The Harder We Fall

by Mina V. Esguerra

  Chapter 16

  Dad filmed his announcement well, because he did work in TV. That was the last thing I needed, and when I slotted it in, my video clocked at 9:51. And it felt complete. Perfect.

  It took a few minutes to upload. I sent the link to Salty, with a message, as soon as I could. And then I changed into comfy shoes and took a leisurely walk around Addison Hill, for the last time.

  The rugby/soccer field was empty.

  The indoor gym was occupied by people playing tennis.

  The weights room was closed.

  Okay, so I wasn’t exactly walking around for leisure. I was looking for someone.

  I considered calling him, or Grayson, more than once, but I figured they’d be busy. They would have been getting news from their people and they’d be in meetings with various other people, trying to figure this all out.

  I wanted to apologize for what I said, and the way I said it, like it was supposed to hurt him. If he did bring out the baggage early on, what was wrong with that? Sure it likely had the consequence of scaring people off, but why use it against him? I’d be a hypocrite. How many times had I attempted relationships with people I liked talking to about movies, TV, random hobbies? Because I wanted the eventual physical relationship to mean something. And then when the sex wasn’t all that? I withdrew and moved on. How was that better?

  My phone started ringing, as I was crossing the street, heading away from Ellerbie-Katz.

  Haha, it was Kyle (shudder).

  “You’ve seen it,” I said, as I picked it up.

  “I can’t believe you sold out like that, DK.”

  “I’m not used to you psyching me out on the phone, Kyle. I want to see what you look like when you do it.”

  “I thought that was beneath you, Daria. You desperate for this gig that much? You’re not even going to be paid for it!”

  “What makes you desperate for it then, Kyle? Just because I want it, it’s worth winning from me?”

  “Don’t be so full of yourself. You’re not going to win with that stunt you pulled.”

  What he meant was that I had indeed pulled an Oprah, and at the end of a nearly ten-minute video feature on the team, its potential, the heart they gave to the game, the achievements of some star players against all odds, I got my dad to announce that his cable channel would be sponsoring the team for a three-year period starting as soon as possible.

  It meant gym time, vehicles, uniforms, coaching staff, the works. And some cable reality show based on them, which was an easy sell as soon as I mentioned the guys who liked to walk around shirtless and muddy. That was sure to raise the profile and recruitment opportunities. Everyone wins.

  Well, not everyone.

  “You don’t think so, Kyle?”

  “You manipulated the story outcome with money. That’s not...ethical and you can’t do it forever. I’m sure you’ll be disqualified.”

  “It’s not disqualification if I quit, Kyle.”

  “You…you quit?”

  “I did. You can have the damn internship if you want it. If you really want it. But I don’t think you’ll win anyway, because I think your video sucks. I haven’t seen it, but this level of desperation is a good indicator of its suckage.”

  “Why did you send it in?”

  “I uploaded it for the rugby team. If Salty shared it to everyone as an entry, then she probably liked it. Even if it’s not in the contest anymore.”

  I thought that Kyle had hung up after that, but I still heard the background noise around him.

  “Well, thanks for calling, Kyle. Now I know why you pulled that ‘let’s be friends before graduation’ crap. Closure does feel good. You and I are cool now.”

  Chapter 17

  A few years ago, the university had given up its “college graduation” for the entire class, and instead poured the funding into smaller department graduations spread out over a week’s time within the campus. The AHU Department of Communication and Media graduation was scheduled for that Saturday, two in the afternoon, at Ellerbie Hall. Of course.

  Mere days ago I was feeling like this day was barreling toward me, but then I let go of that contest, that internship, that thing I had been holding so tightly, and suddenly it was nothing. The day was a slow cruise and a somewhat peaceful close to four years of meticulous planning, hard work, sleeplessness.

