Alex

by Monica Robinson

  "Where are you going, baby?” He replaced his arm across her abdomen and tightened his hold around her.

  She glanced down to see him peeking at her through half-lowered lids. Upon seeing the anxious expression in her eyes, he propped himself onto his elbow.

  "What's wrong?"

  Not wanting to frighten him any more than was necessary, she forced a reassuring smile and took his fingers, placing a kiss on the back of his hand before sliding out from under him.

  "Danny saw Uncle Jason leave the house, so I need to get back before he finds out I'm not in bed.” She pointed to his pile of clothes. “Danny's going to sneak you back into the bunkhouse while I go up to my room. So much for our perfect night, huh?"

  Brett started to reach for his clothing, but paused. “Perfect night?"

  Her cheeks burned at the memory of the scandalous acts Brett's mouth had performed on her body. She'd often heard from her girlfriends how their men had done the things he had, but never did she think it would happen to her. Moreover, she never imagined kissing him afterward. Had it been Greg, she would have insisted he clean his mouth first. What was the difference?

  She didn't love Greg. That was the difference. She was hopelessly, completely and madly head-over-heels in love with Brett.

  "Well, it was perfect until this interruption.” She pulled on her shorts and quickly fastened the button. “My intent had been to spend the night with you and wake up with the sun on my face and your arms wrapped around me."

  She pulled the shirt over her head and fluffed her hair before glancing at her arm to see a large black mosquito land on her pale skin. She smacked the insect and grimaced while wiping her hand on her shorts.

  He slipped into his jeans and chuckled. “Instead, you wake up to find me hogging the blankets and mosquitoes using you as an All-You-Can-Eat buffet."

  Alex slipped her feet into her shoes before striding over to where he was standing. She stood on her tiptoes and brushed her lips against his.

  "Not funny.” She glanced at the blankets. “Do you want me to bring these into the house to be washed? I promise not to throw anything red in with them."

  He slipped his arms around her waist and returned the kiss, his hands stroking the gentle curve of her spine.

  The sound of Daniel clearing his throat brought the couple out of their moment and Alex silently cursed her friend's timing. Just a few more moments and she could have ... Could have what? She needed to return to the house before Jason did or else there would be hell to pay. What she wouldn't give to have Brett free. That was just it. She was sure he'd turned down his last chance at freedom until his court appointed release date. If he'd agreed to the terms of his parole, he would have to live in Dallas. She couldn't stand the idea of not being with him for three years.

  "I'll take care of this. You go ahead and get out of here,” he murmured and released her in the direction of the path. “I'll see you in a little while.” He reached down to snatch up his shirt and slipped his muscular arms through the sleeves.

  "Brett?” A smile twinkled in her eyes when he gave her a questioning nod. “I love you."

  In the light of the slowly rising sun, she saw the satisfied glint in his silvery-gray eyes as he buttoned the shirt.

  "I love you too,” he replied and gestured to the path. “You better go. There's no telling where Jason went or when he'll be back."

  He glanced at Daniel and gestured to where Alex was waiting. “You might as well go with her. No sense in you getting in trouble if I'm caught."

  Daniel nodded and slipped over to the entrance of the woods. He flashed Alex a quick smile as they started down the trail.

  "Sorry to interrupt. I know you and Brett don't get much alone time,” he said once they were out of earshot.

  Alex shrugged and glanced up at the clear sky. Not that long ago a comment like his would have embarrassed her, now the remark did little more than make her ears burn.

  "It's okay, Danny. I'm just glad you were awake to see Uncle Jason leave.” Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Why are you awake at this hour, anyway? Brett and I are the ones with kitchen duty, so you have another two and a half hours to sleep."

  "I couldn't sleep. I get insomnia from time to time."

  For some reason, she didn't believe him. The haunting expression had returned to his eyes along with the subdued posture that usually accompanied his thoughts of the accident.

