by Mj Fields
She practically pushed me out the door, “I’ll pick you up for work?”
She shook her head no and I nodded yes, “Okay, yes. Please. Go Cyrus, you’ll be late.”
I get in the car and turn it on and Siren by Pearl Jam plays. I needed to get the hell away.
~
I walked into Forever Steel and the waiting area was packed, we hadn’t even talked about what we were looking for yet. Zandor saw me and motioned me back.
“Where the hell did we advertise?”
“The Inked Boys, some facebook page Kat drools over,” Zandor laughed.
“Help wanted on a fan page?”
“Worked man, some of these people are fucking talented as hell.” Zandor grabbed a notebook and shoved it at me, “Try to look a little more like an ‘I give a shit business owner’ and less like a love sick puppy dog man.”
“Fuck off, Zandor.”
“What? You’re running away from home bro, that shit’s not normal for you over a piece of ass.”
Zandor was right, so much talent. We went at it for four hours. Each person drew us a picture of something that inspired them and each showed some ink. Yeah lots of tits tonight and not one of them was half as appealing to me as Birdie’s.
We were cleaning up when a blond bombshell ran up to the desk carrying her heels, “Sorry I’m late, the directions killed me.”
She smiled brightly at Kat, “Come back tomorrow.”
“I have an internship interview tomorrow can’t y’all just fit me in? I promise I’m worth a little bit of trouble.”
“I bet she is,” Zandor nudged me and I rolled my eyes.
“What’s your name kitten?” Zandor walked up to her.
“My name is Bekah, Bekah George.”
“Well beautiful Bekah George, please tell me where that sexy little drawl stems from,” Zandor was blatantly looking her up and down.
“Why Gainesville, North Carolina sugar,” she winked.
“I’ll give you a minute, I may even give you an hour after if you’re up to it,” Zandor kissed her hand.
Watching Zandor interview her was like watching porn, and she was no different, they word fucked each other.
“She’s in,” Zandor said as she walked out and then turned back and blew him a kiss.
“Z she’s not all that great.”
“Did you see the tits on her Cyrus? And the ass? Fuck-- I could sink it in that thing. If I close my eyes tight and concentrate real hard I can see and hear my balls smacking that full round ass. She’ll learn, she’ll learn a hell of a lot more than she would ever imagine.”
“Sexual harassment man, can’t chance it Z.”
“Total separate entity Cyrus. This place is untouchable. Trust me-- I went through the training…twice. Forever Steel is my playground always has been. I’m gonna fuck the shit out of that sassy little southern bell. I’m gonna tame her Cyrus.”
“Sure, fine, whatever. That’s your shit Z.”
“Then you stay the hell out of the room at the end of the hall when you get to my place in Italy.”
Zandor laughed and we walked out the door.
When I pulled out of my driveway the next morning I got a text. She was gonna run. She would text me that she was there safely.
The day was a blur. Travel documents, meetings scheduled, making sure George had everything he needed. Making sure George took care of everything I needed him too. I wasn’t leaving her hanging. But I couldn’t fuck her up any more than I already had.
I pulled into Fit Forever just in time to see she and Carly walking out of the gym. I slowed down and waited to see if she noticed me and she didn’t but I was damn sure she was thinking about me cause I sat and watched as Carly’s arms surrounded her and Birdie’s fucking knees buckled, she was shaking, crying and I was pretty sure I knew why. This is exactly why I needed to step the fuck off. She was a damn good girl, and deserved more than I could ever offer.
I turned around and headed to the shop.
We got through another three hours of interviews and sat at the table going through the pile of candidates. I didn’t want to give a shit but this place, this place would take nothing but the best, it deserved it.
Rico and Kat would alternate weekends off which pleased them both. They had been getting a weekend a month off and either a Saturday or Sunday unless they asked otherwise. We chose three college kids that had a shit load of talent to work a couple nights and every weekend. All four of us decided we needed one more full time employee for our busiest days Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I pushed for this dude named Toad and Zandor was hell bent on that curvy Blonde southern chick.
“Bro-- Daisy Duke has no experience, Toad was a walking advertisement for this place. The fact that most of his ink was done by himself shows mad skill.”
