Mending Scars

by Nikki Narvaez

  Kaiya nodded in understanding. “Whatever you choose to do, I’ll support you.”

  Smiling, I leaned down to kiss her. “Thank you.”

  A cold breeze blew past us, and Kaiya’s skin raised with goose bumps as she shivered. “Let’s go back inside. Warm you back up,” I said, backing her toward the open sliding door.

  Once we were back in bed, I pulled Kaiya into me, bringing her leg over mine and leaving little space between our bodies. I lowered my head to her chest before kissing her scar, just like I did every night. I never wanted to forget its importance or what it signified. I never wanted to take for granted the gift I’d been given. “I love you, Warrior,” I whispered against the marred, yet still beautiful skin.

  She brought my face up to hers and brushed her lips over mine. “I love you, too.”

  Kaiya snuggled into me, laying her head on the inside of my bicep and keeping her leg draped over mine. She fell back asleep almost instantly, but thoughts of the shooting and Ethan kept me awake. My mind wouldn’t turn off.

  I closed my eyes, and lay my head against Kaiya’s, trying to shut my brain down. I focused on the sound of her breathing next to me, the smell of her hair, and the feel of her body tangled up with mine, blocking out everything else.

  I felt my body relax and my eyes become heavier. Kaiya was my drug, giving me exactly what I needed when I needed it. Sleep finally found me, pulling me under its dark veil.

  A couple weeks had passed before I received another text from an unknown number. I had just arrived at work when my phone buzzed in my purse—I hadn’t even had the chance to take it out yet.

  Unknown: I’m coming for you

  The familiar feeling of fear lacing my veins rushed over me.

  Was this text from the same person as last time? Who is it? What should I do?

  All the questions ran through my head and combined with my fear and anxiety, making me nauseous. I sped out of my office to the bathroom down the hall, hoping I would make it in time before I threw up.

  Bursting through the door of the women’s restroom, I darted into the nearest stall and proceeded to vomit my breakfast into the toilet.

  Gross. I hate throwing up.

  I rinsed my mouth out and splashed some water on my face. Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I thought of Kaleb. I felt sick again as my heart pounded, my anxiety increasing the longer he lingered in my mind.

  Closing my eyes, I took a few deep breaths to dispel the queasiness assaulting my stomach and calm my nerves.

  Kaleb’s gone. Those texts are just some prank. You’re safe.

  When I composed myself, I headed back to my office. I grabbed some gum from my purse so I wouldn’t be stuck with vomit breath for the rest of the day.

  As I sat in my office chair, my hands trembled slightly. I clenched them tightly to stop the shaking, but my nerves were shot. There was no denying that I was starting to get scared. I grabbed my phone and forwarded the text to Nori.

  Me: FWD: I’m coming for you

  Me: Got this a few minutes ago

  A few seconds later, she messaged me back.

  Nori: WTF Who do you think it’s from?

  I bit my bottom lip and typed my response.

  Me: Idk do you think I should tell Ryker?

  Nori: I would do you think it’s your mom?

  I furrowed my brow.

  Could it be her? Would she really sink this low?

  I hoped the answer was no—that deep down, my mom still loved me, even if it was just a tiny bit.

  I was so excited. I’d just gotten my grade for a huge science project that took me weeks to work on, and I couldn’t wait to show Mom and Dad.

  At dinner that night, I waited until everyone had plated their food before I brought it up. “You know that project I’ve been working on? For my biology class?”“

  What about it, sweetheart?” Dad responded as he picked at his food. He always seemed to be somewhere else, not really with us.

  A smile spread over my face as I excitedly replied, “Well, we got our grades, and I got an A! I was so—”

  “That’s nice, Kaiya,” Mom interrupted. Her tone was dismissive and uninterested. “How was your day, Kaleb?” She asked brightly, turning her attention to him.

  My head hung as I focused on my plate, trying not to cry. Mom never cared about me. She was only concerned about Kaleb and Kamden.

