Crossroads: An Anthology

by LaShaun, Elizabeth

  The argument had started because Brenda had taken their newborn son, Demetrius, to see her husband’s mother for the first time. It was also the first time she’d met her mother-in-law. Dirk hadn’t had contact with his mother for years and he remained tight-lipped about the cause. In fact, Brenda had to do a great deal of detective work on her own to even find the woman. Eventually, it was Helga, the Swan’s long-time housekeeper who had aided in the search. She always had a special relationship with Dirk’s mother and had secretly stayed in contact with her over the years. Although her mother-in-law was overjoyed to meet her new grandchild and daughter-in-law, she refused to shed any light on the non-existent relationship with her Dirk.

  When she arrived at the woman’s home, she couldn’t understand why her husband’s mother lived in a slum, apparently abandoned and forgotten. Frustrated, Brenda finally pressed her husband for answers instead. To her shock and dismay, the man she’d barely heard raise his voice the entire time they’d been together suddenly flew into a rage. He’d even gone as far as to raise his hand to slap her; something she thought she’d escaped by not dating any more men from where she was from. No matter how she yelled, begged or tried to reason with him, he told her nothing. That part of his life remained a mystery and reality began to heavily outweigh the fantasy that had seized her heart, once upon a time. It only added to her suspicions that he was keeping more dark secrets that she was doubtful she could stomach. It hurt that she had willingly, deeply wounded her own family for the sake of the dream she had been living. She loved her husband because he was nothing like any other man she had ever met but she wondered if that was enough to justify their hasty marriage. On top of everything else, she’d brought a child into the world and unfairly doomed him to be caught in the middle of it all. It wasn’t a situation that she could easily walk away from. She had become a caged songbird.

  ***

  That’s exactly where Brenda’s head was as she slowly sipped the last of the hot chocolate in her mug at the Morning Perk. Before she knew it, tears wet her lush eyelashes and streamed down her soft cheeks. She covered her face and became lost behind the darkness of her own hands. By the time she’d composed herself, Nash was sitting at her table with a friendly offering of a fresh cup of hot chocolate.

  “I like my hot chocolate with whipped cream,” she sniffled and tried to smile.

  “Sorry,” he answered, playfully apologetic.

  “I’m just kidding. Thanks,” she answered. He winked at her to let her know that she was welcome.

  To Brenda, Nash wasn’t particularly handsome. In fact, she found him quite plain except for the light in his eyes and the warmth in his smile. It complemented his dark brown skin which seemed so strange to her because she’d grown accustomed to only paying attention to the pale, distinguished charm of her husband’s face.

  “I know it’s none of my business but, you wanna talk about whatever’s got you all upset?” he asked.

  “No,” she answered dryly. Mentally, she reminded herself that she was a married woman and no longer an adventurous college student.

  “Ok, since you don’t want to talk, how about I talk until I make you smile?” he asked.

  “Fine, suit yourself,” she answered. “But, you look like the sort of man who has things to do. Shouldn’t you be on your way to work or something?”

  “Not today. It’s my day off. I’m just here out of habit. Well, habit plus the fact that I would probably burn my kitchen down if I tried to make my own breakfast,” he told her.

  For almost three hours they sat in the diner and spoke about nothing and everything. Brenda was pleasantly surprised by how charming Nash was. He never seemed to flirt. If he did, it was very subtle and easily interpreted as him just being friendly. She found his mellow vibe hypnotic. As he spoke to her, the world around them fell away and she felt as if they were alone, even in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the busy diner. She found herself glued in place because without being forceful or aggressive, his presence was just that strong. Subconsciously, she covered her wedding band with her right hand. That’s when a dangerous thought crept into her mind. Somehow, without the flash or the money, Nash was beginning to have just as strong an impact on her as Dirk had when she first met him, on the morning of her first job interview. She began to wonder if she really had been blinded by the glamour and the glitz. Brenda contemplated what would have happened if she’d met Nash first and gotten lost in the honesty of his dark brown eyes, instead of being dazzled by the brilliance of Dirk’s bright blue gaze. In her mind, her family as well as society would certainly have been more accepting of a union with a man that looked more like her. All of these notions plagued her as they continued their conversation and Nash continued to make her feel like the only girl in the world.

  “Are you going to be alright?” Nash asked kindly. It appeared as if their conversation was finally coming to its end. He seemed content to know that her tears had stopped flowing. He had even gotten her to laugh heartily a few times during their chat. There was one problem. Brenda wasn’t ready for things to end just yet.

  “I guess so,” she answered at first. “No,” she answered right after. An idle mind is just as dangerous as a confused one and at that moment, Brenda couldn’t have been more confused. A reckless spirit replaced all caution and every single warning in her heart.

  Nash remained silent at first. He had managed to calm the storm inside him as he counseled and consoled her, innocently enough. He admitted to himself that her obvious vulnerability had drawn him to her but in her moment of weakness it felt unfair to try to seduce her. However, he recognized that something else began to burn underneath her skin and there was nothing vulnerable about it. He couldn’t lie to himself or pretend that he hadn’t desired her. She was an absolutely gorgeous woman. Even as charming and smooth as he was, it wasn’t often that a woman like Brenda paid him much attention.

