Blindness

by Ginger Scott

  “Hey,” I say, holding my hands over my head and closing my eyes while I spin around, mimicking Jessie’s every move. When I turn back to face Cody, he’s stopped and completely staring at me. I lick my lips and let my eyes fall hooded, blinking slowly. Cody’s smile starts to stretch out along his face, and his eyes are intense. I feel like I just might have him when Kyla slides in between us and pulls his face to hers for a kiss.

  It’s not just any kiss. It’s slow, and she’s biting at his lip and licking her tongue along his jawline sensually. It’s a public declaration—she might as well be screwing him right here on the dance floor. She’s grabbing at his hands next and forcing them to touch her, although when his fingers meet her breasts, he’s more than willing to take over, and soon one of his hands is sliding down her side and lifting her thigh, digging into her ass.

  I’m no longer able to move. I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face, but it’s actually worse—I’m being totally ignored. There’s no way I can compete with her, and I feel foolish as I look down at my gawky long legs that are propped atop four-inches of silly heels, my skirt barely long enough to cover my underwear, my shirt showing off my barely-there breasts. I don’t know what I was thinking.

  When Cody’s looking away, I slide back through the crowd and make my way to the restroom again. I stand at the sink for minutes, contemplating just running water over my face and washing away the heavy shadow and blush. I feel like a kid playing dress-up. I don’t know how to be sexy, at least not for anyone other than Trevor. And that’s because he likes things simple, plain. Boring.

  That’s me. I’m boring.

  I’m almost laughing at myself when I see Kyla walk in behind me. I pretend to be washing my hands, and then turn the water off so I can get a towel and leave.

  “That was some show out there,” she says, slowly rounding her lips with her lipstick, puckering, and touching up the corners with her long nails.

  “I’m sorry?” I say, rather appalled that she’s bragging about her sex appeal in front of me.

  “You. You’re funny. You’ve never been in a place like this before, have you?” she says, facing me now and smiling like the popular girl in grade school about to trick you.

  “Not really,” I admit. “Trevor and I, we go to a lot of business dinners and things like that.”

  I’m completely intimidated by her, and I keep flashing to the door, hoping Jessie will come through it and save me. My heartbeat is in my neck, and my stomach feels sick, like I’m racing through a roller coaster. And she’s just smirking at me. She leans back on the sink a little, reaching in to pull her breasts up even higher in her bra before settling her gaze back on me.

  “Yeah, you and Trevor are so good together; just like me and Cody. I’ve missed him,” she says, dragging her teeth along the top of her lip before letting a tiny breath escape, “and I can tell he’s missed me.”

  She moves from the sink and slowly walks past me to the door, grabbing the handle and then stopping. “If you want, though, I can show you how to really dance sometime. My mom was a dancer. I’m guessing yours wasn’t,” she smiles with a little giggle before turning, and the door closes behind her.

  I turn back to the mirror and can’t help the tears that are falling from my face. I throw my purse at my reflection, and the contents fly all over the counter and the floor. No, my mom wasn’t a dancer. My mom was barely aware that I existed, and when she was aware, she spent her time drugging herself to the point of once again forgetting—all the way up until she got rid of me altogether.

  I grab a fistful of napkins and start to run them under the hot water, rubbing the make-up from my skin and scrubbing hard, leaving my face red. My hair is wet by the time I’m done, but my pulse is still speeding up. I don’t want to be here any more, and I don’t want to go back out there, so I send Trevor a text.

  I’m really ill, some stomach bug. Just called a cab. Don’t worry, will see you at home.

  I poke my head from the bathroom door, scanning the immediate area, and feel good that no one I know will notice me. I’m down the hall and to the elevator in seconds, and I can’t stop pounding on the button—like that’s going to make the doors open any faster. When they do, I rush inside, but then a hand slides into the door to stop them from closing.

  “Are you seriously running?” Jessie says.

  I shrug my shoulders. “I just…I don’t belong here. I can’t compete with that,” I say, gesturing to the dance floor.

  “I’m telling him you’re leaving,” she says, turning and letting the elevator doors close.

  I see her walk away, and I yell, “Please don’t,” but I’m sure it’s too late.

