To Be by Your Side

by Lilybeth Zefram

  Evelyn just nodded. Too tired yet wide awake, she just listened and followed the midwife’s directions.

  ‘So wonderful. You do as you are told. All your family are wonderful. Some families are utterly dreadful,’ the midwife said.

  ‘You are the expert. None of us is,’ Evelyn told the woman, who happily gloated. It was the truth but being a good patient to the midwife showed her just how wonderful the woman really was.

  * * * *

  James held his breath as he watched his cousin walk into the drawing room with Evie’s babe all bundled up in a light brown blanket. Katie was smiling from ear to ear as she looked down at the tiny child in her arms.

  ‘The babe!’ exclaimed James, bounding out of his seat.

  ‘A little girl.’ Katie smiled. ‘She is absolutely the most beautiful child I have seen before.’

  ‘And Evie?’ James asked anxiously.

  ‘So far she is well. She is almost done. Just needs to expel the afterbirth.’

  James made a face.

  Katie chuckled. ‘You asked, James.’ James was too frightened to take the fragile little bundle when Katie tried to pass the babe into his arms. ‘Here, hold your niece.’

  ‘I’ll break her. She’s too tiny.’ James shook his head.

  ‘Nonsense,’ Thomas said, who along with John was peering down at the babe his daughter was holding. ‘Look at her. She looks just like her mama. She’s an angel now. She’s quiet, but we heard her before.’

  ‘Damn good thing, too,’ James grumbled, thinking that if the child looked like her father he would be able to track down the bastard. ‘I think she might be stubborn, judging by that cry.’ James then did take his niece. ‘Welcome to the world, angel. Now all we have to do is wait for your mama so we know what to call you.’

  * * * *

  With a simple E Lindsay, the maiden name of Evelyn and James’s mother on the birth certificate in place of mother, baby Ruby became officially adopted by her uncle to legitimise her place within the family. Ruby Mayhew did indeed look like her mama. She quickly turned life at the family’s estate in Hertfordshire upside down. Most of the household were under the impression that Katie was Ruby’s mother, although some suspected Evelyn. However, to avoid gossip, the solution was simply to keep quiet.

  James, Earl of Dalton, was amazed how much joy the little girl brought to their family. Their uncle had to return to his post in India but he left besotted with his great niece.

  Then life calmed down as routine set in.

  By the time Ruby had been born, the Season was just about to start up again in London. Evelyn opted not to go, instead going for the short Season in Bath some months later. She knew she had to catch up with her handful of friends. She did miss them and since Ruby’s birth felt more capable keeping up regular correspondence. But they all seemed to understand her new position as godmother and mother. After all, James and Evelyn had started to circulate the story that Ruby’s mother had died in childbirth, simply by mentioning so in letters.

  It was in Bath that she realised more than ever that in polite society children were never seen or heard, unless one was on a family picnic. And it seemed the child that suddenly appeared was never questioned. There was much juicer gossip to be had than a spinster’s godchild and ward.

  Chapter 4

  Eighteen Months Later, Summer of 1818

  Evelyn travelled with her brother, naturally with her cousin and daughter in tow, to attend the Season. This would be her first outing in London since the pregnancy and giving birth. It was hard for her to imagine that the last time she had been in the city she had been with child. The small Season in Bath just six months before gave her a measure of confidence that she felt she needed.

  However, it seemed that Evelyn was thrown right into the deep end within days of arriving and settling in. She had decided to attend a concert of concertos written by the composer Haydn when James had extended the invitation. Being that she couldn’t see, her greater joys were attending concerts, and even plays. She had long learnt the skill of listening to music and remembering how to play it herself on her own pianoforte. She played more these days because Ruby seemed to enjoy her mama playing music.

  ‘Rushmore and two of his brothers are approaching,’ James told her softly when he noticed people approaching. ‘Rushmore and Matthew have their wives with them. Looks like the other brother is unattached.’