  She suppressed a groan. It was a shame she could read his body language so easily after knowing him for such a short amount of time. Though his crime was severe, it couldn't be natural for him to harbor so much guilt. How could she convince him that he needed to learn to forgive himself? More importantly, was it even her place to try?

  "A nightmare is more like it.” She continued when he frowned, “I can tell by the look in your eyes that's what you're thinking about."

  His scowl deepened and he held aside the branch that would lead them out of the woods. “It's not hard to figure out. I don't think I've stopped thinking about it in the two years since."

  He tossed a glance back to the woods and drew in a long ragged breath. “What am I going to say to them? I could tell them how miserable I've made myself, but they would only consider it justice."

  She pressed her lips together. He was asking for her help, but since she'd never been in his position, she wasn't sure how to reply. She mounted the porch steps and leaned against the railing.

  "How do you know that, Danny? What was your best friend's name?"

  "Allen,” he murmured.

  "And how long were you and Allen friends?"

  "Since the third grade."

  She gestured to him with her palm facing up. “Okay. It should go without saying that his parents have known you for just as long, am I right?” He nodded and her voice softened, “Then deep down, they know the person you are."

  He lowered his head and sucked the back of his teeth. “Would you forgive me for killing your only child?” he asked. “That's what I'm faced with, Alex. In less than a minute, I destroyed their lives."

  Would she forgive him? There wasn't a doubt in her mind she would be furious, perhaps even vowing to hate him forever. As time wore on however, she knew it would be pointless to hold animosity toward someone who genuinely felt remorse. One look into Daniel's eyes was proof of that.

  "There are factors to take into consideration, Danny."

  Daniel lifted a cynical eyebrow before opening the screen door and holding it open for her. “Like what? It's a simple question. If you were in Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln's positions, would you forgive me?"

  She slipped through the door and chewed on her thumbnail.

  "You're being too hard on yourself—"

  Daniel took her arm and turned her around to face him. “Answer the fucking question.” Alex flinched and he lowered his voice to a harsh whisper. “Would you forgive me?"

  "Yes!” she blurted. “I would. You are going to end up killing yourself over this. Yes, what you did was terrible and you deserve to be punished, but God almighty, you sure don't need to put yourself through this hell."

  He released her elbow and ran both hands through his hair before gesturing to the couches. “Why don't we have a seat until it's time for Brett to come in? Please?"

  She stole a quick glimpse at the front door before walking over to the armchair. “I'm sorry, Danny. I shouldn't have snapped like that,” she said once she was sitting with her legs crossed. She folded her hands in her lap and watched as he plunked onto the couch closest to him.

  He shook his head while rubbing his upper lip. “No, you had every right to snap,” he admitted and dropped his hand. “You're right about one thing. I'm putting myself through my own personal hell. I don't mind being in prison. I have every bit of it coming..."

  "But?"

  Judging by the way Daniel was fidgeting in his seat, she wasn't certain she wanted to know what the but was. However, this conversation was long overdue for him and she felt honored that h
e chose her to confide in.

  Daniel murmured something she couldn't quite hear.

  "What?"

  "I said, ‘I'm scared,'” he repeated with a grimace. “All my life, I've never been afraid of anything, not even when the jury handed down the guilty verdict. Now, I can't sleep at night. It's not just facing the Lincolns that has me so wound up. It's other things as well."

  A deep feeling of sympathy swept over her, filling her heart with a dull ache. What was worse, she couldn't show him this. Sympathy was undoubtedly the last thing he wanted and she couldn't blame him. Instead, she drew in a long breath and glanced into the empty kitchen.

  "Why don't I start some coffee?” she offered. “While I'm doing that, you can tell me what's really bothering you."

  He blinked in surprise, but followed her into the kitchen. He turned on the overhead light before plunking into a chair at the table.

  "I'm pretty easy to read, huh?” he muttered. “I guess what scares me most is not knowing what's going to happen. For all practical purposes, I'm going to be at the Bar K for the rest of my life. I'll be close to forty when my sentence is up and though he'd kick my tail if he knew I was worrying about this, I wonder what will happen to Matt and me if anything happens to Jason. This place is our home."