  “What do you…?” he started to say before she cut him off.

  “Let’s leave,” she answered quickly. She called for the bill and paid it, even after he tried again and again to take care of it.

  “You can pay for the room,” she told him which finally shut him up.

  Nash swallowed hard at her bold suggestion. Without further protest or even another word, he walked out of the Morning Perk, right behind her.

  PART 6 ½ : The Room

  Brenda and Nash’s awkward shame lessened the further they walked down the fancy hotel’s lobby, away from the desk clerk’s judgmental eyes. Even though it wasn’t nearly a tawdry, motel of ill repute, their intentions were the same and the clerk knew it. The way he sneered at them as he exchanged the room keycard for the cash made them both feel filthy. Brenda had almost changed her mind while Nash was filling out the paperwork.

  When the elevator opened in the lobby, Brenda and Nash stepped inside like strangers. They both behaved suspiciously, as if the whole world was the audience for the sin they were about to commit. She still couldn’t believe what she was doing and Nash couldn’t believe that she was about to do it. He had been with his share of good-looking women but none of them were quite like Brenda. None of them had been as refined. None of them had ever felt this much like forbidden fruit. Just being near her was intoxicating and Nash was still taken by the realization that she was about to let him drink his fill of her. He knew that what they were about to do was wrong on every level. He just couldn’t stop himself because it wasn’t every day that a man had the opportunity to touch what he wanted instead of what he had been forced to settle for. She was exactly his type, which was a very dangerous thing. A man could easily lose his soul in such an entanglement and Nash was very aware of the risk to his own sanity. He decided to enjoy everything they were about to do while keeping his own desires under control. He refused to poison himself with the notion that she would ever be his and his alone.

  While Nash hardened his heart and focused on cold sexuality, Brenda’s heart beat frantically, supercharged with
trepidation. She was about to do the wildest, most reckless thing she’d ever done. Brenda hoped that by doing this thing that she had set her mind to, she might re-establish a sense of reality in her life. She would open her legs and by doing so, have the fairytale destroyed. After holding back the waves for so long, she wanted to let the sea reclaim the castle made of sand that she’d been living in. She believed that she was doing what was necessary to wake up from the dream.

  By the time Nash hung the do-not-disturb sign on the knob and locked the door behind them, Brenda was already partially nude. Her full breasts swayed beautifully as she bent over and slipped out of her jeans. Not even once did she look up at him as she slid her panties off, first past her round hips and then finally past her ankles. She didn’t have to. She could feel his eyes on her soft flesh. She climbed on the bed and slowly spread her legs, seductively. Her clean-shaven lips glistened with anticipation. Again, Nash was awestruck by how beautiful she was. He half-expected to wake up.

  Nash got to his knees in front of Brenda but she closed her thighs and picked his head up. She wasn’t in the mood for any of that. She wasn’t interested in romance, affection or any of the pleasantries that of foreplay. What she wanted was raw, animalistic and very basic. She was determined not to turn their encounter into anything more than what it was supposed to be.

  The way the soft flesh of Brenda’s thighs rubbed against Nash’s sides was blissful to him as he moved powerfully between them. She raised her legs up off of the mattress and wrapped them around his waist. The initial sensation of penetration was amazingly overwhelming for him. She moaned deeply which let him know that it had been for her too. He quickly found himself drenched, and sliding into her smoothly with every push; at first with just a part of him until he was able to work in everything. Still, the sexual excitement he felt was limited to just that and that alone. Although her body was warm, wet and tight, there was an unseen barrier between them. Her body moved as if she welcomed him but, he could feel that she purposely held back and refused to give him everything. As much as he liked her, he was disappointed. She’d allowed him to walk into her garden but he knew that she had not allowed him to pick any flowers.

  Every time Brenda felt Nash deep inside her, she knew that she was wrong but things had gone too far to turn back. The entire time she never let him move her into any other position besides the missionary they had started off in. They never kissed and she didn’t let him know what it was like to have her soft, delicate hands lovingly caress his rigid, tensing and flexing flesh. Oddly enough, she did keep her eyes fixed on his face the entire time. She feared that if she ever closed them then it would make everything seem less real. As her body rocked on the hotel mattress from the force of his movement, she accomplished what she wanted. Her fairytale was definitely over. Her life was on a different road now and she knew it as soon as they had finished.

  PART 7: Unlikely Accomplice

  Just as Brenda had instructed, Nash showed up at the address she had given him, at exactly the time she had told him to be there. He paid the cabbie his fare and stepped out onto the cracked, weathered concrete. He wondered why she had wanted to meet him in such a grimy part of the city as he stared at the shabby brown house. It was hard to imagine that the decaying dwelling had ever been brand new. The rusty black gate screeched horribly as he pushed it open. He walked up the crumbling brick stairs and banged as politely as he could on the heavy, metal front door. Judging by the condition of the doorbell, he was certain that it didn’t work. To his surprise, a middle-aged Caucasian woman with the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen answered the door.