  Salty had called the contest participants into her office at ten that morning, but I didn’t go. Didn’t feel I should, despite wanting so much to see Kyle’s face when he lost. Within the hour the announcement came out, a classmate named Yuna had won it. I barely knew her, and didn’t even watch the competing videos anymore, but I was sure she deserved it. Instead I padded around the house, the same one I’d be vacating the next day, and ate leftover pizza. Dad said he’d pick me up fifteen before two, so I had time to be lazy.

  Then there was a cryptic message from Salty: You weren’t here.

  I replied: But I dropped out.

  She replied: See me after the ceremony. They want to talk about a real job for you. I told you your application was excellent.

  The SUV pulled up a few minutes before that, as soon as I had worn my pale yellow graduation dress. I didn’t rush regardless. I was trying to get the black graduation gown on, and wanted to be ready before Esme saw me and offered to help.

  I should have noticed though that the car was parked properly. And though my dad was tall, he didn’t have that same huge presence, when in a small space.

  Dad sent him here. Tears started to come to my eyes, and I turned away. “Is he still showing up then?”

  Nicholas cleaned up so nicely. The hair was different too, a haircut slashed an inch or two off since I last saw him. Which was just a few days ago, no need to be dramatic. But still.

  “He’s meeting us there, with Esme.”

  “Do you...do you want your footage now? I put it in a drive…”

  “Later. Hey.” The living room was tiny, so tiny, and he was on me in like half a second. Hand tentatively touching mine, taking it away from the tabletop I had been fiddling with. “I’m sorry.”

  “You shouldn’t be,” I said. “I know why you want to keep your distance. It’s wrong of my dad to swoop in like that. I know that you want to help your mom.”

  “That’s not it, not the money your dad generously wants to help us with,” Nicholas said. “Can I kiss you?”

  “What?” And then, “Yes.” Because duh.

  I moaned into his lips. I missed them. I thought about them a lot.

  “I need to say something,” Nicholas said. “I want to tell myself that taking the contract so far away was my only option, but your dad’s offer made me admit something to myself.”

  “You don’t have to say it.”

  “I need to.” His hands moved up, and I felt one on my shoulder, the other where my neck met my jaw. “I wanted to go away.”

  “I’m serious, you don’t need to explain this—”

  “I was tired of everything, of being needed so much, and I wanted the solution to be as far away as possible.”

  My hands went around his head, into his hair, and pulled him closer. “That’s not the worst thing in the world.”

  “It’s the worst thing for her.” His mother, he meant, who adored him, and needed more of his time. Right when she felt she was losing time. I knew how conflicted that could make a person, not because I went through the same exact thing, but because I was sure my dad did. Hence all of this, reaching out to Nicholas himself.

  “So this is what I know,” I said, “there will be some things that you need to do for yourself, so you don’t hate yourself, and resent this person you love and are sacrificing things for. And there will be some things you need to do because you’re the only person who can do it, and you have to suck it up. You understand?”

  The way he was holding me was so strange. I would fall if he were to disappear; he was holding us up with his height and weight alone. But the way it felt? Like it was the ot
her way around.

  “I know because I had to decide what to let go of, and what to keep,” I continued.

  “You let go of the internship.” He would have known about this. He would have been in touch with my dad the past few days, if they were discussing the rugby team’s sponsorship needs.

  “It doesn’t matter. The team gets something in return.”

  “But this all meant a lot to you.”

  “Doing something means a lot to me. I still got to do that, because that’s how I am, you know? I should cash in those perks of being related to my dad. And now I have time to travel this summer. I wonder if Japan’s nice this time of year.”

  His eyes lit up. It was Christmas. “It’s going to be beautiful.”

  “I wonder how useful I can be there.”

  “Oh you’re going to have things to do all right.”

  His kiss once again engulfed me before I got to admit that I was being coy. I did look up what Japan weather would be like. I already looked up volunteer opportunities in the country and surrounding ones.

  If he was going to have me in his head as he traveled across the ocean, I might as well actually be there.

