Mending Scars

by Nikki Narvaez

  I wasn’t upset over Molly and Ethan anymore, but what they did had left a mark on me, a scar I would never forget. But now that I was going to be a dad and start a family of my own with Kaiya, I was starting to see that there were more important things than holding grudges.

  Ethan had also been in and out of my mind all morning. Seeing Kamden trying to make an effort to rebuild his relationship with Kaiya made me think more about doing the same. Ethan was my blood, and I didn’t think my parents would want us to be the way we were.

  I still had his number in my phone; I could never bring myself to delete it. I’d told myself it was so I would know not to answer his calls or texts, but I think deep down, I didn’t want to completely let him go.

  I scrolled through my contacts until I came to Ethan’s. I pressed the text message icon, and began typing my message to him.

  Me: You free for lunch today? Wanted to talk

  I set my phone on my desk and looked over my client invoices for the month. A few minutes later, my phone buzzed, and I was surprised by how nervous I was. I hadn’t spoken to my brother since before the shooting, and the times before that weren’t on the best of terms.

  Grabbing my phone, I clicked on the text icon and pulled up Ethan’s message.

  Ethan: R u serious or is this a joke?

  The corner of my lip curved up. I couldn’t blame him for not trusting me, especially with how hostile I’d been every time he’d tried to contact me.

  Me: I’m serious do u want to meet up or not?

  Ethan: When and where?

  I told Ethan to meet me at one o’clock at a deli not too far from the gym. Once sending the text, my nerves skyrocketed. The meeting could either completely destroy what little remained of our relationship or get us on the path to mending it. I tried to tell myself that I didn’t care either way, but deep down, I was hoping we could make amends.

  I was a few minutes early, but Ethan was already seated at a table. When he saw me, he stiffly waved his hand and gave me a tight-lipped smile.

  I walked toward him, disliking the unease settling in my gut. I was starting to second-guess my decision.

  Why am I doing this? What are we going to talk about? How can I ever trust him again?

  When I reached the table, I sat down.

  “Hey,” Ethan nervously greeted.

  This is awkward already.

  “Hey.”

  Ethan anxiously tapped his finger on the table. “So, how have you been?”

  “Fine,” I clipped. I wasn’t ready to share personal details about my life just yet—baby steps. “How about you?”

  “Good. Everything’s good. Tristan is getting big.” He smiled broadly.

  Thinking about Tristan used to piss me off so much. He used to remind me of what I had lost and the betrayal committed against me by my own brother. It still irked me a little, only because there was still animosity between Ethan and me, but I didn’t have anything against the kid.

  I visualized having my own son, and a small grin tipped my lips. “That’s good.”

  Ethan leaned back in his seat and scanned over my face. “Why did you invite me here, Ryker?”

  The million dollar question. I cleared my throat. “A lot has happened since I last saw you, and they’ve made me realize some things.” I paused and rubbed my hands together. “Life is-”

  A tiny brunette interrupted me. “Hi, my name is Brooke, and I’ll be your waitress today. Can I get you something to drink?”

  After she left to get our drinks, Ethan’s eyes met mine. “You were saying?”

  I sighed. “Life’s too short to hold grudges and take things for granted. You’re my only brother, and I wanted to try and make amends. Mom and Dad would’ve wanted that.”

  We silently stared at one another until our waitress came back with our drinks. “Are you ready to order?”

  “We need a few minutes,” Ethan responded without breaking eye contact. Brooke said something I didn’t make out and walked away, leaving us alone again.

  After a minute or so, Ethan smiled. “I’d like that. Believe it or not, I miss your arrogant ass.”

  I snorted as our waitress came back up to our table. She raised her eyebrows at us. “Ready?”

  We scanned the lunch specials, and settled on sandwiches. When she walked away, Ethan asked, “Does this change of heart have anything to do with the woman you were with when I came to the gym?”

