mum and dad?”

  "What do you mean?”

  Danni looks at me incredulously. “Come on, Amber, your mum and dad were both born and bred here, neither of them ever left, and now they hate each other, and I’m pretty sure your mum hates life.”

  “I don’t think their marital problems come from that.” I slump my head onto the palm of my hand as I think about it. “My mum’s just a cow, that’s all." This isn’t it. The older I get, the more I realise something isn’t right with mum. I mean, the dressing gown thing and the bitter resentmen
t she shows to life aren’t normal, I’m sure, but as no one is telling me anything or explaining anything, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with it.

  Danni holds her hands up in a surrender motion. “That’s true. Okay, I’m going to say it. I like Freddy, Amber. I can see why you have this thing for him. He’s cute, and does that whole intense thing, he’s polite and funny and all the other things a girl should be looking for. You’ve struck gold, but I wouldn’t be your best friend if I didn’t tell you I thought you struck gold too early.”

  I open my mouth to protest but she holds her hand up to stop me. “Amber. Everyone knows first love never lasts. You love, you hurt, you walk away. I’m sorry it’s Freddy for you, maybe if you met him in five, or ten years time it would have worked.”

  I can’t tell if she’s for real. “I can’t believe you are saying this. You are supposed to be my best friend!”

  “Oh my God, Amber, I’m saying it because you are my best friend.”

  I scrape my chair back. “Have a nice Christmas, Danni.”

  Walking away, I keep my head high and I keep walking as she calls, “What about your birthday?” after me. Raising my shoulders, I keep on walking.

  When the end of term bell rings, I dash down the school stairs, stuffing my holiday homework from English Lit in my bag as I escape. I’ve made it through the rest of the day without seeing Danni again and extending our argument, but now I just want to get the hell out. My attention is grabbed on the second to last stair by the familiar silver gleam of Freddy’s truck, visible through the glass double doors. My heart swells at the sight of it, but then I remember why I’m not seeing Danni this afternoon for our last minute Christmas present shopping spree as planned, and my heart - instead of soaring - sinks deep down inside me.

  The passenger window rolls down and Freddy leans forward, grinning and waving at me. I wonder if he knows he’s got a smear of black grease along his forehead and right cheek? Shaking off my annoyance with Danni, I stroll towards the car, knowing full well everyone is staring.

  “I thought I said you couldn’t pull up to the gates anymore in this?” I’m sure the flash car is part of the allure he holds for the rest of the female population. I’m telling myself it has nothing to do with his arms of steel, blue eyes to drown in and mega sexy arse.

  “Bah, it’s cold.” He leans across and opens the door for me. “Wanna ride?” Something catches my eye and I glance slightly to my right and see Danni walking down the stairs. Her face is grim, her lips set in a harsh line.

  “Well, I quite like the cold.”

  “I’ve got hot chocolate.” He motions his head towards two cardboard cups in the cup holders. “And I promise you full control of the knobs in the vehicle.”

  I laugh, a burst of joy escaping my lips. “Well in that case.” I swing up into the car and slam the door on school and the end of term.

  “I’ve got to do some shopping.” I tell him as he pulls away from the curb.

  “I know.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Well, I searched every cupboard in your room, and can’t find anything for me in there at all.” He’s grinning, I can tell, despite the fact his face is turned away to look for a break in the traffic.

  “I didn’t know we were doing gifts?” I mock surprise. I’ve been thinking of his gift and little else for weeks. What to get your first boyfriend for your first Christmas? I’ve even searched Yahoo on the painfully slow dial-up Internet dad’s put in but the ideas on there suck. That’s what I needed Danni’s help for today.

  Swiftly, he leans over and pecks a brief kiss on my cheek. “So the thing is, I’ve got to pop back to work.”

  He keeps his hand on my knee as he navigates the traffic, I’m disappointed we aren’t heading straight out for an afternoon of Freddy Magic, but I know I’ve got to be realistic. “No worries, are you going to drop me home first?”

  “Nope.” He flashes his cheeky grin at me and my eyes narrow with suspicion. “I thought you could come with me? You know, see what I actually do when I am waiting for you to finish school everyday.”

  “I thought you just waited for me in the car all day?” I fire straight back.

  “Tempting, hell I’d carry your books around for you if I could, but sadly this beast needs fuel and keeping you in hot chocolate comes at a price.”

  I flush, a flood of guilt runs through me. I totally take him for granted, I know it, and I hope he knows that I know. “I’m happy to sit around while you work.”

  His grin gets wider. “I hoped you’d say that, you can do your Christmas homework while I finish up, you won’t want to do any over the next two weeks.”

