Free Falling

by Lisa Gerkey

  I have no problem leaving the strip clubs, the men, or Jayson, but I don’t know how to let go of the stuff that keeps me going every day.

  Chapter Eleven

  Josh

  It’s probably a bad idea to leave Kennedy alone, but I need to deal with my own shit before I can help her. I’m sure Jaycee plans to take care of her when they get back to Nashville. I have to concentrate on my life right now.

  When I walk into the room, Staci’s angry eyes meet mine. I can tell she’s been pacing the floor with the phone in her hand.

  “Where the hell have you been? My god, Josh! What has happened to you? You look terrible.”

  “I’m sorry. I needed to get away. I needed to think. I slept in my truck…”

  “Oh, come one, you expect me to believe you’ve been in your truck all this time? Tell me the fucking truth!”

  “That is the truth. I slept in the truck the first night. Then I ran into the preacher. We talked. I fell asleep on his couch, and then…I saw Kennedy this morning. I was ready to head back here when she showed up. I had to help her, Staci, she’s a mess.”

  “But, she isn’t your goddamn mess to worry about, Josh! Let her sister deal with her. We’re getting married. You’re mine! You can’t run around trying to save some crazy lost girl. It doesn’t look good when you leave your fiancé sitting in a hotel room for two days with no idea what the hell’s going on!”

  “Look, I said I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you worry. I’m going to take a shower, and then we can talk.”

  The hot water beating down on my tired body feels fantastic. I need my ass kicked because I still can’t be honest with Staci. I owed her an apology for running out on her and staying gone so long, but I also owe her honesty about my feelings. I don’t know why she’s still here. I’m surprised she didn’t just go back to Nashville without me. That’s what I’d do if I were her. I can’t believe she hasn’t called the wedding off after the way I’ve acted with her.

  I wrap the towel around my waist and go back out to face Staci. I will tell her the truth this time, damn it.

  “I need to talk to Jaycee and Grant to let them know what’s going on with Kennedy. Once that’s taken care of, we can check out and head home.”

  I zip my jeans, and then I pull a clean shirt over my head. I go back to the bathroom to get my phone and my wallet out of the pocket of the pants I took off.

  “What the hell? Fuck. I should’ve known. Staci, I’ll be back. I have to go back to Kennedy’s room for a minute.”

  “Are you for real right now, Josh?”

  “Uh, yeah, my wallet…it’s missing. She must have taken it from my pocket. I don’t know…”

  I ignore Staci while I pull up Jaycee’s number and hit the call button.

  “Josh! Grant and I have looked everywhere. We can’t find Kennedy. You know what? I’m convinced she doesn’t want my help. I love my sister, but she’s hit rock bottom. There’s nothing I can do for her. Grant and I are on our way back to Nashville. I’m done. She has to help herself. I have to concentrate on my marriage and the baby now.”

  “She’s here, Jaycee. She’s here at the hotel. At least that’s where I left her a little while ago. I understand. You’re pregnant. The stress and worry aren't good for you or the baby. Go home and let Grant take care of you. I’m sure Kennedy will be fine.”

  I end the call and turn back to Staci. It’s time to grow a set of balls and be a man. I have to stop making excuses and be honest with her.

  Kennedy won’t be okay. With everyone turning their backs on her, it’s more important than ever that I try to help her.

  “Staci…I’m staying in Kentucky for a while. I have to help Kennedy. I’m sorry. I can’t just leave her alone. She has no one.”

  “But, you are mine, Josh! What about me? I need you. I don’t want to be left alone either. This girl is nothing to you!”

  “Staci…”

  “Oh, my god! You have feelings for her! How? How can you possibly feel anything for her? She’s nasty and disgusting, Josh. What about us? What about the wedding that’s happening in a few weeks?”

  I gather the nerve to say what I need to before I go back to Kennedy’s room and get my damn wallet.