  I always tried to sit between Kamden and Dad so I wouldn’t have to be near Kaleb. Kamden nudged me and leaned in closer, giving me a beaming grin. “Proud of you, sorella. Great job.”

  A small smile tugged at my lips.

  At least someone cares.

  Kamden asked me more questions about my day, and I ignored Kaleb and Mom for the rest of dinner.

  Maybe she never loved me—she never seemed to care. I sighed and focused back on my phone, dispelling the memory of my mom to type my reply.

  Me: Idk maybe

  My head hurt thinking about the whole situation. I put my phone down on my desk and pinched the bridge of my nose.

  Who would want to do this to me?

  I thought about my mom again. We’d never been close, but I was still her daughter. Plus, she didn’t have my number, and I knew Kam wouldn’t give it to her, so it wasn’t likely that it was her.

  But then who could it be?

  I had a presentation to finish for a new client that afternoon, so I blocked out everything else to focus on it. I had way too much to do that day to spend time worrying about something I had no control over.

  Ryker will know what to do… I hope.

  Therapy with Kam was not what I wanted to do after the day I’d had. My head had been throbbing since the morning, and it was hard to concentrate on anything other than that stupid text message.

  We had just sat down on the couch in Dr. Lowell’s office when she opened with her usual question. “How have you been feeling?”

  Kamden sighed and rubbed his hands together. “This week’s been hard.”

  “And why is that?” she asked.

  He didn’t answer for several seconds. “My mom’s been calling and leaving me harassing messages.”

  My head jerked toward him. “What?” I questioned angrily, my voice shrill. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t want you to worry. You worry about me enough as it is.”

  My head throbbed more from what Kamden had just told me.

  Maybe my mom is sending those texts—trying to harass both of us for what happened with Kaleb.

  Dr. Lowell interrupted my thoughts when she asked Kamden, “How do you feel about that?”

  Kamden balled his fists. “Upset. Angry. Guilty.”

  “Don’t listen to Mom’s bullshit, Kam. She doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about. You have no reason to feel guilty.” I blurted out, pissed off about the whole situation.

  I am so done with this day.

  Kamden didn’t reply. He just sat there silently, staring at floor and wringing his hands together.

  “Tell me about your mother,” Dr. Lowell said, breaking the silence.

  Is she fucking serious? This day keeps getting worse and worse.

  Kamden’s jaw clenched and his hands stilled. I didn’t think he was going to speak, but he swallowed deeply, then answered, “My mom has always been different. Definitely not your loving, affectionate type of mom. Well, except with Kaleb. She treated him differently than me and Kaiya.” I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. Listening to Kamden talk about my mom and Kaleb made my stomach turn—they both had made my life a living hell.

  “He’d always been her favorite. Kaleb could do no wrong in her eyes. After I’d stopped Kaleb from… from raping Kaiya, she’d been angry with me for hurting him. She didn’t even care about what he’d done to Kaiya, or that he’d been abusing her for years. Hell, she even blamed Kaiya for Kaleb’s actions.”

  My face burned with anger and hurt. Tears blurred my vision as I looked down at m
y joined hands. I hated being reminded about my past, about everything I had to endure my whole life.

  Dr. Lowell quickly scribbled on her paper. “Why do you think she was like that?”

  I had to give Kamden credit—if she was asking me all those questions, I would’ve lost my shit or completely shut down by now.

  Kamden shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m starting to believe that she might have some type of mental illness like Kaleb—it’s the only explanation I can think of to justify her actions. What kind of mother would she be otherwise?”

  I’d never considered that before, but I wouldn’t know what normal was even if it smacked me in the face. Mental illness sometimes ran in families, so it could be possible that my mom had some type of condition similar to Kaleb.

  I could see her having some type of personality disorder, or a combination of different disorders. It wouldn’t surprise me. My mother acted bat shit crazy sometimes.

  “Kaiya!” my mother yelled from downstairs.