  Evelyn nodded. She didn’t need to thank her brother. He knew she appreciated the effort. It always made social situations simpler for her. The warning also gave her time to recover from the fact she was going to encounter Matthew. She had been in the presence of his wife while in Bath but had somehow managed to avoid Matthew since the night two years before when he broke off their association. She had even avoided him when she attended the baptism of his nephew, the duke’s second son. According to James, the duke was still besotted with his wife, and Evelyn was pleased to hear one of the Ashton men got things right.

  The duke and his duchess led the conversation.

  Evelyn did her part for the conversation. She felt Matthew’s eyes on her, yet she was surprised to realise that she felt nothing for her ex-lover.

  She had been so worried for so long and quite suddenly she realised the feelings she had once had for him had not so much disappeared but morphed into indifference. She knew she had long gotten past the hurt he had done to her and it had been a long time since she had thought of him as Ruby’s father. James was her adoptive father and he doted on his niece.

  ‘Lady Evelyn,’ the duchess said to her, taking her hands. The duchess was a kind lady. Evelyn had always liked her, hence the reason they were friends. And perversely, she even liked Matthew’s wife, Annabel. ‘We really should have afternoon tea one day while the gentlemen catch up. Your goddaughter and my sons do like to play with each other. Now that we are in London for the season it can happen more often.’

  ‘I would like that, Lauren.’ She nodded. ‘As would Ruby. She is a very social girl.’ Evelyn cocked her head to the side. ‘And Lady Annabel? No doubt Lord Matthew will be joining my brother and Rushmore.’

  She knew this could end in disaster, she knew she had to keep up polite appearances considering no one but her knew the identity of Ruby’s father. She had tried some spectacles recently that allowed her to see to a certain extent, but there was still a lot of work needed to be done before she would have the right glass. She could use them for a time but still she would get tired and have horrid headaches with prolonged use. She had seen her daughter clearly for the first time and other than her nose, she didn’t look like the Ashtons. Ruby didn’t even look like Evelyn other than her hair and eye colour. She looked more like Evelyn’s mother and her skin was much paler than Evelyn’s.

  Lady Annabel must have made some sort of gesture because there was a brief pause. Evelyn could not discern if the lady had shrugged or smiled. ‘It would depend when it is, as I am attending my sister for her wedding and there is much for me to do. But of course, I would like to come for afternoon tea.’

  ‘I will organise with Lady Evelyn and Rushmore will organise with Lord James,’ the duchess said with a twinkle of laughter. ‘Then we can tell everyone else concerned.’

  * * * *

  Matthew later managed to get a private moment with her. He held her at her elbow gently. ‘Evie, it has been so long...are you well?’

  She smiled up at her ex-lover. ‘Of course I am, Matthew. So much has happened to me since I last saw you. But I am happy.’

  ‘As am I,’ he replied.

  ‘That is good, Matthew,’ she said softly, somewhat confused by the confrontation. ‘I bear you no malice. You deserve happiness and now I realise I deserve my own happiness.’

  ‘It seems you have grown a lot in maturity since I last saw you.’

  ‘It is not so much maturity. I have just seen the real world a bit more.’ She nodded, pleased with her explanation.

  ‘I will always hold a fondness for you, Ev
ie.’

  She sighed heavily. ‘You are a dear friend of the family, Matthew. You always will be.’

  Evelyn could no longer admit to personally holding him in fondness, let alone love. He had become what he had been for years before they shared any intimacy.

  * * * *

  Evelyn ended that night pleased in the knowledge that she was no longer a slave to her feelings. She was no longer affected by the man she had once loved. She understood now how naive her feelings for Matthew had been. She was fortunate for Ruby and her family’s support. However, she now knew that her love hadn’t been one of depth.

  She had been in love with the notion of being in love.

  She had loved Matthew but hadn’t been in love with him.

  It was relief to finally understand her feelings after so long. It was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

  Now she no longer dreaded the inevitable future run-ins with the Ashton family.

  * * * *

  Afternoon tea with the Duke and Duchess of Rushmore occurred two weeks later. The couple only arrived with their two sons and nanny. Apparently, Lady Annabel was with the sister she had spoken about at the concert. However, Matthew had called by to visit with his brother and James. He had also stopped in the drawing room to greet Evelyn and his sister-in-law. He had spared Ruby no more than a glance.