  “I feel something along the lines of pity for her, Staci, so yeah, I guess you can say I feel something for Kennedy. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry to do this to you, but I can’t…I can’t keep pretending. I want to call the wedding off…and the engagement. I know this makes me a jerk, but…I don’t even remember proposing to you. I…I need a break. We’ll talk when I come back to Nashville, but I think this is permanent, Staci. I don’t love you. When I get married, it has to be for love and nothing else.”

  “You’re doing this so you can have a clean conscience when you fuck the bitch, aren’t you? You haven’t seen the last of me.”

  I feel free now that I’ve broken it off with Staci. I’m walking on air the whole time I’m getting everything set up for Staci to go back to Tennessee. I don’t even let her little threat that I haven’t seen the last of her bother me.

  The feelings last until I get inside Kennedy’s room with the spare keycard I kept just in case I needed it. She’s gone. The pizza sits on the table, cold and untouched. I see the tags from the clothes Maggie and my Dad brought. The rest are still in the bags. When I go to the bathroom, I see her old dirty clothes in the trash. At least she cleaned herself up.

  My wallet is lying open on the bathroom counter. I pick it up and go through it. My driver’s license and credit cards are all still in place. The only thing missing is the cash.

  I drive around for hours looking everywhere, but I see no sign of Kennedy.

  I call my dad.

  “Son, is everything alright?”

  “Not really. I can’t find Kennedy. Dad, where would you go if you were her? I know yours was alcohol and not drugs, but maybe you can give me some ideas. You’ve lived around here longer than I have.”

  “Hum, let me think a minute. Have you tried the old bar behind the mall? Pete’s Place is the name of the bar I think. I hear a lot of her kind likes to hang out there.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  The bar is crowded when I walk in. I scan the different faces. It’s a diverse group of people. A few older people gather around the bar and sit at the tables in front while a younger crowd takes up space in the back. I see several pool tables and a dartboard.

  I don’t see Kennedy anywhere, so I go to the bar and wait until I have the old man’s attention.

  “What can I get you, young man?”

  “I’m looking for a girl—she’s about twenty-one, twenty-two. Her hair’s different colors… a little brown and red with blonde mixed in.” That’s about all I can give him. I have no idea what she’s wearing.

  “Check the alley out back. I saw a young lady that matches that description. She hangs out with a bad group. We try to keep it clean around here, but the problem’s become more than the law knows what to do with. She’s been here a few times.” The old man shakes his head and walks off to wait on another customer.

  I go the direction he pointed, down a dim lit hallway that leads past the restrooms. I open the exit a door in the back.

  I find her alright.

  Kennedy is kneeling on the dirty pavement with a slime-bags dick dangling in front of her face, while half a dozen more stand around waiting to get in on the action.

  Where are the fucking cops in this town?

  “Come on, bitch. We gave you what you wanted. Now it’s time to pay.” The punk grips Kennedy’s hair tight causing her to yell out from the pain. “You know the drill here. We’ve done this before. You’re going let me and my buddies fuck you while Danny records it. We’ll make good money for this shit when we put it on the internet.”

  I’ve heard enough. I step forward.

  It’s just one of me against a gang of the twisted motherfuckers, but I don’t care.

  I won’t let a single damn one of them stop me
from getting Kennedy out of here.

  “I don’t think you want to suffer the consequences when you get caught. A long time in the slammer. Come on, Kennedy, you’re going with me.”

  Kennedy tries to look up at me, but she’s so messed up on whatever the bastards gave her, she can’t hold her head up. When he lets go of her hair, she slumps further to the ground.

  “Who the hell are you? This is our territory, motherfucker, and I don’t recall inviting you to the party. Get the hell out of here and leave our shit alone.”

  “I’m not going anywhere without her.” I point to Kennedy, who looks like a rag doll as her head bobbles and flops back and forward. “I got it on video…you say you’ll sell this shit on the internet, I can send it straight to the cops. She isn’t in any condition to consent to anything. This is abuse, rape. I have friends associated with the FBI. Maybe I’ve already sent it to them. You all should probably get the hell out of here.”

  I ignore them while I take a few steps to Kennedy and bend over to help her stand up.

  “Dude, I said she’s with us!”