“Bekah could draw, she’d be amazing.”
“Yeah maybe with a few years of experience Zandor.”
“She has to start somewhere. I will personally…”
“I bet you will,” I couldn’t help but laugh and so did Rico, Kat—not so much.
“Compromise: she can man the desk nights, when we aren’t busy she can shadow. We give her easy shit.”
“So two more full time positions? Are you out of your mind?”
“No, not at all. It was five of us plus Kat and Rico for the first two years of Forever Steel. People are booking months in advance waiting for us to have free time…”
“For us Z, waiting for us,” I reminded him.
“Not true, Rico your big tat’s clients who request you, how far ahead are you booking?”
“Six months, we just can’t keep up Cyrus and we try, real fucking hard,” Rico rubbed his spiky brown curls, “I can’t even get a damn hair cut dude.”
“Cyrus, we show our clients we trust the new hires, it’ll be no different. We’ll be pulling more profit. These two have been real loyal they deserve more…”
“Kat you gonna be nice, maybe learn to smile,” I snapped a bit and didn’t really mean to.
“Are you?” she snapped back.
“Alright children, corners. Give Rico, Kat, and I the time to do this Cyrus. You’re heading out anyway.”
“Fine, you deal with Momma. I’m going home.”
I walked out and across the road, I stood on the beach and watched the sunset until it was totally and completely over the horizon. Shit was about to change, everything was about to change, it already had.
Goodbye’s Suck
I had successfully avoided any run ins with the man who I knew I had fallen in love with. A man who told me every chance he got that he was not good, that he was a bad guy, and who actually believed he was. What was hard was that when I went through the past almost two weeks of my life it was he who was the best man I had ever met. He pushed me to look at myself differently. He pulled me kicking and screaming out of my darkest hours. He comforted me and talked me through hurt and anger, and he listened when a bad man wouldn’t have.
I had spent almost two years with a man who manipulated me. Tony kept me needing him, thinking without him I would be nothing. Using me for his own personal gain. He emotionally ruined me, with the intention of coming out looking like a hero. Tony physically hurt me as well. But that wasn’t enough for me to walk away. I often wondered why women who were beaten didn’t leave. I thought they were weak, even weaker than I. It wasn’t until that day at the club when Cyrus Steel, the storm of a man, came in and saved me from what I now know to be worse than physical abuse. Emotional abuse, words and imposed feelings, those are what truly beats you down.
I remember the childhood rhyme ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me’. Whoever came up with that had good intention. I picture the author of that phrase trying to empower a child to be stronger than any person should ever have to be. An affirmation that they are bigger than those words, bigger than the pain that words can cause. Being bullied, being emotionally abused and manipulated by Tony-- was worse than
any beating that he could have given me. I honestly don’t remember that pain, but I’ll forever remember the pain I felt when he called me names, or easily manipulated me into doing things that I never in a million years would have done, things I truly knew nothing about. But for Tony, to see someone who sometimes looked at you like you truly mattered, I would have done anything.
Cyrus Steel was visibly the most beautiful, strongest man I had ever laid eyes on. But even laying eyes on him hurt now. I love him for what he has done for me. He cared for me, I knew he did. I still know he does. I could easily get past that feeling, loving someone for what they had given or done for you can fade with time. But I loved him for his heart and his touch, and the tender way he loved me. The same way I desperately wanted to love him that at first seemed okay but now…it wasn’t allowed. It is because I know I love Cyrus that I want so badly to give him what he has asked for, to let go. To show him I’m strong, that he made me strong, and to try someday to be his friend. It was because I loved Cyrus enough to not want to hurt him that I would avoid him at all costs. Because when I see him all I want is to fall into him, and love him the way he loved me.
Jeffery George gave me a ride to Charlotte’s calling hours right after work. Carly had mentioned I should come and I knew it was because he would be there. She loved him, and we had talked after work Monday. She knew he cared for me and wished he would admit it, that something would happen to make him stop being a, in her words, ‘Stubborn asshole’.
I couldn’t look at the woman, Charlotte laying in the coffin, but I made an effort to stand as long as I could in front of the dark cherry box. Bella was strong, and I would be that for her. I hugged her and she hugged me tightly back. I paid my respects and signed the book.