  James had accompanied Evelyn, so she also encountered the Duke of Rushmore and was introduced to the equally charming and scandalous his grace, the Duke of Windermere. Windermere was cousin-in-law to Rushmore. He appeared to Evelyn both charming and kind. She felt pity for the position he had faced concerning his wayward wife. Lord Windermere had a rather striking and kind presence but Evelyn did not understand why she was able to recognize this.

  Alone with her friend, Lady Lauren confided to Evelyn that her sister-in-law was having difficulty conceiving and thus found it difficult at times to be near children. Evelyn thought that is was a perverse irony since the lady in question’s husband fathered a child right before their wedding. She suddenly felt truly sorry for the lady. The Duchess later told Evelyn how her cousin, the Duke of Windermere, had been granted his divorce from his wife some months ago. Despite divorce being frowned upon by the ton, Lady Lauren was more than happy that her cousin had rid himself of a woman she called “a harpy.” Indeed, Evelyn thought that he was an exceedingly kind man that deserved much love in return.

  Evelyn found out that afternoon that the duchess, Lady Lauren Ashton, had set her sights to find Evelyn a husband. Evelyn tried to insist that it was in no way necessary and she had a list of reasons that made her an unattractive prospect on the marriage market. She was now twenty-eight, if nothing else, but the Duchess refused to take no for an answer.

  She wasn’t particularly close friends with the lady, but they did write to each other and Evelyn often went to the lady’s house parties. So Evelyn knew in the end she would just let the Duchess do whatever it was that she schemed and go along without complaint.

  ‘Just so long as you do not go as far as sending men to my door, Lauren,’ Evelyn had said when she eventually gave in. ‘I am eight and twenty now. I am well and truly on the shelf.’

  ‘I have ideas. Besides, you will probably have luck with widowed men.’

  ‘Yes,’ Evelyn replied derisively. ‘They have their children and heirs so do not need to worry about getting an heir that could be as blind as its mother.’

  ‘I fear you are too harsh on yourself.’ Lady Lauren shook her head. ‘I need to be a better friend to you, not just when we can bump into each other.’

  ‘You worry too much. Besides, we write,’ Evelyn pointed out. It was odd but after Katie, Lauren was probably her next closest friend. ‘And when we see each other, we simply pick up where we left off.’

  ‘Ever the kind heart,’ Lauren said. Then she grinned, despite her friend not seeing this. ‘And that is exactly why I think you need to find your Prince Charming. You have a lot of love to share. A man would do very well indeed to be a recipient of your love and loyalty.’

  Evelyn felt herself blush, feeling rather self-conscious. She liked her friends and seeing them during the Season, but she often enjoyed the solitude of having time to herself outside of London. Her friends spouting platitudes like this embarrassed her more than upset her, though she got irritated because she was told to look for the right man but the right man never seemed to look beyond the surface. Now she also had Ruby, so she rarely got time alone these days.

  The matchmaking happened almost immediately. Although Evelyn didn’t have the heart to tell the Duchess that the first three men she had sent Evelyn’s way were about as daft and shallow-headed as one could get as soon as they realised they were talking to the Earl of Dalton’s blind sister.

  A few weeks later, Evelyn had to admit that the Duchess of Rushmore was starting to improve with her picks. But there was nothing except kind conversation to be had. Evelyn wondered if her friend truly realised how difficult her undertaking was.

  Chapter 5

  As the Season drew to a close, Evelyn decided that she quite enjoyed reclaiming old friendships that she had made over the years. She had never noticed how much becoming a mother had made her retreat and neglect these women that she had known for many years.

  This particular night she found herself and her brother at the house bash of a gentleman that James had met at university in Oxford. That meant that James was more often with the gentlemen rather than close by. Not that she could begrudge her brother that. It was nice not to actually have someone hovering over her. However, the disadvantage of this, being that she was in an unfamiliar building, was that she was rather a wallflower.

  Evelyn felt someone approach, by the scent—as well as the considerable dark blur she turned to face—she knew it was a gentleman. This was something quite odd and hadn’t happened to her in some years, once upon a time when she had been a viable candidate for the marriage market.

