EX

by Novoneel Chakraborty

  ‘Excuse me, I’m looking for the Commissioning Editor.’

  The two guards look at each. The first one speaks, ‘Megha madam has left.’

  ‘I’m looking for Nivrita Roy.’

  The two guards again exchange glances. This time they seem clueless.

  ‘There’s no one by that name.’

  Neel feels a thud in his heart. Was that rascal Parimal right?

  ‘Are you sure?’

  The second guard speaks up, ‘Why we would be lying? Everyone signs while coming in and going out. We know every employee’s name here.’

  The guards’ look as genuine as Parimal’s eyes did when he told him that he doesn’t know any Nivrita.

  Neel swallows a lump. His mobile phone rings. He takes it out from his jeans. The screen flashes: Nivrita calling.

  Neel feels choked. He presses the green button and takes the call.

  ‘Neel, help me…help me Neel. Parimal is here. He has gone mad…he will…he will kill me.’

  ‘Nivrita? Where are you?’

  ‘At my flat. Come soon,’ The line disconnects with a shriek from Nivrita.

  So that bastard Parimal had lied to him after all. But why aren’t the guards recognizing Nivrita’s name here? Well, he can take care of it later. He needs to go and save Nivrita first. She sounded extremely scared on the phone. He has lost Titiksha but he won’t let Parimal murder Nivrita. Neel doesn’t wait for the elevator. He rushes down the stairs, runs across the street, and takes a taxi for Nivrita’s place. If he can reach on time, if he can save her from Parimal and catch him red-handed, then every piece of this confusing maze will come together. He asks the taxi driver to drive fast, even if he has to break a few traffic rules in the process.

  Neel tries Nivrita’s phone number a few times from the taxi but it is out of reach. It only escalates his anxiety.

  As he gets down and pays the taxi driver, he gets a call from Nivrita again.

  ‘Hello, where are you? I just reached Sharada Heights.’ Neel says as he saunters inside the locality.

  ‘I’m on the terrace Neel,’ Nivrita whispers over the phone. ‘Parimal is here too. Please come soon. I don’t want to die.’

  ‘I’ll be there. In fact I’m climbing the stairs now,’ Neel says. He is all ready to fuck the life out of Parimal—the man who chopped his girlfriend into pieces—and now is trying to kill Nivrita.

  By the time he reaches the terrace, Neel is gasping for breath. He waits for a moment right outside the terrace door and takes in some air. Then he pushes open the door with caution. It opens with a creaking sound. A wild gush of wind hits him. A thunder roars in the sky. He looks up to notice the sky is abnormally dark. It may rain soon. He looks around. There’s no life, no sound. Only darkness. Has Parimal killed Nivrita? Neel asks himself.

  ‘Hey vampire boy!’

  Neel turns around to see Nivrita. All calm and composed. Her face tells him her life was never under any threat.

  ‘Vampire boy?’ Neel mutters.

  ‘Ever since you toyed with it, my heart still has your fingerprints.’

  What’s that supposed to mean? Neel wonders and looks at a smiling Nivrita.

  ‘Ready to listen to the last chapter of the first half of Neel and Titiksha’s story?’ she asks.

  Neel feels like he is confronting a ghost.

  FROM NEEL’S MANUSCRIPT

  18

  Seeing Neel downstairs by the road in the rain, waving at me, I thought I was sleep-walking. He gestured me to come down. I closed the window. Neel was indeed there by mama’s house at this hour. I glanced at the big watch on the wall adjacent to the window. 12.35 am, it said. What was Neel doing there? It was a day of unexpected turn of events. Forget about seeing him downstairs, I honestly didn’t think I would even hear from him again. He flashed his torch light once again on the window. I impulsively gestured for him to wait. I had to go to him—even if we were meeting for the last time. A voice inside me said tomorrow is too fickle to be trusted. Today is everything. Tonight is the moment. If Neel was there downstairs at the dead of the night, and in this weather, there had to be a solid reason for it.

  I dared to move out of the house. I didn’t care to change. I was wearing what I wore after I was back from school—a royal blue cropped trouser and a blue top. I tiptoed to the main door, unlocked it, and cautiously, without waking anyone up, moved out.