  So that's it. Alex could sympathize with Daniel's concern, but if she had any say in it, nothing would happen to her uncle or his ranch. She placed a clean coffee filter into the basket and twisted her head to look at him.

  "That's one fear you don't need to have. I'm certain Uncle Jason will leave this place to you boys under Charlie's care and if not, my father is his only other living relative besides my sisters and me. I'm not going to let anything happen to this place or to any of you boys, so don't worry about it,” she declared.

  A crooked grin spread over Daniel's face as he absently fiddled with the fringes of the placemat. He lifted his gaze while shaking his head.

  "A week ago, I wasn't sure what to make of you.” He continued with a brighter smile, “Now I don't know what I would do without you here. You've given everyone a new way of looking at things. Even Matt and I don't think he's changed in years."

  Alex sat across from him and stifled a snicker. She wasn't sure how to respond. It was obvious he genuinely meant his compliment, but she doubted she'd had any sway in their lives. If anything, she'd complicated things. Steven lost his parole because of her, Matt had risked going back to LA for his part in the fight involving Greg, and then there was her uncle. Jason had risked everything by lying to the DOC.

  "I don't know if that's a good thing, Danny. I've complicated your lives more than anything.” She eyed the placemat beneath her fingers. “I was actually a bit concerned you all wouldn't want me back."

  Why she was confessing this, she didn't know. It made her feel better to admit to her own fears and she hoped the same was true for Daniel.

  He knitted his eyebrows together in a frown. “Now that's just silly talk,” he stated. “I know why you think that, but it's not true. Every one of us is responsible for his or her actions."

  Alex hesitated. Of course, Daniel was right, but that wasn't the point. None of this would have happened had she not come to the ranch.

  "Yes, but none of you would have needed to make those choices had I not put you in that situation. Do you see what I mean?” She hoped he did. She rose and strode over to the coffeemaker.

  "Do you want to know what I think?"

  Alex twisted her head to see him crossing over to where she was pouring two mugs of coffee.

  "I think you're accustomed to taking the blame for things that go wrong, even if you had nothing to do with it. There are two instances you need to concern yourself with. Dislocating Brett's knee and trying to drown Sinclair in the pigs’ trough."

  Despite her desire to remain serious, she couldn't resist smiling. Both issues had been successfully resolved, though she still felt a bit guilty for having hurt Brett in the first place. She handed him one of the mugs and leaned her rear against the counter behind her.

  "It appears you and I have quite a bit in common.” The sound of the screen door opening filtered into the kitchen and she winked. “We both tend to harbor more guilt than we should."

  A blush seeped into Daniel's cheeks. He peeked at Jason entering the kitchen before returning his attention to Alex. “I reckon we do. You won't tell Jason about my fear, will you?"

  She shook her head and made an X over her chest. She beamed a smile for her uncle before leaning toward Daniel. “Don't worry, Danny. I won't let anything happen to you or anyone else on this ranch."

  * * * *

  "I don't know if I can do this.” Daniel cast a nervous glance out the kitchen window before turning his attention to Alex. “What if I forget everything I want to say? Worse, what if they tell me to go to hell? Can't you sit in here with me?"

  A pang squeezed Alex's heart at his request. The day of the Lincolns’ visit had arrived and though she wished she could stay to help ease his apprehension, she knew he had to do this alone. Of course, this wasn't to say she wouldn't remain nearby just in case the meeting didn't go as planned.

  "You'll do fine, Danny. All you have to do is apologize and tell them what you've been doing to yourself for the last two years. The State of Texas has already punished you for your crime. It's time you stopped punishing yourself as well.” When he didn't appear convinced, she gestured to the seat across from her. “Sit. They won't be here for another few minutes, so use this time to take a deep breath and gather your thoughts."

