Harem Trash

by Rae Nantes

  HAREM TRASH

  Copyright © 2019 Rae Nantes

  All rights reserved.

  1: Obi Imsi, the Overpowered Hero.

  2: Trashy Harem Status Quo

  3: A Hero Never Does Wrong

  4: Everything Goes Wrong

  5: Trash

  6: Recycler

  7: Progression

  8: Trash Cans Don’t Have Plot Armor

  9: Overused Rebel Arc

  10: Mistakes Were Made

  11: Shit Eater

  12: Obi Imsi, Misogynist

  13: Completely Unnecessary Trash Can Leveling System

  14: Character Progression

  15: Alone

  16: Autonomous Recycling Platform

  17: Crow Harem

  18: Public Execution

  19: Transit

  20: Recycler Quick Start User Guide

  21: The Facility

  22: Resolve

  23: Private Reno

  24: The Rogue Trash Can

  Epilogue

  Rae Nantes

  1: Obi Imsi, the Overpowered Hero.

  The young prince stood from his seat, stepped toward me with a drunken smile, then fell over dead.

  It was probably the easiest quest chain I had done since the Raid of Erectorian. The quest giver had offered me a mere 30,000 gold, but that wasn't what I desired. After all, money and experience points meant little to a max level paladin hero such as myself.

  After tucking the dead prince to sleep soundly in his bed, I stepped out of his bedroom and eased the door shut with a click. The red carpet that lined the torch-lit halls was soft beneath my feet. The scent of sizzling meats and lavish meals poured from the dining hall. Laughter and cheers echoed within.

  My heavy armor rattled with every step as I thumped against the stone floors. The guards both nodded and recoiled with respect at the sight of me. I was, after all, the wandering hero who saved the kingdom from the Mad Dragon, the handsome man who every guy wishes to be - and the one who every lady wishes to entertain.

  "Ah, there he is!" The old king raised his chalice at me with reddened cheeks. "Obi Imsi, the hero of the land!" He was flanked by a few of his most trusted aristocrats and nobles.

  I shot him a charming smile. "King Darios. A pleasure."

  "Oh, how wonderful," the king said, glancing at the others nearby. "You should have seen how this hero killed the terrible Mad Dragon."

  A mustached nobleman nodded. "And to think the entire army could not fell such a beast." He stared at me with the sparkling eyes of a lesser man. "You truly are the legendary knight as told by the prophecy."

  I chuckled. "I assure you, it was nothing too challenging."

  As they laughed, I spotted her.

  Porcelain skin. Red lips. Silky black hair. Flowing black dress. Sapphire eyes that lit the darkness. Stilettos that tapped at the stone floors. Her massive head-sized breasts swayed boobishly with every step, nearly pouring out of her dress as she titted over.

  Boobs.

  Her long legs were long and the perfect… leg shape. Her ass was fat in the best of ways, jiggling in cadence with the bouncing of her big ol’ hooters. The deepest instinct of my alpha manhood screamed at me to thrust my face to the softness of her. She stared into me with seductive bedroom eyes and a sly smile.

  I had her, and she didn’t even know it yet.

  "Good evening," she said seductively. Her voice was wine.

  "Good evening," I said with immeasurable charm.

  "Ah," the king said as he gestured at her. "This is Lady Marianna, the Royal Magi."

  I already knew who she was. "A pleasure," I told her.

  "The pleasure is all mine." In an instant, she was upon me, wrapping herself around my arm. Her magnificent melons were soft against my skin. She stared up into my eyes with almost pouting lips. "Oh, whatever could we do without you? I must repay you somehow."

  The nearby nobles blushed as they tried desperately to pull their gazes from us. Even the king knew what was to come.

  I gripped her small waist with a free hand and grinned. "Indulge me," I whispered.

  ***

  As soon as the chamber door shut, she grinned at me like a wolf with narrowed, predatory eyes. The candles popped alight, the curtains slipped shut by invisible hands, her dress unraveled further.

  "Well, Imsi?" she asked. "Did you accomplish the task?"

  I stepped closer and met her hungry gaze. "Of course."