  It was raining hard then. The unexpected thrill of seeing Neel by the house made me forget the umbrella. I didn’t care to go inside again lest I woke up anyone. I moved out in the rain and soon scampered to Neel, careful not to slip on the road.

  ‘What the hell are you doing here, Neel?’ I said and pulled him towards the chemist shop diagonally opposite my mama’s house. Its shutters were down but its extended roof gave us enough shade to shelter us from the incessant rain.

  ‘What if I tell you love itself is afterlife? From the time one loves someone, he or she transcends normal life as we all know it. And death is a means to bring someone back to that very life so that one can fall in love and transcend it yet again—a cycle of sorts?’ Neel said. Something about him was abnormal.

  ‘What nonsense are you talking about?’

  ‘I ran away from my place,’ Neel said. He was shivering.

  ‘Obviously. Your parents would have never allowed you to come here at this time. But what’s up, really?’

  ‘No. I won’t return to my home ever.’

  I kept gaping at him for some time. He himself preferred to clarify.

  ‘I have had enough, Titiksha. They want me to go to a boys’ residential school somewhere in Dehradun now, and I don’t want to. I mean what will happen to all my Paintbrush dreams? I tried to persuade them but they, as usual, aren’t getting it. And more importantly, I don’t think they will ever allow me to be with you.’

  I could sense a pain in the way he said the last part. A certain pain I could well identify with. It was the same pain within me that I had chosen to remain ignorant about in the last few days. A pain which would soon become a way of life for me and control my choices, alter my perceptions, and slowly transform me into someone I never thought I could become. A pain which would invariably tease me every time I pretend about its non-existence. Most importantly, it was a pain that would never allow me to see anyone the way I saw Neel, never feel for anyone the way I felt for him, never belong to anyone the way I wanted to belong to him. This was the pain of getting separated from Neel forever.

  ‘I can’t live without you Neel,’ I said stating the obvious.

  He hugged me tight. But there was something more important that was getting aligned to the other—our souls. I wanted to disappear right into him.

  ‘Please tell me we can be together always,’ I said. He could tell that I was crying, and I could guess so was he.

  ‘I’m sorry for being indifferent in the last couple of days. I was afraid. I was afraid if the real thing came out, people would make more fun of me, of you, of us. I was afraid you would have to undergo hell because of me. And the worst was even after knowing all this, I couldn’t stand for you. I was afraid of my parents. But today when Dr Iyer expelled you, and later when my parents talked about sending me off to a residential school, the fact that we may no longer get to see each other ever again struck like a blow. I rebelled. I have finally rebelled Titiksha.’

  ‘You rebelled for me Neel?’ This wasn’t a real moment anymore. Neel and I standing by my house under the chemist shop’s roof in that rainy night and confessing our feelings; I bet my life that night wasn’t real.

  ‘I rebelled for us. I fought with my parents. They said you have poisoned my mind, and if I don’t forget you, they will kick me out of their house. I told them I wouldn’t mind walking out of a house where nobody cared about what I want. I want to be with you, near you always, Titiksha.’

  There was silence except for the rain which was now falling with renewed intensity.

  ‘What do we do now Neel?’ Holding o
nto him I spoke into his ears. ‘My mother is coming tomorrow morning to fetch me from here. I don’t know what her plans are for me. Maybe she too would send me to some boarding school. I don’t want that.’

  Neel broke the hug, looked deep into my eyes, and then hugged me tight once again. The way his body shuddered, I could understand that he further broke down.

  ‘There’s nothing we can do,’ he spoke in my ears. I could feel his breath as his lips moved. ‘I have thought about it enough since evening. We don’t have options Titiksha. If we choose each other, then there’s no option left for us. If we elope, my parents will get to us sooner or later. Eloping is improbable. If we follow what they want, then we have to forget each other. Forgetting you is impossible. And if we follow what my heart says then…’

  ‘What is your heart saying?’ This time I broke the hug. I looked at him. He looked at me, caressing my cheeks.

  ‘Let’s end it Titiksha for a better beginning.’