  Shit.

  Kamden and Kaleb were both at football practice, and I was upstairs doing homework. I stood from my desk and headed out my bedroom door. “What?” I called out as I trudged down the stairs.

  She didn’t answer, and when I reached the bottom of the stairs, I didn’t see her in the living room. “Mom?”

  Still no response, so I headed into the kitchen. She was standing in front of the counter, and the overhead cabinet above her was open. As I approached her, I could see her tightly gripping the edge of the counter. “You called me, Mom?”

  Her head jerked toward me. “Yes, come take a look at this, Kaiya,” she gritted through clenched teeth.

  I hesitantly inched toward her, unsure what she was angry about. She grabbed my arm and roughly pulled me next to her in front of the open cabinet. “You put the plates up wrong!”

  I looked up at the cabinet—everything looked fine. I’d made sure to neatly stack the plates and keep them from touching the other glasses and dinnerware.

  “You don’t even see your mistake, do you?” she scoffed in irritation. She squeezed my arm tighter.

  “No, I thought that’s how they’re supposed to be.” I replied, trying, but failing to keep my voice steady.

  She flung my arm away from her in disgust. “You put the salad plates where the dinner plates go. Dinner plates go on the bottom shelf and salad plates go directly above them on the middle shelf.”

  “I’m sorry. I’ll fix th—”

  “Don’t bother,” she spat. “I’ll do it since you couldn’t do it right the first time.”

  She turned away, dismissing me as she set to work, fixing my mistake. I forced back the tears as I walked back to the stairs and up to my room.

  “How do you feel about that, Kaiya?” Dr. Lowell’s voice broke through my stumble down memory lane.

  “About what?” I replied, avoiding her gaze.

  I really don’t want to talk about this.

  “How your mother treated you.” She quickly jotted down something on her pad.

  I sat back on the couch and crossed my arms over my chest. “She was a bitch.” I shrugged. “Still is. If her and my dad had been better parents, things might have been different… better.”

  Dr. Lowell wrote something else before looking up at me. “Could you elaborate on that?”

  Glancing uneasily at Kamden, I rubbed my sweaty palms against my pants. He gave me a small, yet reassuring smile.

  You’re doing this for him—to help him heal. Suck it up.

  I took a deep breath, but my lungs felt constricted. I blew it out shakily. “Yeah, um, maybe my twin wouldn’t have molested me for most of my life. He might have gotten the help he needed, and none of this would’ve happened. He wouldn’t be dead right now. Kamden and I wouldn’t be sitting here dealing with this bullshit, and I wouldn’t be a fucked up mess.”

  I hadn’t noticed I had balled my fists until my palms hurt from my nails digging into them. When I loosened my grip, my hands trembled and my head pulsed again. I felt like the room was closing in on me.

  Shit, don’t panic. Calm down. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

  I shut my eyes as a wave of nausea washed over me.

  Don’t throw up, don’t throw up.

  Kamden grabbed my hand. His tone was laced with worry as he questioned, “Ky, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

  I gripped his hand back as I took several slow breaths to quell my anxiety. My voice cracked as I spoke, “I’m fine.”

  That was reassuring.

  When I opened my eyes, his stormy blue ones scanned over my face with concern. “Are you sure?”

  My eyes stung as I battled the tears that wanted to form. I wanted to tell Kamden about the texts, tell him that I hated this and make him take me away from here and never bring me back. But I didn’t. Instead, I lied, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  Kamden looked unconvinced, but he didn’t press me further. Dr. Lowell didn’t either. Maybe she knew I wasn’t going to talk anymore. And I didn’t—I stayed silent for the rest of the therapy session, fighting an impending breakdown.

  I knew something was wrong with Kaiya as soon as she walked into the studio. Her body was tense and her face wasn’t lit up by that beautiful smile like when she normally saw me.

  She forced a smile when our eyes met, but I knew my Warrior—something was off. I walked toward her, and we met in the middle of the room. “What’s wrong?”