  I smiled as I thought about Kaiya. “Yeah. She’s made a big difference in my life.”

  “Tell me about her,” Ethan urged.

  I took a drink of my water. “Kaiya is… something else.” I chuckled. “I’ve never met anyone like her. She’s shown me what real love is.”

  “Sounds pretty serious.” Ethan raised his eyebrows.

  “Yeah, we are. We just found out she’s pregnant.” The grin on my face spread wider.

  “That’s great! Having a child is one of the most fulfilling things you’ll ever experience. Tristan is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  As if realizing he said something wrong, Ethan’s smile fell. “Look, I’m really sorry about what I did to you. Neither one of us planned to. We just fell in love. I don’t regret it, but I do regret hurting you in the process.”

  A year ago, what Ethan had just said would’ve sent me into a furious rage. What they did had disrespected my relationship with my brother. It still annoyed me, but didn’t piss me off like it used to. “I know. Let’s just try to move on—put the past behind us.”

  Ethan nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

  Once our food came, we started talking about our lives—work, daily life, likes and dislikes, basically trying to get reacquainted. So much had changed since college.

  While we waited for our tab, Ethan suggested, “Maybe we should all go out to dinner—me, you, Molly, Kaiya, and Tristan. Get to know each other better.”

  I was not ready for that. Reconciling with Ethan was one thing, but Molly was a different story. “I’m not sure about that just yet. Let me think about it.”

  “Too much, too fast, huh? I understand. Let me know when you’re ready.”

  I nodded. “This was good. Maybe we can do it again next week—start off with that.”

  Ethan stuck his hand out across the table. “Deal.”

  I looked at it hesitantly before grabbing his hand with my own. “Deal.”

  Ethan shook my hand firmly and smiled. He reminded me so much of my mom with his green eyes and light brown hair.

  Maybe this’ll work out.

  Our waitress came with our tab, and I took my wallet from my back pocket. Ethan protested as he placed his card on the table. “Let me.”

  “It’s cool. I got it.” I slipped a ten on the on the receipt for my part of the lunch. I wasn’t ready to take anything from him.

  Ethan chuckled and shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

  We made plans to get together for lunch the following week—same time, same place. As I drove back to work, I felt like some weight had been lifted off me from trying to work things out with Ethan. I just hoped that he didn’t end up screwing me over again.

  The day following our appointment, Ryker texted me questions he wanted me to ask my doctor about attending class. He’d read some of the packets Dr. Wallace had given us before going to work and had thought of a few questions when he got to the section on exercise. The fact that he took the time to read any of it warmed my heart—I didn’t think most guys would even bother.

  I’d found out that I could continue kickboxing until I was about seven or eight months along, but I wouldn’t be able to keep doing the self-defense techniques the same. I wasn’t allowed to throw anyone or be thrown, spar, or take any type of hits to the stomach whatsoever.

  I wasn’t surprised when Dr. Wallace informed me of my limitations. I’d already assumed that I would just have to watch class if I wanted to continue learning the various self-defense maneuvers before she confirmed it.

  I
was disappointed, especially since I was still receiving the harassing texts from the blocked number. I wanted to keep practicing, but I knew I had to think about the health of my baby first.

  When I walked into the studio, Ryker smiled broadly as he strode toward me. “I have some good news.”

  “Oh yeah? What?” I replied, tiptoeing up to kiss him.

  He rubbed his hands up and down my sides. “I did some research and found some self-defense maneuvers you can do.”

  A hopeful grin teased my lips. “Really?” My voice brightened from the dull tone I’d had after talking to my doctor.

  “Yeah.” He nodded. “The techniques come from jujitsu martial arts. They’re referred to as small circle hapkido techniques.”

  My eyebrows furrowed. “What makes the moves different from the ones you usually teach in class?”

  Ryker gripped my hands in his and held them in between us. “Small circle hapkido focuses primarily on wrist and hand locks and maneuvers, which disable your attacker with just simple, fluid movements focusing on various pressure points in the hands and wrist.”