  “Good afternoon. I’m Emily. You must be Nash,” she greeted him, reaching out and touching him on the shoulder.

  “Hello, I’m supposed to meet Brenda here,” he stuttered nervously. He was totally confused and had no idea what to expect.

  “Yes, my daughter-in-law is inside waiting for you,” Emily told him.

  If she hadn’t kept her hand firmly on his shoulder, he would have taken a step back. Instead he found himself being led politely inside the run-down brown house. He wondered why Brenda would have him meet her at her husband’s mother’s house and how long it would be before the goons threw a black hood over his head. Now he knew how a rat felt right before the metal bar on the trap smashed its neck. When Emily closed the front door behind them, he knew it was too late to turn back. All Nash could do was take a deep breath and let whatever was going to be, just be.

  “Relax. I can see the worry on your face. Brenda has already told me the whole sordid story,” Emily explained, taking him by the hand. She walked him down a narrow, cramped hallway with old, wooden doors on either side of it. Nash assumed that they must have been closets and the entrances to other rooms.

  “But you’re her husband’s mother,” Nash started to say.

  “I know what you’re going to say. This is true but Brenda has always been kinder to me than my own child. He and I have not been on good terms for a very long time,” she told him. There was something about her voice that made Nash believe her. There was something overwhelmingly convincing about those deep blue eyes, almost as if they were incapable of lying.

  The long, narrow hallway came to its end at the beginning of a dimly lit living room. The only light came from a lamp in the far corner of the room but even in the gloom, Nash recognized Brenda as she sat on Emily’s sofa with her legs crossed. Behind her, the heavy curtains on the large windows were drawn tight, blocking out the bright afternoon sun.

  “I’ll leave you two to speak while I go get something for everyone to drink from the kitchen,” Emily said as she left them alone. She patted Nash reassuringly on his back before she walked out.

  “Hello Nash,” Brenda greeted him.

  “Well, this is the last place I’d expect you to have me meet you,” Nash answered.

  “That’s good. I’m hoping that my husband is thinking the same way,” she answered.

  “How can you be sure that you can trust your husband’s mother?” he asked although he assumed that she must have had her reasons. He just wanted to know what they were to put his own mind at ease.

  “Trust me, I’m sure,” she answered.

  “Are the boys here? Can I see Douglas?” he asked.

  “Yes, he’s in the backyard playing with Demetrius,” she answered and pointed to the windows behind the couch she was sitting on.

  Nash hurried to the window and opened the curtains, just enough to see outside. His heart soared as he watched his child, laughing and playing. As always, Nash’s happiness was also accompanied by a crippling sadness. He could only watch his own flesh and blood from the shadows like a ghost. All the same, given the circumstances, he supposed that he should be grateful for even this.

  “Thank you,” he told Brenda.

  “You’re welcome,” she answered. “It’s too risky to do this too often, especially the way things are now but, I’ll arrange it for you as often as I can.”

  Nash watched Douglas and was afraid to blink, almost as if he’d miss something important if he did. He tried his hardest to commit every precious moment to memory because there was no telling when he would be afforded this opportunity again. He understood the stakes of the game he and Brenda were playing. He also felt selfish and guilty because if what Brenda had told him about Dirk’s threat was true, he was also putting the child he cherished in grave danger.

  “Why are you doing this, even after your husband’s warning?” Nash asked.

  “Because fuck him! He’s cruel and it’s not his right to say I can’t. I was wrong for doing what I did and then keeping the truth from him but I’m not about to be punished for the rest of my life for it,” she answered with such conviction that Nash had heard all the explanation he needed from her.

  At that moment, Emily appeared with a pitcher of homemade lemonade on a tray with three glasses with ice in them. She set the tray on the coffee table and poured Nash a glass of lemonade first. She walked
over to the window and handed it to him with a smile. She was sure that he had no desire to move from that window until the time for him to leave had come.

  “Thank you,” Nash told her. Emily winked.

  “You’re welcome,” she answered before she went back to the couch and sat down beside Brenda. She poured a glass of lemonade for herself and then one for her daughter-in-law.

  “Thanks,” said Brenda.

  Emily nodded to let her know that it was fine. After a few healthy gulps, Emily reached into her glass for an ice-cube and crunched it to pieces in her mouth. Then, she took a neon-pink lighter from her jeans pocket as she took a cigarette from the red pack that sat on the coffee table. She offered Nash a smoke but he politely declined. She didn’t bother to ask Brenda because she already knew that her daughter-in-law had conquered her nicotine addiction years before, while she had been pregnant with her oldest, Demetrius. When Emily had finished her cigarette, she addressed both of her guests.

  “I hope the two of you know that I’m not exactly an eager participant in your little web of espionage. To be honest, I feel terrible about having anything to do with this. No matter how badly my son treats me, he’s still my son. As much as he ignores and mistreats me, Dirk is still my child. Somewhere, deep in my foolish heart, I’ve always held onto the hope that some day, things could be right between us. If he ever found out about my part in this, all hopes of ever fixing things with him would be gone,” she told them and put her hand to her chest, covering her aching heart.