Jeffery was truly amazing and I was blessed to have him in my life. I felt like I had known him before, like he and I were friends when I was whole a long time ago.
He agreed and mentioned that he was pretty sure that his sexual orientation made him a good friend to untrustworthy little peanuts like me, “That’s what it is Darlin’” he winked.
See he didn’t even know me, he didn’t know my story, he just knew something and he didn’t push either. He was my new best friend, that’s what he told me all the time and after only three days I have to say, I believe it. He and Carly, both made me feel so comfortable and loved. I just needed to continue on like this.
Today was my twenty first birthday, I wasn’t big on celebrating birthdays like some people. Christoff George tried to get me to go out, but I didn’t want to so I promised that we would on Saturday night.
I sat on my bed looking at the iPod that I was given as a birthday gift from my employer, and Christoff George and my other co-workers gave me an iTunes card? Yes they had to show me how to work the damn thing but I’m ‘One smart cookie’ and learned quickly.
I toweled my hair off and laid down. I had bought a couple songs so I popped the little ear buds in and listened to the music. I was a stupid, stupid girl and pushed repeat and cried myself to sleep.
~
“Tara,” I must have been dreaming because I could hear him, smell him and the music was gone. I didn’t want to wake so I rolled over and tried to drift back into Cyrus land.
“Tara,” someone touched my back and I jumped up and sprung to my feet. “Easy there Birdie.”
“Sorry, I thought I…is everything alright?” I sat and covered myself.
“Yeah, I was going to take you to dinner for your birthday remember? Happy Birthday, Tara Gardner.”
He handed me a bottle of wine and I smiled.
“Let’s go get dinner,” Cyrus reached to pull me up and I froze, “You feeling alright?”
“Have you been drinking?” I could smell alcohol.
“I had a few after the services.”
I jumped up, “You shouldn’t be driving when you’re drunk. NO! I won’t go anywhere with you. Can you take care of yourself Cyrus?!”
“Hey there slow down.” He reached for me and I ran down the stairs to grab my phone, his phone to call him a cab. “Tara slow down, Christ! It’s your fucking Birthday!”
“So you think it’s alright…you expect me to be … give me your keys and call a cab.”
I reached in his pocket and he froze, “Birdie, damn you.”
I could feel him, and I froze too.
“There’s a car outside waiting to take you and I to dinner for your birthday Tara.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head no, “I’ve had a few drinks Birdie--- how about you take your hand off of me and go get changed.”
I looked up at him, “I want you…to be careful. I didn’t mean to snap.” His eyes were glazed and if at all possible he was growing even thicker and harder.
“Forgiven,” his breath hissed.
“I don’t want to go to dinner,” I began stroking him through his pocket and he didn’t stop me.
He reached in his other pocket and grabbed his phone and dialed a number, “Cancel the reservations and I’ll call you when I need you.”
He looked down at me, “I didn’t come for this.”
“You promised three times and …it’s my birthday.”
“It’s not why I came, do you understand that?” His voice was deep and raspy I nodded, “I’m leaving in the morning do you understand that?”
“Yes,” I pulled my hand out and loosened his tie, he bent so I could pull it over his head.
“You can stop this anytime you want Birdie.”
“I don’t want to,” I untucked his shirt and pulled it opened.
Buttons flew and his hands cupped my ass and pulled me up hard against him. His mouth crashed over mine, he stilled and I could feel his hot, wanting breath against my mouth as he walked us upstairs.
“Your birthday Birdie, you sure this is what you want?” he sat me on the bed.
I saw the ear buds on the bed, “Dance with me, just once first?”
He shook his head yes as I unbuckled his belt and he let them fall to the floor. I stood on the bed and took off my t-shirt and underwear. I picked up the iPod and turned it on shuffle. I placed one in my ear and walked to him and he grabbed my hips stopping me. I put the ear bud in his ear and he closed his eyes and his hands guided my hips to the beat of the song. He lifted my leg and placed it over his shoulder. I held onto his black silky hair as he kissed me softly covering the tattoo that he had done four days ago. His tongue circled it and he kissed lower, licked lower, sucked lower.