  I knew exactly what he meant, but I wasn’t sure if I had the audacity to do it. I had to take a decision. What was the life I was living? Parents who never cared for me, mama and mami who despised me. Yo-Didun was the only one I cared about but she was old and hence wouldn’t be there by my side always. The only person I really loved was there in front of me. And he was as helpless as I was. Had Neel not come there that night, I wouldn’t have dared to decide what I did in that instant being in his arms. I convinced myself Neel was correct. We had to end it for a better beginning. There comes a time in your life where to commit to something, you don’t ask yourself whether it’s right or wrong. The only thing you ask yourself is can you or can’t you. I asked myself the same thing: can I or can’t I?

  ‘I’m ready,’ I heard myself say. Neel continued to gaze deep into me. Then he pulled me out in the rain. We ran across the street for a good five minutes and reached Sharada Heights where Neel’s friend lived.

  The friend was waiting inside the apartment campus under an umbrella. Seeing Neel, he waved at him. As we approached him, Neel’s friend said, ‘Guess what dude, I got a new camera tonight.’ The friend asked us to stand straight as he took a picture of us with his new camera. Neel and I exchanged a glance. I kept my hand around his waist while he kept his arm around my shoulder. We complied lest the friend suspected anything. The moment he clicked our picture, Neel asked for the terrace keys.

  ‘Are you guys sure? It’s bad, bad weather tonight.’

  If only he knew what we were up to. Neel took the keys to the terrace. The friend asked when we would be back. Neel lied to him and said in an hour. As we were climbing up the staircase, Neel relayed to me that he had told his friend that both of us needed to go to the terrace because we wanted some private time together. His friend had bribed the security guard and fetched the terrace keys for us.

  It was dark when we opened the door of the terrace. A cold wind was blowing amid the rain. It was there before too but now the wind had a foreboding chill. I was too emotionally numb to give words to what exactly I was going through. Everything seemed to be happening slowly. When I tried to feel it, all of it started happening too quickly for me to register. Neel and I kissed, we smooched—for the first time to our hearts content. It must have been special but I wasn’t myself anymore. I was doing it but it wasn’t happening to me. We sat for some time on the edge of the cemented barricade of the terrace contemplating life and feeling our fervour for it slowly evaporating as our craving for remaining together forever took over. Sitting beside Neel, I realized every one of us had something special to lose. In Neel’s case it was me. In my case it was Neel. And if one wants to hold on to that thing one never wants to lose, then one has to surpass life. Neel was right. If we could not choose each other, then there were plenty of other options we could go for. But since we did choose each other, there was no other option than the one we had chosen for ourselves. I was happy.

  The moment finally came where we had to execute our decision. Both of us stood on the cemented barricade of the five-storey building and jumped off.

  Only one of us died.

  Chapter 14

  SHARADA HEIGHTS

  NEAR TANK NO. 4, SALT LAKE, KOLKATA

  The Present

  ‘That’s where the first half of Neel and Titiksha’s love story ends; Sharada Heights.’ Nivrita pauses and then says, ‘That’s where we are right now as well.’

  Nivrita is standing on the terrace. Neel is standing right in front of her, by the stairs leading to the water tank above. He doesn’t care about what happened to the fictional Neel and Titiksha. Whether they jumped off the terrace, survived, or died. Neel wants to know something else.

  ‘What’s going on, Nivrita? Where is Parimal?’ Neel says doubting if Parimal was ever here. It’s now that Neel feels a cold wind blowing. It is getting fiercer each second.

  ‘Nivrita?’ Neel can’t see her clearly. A torch light is switched on. Nivrita keeps the torch on the ground. The wind subtly moves the torch alternately towards Neel and Nivrita. He can see her whenever the torch light falls on her.

  Nivrita ambles to the nearby cemented barricade which marks the limit of the terrace and facing Neel, makes herself comfortable on it.