  A dirty grin ripped across her face. "Good boy," she purred. "I suppose you'll want your reward now." Her eyebrow flicked up at the words. "I believe we agreed on thirty thousand."

  I lifted her chin and felt her hands pull me in closer. "My rates have just gone up."

  "Among other things, I see."

  Our lips met, our eyes closed, our hands explored each other, and before either of us knew it, we were naked on the bed, writhing around in foreplay on the silk sheets. Her small body was pressed tight against mine, her small hands sliding across the hard ridges of my aggressive abs and manly chest. Her teeth nibbled at my neck as she straddled me.

  Her purrs and moans sent waves of euphoria through my soul. Then, a pause between us.

  As she straddled me, she produced a small vial from her cleavage. She bit off the cork and spit it away before dumping the liquid into her mouth. There was fire in her eyes as I felt the full weight of her slam down on me, her hot wetness pulling my manhood into her like an abyss of ecstasy.

  Just as I opened my mouth to let out a ferocious roar of sexual victory, her lips met my own.

  ***

  Cold.

  Freezing.

  Ice.

  My eyes shot open, and a grid of white panels stared back. A fractal of glowing, dancing lights flickered - a chandelier.

  I was goosebumps, the entirety of me.

  Instinctively, I tried to pull my legs to my chest to fend off the freezing cold, but my body rustled against what felt like cold rocks. In a shock, I looked down to see that I was sitting in a bathtub full of ice.

  How did this happen?

  The bathroom door was open, and the bed was empty, the curtains pulled open to bring in the morning sunlight.

  Lady Marianna was gone.

  Why was I sitting in a bathtub of ice? What kind of odd fetish did I get into last night? Maybe the woman was freakier than I had ever imagined.

  As I pulled my half-limp body out of the ice, I felt a stabbing pain in my back. I grunted and flopped onto the cold bathroom tiles like a fish.

  I was sweating and freezing at the same time. When I felt at the sore tenderness on my back, it felt like something was missing. My eyes widened at the realization. "Scan: Health," I uttered.

  My body shimmered by the spell and a distant voice faded into my mind. "Caution: Kidney function limited to 50%."

  That bitch stole my kidney.

  2: Trashy Harem Status Quo

  The portal dissipated behind me, and I found myself in the courtyard of my mansion. The flowers lined the buildings, watered by my most loyal maidservants and concubines, all sporting the mandatory tight and revealing maid dresses.

  The heavenly scent of freshly baked bread wafted from inside, so I sauntered in.

  "Girls!" I called out. "The hero has returned!"

  "Baby Imsi!" A dainty figure darted from around the corner. Blonde, slim, elf ears, and wearing nothing but an apron and cat oven mitts. It was my third girl, Laya. She jumped into my arms for a hug, and her soft dirty pillows melted against me. "You're back, you're back, you're back!"

  "It smells delicious in here," I said. "Are you making lunch?"

  She nodded, then her pink lips curled to an innocent smile. "And for dessert, you can have–"

  "Not you," a voice interrupted. S
tepping in was a tall woman - demon horns, thin wispy tail, red skin, and glasses. It was my loyal succubus, X'gghtrykiska Demonica K’rtraskova - or just Kisk when I don’t have much time. She was currently carrying a meter-long black dildo draped over her shoulder, as she so often does. "Lord Imsi is much too busy to be fondling around with such a... lesser species." She shifted her glasses as she shot Laya with a professional grin.

  Laya reflected a glare back at Kisk.

  "Hey, hey," I said. "Take it easy."

  Kisk looked up at me. "How was your quest, Lord Imsi?"

  "Satisfied," I said. "But the reward was less than ideal."

  Kisk threw the black dildo onto the floor, casting a wet thloop sound to echo throughout the mansion halls. "This is an insult!" she raged. "How dare those weaklings give you anything less than you deserve." The claws on her hands shot out. "Give us the word my Lord, and we will slaughter them all!"

  I grinned. "I was actually on my way to do such a thing." I gave her a solitary nod, which she understood immediately. The blonde elf, Laya, instinctively readied herself for the command and hopped out of my arms to stand at attention.

  Kisk offered me a bow. "We shall gather the party."