I held his shoulders pushing my wet hot lips against his mouth and he held my ass kneading it and with his other hand lifted my other leg and stood. I bent over holding his back bracing myself for the rapidly spreading heat to consume me. He didn’t stop when I came, he continued savagely sucking me, fucking me with his tongue until I came again.
He lowered me, dragging me slowly down his body until I wrapped my legs around his waist.
The song changed and he pulled my head to his shoulder as I tried to catch my breath. Sirens played in our ears and he began to slowly move to the beat of the music, “This alright Birdie?”
“Perfect,” I held tighter to his neck.
I finally leaned back and reached down freeing him from his sexy black boxers. I stroked him and felt the moist tip of his hard throbbing cock as he continued to move to the beat. I reached between us and put him against my drenched opening and I rocked to the same beat. I held the iPod in the same hand as I was holding his neck.
To the beat of the music, I pushed down and moved my hips trying to push further down the rock hard shaft attached to Cyrus. I leaned back as he held my hips, I gripped his forearms and looked at our bodies connected in the most intimate way two people could be connected. I watched him watching me and then us as I swayed and circled my hips to the beat.
When the song ended he pulled me up tight against him and sat on the end of the bed bringing me down hard on him. I brought my knees under me and began to ride him, hard and fast.
“Damn B
irdie fuck! Yeah just like that.”
“Oh God!”
“Don’t stop Birdie, don’t you ever stop,” I looked up and saw his eyes focused on our connection. He held my hips firmer and tighter against him as he began thrusting, meeting mine thrust for thrust.
I came again and he rolled me over. He pulled me to the end of the bed and shoved in even further than I thought was possible.
He slowed and pulled out and picked me up, “We need to finish this in the shower Birdie, I didn’t bring a condom, I didn’t expect this. But I am so fucking glad you asked me in again.”
“Hands on the wall, Birdie.”
I did as he asked and he slammed into me over and over again. I came for a third time and he finished with me, all over my back.
“You okay?” he asked as he wrapped me in a towel and walked me out to bed.
“Yes,” I was still out of breath.
“Good, I need to tell you a few things, can I lay next to you?”
I smiled, “You’re asking permission after what we just did?”
“Yeah, I am. I asked permission before that happened too, remember?”
“Of course I do.”
“Good, I don’t know where to start. Well I do but I wanted to ease into this. You ask me about the broken mirror tattoo all the time. That one is painful to go back and remember, I’m a much different person now. But then when I looked in the mirror, I saw the devastation I left behind. I had lost my squad. I came home and straight to a girl who had broken up with me because I joined the Navy, a girl who continued to write and tell me how we fucked things up and that she loved me. A girl who knew I was coming home to her, plans set in stone. I needed her comfort, it had been six months of hell and I needed her. She wasn’t home, she was at a party. I walked in on her doing lines. Never in my life would I have thought she of all people would be doing drugs.”
“When I flipped my shit, Jase showed up and dragged me out. He told me she had been doing drugs for months and that the fucking scum she was doing them with was her boyfriend. We grew up together, we were friends before we even slept together. That night I tied one on. She came to me, I fucked her, she told me she was sorry and that because of her anxiety and worry about me she did start doing drugs and that Jase was lying when he said she was dating Jerry. Julie stayed with me in a hotel for a week, we talked about getting married. Talked about kids and shit. I knew I had put a lot of pressure on her and I felt like shit, until we were at a party two nights before I was to re-deploy and she snuck into the bathroom and I caught her hosing up lines again. I was pissed and even more pissed when I saw Jerry in there hiding behind the shower curtain. I went to another party and fucked a girl in the bathroom, she walked in and flipped. We woke up the next day and she told me I could never be who I promised to be and that she did what she did, because she was trying to stay strong for me. Another six months passed, letters and the whole thing. I bought a ring, came home, she was fucking Jerry when I found her, she threw everything she had ever felt at me. Made me realize what a selfish fuck I could be, and how my actions drove her into every bad thing that had happened. At first I was pretty damn sure she was trying to blame me and then Dad died, trying to help me help others. My need to wrong my rights caused me to hurt so many people. Self serving piece of shit…”