  ‘My lady, good evening,’ the gentleman said politely. His blur appeared to execute a perfect bow. ‘Would you mind if I sit?’

  ‘By all means, my lord,’ she replied. ‘I am sorry, but you seem to have the advantage. I do not believe I recognise your voice.’

  ‘Indeed, that is not unexpected, as we’ve never been introduced,’ the gentleman replied.

  ‘Oh,’ she pulled her brows together slightly.

  ‘I am Lord George Marsden, Duke of Windermere.’ He took her hand and gallantly kissed the knuckles gently. ‘I believe I was introduced to you and your brother when you visited with my cousin, the Duchess of Rushmore.’

  ‘I am Lady Evelyn Mayhew, sister to the Earl of Dalton.’

  She immediately recognised the gentleman’s name. She was close enough to recognise some of the shapes of his features despite the fact she could never bring her spectacles to a party. Evelyn knew she could never live that down. Lord Marsden had been the talk of the Season after his most scandalous wife left him. That had been the same year prior to her giving birth to Ruby. At the time, however, Evelyn recalled much of the talk had been speculating if Lord Marsden would divorce his unfaithful wife or keep her. She could not say that she blamed the man for doing as he had if gossip was correct.

  ‘Ah,’ Lord George replied, taking a seat beside her. ‘Now I understand, I believe, why you recognised my voice and not my face.’

  ‘My reputation precedes me?’ she asked, mostly in jest.

  Lord George chuckled. ‘No, not quite. Do not doubt, though, that my cousin has told me about you.’

  She smiled at the scandalous duke. Then she realised something. ‘She hasn’t asked you to speak to me?’

  ‘No, why is that?’

  ‘Nothing, Your Grace,’ Evelyn dismissed.

  ‘At any rate,’ Lord George continued, ‘I had a notion that us wallflowers should stick together, so to speak.’ He paused, adding, ‘I have no doubt you’ve heard about me.’

  ‘In any other man, I would say that is conc
eited, but in your case that is an accurate assumption.’ Evelyn found herself smiling toward the man. His demeanour and voice seemed rather nice, kind even.

  He chuckled. ‘You are quite a refreshing lady, Lady Evelyn.’

  ‘Lord George, when one is not only a spinster, but a somewhat blind spinster, I may be as outrageous as I like, so long as I do not create scandal,’ she replied, feeling rather devilish.

  He didn’t say anything for a long moment, but Evelyn felt his eyes firmly on her. There was amusement in his voice when he replied, ‘You are much more than you allow people to see. I do not know if you use your status as a shield or you’re just exceedingly clever.’

  She thought for a moment. ‘I like to think both, Your Grace. Especially in a place such as here. If I take even a wrong step I know people secretly laugh at me. I am not daft.’

  ‘No,’ Lord George said carefully. ‘You are nowhere near daft.’ He sighed heavily. ‘And here I thought us wallflowers could stick together—so to speak.’ The gentleman moved.

  ‘I apologise, Your Grace, if I have offended you, or said something that makes you want to leave,’ Evelyn said, contrite. She really did not want the man to leave. She already enjoyed his company and they had only bantered for mere minutes. ‘It is nice to have a fellow wallflower to talk to.’

  ‘I was not about to leave, Lady Evelyn. I was only making myself comfortable,’ Lord George assured her. ‘I must admit, you are an intriguing lady.

  Evelyn looked down at her lap. ‘Oh. Now I feel rather foolish.’

  ‘Hardly. You simply followed your instincts,’ he replied. ‘I would wager you would have honed your instincts remarkably well without your sight.’

  ‘Oh, I am not completely blind,’ Evelyn said. ‘My physician has now decided, from new advances, that my eyes focus differently to others that cannot see clearly. I cannot see anything clearly that is more than an inch in front of me, instead I see shapes and then the world is completely blurred as I look further in front. People who wear spectacles see close up just fine and need aid for long distance, or it may also occur the other way around. My physician seems to think that I need spectacles all the time. The problem being that such a glass does not exist for someone who cannot see at almost any distance. There have been more experiments, though, in the recent couple of years.’