  ‘Have you ever been to a posh hotel room, Neel? Ever drawn the curtains of one of the windows in it and stood by it only to realize the view outside is of a filthy, poverty-stricken and worn-out part of the city? At that point in time, I’m sure you must have felt happy because you were inside the posh hotel room, away from all the social garbage that nauseates you all the time. But at the same time, my guess is, you might also have been sad because you knew it was a hotel room after all. And hotel stays can never be permanent. Sooner or later, one has to return to the ugly city outside. Neel, your love for me was one such hotel stay. And you never had the balls to turn the hotel that I was for you into your home.’

  The wind tilts the torch partly towards Neel. Its light falls on his face.

  ‘What do you mean?’ he says.

  ‘Let me now narrate the second half of Neel and Titiksha’s love story,’ Nivrita says. Though Neel can’t see her face now, he guesses she will have a loose smile on her face suggesting she is making fun of him by unnecessarily testing his patience.

  ‘Can’t you first tell me what’s all this about? Can’t you tell me the second half of the story later?’

  The wind tilts the torch towards Nivrita now again.

  ‘Certain choices in life develop thorns with time. But since they were your choice, you got to hold onto them even if it means your emotions continue to bleed. Tell me Neel, what do you think happened next? What happened to Titiksha? What happened to Neel? Did they both die? Did one of them die? Or did they both live?’

  Neel glares at Nivrita. He understands he’ll have to hear what she wants to share first, and then she’ll tell him what he wants to know. Like always.

  ‘Alright, my guess is both Neel and Titiksha jumped off the terrace as per their plan. And then maybe one of them is born again because you said only one of them died.’

  Nivrita is quiet.

  ‘Who was it? Who jumped?’ Neel says.

  ‘The one who kept the promise, jumped.’ Nivrita’s voice was turning graver with every word she was speaking.

  ‘Who kept the promise?’ Neel sounds eager now.

  ‘Titiksha did. She was the one who died that night Neel,’ she says. ‘Titiksha jumped off. Neel didn’t.’

  Neel is sorry to hear that. He remembers Nivrita telling him the story she narrated to him was true. It had happened to real people. With his real life girlfriend Titiksha gone, he can understand how cruel death can be.

  ‘I’m sorry to…’ he starts but is cut short.

  ‘Just sit tight and listen,’ Nivrita says.

  ‘Hear me out Neel.’

  Neel swallows a lump sitting by the water tank. He takes a deep breath and braces himself. His gut feeling tells him Nivrita has something more discomforting to share. And he wants to hear it
, after which the first thing he will ask her: ‘Why isn’t her name on the Word Tree office’s register?’

  ‘Around seven months back,’ Nivrita begins, ‘a rather worried looking couple came to me. They only had one request for me: to take care of their son; their only child. Like every other parent, they too seemed concerned but felt helpless about his situation. In my profession, it was my duty to accept their request. But they said they couldn’t bring him to me because they had kept his condition a secret from him from day one. While they were talking, I had a feeling I’d seen them somewhere. A few minutes into the conversation and I knew where exactly I’d seen them. Obviously after a gap of almost fifteen years, they didn’t recognize me. I didn’t care to clarify who I really was. Just to confirm my hunch, I requested them if they had any photograph of their son. They showed me a photograph. One look and I knew it was Neel Chatterjee—the same Neel who had subjected Titiksha to hell only because she loved him with all her heart and soul.’

  Nivrita gets down, picks up the torch, and keeps it at an angle from where Neel can see her from head to toe. She turns to show her back to Neel. Then pulls up her tee. On display are the burn marks on her back.

  ‘The skin will only tell you about the marks. The pain is now a part of my existence..’ She pulls down the tee, turns, and looks at Neel with such intense hatred that it unnerves him. She takes the torch, switches it off, and slowly ambles towards him. Neel can see a subtle silhouette of her, against the not so dark sky, approaching him. She stands close to him now and switches on the torchlight on her face. She looks menacing.

  ‘I’m the one you ditched that night, Neel Chatterjee, 15 years ago, on this very terrace.’

  What? No, he didn’t hear her correctly. Or did he? Neel’s entire body stiffened.

  ‘What are you talking about Niv…Nivrita.’ Neel has difficulty pronouncing her name.

  ‘I’m not Nivrita. There was, there is no Nivrita. I’m Titiksha Roy, the one who loved Neel Chatterjee of Salt Lake International School.’