  Lucky for me the little fucker’s got the strength of a piss ant. He barely fazes me when he hits me across the back and tries to push me away from Kennedy.

  I lift her up to her feet, and then I bend over and put her on my shoulder.

  Kennedy struggles a little, kicks her legs, and pounds on my back with her small fists, but nothing will stop me from throwing her ass in my truck and getting her away from here.

  Chapter Twelve

  Kennedy

  I’m so fucked up. My vision is blurred. Looking through one eye that’s barely open, I can nearly make out his form in the seat beside me. “No, I don’t want to go with you! Where are you taking me? I swear if you don’t stop this truck, I’ll jump!”

  I pound his shoulder with my fists. His arms are almost as big as my waist, so I don’t even faze him.

  Him. Wait. Where did he come from?

  I try to think…my thoughts—they’re fuzzy, and I can’t remember where I found him. I was at the bar. I went into the alley…

  I try to see the man beside me. It’s dark, so it’s hard to know. He looks like Josh, but when I stare for a few minutes, his image morphs into someone else.

  Jayson.

  I scream. “No! No! Please! Let me go!”

  My words sound foreign. Sounds like they’re coming from somewhere far away.

  He’s going to kill me. I knew he’d come back for me. I have to fight. I pull my feet up into the seat and turn around. I kick him repeatedly until he wraps his big hand around my ankle.

  “If you don’t stop hitting and kicking me while I’m trying to drive, I’m going to tie your ass up until I get us somewhere.”

  His raspy, masculine voice calms me. I stop feeling as though I’m dangling over the edge of a cliff.

  I can’t believe Josh showed up. Again.

  I think about what he said. I giggle.

  “Maybe you want to tie me up, huh? I bet you do. Did it make you jealous when you saw all those guys could have me and you couldn’t?”

  “Kennedy…Stop talking. You’re buzzing real good right now, aren’t you? Enjoy it. You better enjoy the hell out of it because I’m going to take you somewhere and get your ass cleaned up… And, be careful, doll. When you get your shit together, I just might tie you up and spank that ass for all the hell you've put everyone through.”

  I curl my feet up in the passenger seat of Josh’s truck and lay my head over. I don’t know what to say. Why isn’t he disgusted when he looks at me? What does he see that I can’t?

  I flinch a little because I don’t expect his touch. He strokes his fingers over my head to the middle of my back and rubs small circles. I thought the heroin did amazing things for me, but this could turn into an addiction that might completely wreck me.

  Who the hell am I kidding? I’m already a wreck.

  “Where are you taking me?”

  When I speak, he takes his hand away. I want to beg him to keep touching me, but I can’t. It doesn’t matter anyway because I’m sure by tomorrow, or a few minutes from now, I’ll hate him again.

  “We’re going to my dad’s cabin.”

  “Cabin? Why?”

  “Because it’s in the middle of the woods. Out in the middle of nowhere. You won’t be able to run from me. You’ve caused your sister enough grief, Kennedy. She’s pregnant. Did you know that? Her worrying about you all the time isn’t good for her or the baby.”

  “You’re in love with Jaycee…”

  “No! I’m not. I swear to you, I’m not in love with anyone. Besides, she isn’t the one I can’t stop thinking about.”

  “Your fiancé… I forgot, Josh. What the hell are you doing here with me?”

  “I broke up with Staci.”

  He broke up with his girlfriend? Why does that please me so much? I have no claim on him. I don’t even understand why he’s so determined to take care of me.

  I try to think, but I’m tired. I drift off to sleep.

  The next thing I know, Josh is telling me it’s time to wake up.

  A wave of nausea hits me as soon as I open my eyes. My hands are unsteady when I open the truck door. My legs feel like rubber when I step out onto the ground. It’s dark. I can’t see.

  “You okay to walk?”

  Josh comes around the front of the truck and reaches for my hand. I let him lead me to the cabin. I stand behind him on the porch while he unlocks the door.