  She didn’t answer. Instead, she dropped her bag and fell into me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pressing her head against my chest. Her hands gripped the back of my muscle shirt as she hugged me tightly.

  I cupped her face in my hands and forced her to look up at me. “Baby, what’s wrong? What happened?”

  Her eyes were puffy and red—she’d been crying. Anger and worry built up inside me, and I wanted to punch something, preferably whoever was the cause.

  “I had a bad day.” Her voice was strained, like she wanted to cry again, but was holding back.

  I stroked her cheeks. “Tell me what happened.”

  Kaiya sighed and proceeded to tell me about therapy with Kamden and the text she’d gotten. My anger amped up at the thought of someone threatening her, especially when there was nothing I could do about it. “Let me see your phone,” I seethed, clenching my fists as I tried to remain calm.

  Kaiya pulled back to dig through her purse before taking out her phone. After she handed it to me, I clicked the text icon and pulled up the messages from the unknown number.

  After reading the messages several times, I gave Kaiya back her cell.

  “What should we do?” she asked.

  Blowing out a breath of frustration, I roughly ran a hand through my hair.

  Fuck.

  I didn’t know what to do, and Kaiya needed me.

  Some fucking boyfriend you are.

  When I didn’t answer, she continued, “What about the police?”

  I scoffed. “They probably wouldn’t give us the time of day.”

  Her voice took on a higher, anxious pitch. “Well, what are we going to do, Ryker?”

  Shit.

  She sounded so vulnerable and afraid, like when she used to talk about Kaleb. I never wanted her to feel like that again—I was supposed to make her feel safe, protect her. And I was failing.

  I pulled her into me and kissed the top of her head. My breath rustled her hair as I spoke. “We’ll figure something out. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

  She buried her face in my chest and let out a heavy sigh. Then, the door opened, causing Kaiya to lift her head and turn to look at it.

  Some of the students walked in, and Kaiya stepped away from me. She gave me a small smile and hefted her bag over her shoulder before walking toward her usual punching bag.

  Once class started, I couldn’t get my mind off the texts. Thoughts were running through my head non-stop as I watched Kaiya hit the bag.

  Who is it? What do they want? What should I do?


  I walked around the room, monitoring the students as I tried to think of a solution for our problem. The police would probably be a dead end—they’d make us fill out a police report that would get forgotten at the bottom of a stack of other reports.

  Maybe Kaiya can call her cell phone carrier and see if they can trace the number. That’s probably the best option we have right now.

  Kaiya seemed to feel better after hitting the bag—her body wasn’t as tense and some of the worry lining her face was gone. But once we moved on to the self-defense part of class, I saw it come back when I announced what we would be working on.

  “Today, we’ll be practicing techniques to get out of a choke that comes from behind. This is a very common M.O. for rapists and muggers.”

  Kaiya still wasn’t comfortable when we did choke maneuvers, but I was concerned that whoever was texting her would come after her at some point. She needed to be prepared in case I wasn’t around.

  After demonstrating the first technique with Mark and David, I met Kaiya at our usual spot. “I know you hate chokes, but I want you to be ready for any situation, especially since someone is threatening you.”

  “I know. Let’s get this over with.” She exhaled heavily.

  “Come behind me.” When I felt her at my back, I continued, “Now, put your dominant arm around my neck and squeeze my throat with your bicep. Use your other hand to secure the choke by grasping right below your wrist.”

  I squatted some so she could reach my neck. When she had the choke in place, I instructed, “When put in this position, the escape is actually pretty simple. First, you’re going to move your inside leg around and behind your attacker like this.” Kaiya had me in the hold with her right arm, so I moved my left leg around her right one, shifting my body to face her as I planted my foot behind her. My dick pressed against her hips. I had to shake the dirty thoughts that formed in my head so I could concentrate on the move.

  Focus. She’s yours—you can have her later.