  The End

  Acknowledgements

  This was a hop, a skip, a leap way out of my comfort zone, and I have many people to thank:

  Jon Morales, who has been captain of the rugby teams at Boston College High School and Brown University, the Manila Nomads, and has played for the Philippine Volcanoes, the Boston Irish Wolf Hounds, and the Beijing Devils. Evans Atandi, who has played for the Unicorn RFC in Kenya, the Manila Nomads, the Alabang Eagles, and the Philippine Volcanoes.

  They know rugby. Any errors are my own, or tweaks to real life for purposes of fiction.

  Jude Bacalso (lifesaver), Gaz Holgate (helped just by existing, and I hope that doesn’t sound so weird), Kesh Tanglao (those Black Arcs must be a handsome bunch!), Kat Sales (I feel ya, sister), and Chachic Fernandez (for the possibilities).

  Marian Tee, Liliana Rhodes, and everyone in the #flirtsteamyreads group, for making this a lot more fun than it probably should have been.

  Layla Tanjutco and Tania Arpa, the two people you need if you want to do this.

  My husband, alpha male Mike.

  I’ll need you all again though. I’m writing Grayson and Steph’s story soon.

  Mina V. Esguerra

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  About the Author

  Mina V. Esguerra learned everything she needed to know about writing romances from Sweet Dreams novels and the Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series. When not working as a communications consultant, she writes contemporary romance, young adult, and new adult novels. When not working and writing, she’s hanging out with her husband and daughter. Visit her site http://minavesguerra.com.

  Chic Manila series

  My Imaginary Ex | Fairy Tale Fail | No Strings Attached | Love Your Frenemies | That Kind of Guy | Welcome to Envy Park | Wedding Night Stand | Young and Scambitious | Properly Scandalous (Scambitious #2) | Shiny and Shameless (Scambitious #3) | Greedy and Gullible (Scambitious #4)

  Interim Goddess of Love trilogy

  Interim Goddess of Love | Queen of the Clueless | Icon of the Indecisive

  Spotlight series

  Playing Autumn | The Harder We Fall | Never Just Friends

  Anthology contributions

  Say That Things Change (New Adult Quick Reads 1) | Kids These Days: Stories from Luna East Arts Academy Volume 1 | Sola Musica: Love Notes from a Festival

  Twitter, Instagram, Facebook: minavesguerra

  Wattpad: MinaVE

  EXCERPT FROM NEVER JUST FRIENDS

  A Spotlight New Adult romance from Mina V. Esguerra

  She liked air. The very idea of it. Of something ever present, always needed, but virtually invisible.

  Now, one could like something, on a philosophical level, that much, without having to put herself through an environmental science degree, do the internships, move to New York City to take a job as an air quality consultant, but that was Lindsay Kresta. Admittedly she took things too far sometimes.

  So far chasing air hadn’t turned out too badly for her, in any case.

  There was a look on Marnie’s face when Lindsay walked in. Marnie the executive assistant for the four environment consultants of the foundation was usually all business, except when anything worth gossiping about landed right on her desk. From then on it was like dealing with a tea kettle moments before it let out its shrill noisy steam.

  Their eyes met; Lindsay unconsciously touched her forehead to check if dirt got smeared on it from the bus ride. Because sometimes that happened, and of course if it ever did, it would be when she was on her way to a meeting with someone important.

  This was not the reaction Marnie was expecting. “You didn’t check your email on the bus,” she said.

  “You know me,” Lindsay retorted. She didn’t own the fanciest phone model out there, but she wasn’t going to go around using it in public transport. Hello, I’m distracted, mug me now.

  Marnie’s eyes were glittering. “Lucien, Kelly, and Krup confirmed for the ten-thirty at the Waldorf Astoria. But you need to be at the hotel before then to bring the contract over.”