  "Oh," I paused her. "And be sure to bring rope and duct tape."

  3: A Hero Never Does Wrong

  The portal vanished, leaving behind its traces of blue and white mist.

  We stood in the courtyard of Lambston Castle, the massive capital of the nation that owed me a great debt. They had just welcomed me in with open arms for slaying the Mad Dragon, but with the dreadful disquiet that covered the town, I assumed they were already mourning for the dead prince.

  "Shall we slaughter all of them, my lord?" Kisk asked. She was adorned with demon bone armor that coated her skin - save for her chest and bikini line - and in her arms, she wielded the Black Orchie, a thick rubber whip with a snake's head at the end.

  "No," I ordered.

  "Aw, baby Imsi," Laya said. "You're too nice to these insects." Laya wore silken elf's garments dyed green and red that flowed as she moved. On her back, a curved bow and quiver.

  Beside Laya and Kisk, I brought along two other of my girls whom I aptly named Slut 1 and Slut 2. I had forgotten their names long ago, shortly after I had captured and liberated them from the internment camp. And besides, they had not yet earned my favor to deserve to be named. To my great pleasure, they try every night.

  "Halt!" a command echoed throughout the courtyard. A pair of guards ran toward us with their halberds aimed. "Hero Imsi," the first one said, "Please leave at once." He was shaking in fear, but he didn't waver as he kept his stance.

  "Where is Lady Marianna?" I asked. "Where is the Royal Magi?"

  "I-I'm sorry, Hero Imsi," the weakling said. "We have been ordered to arrest you by any means."

  I smiled. "And what is my crime, boy?"

  The other guard steeled himself and gripped his halberd. The first weakling answered. "F-for murder and conspiracy. B-but until the investigation is finished, we cannot know for certain." He lowered his voice. "I beg you, Hero Imsi, don't make us do this."

  With a devilish grin, I turned to my girls. "Kill them."

  In a flash, they were shredded to meaty ribbons, scarlet sprayed against the stone walls. A far shriek pierced the courtyard and echoed into the halls. Sooner than I expected, the alarm bells rang out, and the entire castle was alive with panicked activity.

  And so we fought our way along the castle, blasting and melting and eviscerating any and all who stood in our path - all without me even lifting a finger. Sluts 1 and 2 were pleasing me greatly with their long spears and tight bikinis, deftly ripping through armor and flesh and stone. Truly impressive for mid-level guardians.

  Kisk and Laya killed as well as I could expect of a max-level archer and caster. The path behind us was littered with the charred remains of furniture and corpses. The same stone walls and red carpet had welcomed me to a banquet just the night before, but now this place had lost my favor. One of the royal mages threw a fireball at us, but it simply thumped against Kisk's aura and fizzled out. Those weak spells could never hope to even nibble at the massive well of HP.

  Before long, we stood in front of the throne room. With one of Kisk's spells, the heavy wood and iron doors shattered into splinters that tapped against the floor. We stepped over the debris and into the stage of drama.

  Before us sat King Darios staring blankly in fear, with Lady Marianna at his side. He was flanked by royal guards who jolted back in shock at the sight of us. With a quick war cry for their own courage, they darted at us in a suicidal charge.

  My girls dispatched them immediately.

  When the last echo of a sword clanking against stone faded, the king stood on shaking legs in defiance. His mouth fell open, his eyes turned wild, his hands brandished a flowered staff to cast a spell. Kisk pointed a finger at him. A thin, black thread shot out and pierce the king's neck - all before I could even think to stop her.

  I sighed inwardly.

  This wasn't going entirely to plan, and now Kisk's thread was already winding around in the king's body, churning and mixing and mulching the man's insides. This entire fiasco had turned into such a wild mess, but it wouldn't matter - I was just here to add yet another gorgeous slut to my collection. Another dead king was just a stepping stone toward my needs.

  After all, I was max-leveled and overpowered. What could go wrong?

  4: Everything Goes Wrong

  Lady Marianna burst into laughter. "Fools!"

  "How about we skip this pointless talk?" I asked. "We all know you're just playing hard to get."