  When the doors open at the ground floor, I bolt from them and make my way to the street. I start down the block toward the restaurant. It’s raining even harder, and I left my umbrella in the car. I look like a stray cat that no one wants. I need a cab, but I don’t want to stand here and wait for one—he’ll find me. So I just keep walking. I pass the restaurant and continue on, the lights getting less and less as I enter the more residential part of the city.

  “Charlie, what are you doing? Get in my truck,” Cody yells, his voice competing with the pounding sounds of the rain. I can’t bring myself to face him, so I just hold up a hand and wave.

  “I’m fine, it’s okay. Just going to get a cab,” I say, not wanting him to see my red face, my anger, and how much I let Kyla get to me.

  “Stop it, Charlie. I’ll take you home. It’s freezing out here, and you’re all wet…just get in the truck,” he says, his voice growing a little more frustrated.

  “No!” I yell, picking up a step in my walk and turning around a corner. I hear his truck brake, and I hear his door slam shut behind him.

  “Damn it, Charlie…get in the goddamned truck!” He’s standing at the rear of his truck when I turn around, his black button-down soaked through instantly, and his hair flat in his face. His jeans are suctioned to his legs from the heavy downpour. I can’t even imagine what I look like, and I can’t bear the thought of him getting close enough to see. So I start to run.

  “Fuck this,” he says, and I hear his steps gaining ground on me. I’m not very fast to begin with, but in heels, I’m maybe the speed of a camel. Cody’s arm is around my midsection in seconds, and I try to free myself, reaching down for my shoes to pull them from my feet so I can push away from him. But he has a firm grasp, reaching around with his other arm and locking them both together.

  “Damn it! What the fuck is wrong with you?” he’s yelling, trying to hold my arms down and keep me in place. I reach up with my hand, shoes still in it, and I hit him in the face, and he backs away immediately. “Fuck! That really fucking hurt! What the hell?!”

  “I’m sorry. I…” I drop my shoes and cover my mouth. I start crying as soon as I look at him. He’s holding his hand over his eye and his shirt is pulled from his jeans, torn a little from where I pulled on it.

  “I’m fine. I’m fine,” he says, rubbing the side of his face a little more. “But do you want to tell me what the hell you’re doing?”

  I can barely breathe, and I don’t know where to begin. I’ve made so many mistakes that I feel like I’ve buried myself in this life that I no longer want—but the thought of freeing myself, however tempting, feels much too dangerous.

  “Charlie…talk to me!” Cody says, his arms pleading with me at his sides.

  “Why are you with her?” I ask, almost too quickly. It’s the one question—the only question—that’s been on my mind since the day I found out Cody and Kyla were back together.

  “I don’t want to talk about Kyla, Charlie; this is about you,” he starts, but I interrupt him.

  “No. No it’s not, Cody! This is about Kyla! Why are you with her? How can you touch her like that? Kiss her like that? After what she did to you?” I’m crying again, but I keep my voice strong.

  Cody rubs his hands through his hair, moving it from his eyes, but the water keeps dri
pping down his face. “Charlie, I don’t want to talk about Kyla…” he tries again.

  “Why are you with her!” I yell again, this time pounding a fist on his chest. He takes a step back when I do, which only makes me do it again. “Why, Cody? Why are you with her? Why do you kiss her…in front of me? How could you?”

  He grabs my wrists in both of his hands and holds me tightly. “Because I can’t have you!” His voice echoes in the alleyway behind us. “Damn it, Charlie! Because of you! Because I can’t stand seeing you with Trevor, and every time I do, it fucking kills me! Because I needed a goddamned distraction, and she was there. Because my brother is finally talking to me, and he’s actually a decent guy, and he’s helping me save my dad’s shop. And you’re his! He won—he saw you first, and it fucking kills me, Charlie!”

  My lips are quivering, and all I want to do is dig my hands into Cody’s arms, run my cheek along the stubble of his chin, and kiss him.

  “Is that what this is about? You want to hear everything that’s going on inside my head every time I’m near you? All the shit I can’t say—the shit that makes me bite my tongue every time I see you?” He’s almost out of breath, but he’s still holding my wrists, still staring right into me. His voice is hoarse from the cold, and from yelling at me through the traffic and the rain.

