Center of Gravity

by K. K. Allen

  Something about Lex’s style made her stand out from the other dancers. She had a brilliance to her movements and transitions that she probably didn’t even understand in her young career. The way she was able to move from hard and athletic to heartfelt and lyrical made every move—even the moments when she was standing still—mean something.

  Every move mattered. Every emotion on her face felt authentic, to the point it reached me deep in my bones. When she danced it was as if she were speaking directly to me. It’d been a long time since watching someone dance made me feel that way, as if my heart were moments away from being yanked from my chest.

  When the song ended and her head began to swivel in my direction, I stepped away from the door so she couldn’t see me. I couldn’t let her catch me spying on her like some creep.

  Kinda like the way she spied on me in the theater.

  Yeah, well. I guess we’re even now.

  CHAPTER 16

  Lex

  My heart lurched when I saw a figure cross the window. It was probably Fred making one of his rounds. He was one of the reasons I felt safe here instead of back at my apartment. I had grabbed the first studio I saw, and since I didn’t have Winter’s set-list music, I used my own playlist of singer-songwriter tunes to freestyle to.

  As the music played on, I found myself moving more lyrically than what my body was used to lately. Hip-hop was so hard-hitting at times. While I still felt every hit and roll, there was something about slowing it down and stretching my limbs into arabesques and relevés and inverted turns that helped me connect with whatever darkness still swarmed inside me.

  I could let it all go through dance. At least I would try.

  Lex, Seventeen Years Old

  Shane and I arrived together to the party on the lake. The sun had dipped below the horizon, and a beautiful purplish-orange glow lit up the sky. We’d marveled at it, taking our time to join the growing crowd that began filling the porch and yard of my longtime crush’s house.

  Justin Windsor, the boy with the shaggy chocolate hair and easy smile, hadn’t so much as borrowed a pencil from me since the sixth grade. He was the first boy to make my heart beat fast, even when he hadn’t noticed me. But something had changed recently. Flirtation rippled between us in the halls between classes, and at lunch one day, he finally asked me out.

  We’d shared our first kiss—my first kiss—the weekend before. I couldn’t even remember the plot of the action movie we’d been watching when his arm slipped over my shoulders and he practically burned a hole through the side of my head. Exactly one hundred heartbeats later, I drummed up the nerve to look back.

  “You’re so beautiful.”

  I watched his lips move while my chest felt as if it would explode. He leaned in—pausing an inch from my lips, as if in warning—then kissed me. And he kept kissing me until the credits rolled and the theater lights flicked on. My heart never left my throat.

  I never fit in with a specific crowd in high school. It was always Shane and me and whoever we chose to surround ourselves with. We didn’t believe in cliques or popularity. We were smart enough to understand that high school politics was bullshit, and all that mattered was where we went once we graduated.

  But that night at the lake, staring at Justin’s sky after Shane snuck off to mingle with the crowd, I became a version of myself that shouldn’t have ever existed. I wanted to be one of them. To feel as though I belonged somewhere. To be accepted. So when Justin appeared beside me, with the red cup in his hands and that easy smile that swept my heart away, I accepted the drink and took my first swig.

  It was cold and bitter going down my throat. I hated the taste, and if it weren’t for the dimply boy beside me, I would have spit it all over the dock. But as we fell into awkward conversation, I found myself using the drink as a crutch to ease my nerves. It seemed to work. My head felt light, conversation flowed naturally, and when he kissed me again, I kissed him back with confidence I had lacked the week before.

  I didn’t remember how we ended up on the bed in his parents’ boat or how my clothes wound up on the floor. But when I started to sober and my eyes opened to the moonlight that poured in through the skylight, my lungs burned with fear.

  Then I felt his hands. They were exploring my body as if I were his playground. Gripping me, stroking me, he acted as though he had all the time in the world. I moved my arms to stop him, but he batted them away. I turned my body to roll from under him instead. He smashed his chest down on mine to stop me.