  He took my right hand in both of his and massaged it. “There are so many vulnerable spots that take just a little force to cause substantial pain.” He squeezed the area between my thumb and index finger, right next to the base of my thumb. “Like here. It was interesting to read about.”

  I was still skeptical. “Hmm, are you sure? I don’t want anything happening to the baby.”

  The corner of his lip curved up in a small smirk. “I called your doctor and described the techniques. She said they were fine.”

  I quirked my eyebrow up in surprise. “You called Dr. Wallace?”

  He nodded. “I didn’t want to do anything that would endanger you or the baby.”

  My heart melted. “That was sweet of you, baby. Thank you.”

  Ryker reached out his hand and placed it on my stomach. “Anything for you, Warrior.”

  I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him. His hands traveled around my sides to my back, pulling me against him. I broke the kiss and smiled. “I love you.”

  He brushed his fingertips down my cheek. “I love you, too.”

  The other instructors walked in, so I went to my bag and put my gear on as Ryker approached them to discuss the class.

  Once we finished working on the bags, Ryker gathered us on the mats. “Today, we’re going to start a series of self-defense techniques that are different from what we normally practice, but just as effective, if not more.”

  He motioned for Mark to come to him and grabbed his hand. “We’re going to focus on maneuvers that concentrate on the hands and wrists to disable your attacker.” He gripped two of Mark’s fingers and pushed them back, causing Mark to wince in pain and squirm in discomfort. “As you can see, I’m putting very little effort into causing Mark pain already.”

  Ryker twisted Mark’s hand while keeping his fingers bent back. Mark fell to his knees and tapped out almost instantly. Ryker let go and addressed the class. “Simple, but extremely effective. Even those that don’t know any punches, kicks, or other self-defense maneuvers could still defend themselves using these techniques.”

  “Looks easy—too easy,” one of the students voiced.

  Ryker smirked. “Looks can be deceiving. Let me show you the first technique before you make your mind up.”

  After Ryker demonstrated, he came over and stuck his arm out. “Grab my wrist.”

  I gripped his thick wrist like he instructed. “Most of the small circle techniques defend against some type of grab.” Using his other hand, he reached over and grabbed my hand, right at the base of my fingers. “So if someone grabs your wrist, there are various ways to get out of it without exerting too much force.”

  He squeezed and started prying my hand off his wrist. “Secure your hand over the top of theirs and apply pressure. Then, pull their hand off and turn it as you bring it up to your chest. Their palm should face away from you.” The side of my hand was twisted uncomfortably as Ryker held it against his collarbone. “From here, bring your other hand up and grasp the inside of their elbow.” He pressed his fingers against my inner elbow and pulled it back. “Then, apply pressure while pulling and pushing down on the joint.”

  Ryker had forced me to bend over to compensate for the pain and unnatural position he’d put me in. “Once you have them in this position, you can easily snap their arm, get some kicks to their stomach or groin, or even some knees to the face.”

  He loosened his grip but held onto my arm. Moving his hands up my forearm to my elbow, he started massaging the strained joint. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m good.” I pulled my arm away and started bending and moving my elbow to get rid of the remaining tension. “My turn?”

  One side of Ryker’s mouth lifted. “Yeah, Warrior.” He grabbed my slender wrist with one of his large, inked hands. “Go ahead.”

  The move was pretty simple to execute, so I didn’t need much guidance from Ryker. Like some of the other students, I was skeptical about how easy the small circle techniques seemed and wondered if the moves were as effective as Ryker said.

  But as soon as I brought Ryker’s hand up to my chest and saw his face straining from the pain, my doubts faded. While the move was uncomfortable for me, it didn’t hurt too much because I was flexible. However, Ryker, and most men for that matter, weren’t typically limber. At all.

  Ryker tapped out as soon once I started pulling back on his elbow. I let him go and giggled. “I can’t believe it’s that easy.”