  “I haven’t got anything else to do over the holiday,” I grumble. Freddy has already told me he is working over-time during the school holiday and as I’m now at odds with my best friend, I can only foresee a Christmas of eating chocolate in my room and studying while I wait for Freddy to finish work.

  I can’t see me spending a huge amount of time with mum and dad, especially if mum is still working the cryptic.

  “Well you never know.” He laughs at my grumpy face so I stick my tongue out at him.

  “Will it just be us at the garage?” I watch the winter trees glazed with a deep frost whizz past through the window as he heads down the maze of back roads to the place where we first met.

  “Nope, everyone is in. We’ve got an urgent order.”

  “What, someone ordered a sports car urgently?”

  “Yep, I’m guessing you’re not the only one to leave their gift’s to the last minute.” He chuckles and I stick my tongue out again.

  I cringe against the seat. “Does that mean Henry will be there?”

  I don’t know why but I don’t have a good feeling about Henry. Freddy doesn’t say much about either of his brothers, and I know without even asking they are missing the sibling bond I’ve always felt was lacking from my own single child life.

  I’m not concerned about Grant, the younger brother, because he is away travelling. I’m not even sure where — Freddy was very offhand when he mentioned it under my questioning.

  “Maybe, maybe not. Depends if he wants to get one of his suits dirty.” Freddy nods his head towards the garage as we pull up. “Looks like it’s a dirty suit day.” His tone is dry but I don’t press any further. Instead, I deal with the lack of saliva that suddenly inflicts me at the prospect of spending a couple of hours locked up with the Bale family.

  TEA

  The garage is a hub of agitated activity when we walk in through the side door. I keep my back to the wall, attempting to make myself as invisible as possible. Freddy and I may have been inseparable for weeks, however I still haven’t met his family. And right now with my back pressed against the cold wall and my hands starting to tingle with anxiety induced sweat, I’m not sure I want to. I’m sorry but a family of boys is intimidating on any level, especially when you’ve been thrown into the deep end and turn up at their work to interrupt their pre-Christmas rush.

  Freddy laughs when he sees me cowering, which isn’t that supportive at all. I narrow my eyes in a silent gesture, willing him to shut the hell up, but he ignores me and carries on laughing.

  “It’s okay.” He leans in and flutters a soft kiss across my lips, his body briefly pressing against my own which is enough to get me agitated in an entirely different way. “They don’t bite.”

  I’m not sure I agree, because as his mouth is just lowering itself down to mine for another breath-stealing kiss, a growl thunders from the other side of the room. “Put the girl down and do what you’re paid for.”

  Rude.

  He pulls away, the ocean blues performing their familiar dance. “You can work at the desk over there if you like?” He points out a desk, well it could be a desk, but it’s hard to tell by the sheer immense load of paper it’s holding.

  “Do you guys not put anything on the computer?” I query, looking up at him with a questioning glance. I kind of assum
ed since the world didn’t get overrun by errant computers when the clock struck midnight on New Years three years ago, that most business were now using the new fangled idea of a computer, data base, I don’t know, lever-arch file.

  Freddy has his back to the rest of the room so silently mouths “No,” at me while at the same time nodding his head and speaking out loud “Sure, something’s, occasionally, a few times perhaps.”

  “Stop arsing about, Fred, and get the hell on with this, otherwise your holiday is cancelled.” I glance up at the major pissed of voice and see his older brother, still dressed in suit pants but with his sleeves rolled up. He’s attractive, sure, but not a patch on Freddy, and with that personality, he doesn’t stand a chance of matching up to his younger brother.

  “Fred?” I question, trying to ignore the towering persona of anger glowering at me. Then I think of what the moody one has just said. “Time off?” I ask with a pitch of excitement entering my voice.

  Freddy now turns and glares at his older brother. “It was supposed to be a surprise.” His voice is harsher than I would have thought possible. Normally he’s softly spoken with a faint Suffolk burr to his tone. The cross voice is quite sexy though. It’s even sexier when it’s accompanied by him tugging his shirt up and over his shoulder, revealing just a black vest underneath.

  “Why are you getting naked?” I lean in and whisper, trying to wrench my eyes away from the smooth curve of his shoulders and the bare muscles of steel.

  Turning towards me, he winks and says, “Because I’m taking my girlfriend out tonight and she won’t like it if I’m covered in grease.”

  I stop myself from blurting, “I wouldn’t count on that. Actually she thinks it's hot.”

  “Okay, okay, that’s enough. You’re on the clock,” speaks a voice I can’t put to a physical form. A pair of boots I’ve been too distracted to notice, slide out from under the car centre stage and I watch as an older man gets up. He looks nothing like Freddy or his cave-man older brother but Freddy quickly steps in and says, “Dad, meet Amber French.”