  “Shh,” he kept whispering. I didn’t know why. No one was there. Every cry and every scream that tore from my throat was drowned by the sound of water rocking beneath the vessel.

  A tear slipped from my eye.

  He hadn’t entered me yet, but I felt him, bare and hard, as his erection dug into my stomach. My wrists were pinned to the bed with his hands and my thighs wedged wide with his knees. Then he started his descent from my neck to my breast, dropping sloppy kisses on the way. He bit down hard, and my eyes squeezed shut at the pain.

  I continued to fight back, my head still fogged with a drunkenness I would always regret. But I was pinned there, my struggle useless beneath his strength, so I howled.

  Shane had been searching for me for a long time before his six foot two inch frame came crashing through the bedroom door. He’d seen my shoes on the dock and put two and two together. It didn’t matter if I’d made a choice to be with Justin that night. Shane knew I’d been drinking, and that was enough for him to put a stop to whatever was going on.

  But when he entered that room and heard my cries then saw Justin’s naked body on top of mine, he lost it. Shane flew to the bed and ripped Justin from me, pinning him to the wall and holding him there as I scrambled to gather my clothes.

  Just before we left, Shane drew back his fist and slammed it into Justin’s cheek, knocking him out cold.

  As “New Balance” by Jhene Aiko played on, I gave myself over to the intimate lyrics. The song was chilling yet soothing against a backdrop of light instrumentals, a combination that worked well since I was spilling my emotions all over the dance floor.

  It had been awhile since I’d moved like that. Freely, unchained from someone else’s choreography and rules. Dance was my light in a world that held so much darkness. It was the only way I knew to combat the memories of Justin and that night on his boat.

  I didn’t dance to dwell in it. Instead, I lit up the floor with hope.

  CHAPTER 17

  Lex

  It was well past two in the morning when I stepped out from the studio, flicking the light off behind me. I crept down the hall, finding the silence deafening after hours of blasting the stereo. Dancing had always been the best form of therapy for my body, for my mind. It was exactly what I’d needed tonight.

  Pulling my duffel over my shoulder, I pushed my way through the staff doors and walked across it to another room equipped with a full bathroom and bed. Reggie had made the mistake of mentioning it to me the other day, and I was about to take full advantage of that knowledge. Fred would kick me out of the community area with the couches before I shut my eyes, so I didn’t even attempt to go there. And the thought of spending another dime for a ride service to take me home didn’t sit well with me.

  After brushing my hair and putting on cotton shorts and a tank, I set my alarm and slipped between the sheets of the large cot tucked away in the corner of the room. My salvation.

  Just as exhaustion began to take hold of me, the door to the staff room creaked open and yanked me out of it. As I heard the faint sounds of footsteps padding toward me, I looked around the small space, frantically searching for an escape. There weren’t any windows—just a bathroom and a cot. I groaned inwardly as I assessed my situation. The countdown clock ticked loudly in my head, taunting me.

  Tick-tock.

  The footsteps stopped outside the private room, and the handle began to move.

  Time’s up.

  The door opened, and my eye
s flew wide as the staff room light spilled over the figure. Fiery eyes stared back at me as his face contorted into confusion then anger. Oddly enough, relief snaked through my veins. It was just Theo.

  He swung the door open then switched the overhead light on. I gasped and sat up, bringing the top sheet with me.

  “What the fuck?” Theo was standing in the doorway, sweating from head to toe as if he’d just finished dancing. My mind reeled, thinking back to when I’d arrived at the center earlier. I was the only one here. None of the other studios’ lights had been on.

  He must have come in after me. My heart sped up as I remembered the shadow that crossed by the door’s window.

  Was he watching me?

  “Jesus,” I said, clutching the fabric to my tank. “You scared the crap out of me.”

  Theo squinted as he gripped the door. “You aren’t staff. You aren’t allowed back here.”

  Is this guy for real? I rolled my eyes and lay back down on the bed. “Try to kick me out. I’ve had a late night. I need to get some sleep.”