  “The drinks to welcome the new spokesperson, right?” Lindsay was tying her hair into a ponytail as she said this, recreating the calendar entry in her head. “But I didn’t do anything for that at all. Who decided I would be delivering contracts for this?”

  “I did,” Marnie nearly squealed. “The new spokesperson is your Jacob.”

  Lindsay’s heart nearly stopped. “My who?”

  “Your Jacob Berkeley. Your Jacob. He’s at the Waldorf Astoria right now and he’s accepted the spokesperson gig!”

  Your Jacob Berkeley.

  My Jacob Berkeley.

  My Jake.

  Things that were true, and not, at the same time.

  No, it wasn’t Lindsay’s heart that was giving her trouble; it was her entire nervous system. She was going to fall right there on the carpet, in front of Marnie’s heavy oak desk, and get a layer of dust all over herself on top of the bus grime.

  “Did anyone tell me he was even shortlisted? Why are you...why are you getting actors to be spokespersons? I recommended...a whole bunch of people…”

  Lindsay had been asked for her input on this, and she sent what she thought was an awesome list. Kickass people. Knew their environment advocacies inside out. She may be the youngest person on the team but she was also the only air expert, and air was big again. She thought her people would be first on the list.

  “Obviously they went in another direction,” Marnie said, her voice now taking on the frequency of a bird’s chirp. “And thought that they needed to be more mainstream. He’s always been supportive of our projects, but you know that.”

  “I thought they’d get Lorena,” Lindsay was saying, but her mind was somewhere else.

  “Lorena? She can’t speak in public without everything on index cards. Last time she spoke for us I wrote everything with a Sharpie. Every word. It can’t be Lorena.”

  “She successfully launched that project in Bangladesh and—you know how embarrassing this is? I really thought she’d get it. Who nominated Jacob? It can’t have been Lucien.” Lucien Ramirez, director of the Caine Foundation, boss of them all.

  Marnie pushed something into Lindsay’s hand. “Krup did. But does it matter? He said yes, which means we’re going to get the most publicity we’ve ever had in years. Are you still avoiding him?”

  Lindsay looked down and saw an envelope, the nicer kind that Marnie reserved for Important People.

  “Make sure he’s signed the contract before the big guns arrive at ten-thirty,” Marnie told her. “You should have enough time if you leave now.”

  Lindsay’s head was still catching up. “Enough time for what?”

  “Wake up, Lin
dsay! Time for whatever you want to do with the guy. Go away now.”

  ***

  Jacob Berkeley, famous for his critically-acclaimed television show Rage Eternal, last year’s Hottest Male Ever, this year’s 30 Sexiest on TV Under 30, was not hers.

  Jake Berkeley, on the other hand, was a guy she met in college. Eater of her sister’s cookies. Playmate of her nephew and niece. The person she sat beside for three out of the last four Christmas dinners. Semi-annual “All-Clear Happy Hour” drinking buddy. Potential future Amazing Race partner. And, if that didn’t pan out, her zombie apocalypse buddy.

  But he wasn’t her best friend, no. That would be crazy. Calling him that would let them fall into that awful cliché, and list them among the dozens, if not hundreds or thousands, of platonic male-female “best friends” out there who were really just waiting for the other to wake up and smell the love already.

  No they were not that. She was not that.

  Lindsay paused and shook her hair out of the ponytail, catching her reflection on the window of an idling cab. It was July, and she rarely saw him in July, come to think of it. Since they both moved away from Fremont in California, they didn’t see each other in the summer, when her hair was a bit more blond than brown, even when she did nothing new to it. She got the short end of this stick because she got to see him all year round. Got to see him buzzed and sweaty in photos of him working out to get in shape for his show. Got to see him be hot and handsome in the different time periods that his show’s seasons had been set in. (She didn’t watch the show, though, but the promotional photos were used as billboards, and she usually had to walk by one when it was that time of the year.) Got to see him and his perfect black hair, perfectly sculpted stubble, perfect blue eyes taunting her from magazine covers.