  “I fucking love you, Charlie,” he says, the words almost a cry. “And I know I’ve never been in love before, because I would have remembered what this felt like. I love you, and I think I have since the moment I saw you. And when I see you with Trevor it feels like a goddamned knife is digging into my back. I hate myself for not going to the Dean’s party that night. And this is my punishment. I get to love you, but I can’t fucking have you,” Cody says, delivering more honesty than I could have hoped for, more than I was prepared for.

  His eyes are red and watering, and his grip on my arms is loosening. I free my hand and reach up to dash his tears away, and he leans his face to the side so his lips graze my arm as it passes. I can feel him tremble—he’s fighting against himself, just like I have been.

  “I love you, too,” I say, my voice soft and scared. He stops breathing when I speak, and we both stare at one another, motionless.

  “You can’t love me, Charlie,” he says as new tears fill his eyes and his mouth forms a tight line. He’s fighting it, refusing to hear me.

  “But I do,” I say, biting my lip. I’m not able to stop the soft smile that creeps in on my lips from saying the words. I feel a sense of freedom from uttering them out loud, from saying them—from confessing.

  “I can’t…I can’t carry you. I’ll never be able to lift you over my shoulder, spin you around like Trevor does,” he says, ashamed of his disability.

  “I don’t need you to carry me, Cody. I can stand on my own. I’m strong, and I can carry myself,” I say, moving in closer. Cody slides his hands to my waist and is holding them in place. He’s policing himself, and I can feel his muscles tense around me from the conflict. The soft tickle of his breathing against my neck sends a flurry of goosebumps over my entire body. His breathing is slow and deliberate.

  “Kiss me, Cody. Please, just kiss me,” I beg him. “I choose you. I choose you.”

  He closes his eyes as a final tear falls, and he bends his forehead to mine. His hands slide around me completely, into the top of my skirt along my waist as he pulls me closer to him. He slides his right hand up my back, against my soaking blouse, and to my neck where he wraps his fingers into my hair and tilts my head back slightly. His lips hover over mine for a few seconds before he finally gives in, and our mouths are moving together forcefully.

  He tastes like tequila, and his tongue is warm as it explores the inside of my mouth, urging me even closer to him. He’s holding my face to his with both hands now and walking me backward a step at a time until we reach his truck, still kissing me and tasting and tugging at my lips with his.

  “I need you, Charlie. But if I do this, there’s no going back for me,” he says, his head pressed against mine, and his eyes closed tightly.

  I’m leaning on the passenger door of his truck now, and he has me caged in between his arms. I reach my hands to his face and brush the water from his cheeks, running my fingers through his soft, wet hair. I lean into him as he reaches around and slides his hand along the bare skin of my upper thigh, lifting me slightly before he presses my body forcefully against the truck.

  “I’m yours, Cody. I said I choose you, and I mean it,” I say, fully understanding what that means. My safe and simple life is gone—I’ve busted that to pieces. Hell, that life was gone the first time my eyes met Cody’s and everything fell into place. He’s home for me—and I don’t think I can breathe any longer without him.

  Cody slides me to the side and swings the passenger door open. He reaches again for my body, wrapping his arms around me and urging me into the truck with his potent kiss. I lift myself to the seat and scoot back as Cody climbs in on top of me, pulling at the buttons of my shirt and sliding the wet silk from my body, dropping it in a pile on the floor. He kisses my belly button next, and then grabs the bottom of my shell top with his teeth, pulling it slowly up my body as well. I help him lift it completely until my breasts are exposed and being teased by his hot breath. When he completely covers my nipple with his mouth, I can’t help but cry out in pleasure, holding his head to me hard.

  “I need you, Charlie. But not here, not like this. I don’t want anyone seeing you,” he says in between kisses along my breasts and neck. He lifts himself over me more, kissing my lips once again, leaving them feeling raw.

  “Take me home, Cody. Take me to your home. I want to be in your bed tonight,” I say, knowing if we don’t stop now, I won’t be able to, and I won’t care who sees us.