  His jaw dropped. “That’s my bed.”

  “Pretty sure it’s the staff’s bed.”

  “And once again. You. Are. Not. Staff.” He stalked over and ripped the top sheet from my body. “Get out.”

  “No.” I pulled the sheet back.

  “Yes.” He tugged on the sheet again, forcing it out of my hold. “What the hell, Lex? Are you trying to get on my last fucking nerve?”

  I let out an amused laugh, my energy depleted from dealing with Theo’s demands over the last few weeks. “Nope. But I don’t really care if I do.”

  He growled and shook his head before walking into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him. When the shower started, my heart began to pound. He wasn’t going anywhere. The defiant voice in my head huffed and stomped her foot. And neither was I. No way was I going to let him shoo me away. Theo would have to find another bed.

  I shifted, wrapping my arms around the pillow and trying to get comfortable. It was useless. Of course, I couldn’t sleep now. Not with Theo’s naked body showering in the next room.

  When the water shut off and I knew Theo would reappear at any moment, I forced my eyes shut to make him think I was sleeping. Maybe then he’d finally leave me alone.

  My thoughts were loud. My heart crashing against my chest was louder. But when a movement rocked and dipped the bed near my feet then worked its way up behind me, I knew Theo wasn’t backing down.

  I was frozen as I felt his warm body pressing against me from behind. The weirdest sensation snaked through me, as though I wanted him there when I should be terrified.

  “Comfy?” Theo asked, amusement percolating his tone.

  My body burned hot with anger, rage filling my veins and tensing my muscles. I flew out of the bed then tripped at the edge and tumbled onto my ass, my palms pressed to the linoleum floor to steady me.

  I looked up. My blood boiled. He had the widest grin plastered on his face. And then he laughed. What in the world? Did Theo Noska just smile and laugh? I thought I might faint.

  “What’s wrong, Lex? I thought you weren’t moving from this bed.”

  I sat up straight, dusting my hands together and narrowing my eyes at him. Without windows, the room’s only light came from the bathroom.

  “Yeah, that was before you crawled into bed with me and infested the sheets, thank you very much.”

  “You do have a brave mouth lately. You’ll want to be careful with that thing. Wouldn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea.”

  I fumed and blew a piece of hair from my face. “I think it’s pretty clear how I feel about you. I can’t believe you just kicked me out of a bed when I was asleep.”

  “You were not asleep.” His grin spread.

  Ugh. Why did he have to be so adorable?

  “Well, I was getting there.”

  “Go home. You do have a home, don’t you?”

  It wasn’t a serious question, but it gave me pause. I let out a breath, debating how much to tell him. “Yes. I have a home, it’s just—being fumigated right now. I can’t go back until I get the all clear.” I swallowed my lie. It tasted awful going down.

  He seemed to think about that for a minute. “Okay, then a hotel. There are tons nearby.”

  If he expected me to walk to downtown LA in the middle of the night to find the nearest hotel only to have to haul myself back here Monday morning, he was out of his goddamn mind.

  “We just started getting paid. I can’t—” I stopped the truth from falling out of my mouth. The fact that money was a problem was not something I could tell Theo. It was none of his business.

  “Then that boyfriend of yours. What was his name again?”

  It took me a second to understand who he was referring to. “Shane?” He thinks Shane is my boyfriend?

  Theo shrugged, clearly trying to play off his question with nonchalance.

  I bit back a smile. “He left town for a gig.” I paused and assessed him. His eyes were on me, listening, studying. I would have loved to know what was going on within that beautiful brain of his.

  I released a heavy sigh and decided to tell Theo the truth. “Shane and I have been living off our savings for the last four months. We prepaid for rent and dance classes for a year. Remaining funds aren’t that great. Let’s just say this job came at the perfect time. Anyway”—I shook my head, knowing I was drifting off topic—“I can’t go back there tonight.”