  "Hard to get?" She tossed the king's body aside and took her seat on the throne. "I suppose for you, everything about this situation is hard to get."

  Kisk stepped forward and gripped her weapon. I paused her with a raised hand. "You can't defeat me," I said. "You are simply not strong enough."

  Marianna rested her head on her hand, smiling in amusement. "Let me guess, you came here to capture me and claim me as another one of your sex slaves?"

  "We aren't slaves!" Kisk shouted back.

  "Right," Laya followed, "We love Imsi!"

  I shrugged with a sly smile. "I'm sure you'll come around eventually. They all do."

  She whispered to herself, too faint to hear, but her eyes widened as if she stumbled upon a secret. Then, laughter. "Oh wonderful, wonderful! This couldn't be more perfect." She presented an open palm, then a small red gem manifested between her fingers. Her mocking stare told me to scan it.

  "Scan: Target."

  The voice answered. "Bloodgem. Contains a human kidney."

  "Oh," I said, "that's cute. You have my spare kidney. So what?"

  She grinned, tilted her head back, and tossed it into her mouth. With a heavy gulp, something within her changed, and an uneasy disquiet fell upon the room.

  At this point, I was far too annoyed and impatient to continue this nonsense. I turned to my girls. "Beat her to a pulp."

  Silence.

  I glanced at each of them, and shocked eyes stared back. "Kill her!" I demanded.

  Again, silence. They stood unmoving.

  Marianna erupted into wild laughter. "Oh, your poor thing, you. The blood magic that bonds servant to master prevents them from attacking you - and now, me."

  My heart stopped at the realization of what she had done. My girls were given to me as quest rewards - among other methods - and various magicks were cast to ensure their obedience. I had never much considered it since I was so terribly charismatic that they would love me regardless of being forced to or not. The real issue was that I'd have to beat this woman by my own strength. But with a woman this weak, I wouldn't even need to draw my sword.

  I flashed beside her in an instant and raised my armored glove for a backhand.

  She was gone, standing in the same spot that I was in just a moment earlier, next to the girls who stood frozen. Then, I felt it. Thousands of tiny invisible hands le
apt out of the stone beneath me and gripped my body, pulling me hard to the floor.

  I dropped on my knee, my heavy armor clacking with an echo throughout the throne room. "Im-Impossible!" I uttered. "I'm immune to magic traps!"

  Marianna spoke with amused authority. "Not to your own."

  This was an insult, and I would not be shamed in this fashion, especially not by some arrogant slut. "Dissipate!" All magic within a 100-meter radius turned to mist, and I felt the invisible hands loosen their grip. "Ultimate Magic: Heavenly Charge!"

  My command roared throughout the castle, boomed throughout the city and the streets and the heavens and into their souls. A golden glow emanated from me, pulsing with power and hot bursts of wind. This was my trump card, and by the time the spell would finish casting, there would be nothing left of this city - not even a memory.

  I would lose my girls, but it was no matter. Harem girls were a dime a dozen, and I could always find more elsewhere.

  The power poured into me, and I felt my mana flood past its cap. When I felt the click, I knew the spell was ready. "Curse yourself for this awful fate, Marianna the Harlot! Ultimate Magic: Heavenly Burst!"

  Thap.

  An arrow slammed against my chest. It ignored my defensive aura completely. The fighting spirit drained from me as I looked up to see Laya aiming her bow at my center mass. Beside her, Marianna sent a demon's grin from behind her pointed staff. It glowed red, pulsing with evil energy. It shot out like a laser, engulfing me in burning, freezing, stretching, shrinking magic.

  I roared in pain and agony as I could feel my arms morph. My heavy paladin armor turned to slag against my skin, sizzling against me, coating my body in its hot, reflective surface. No, the entirety of me was turning into metal! Was she transforming me into a blood gem? The squealing roaring burn of metal and cloth and flesh pounded my senses.

  "Refuse," Marianna said behind the hum of her spell. "A funny word, don't you think? It's synonymous with trash, which you are. You are trash. And I can think no more of a fitting end for a near-immortal chauvinistic cunt than to be polymorphed into a... trash can!" She howled with laughter.