  "Easier said than done.” He sat at the table nevertheless and stared at his hands clasped in front of him. “I suppose I should be grateful they're willing to speak with me. I'm not sure my other friends’ families would have given me the same chance."

  Alex reached across the table to pat his hand. “Danny, stop. You don't know that for sure. Let's concentrate on this meeting for now and once it's over, we'll see how it goes for the others. Okay?"

  One look at his slumped posture and downcast eyes told her that it wasn't okay, but she supposed she couldn't blame him. Wouldn't she feel the same fear and remorse if she were in his position? She would. More than that, she probably would have chickened out at the last minute. Not Danny. Despite his obvious panic, he was still willing to face the Lincolns and she found that remarkable.

  "You know,” Alex commented while pushing herself to her feet, “I'm proud of you. What you're about to do is very brave."

  Daniel let out a huff she was sure was supposed to be a laugh. “I certainly don't feel brave. I'm shaking like a leaf.” As if to prove his point, he raised his trembling hand. “See what I mean?"

  Alex walked to the refrigerator and opened the door. After rummaging through the contents, she removed two cans of soda and returned to the table. She placed one of the cans in front of him before plopping back into her seat.

  "Just because you're nervous doesn't mean you're not brave. I know I couldn't do what you're about to do. I would have called the meeting off and asked if we could have the conversation over the phone.” She popped the tab and took a long sip. “You're willing to take the risk and I'm sure they realize it."

  Daniel raked a hand through his hair and released a shaky breath. After contemplating the soda can in front of him, he opened it and lifted it to his lips.

  "I hope so.” After taking a sip, he set the can down and managed a lopsided grin. “You're wrong about one thing, though."

  Alex lifted an eyebrow. “Oh?"

  He nodded. “I think if you were in my position, you would do the same thing. I mean, you stood up to your old man and challenged the DOC without batting an eye. That takes guts."

  She hadn't thought of her actions as brave. Stupid came to mind, as did reckless, but not brave. She ran her finger around the rim of the can and peeked at him through her lashes.

  "Thanks, Danny, but if I'd stayed out of trouble then I wouldn't have had to do that."

  "If I'd called a cab
the night of the accident I wouldn't be sitting here right now."

  Touché. He was right of course, but there was no sense in playing what if. She opened her mouth to ask if he knew what he was going to say when the sound of gravel crunching under tires drifted in through the window.

  Daniel glanced at the window and rose. “Guess it's time to own up.” He walked across the kitchen and dumped the remainder of his soda into the sink. “Thanks for listening, Alex. I appreciate it."

  Alex stood and cleared the small lump of emotion from her throat. Not that long ago, she was sure the boys were praying she'd be sent away and now Daniel was thanking her. What could she say to this? A mere “thank you” wasn't enough and yet she was at a loss. Instead of saying anything, she strode over to where Daniel was standing and wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight embrace.

  "Brett will be coming in soon to start dinner, so if you need us, we'll be in the living room."

  Daniel stiffened at first, but relented into the hug. “Does that mean I can call you guys if things don't go well?"

  Alex withdrew and giggled. “You better. You all are my boys. I'm the only one who can make you miserable. Well, with the exception of Uncle Jason, of course.” She winked. “Tell them what's in your heart. If you need us, we'll be here."

  "I know you are.” Daniel straightened his back and returned her wink. “Here goes nothing."

  Alex followed him into the living room and took a seat on the sofa, making sure she had a clear view of both the front door and the kitchen. She picked up a magazine and pretended to thumb through it, her gaze gravitating toward the entryway when she heard Daniel opening the door.

  "Michael, Brenda, hi."

  The only hint to his nervousness was the slight waver in his voice, making Alex grimace. You can do this, Danny. You have to. Through the corners of her eyes, she watched Daniel push open the screen door to allow them to enter.

  "Please come in."

  "Thank you, Daniel,” Michael Lincoln replied and gestured for his wife to enter first. “After you, dear."