  “Shit,” he muttered. He sat up, and I had to suck in a breath. The comforter fell away, revealing his shirtless upper half. My body grew warm as he ran his fingers through his hair, his head down, his muscles flexing. He looked up, catching my stare. “C’mere.” He patted the spot beside him, but I didn’t move.

  Panic shot through my veins. “No.” I scrambled from the floor to stand and search for my things.

  “Why?” He asked as I flew around the room, his eyes tracking me.

  “Because,” I exclaimed, stopping to stare at him. “Do I really need to explain?”

  He nodded slowly. “I’m intrigued by your reasoning.”

  I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Because it’s weird. We don’t even know each other. And if someone were to walk in here, I’d be fired instantly.”

  “So then lock the door.” He said it so casually, as if he didn’t even have to think about it.

  “No. I’ll go.” I reached for my duffel and slipped on a pair of flip-flops I’d brought. My throat was thick with emotion as I considered my options.

  Theo flew from the bed before I could open the door. He slammed his hand against it and locked it. “Stay.” His breath hit my neck.

  I should have crawled into my dark hole as I’d done so many times, especially when I felt trapped in any way. But all I could think about was the scent of fresh mint, as if he’d just brushed his teeth, and the heat that radiated from his body like a furnace. I couldn’t help thinking about how perfect it would feel to lie beside him, considering I was always cold at night. I stacked pillows over my legs for extra warmth, but I wouldn’t need them with Theo.

  Oh my God. What am I thinking?

  “No one will come in here, Lex. If they try the door, they’ll walk away. I’ve done this plenty of times to know for sure. Just stay.”

  His words hit me like a dart in the chest. I swiveled to face him, my eyes locking on his. I didn’t want to be one of his “plenty of times,” even if he was just talking about sleeping.

  His eyes moved back and forth between mine, then he gave me one of his half smiles. “That’s not what I meant.” Of course he could read my mind. “I just meant that I’ve slept here plenty of times, enough that it’s expected, and the staff here know not to bother me. Okay?”

  My shoulders relaxed, and I looked away. His eyes were too intense. The heat coming from his body was even more so. Theo and I hated each other for the most part. Sure, maybe there was a smidge more respect after our conversation earlier today—er, yesterday—but th
is wasn’t the next step in whatever partnership we’d agreed to. What he’d proposed was ridiculous.

  “Stay,” he said again, this time releasing his hands from the door in a gesture that let me know it was my choice. Something thick made its way up my throat. He was letting me decide to stay or go, but he wanted me to stay.

  “We’re just two dancers who need a place to crash. We’ll share a bed. We’ll sleep. And you have my word that I won’t try to grope you or anything … jerk-like.” There was that smile again.

  My heart leapt as I focused on his words. His honesty. I didn’t want to turn him down. I wouldn’t.

  So I went to the bathroom, turned off the light, then stepped over to the bed and slipped off my flip-flops. When I lay down and put my head on the pillow, I closed my eyes, anticipating the darkness. Theo was too close to me. I could feel heat radiating from his body. But surprisingly, the darkness never came.

  Theo shifted, as if trying to adjust his body and not violate mine in any way. It warmed my insides more than I liked to admit. “Tell me if this is too weird.” He moved closer, pressing his front to my back. My heart shot into my throat and my lids squeezed together as I focused on steadying my breaths.

  I knew my voice would fail me, so I remained silent.

  Everything was still for a few minutes, and I thought maybe I could get used to Theo cupping my body with his, his hand crushed awkwardly between us. But then he groaned and moved his arm around me, his fingers lingering just inches from my belly.

  “How about this? Still okay?” His words were a gruff whisper on my back, wrapping me in chills. “I’m kind of a big guy to share this little cot.”

  Something about his tone lit my core on fire. “It’s fine.” My voice was strained. I shifted, aiming for comfort, but when I accidentally rubbed my ass against him, my entire body cringed.

  He let out a grunt and pressed his hand against my stomach. “Don’t do that,” he warned. “Don’t move. Not unless you want me to break my promise.”