  “Wow, this place is nice. It’s cozy.” Romantic. Sexy. Even in the shape I’m in, I can’t deny the warmth and beauty of this little cabin.

  “Yeah, no joke. Dad said he fixed the place up, but I wasn’t expecting this. It looks like they’ve even put central heat and air in since they had the electric run out here. You can look around and make yourself at home. Get comfortable. I’m going to make sure they brought everything we need to stay here a while.”

  He smiles warmly before he walks away, leaving me standing in the small living room alone. Josh acts as though we’re a happy little couple having a romantic getaway.

  No. Actually, he has said nothing like that or implied romance. These thoughts are all mine, and I don’t understand where the hell they came from. Could be something to do with this cozy little cabin. Maybe it’s something to do with the handsome, sexy man I’m with. Perhaps it’s only my imagination.

  I walk over to the tan couch and fall back on my ass. I don’t want to depend on drugs anymore. Now, at this very moment, I’d give anything if I could be a different person… I can tell Josh is a fantastic man. He’s trying to help me, though I’m not sure why. Is it because he thinks he owes it to my sister to help her save me, or is it because he cares about what happens to me?

  “Why don’t you take a bath while I fix us something to eat?”

  I jump at the sound of Josh’s voice. The way he's so nice is irritating. Sure, I’ve had a thought or two run through my mind about how he’s this wonderful guy and all, but the thing is—I’m not looking for someone to save me. Maybe I was a minute ago, but not now.

  “I’m not hungry. You can’t keep me locked up here, you know?”

  “I don’t want to lock you up, Kennedy. I want to set you free. You’re letting the poison you put in your body control you. I know it’s going to be hard. Actually, hard probably doesn’t even come close to how the next few days…weeks…are going to be.”

  He wants to set me free. What the hell’s that even mean? I won’t ever be free. Never.

  “You can’t save me. I don’t think you understand it, but the drugs aren’t my only demons. They’re the only thing that helps me deal with the real demons, the monsters.”

  Josh moves closer to where I sit on his couch. At first, I think he’ll sit beside me, but instead, he kneels in front of me and takes my hands in his. Immediately, I look away. He’s trying to see me, get inside my head. He wants me to believe he can make things better, but he can’t. I know he can’t.<
br />
  “When you have a clear head, we’re going to talk about what happened to you when I found you in the woods. I know you’re in danger. You’re safe here. I’m not going to let anyone come near you, do you understand that?”

  I know what he’s saying, but he doesn’t get it. If I tell Josh everything, that means I’m putting his life in danger too, and I don’t want that. I wish I could make David pay for getting me to this point. Although, I suppose that I blew his brains out when he was hurting Jaycee, offers a little comfort.

  “I’m tired. Do you think you could show me where I’ll be sleeping? Maybe after a nap, I’ll feel like talking.”

  “Sure, but why don’t you take a bath first? I’m sure you’ll rest even better if you clean up first.”

  I know I shouldn’t get too wrapped up in Josh. In the way he makes me feel. It’s probably a terrible idea that a small part of me wants to trust him and believe what he says.

  I only want to curl up in a warm bed for a few hours, but he won’t be satisfied until I wash away the filth. I can’t blame him. Not after what he saw tonight. Looking through the haze, I know it was terrible. I can’t imagine how it appeared to him.

  When he offers his hand, I accept. I walk with him through the small kitchen. The bedroom is beautiful and cozy.

  The king size bed is covered with a coral colored comforter and a stack of pillows to match. Josh walks over to the bed and pulls the covers back to reveal bright white sheets.

  The cabin is small, so I’m sure there isn’t more than one bedroom. I guess Josh will give me the bed while he takes the couch.

  “The bathroom is through here…”

  It’s almost as big as the bedroom with a garden tub and a separate shower that’s easily big enough for two. One wall is lined with mirrors. I step forward until I can see my reflection a little better.

  The woman in the mirror isn’t me. It can’t be me, can it? I reach my hand up to stroke the length of my stringy hair. The color is awful. My natural hair is brown, but when I was younger, I went blonde. Now, it’s hard to tell the color.