  Cody stares at me for several long seconds, almost like he’s giving me the chance to change my mind, to back out on him, but I’ve never been more sure of a decision in my entire life.

  Cody reaches behind his seat and pulls his leather jacket over me before leaning in to kiss me one more time. “Put this on, and then buckle up. I’m driving fast,” he says, his smirk almost sinister—and sexy as hell.

  I do as Cody says, and he keeps his promise, getting us home in less than 30 minutes. He keeps his hand on my knee the entire drive, squeezing my leg and teasing me by running his fingers up to the edge of my skirt over and over again. I should be shivering from the rain and the freezing temperatures, but instead my body is hot, almost breaking out in a thin sweat.

  Cody practically sprints from the driver’s seat and runs to my side, opening the door for me and pulling me down into the small space between him and his truck. His jacket is open along my front, and he slides his hands inside, his thumbs slowly circling my breasts and barely grazing my nipples—just enough to leave them fully aroused and to awaken every part of my body.

  “I don’t know if I can wait to get you upstairs,” Cody says, biting at my bottom lip and running his hands over my breasts once again, forcing me to arch against him. I lean my head back, and he sucks along my neck and collarbone. Everything about what we’re doing is raw and messy—it’s unlike anything I’ve ever done before.

  “Cody, I want to feel you, all of you. Take me upstairs,” I whisper in his ear, and I can feel him hard against me, the heat between us growing with every passing second.

  Almost like a caveman, Cody threads his fingers through mine and races up the steps to his carriage house, dragging me behind him—barefoot, with my breasts exposed in his open jacket, and my skirt hiked up my legs. Once we’re inside, Cody slams my body into his front door, and he continues to assault me with his tongue and lips. I reach for his shirt buttons while he’s kissing me and work his shirt from his body, letting my hands roam along the smooth warm skin of his back.

  I sneak a look at his tattoos while he’s tilting my head and kissing my neck. They’re the hottest things I’ve ever seen, and I don’t know if it’s because they’re on him or if it’s because I u
nderstand what they represent—his promise to keep his dad’s memory alive. Just letting the thought of Jake in my mind gives me pause, but Cody quickly has my face cupped in his hands, and he’s walking me back to his bedroom, pushing his shoes off along the way. He kicks the door open and pushes me flat against the bed as soon as we’re inside.

  I start to reach up to take his jacket off and slide from my skirt when he stops me. “No, I want to take my time,” he says, leaning over me and sliding me all the way up his bed. Once my head hits his pillow, he pulls my hair out from under me and brushes the loose strands from my face. “You’re so goddamned beautiful. I don’t deserve you. But that’s not going to stop me.”

  Cody slides the jacket open and blows slowly along my collarbone, working his way lower to my breasts. He teases each one lightly with his tongue, blowing on them until the sensation has me squirming. Then he slides the jacket the rest of the way from my arms. I arch my back so he can slide it from under me, and as I do, he takes one of my nipples in his mouth again and sucks hard, letting it come to rest in between his teeth.

  “Cody, oh my god,” I cry out, and his mouth is on my lips quickly, his hand reaching for mine, stretching it up above my head and tethering it between his fingers. He continues to kiss me for minutes while I take in the feeling of his bare chest along mine. His skin is on fire, and we’re both starting to sweat everywhere we touch.

  I close my eyes when Cody lifts his body again, this time leaving a trail of kisses as he lowers himself down my chest, pausing at the waist of my skirt. I’m thankful for the small black panties I decided to wear as he pushes his thumbs into the top of my skirt, sliding it down the length of my legs. And he spends a long time kissing my stomach and the insides of my legs, savoring the black lace between us, earning his right to remove it.

  With every kiss and every touch, I come closer and closer to completely coming undone, and when Cody trails a finger from one side of my inner thigh to the other, lightly grazing my most sensitive areas along the way, I whimper with need. On his next pass, he stops where my panties meet my skin, sliding his finger underneath the band slowly, teasing me, and then adding more force as he touches every part of me and works his way inside. His kisses grow heavier, hungrier, as he feels all of me. He hooks his thumb under one side and slowly works my panties down my legs until I can kick them off completely.