  Ryker rotated his shoulder and bent his elbow several times. “I told you. Simple, but effective.”

  “But what if the person tries to hit you while you’re attempting the move?”

  Ryker stepped toward me. “That’s a good question. With any technique that I teach you, there’s always that possibility. You have to stay aware of what your attacker is doing and counter if needed. How an attack will progress can’t be predicted, and that’s why I teach so many different maneuvers so that you’re as prepared as possible for whatever is thrown at you.”

  I nodded. “That makes sense. It sucks not knowing what they’re going to do, though.”

  “I know, baby. What’s good is that most attackers aren’t trained like you are, so you have that advantage. Plus, when someone is in pain, that’s typically all they focus on. They don’t even think about anything else like fighting back. All that’s on their mind is how to stop the pain.”

  Ryker had me practice a few more times and threw in some punches for me to block as I tried to execute the move. While it was more difficult, I instinctively reacted and countered. The move took longer, but I was still able to complete it.

  Once class ended, many of the students gave Ryker a lot of positive feedback on the new technique. They were excited to learn more, which thrilled him. He’d been worried about how small circle hapkido would be received by the class.

  As we walked into the parking lot, my phone started ringing. I grabbed it out of my purse and automatically answered it without looking at the screen. “Hello?”

  There was no response, so I repeated myself. “Hello?”

  Heavy breathing sounded through the phone. My stomach tightened as I pulled the phone away and looked at the caller ID on my screen. It was an unknown number.

  I immediately hung up and shoved my phone back into my purse.

  “Who was it?” Ryker asked as we reached my car.

  I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. “Wrong number.”

  “Weird.” He leaned in to kiss me. “I’ll see you at home.”

  I hugged him tightly for a few seconds after our kiss before letting go. “Okay.”

  “Drive safe.” He smiled as he backed away in the direction his truck.

  I quickly opened the door and got in the car. My hands trembled as I locked the doors and fumbled to get the keys in the ignition.

  I dropped my keys on the floorboard. “Shit.”

 
Breathe, Kaiya. Calm down.

  I rested my head against the steering wheel and took deep breaths before reaching down for my keys. My hands were still shaking as I put the key in and started the engine.

  I told myself that everything would be fine, but I knew better. Things were always too good to be true, and I wondered when this would come crashing down on me, just like everything else always did.

  Kamden bounced his leg anxiously as we sat waiting for Dr. Lowell to come in for his weekly session. He was opening up more during therapy, which seemed to be helping with his drinking since he wasn’t looking for a way out anymore. He was facing his issues and not trying to wash them away with alcohol.

  Even though Kamden had been sober for about two weeks, he was more irritable than ever. He was strung so tight that I was afraid he would snap at any moment, but thankfully he hadn’t yet. I hoped that it would start becoming easier for him soon so that he could stop his self-loathing and finally start healing. I could only imagine what he was going through.

  Once Dr. Lowell came in and got settled, she opened with her standard greeting of asking us how we were doing. Kamden drummed his thumbs against his knees as he answered, “Still sober—going on two weeks now.”

  “That’s great, Kamden.” Dr. Lowell replied proudly. “How do you feel about that?”

  Kamden looked down at the floor and rubbed his palms together. “I want to drink so bad. I want to get rid of this guilt eating at me; take away the pain. I’ve come so close to giving in.”

  Dr. Lowell scribbled on her notepad. “What’s stopped you?”

  Kamden sat up and fixed his gaze on the window. “I deserve it—the pain, the guilt. I deserve to feel every bit of it, not be a coward and hide from it.”

  His words stung my heart—I hated that he felt that way. He didn’t deserve any of what he was experiencing, especially when it was because he had been protecting me.

  Dr. Lowell set her pen down. “I know it’s hard right now, and things will probably get worse before they get better. But, they will get better. Time heals all wounds.”